need advice plz! (poll re: daycare, developmental delays)

well here is my newest dilema ...

i'm a spec. ed. teacher but have been a sahm for the last 15 months. i was going back and forth deciding whether i should go back to work or not (i'd HATE not being home with josh but really could use the 2nd income b/c my dh is switching jobs in sept and taking a big paycut for a while.)

anyway when i realized josh's feeding issues (and now sensory issues) were serious i decided to stay home. well today i got a call from a great spec. ed. school 10 minutes from my house- they want me and they have a spot in their daycare for josh AND they would do all his e.i. services for him there (he'll be getting feeding/speech and ot).

so now i have to decide if josh would be better off at home with me or at a daycare around other children his age.

there are so many pros and cons i'm not sure what is best.

my biggest concerns about daycare are:

~ josh's meals are a battle that needs 1:1 attention. his meals are generally 1 hour and he vomits a lot. if he vomits then you need to re-feed him. can they really do this in a daycare!?!

~ josh needs complete quiet and darkness to nap. naps are very important for him and he still takes 2 2hour naps a day. it'll be too noisy and distracting in a class.

~ josh and i are very attached to each other and he is nervous around other kids when they are loud.

~ josh is on a set schedule of sleeping in late/ staying up late, having meals spred out, etc.. this would all have to change in sept..

~ i don't want him to be away from me & family for so many hours. he'd see his dad so much less.

pros:

~he'd learn to socialize more with peers his own age.

~he'll learn to function in a class early.

~i'll make a 2nd income and be in the same building as him.


i want to do what is best for josh now and in the long run. especially since he has sensory issues. what would you do?

thank you for reading this and any advice!

Re: need advice plz! (poll re: daycare, developmental delays)

I think that if you have some serious discussions with the daycare facility and explain what you listed here, and they are willing and able to take care of DS the way he needs, I think it could be a good experience for him. It definitely isn't an easy choice, and you have to remember that whatever you decide, you are making that decision based on what you believe is in DS's best interest.

My DS had a lot of socialization issues, and had a hard time in preschool and pre-K, but we stuck with it, and he has changed so drastically in the last year or so. Hopefully your DS will be able to grow from the experience as well.

Re: need advice plz! (poll re: daycare, developmental delays)

Can you "try" it out before you make a decision one way or another? As a special ed teacher and mom, I think that trying out the day care maybe really good for him especially with the socialization and time apart from you (even though I know it is tough!) It is really good that you would be in the same building too!

Re: need advice plz! (poll re: daycare, developmental delays)

Wow, I have alot to say about this, but have only 10 seconds to write.
I'd love to discuss it further with you and know more details, feel free to FM and I'll give you my #. I've def. BTDT.

My quick answer .... I often wonder if I did Cole a disservice by NOT putting him in daycare. (An excellent daycare of course). I had him in and out of 2 special ed preschools and completely addressed his sensory needs at home ... and then I finally thought, I need to give him a chance and see IF he can separate and start taking care of his own sensory needs. I put him in a typical preschool one day a week and didnt "tell them" exactly how he needs to be spoken to, directed, calmed down, etc. I just gave him a chance. And .... He thrived!!!!! He did so amazingly well! Better than at home where sounds are still too loud for him and he has meltdowns. I think the desire to be with and like the typical kids are a huge motivator. I'm not saying he was 100%. You could clearly see that he had issues that the other children didnt, but he was working through them. Now He'll be going to a typical preschool 3 days a week with a special ed shadow to help him work on strategies in the classroom environment.

It sounds like you are obviously a fantastic and involved parent, and since you'll be in the building with him and have an excellent repoire with your colleagues, the essential communication will be intact, and you'll make sure he's getting all that he needs.

Good Luck!

Lea

Re: need advice plz! (poll re: daycare, developmental delays)

Just a quick answer form me, but i think give it a try. It's an incredible opportunity to be able to work in the same building as your son. I tend to think children thrive in the "right " enviroment. If they can handle his special care, then just see...see how Josh does. ..hugs to you mommy, you have a lot of thinking and decision making to do, no matter what you decide, you are doing what you think is best for Josh

Re: need advice plz! (poll re: daycare, developmental delays)

IMO I think you need to have an indepth discussion about your DC's needs with the daycare. If they can handle it yes I would go for the job. But I suspect that they won't be able to guarantee that they can do it

Message edited 7/29/2008 2:05:32 PM.

Re: need advice plz! (poll re: daycare, developmental delays)

I'm a special ed teacher also and I worked with children with autism in a day program and we dealt with feeding and sensory issues quite often and all of my classroom staff was trained on handling each child's needs...if its a special education program I am sure that all of the staff (including TAs, etc) will be trained on feeding procedures necessary for your son...if they can't meet his needs, then it isn't the place for you, but if sounds as if its a placement where they will be willing to work with your son as needed! Good luck with your decision

Re: need advice plz! (poll re: daycare, developmental delays)

You said this is a special ed school-is this an Early Childhood Intervention class or a regular daycare?

I work in ECI (speech) and HIGHLY recommend preschool/daycare environments!

Re: need advice plz! (poll re: daycare, developmental delays)

I would go for it. He could use the socialization and "typical" developing children will be positive role models for him. The things he needs now (like the 2 hour nap) are things that a lot of children need at home because that is just your routine now, but that can change for the positive in a daycare setting. In addition, I am inclined to believe the staff that works at a special education pre-school would be willing to work with a child that has special needs in their daycare setting. Good luck

Re: need advice plz! (poll re: daycare, developmental delays)

It doesn't hurt to try. My daughter goes to a regular preschool with a shadow. It helps her become more comfortable. Try it and if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. It is so scary when it is your child with special needs. You'll be fortunate to be working in the same place that your son will be getting services. You'll have close contact with all his teachers. I only get to communicate with my daughters teachers through a notebook. At times the phone too. The summer is different because I am off. But, during the year, I live for reading the notebook. It sounds like a good opportunity for the both of you. Good luck.

Re: need advice plz! (poll re: daycare, developmental delays)

I would do it. It may help him to socialize and be around other children and may actually help his feeding issues, etc. You really couldnt ask for a better situation...being able to work in the same school as him and it being a special ed school which can handle/help with his sensory issues.

Re: need advice plz! (poll re: daycare, developmental delays)

This is coming from the sahm of an attached Joshua Ethan

I would try it. I would not want to, but I would. Someone elses techniques and a change of daily scenery could show you an easier, more effective way to get through meals.

The worst thing to do is sit at home and wonder.

Don't work the extra money into your income at all. Place it aside, as hard as that sounds, and give yourself a few months to see how the 2 of you are doing.

I am VERY proud of you.

I feel for Maureen that little Johnny is going to be going to school, but then on the same note, if life is going to be easier and Johnny is going to learn more, its a win win.

You are strong. You gave Josh a great foundation. Your bond is ALWAYS going to be there.

Re: need advice plz! (poll re: daycare, developmental delays)

I agree with everyone else who said to put him in the day care. He needs to be around other children. I think daycare works wonders, and if you have found a program that specializes in what your son needs you are so lucky!

As for the feeding issues, just make sure there is a plan in action that will be followed on a daily basis. Find out who will be feeding him, and what they will do when he gags/vomits. Make sure you are comfortable with the plan. Is the feeding program under the supervision of a speech language patholgist with this specialty?

You can always take him out if you are not satisfied, but it might be hard to find a placement for him later one, if you decide against it now.

I've worked with kids with feeding issues, so if you need any help, please feel free to FM me.

Re: need advice plz! (poll re: daycare, developmental delays)

I would send him to the daycare. Personally I think you would want some of those habits he has to gradually change (i.e darkness for naps). DS LOVES the dark for naps, but in daycare he somehow adjusted to the light and noise.

He is going to be a student at some point in his life and I feel like it would just get HARDER to break the habits.

Re: need advice plz! (poll re: daycare, developmental delays)

wow i'm surprised at how many peole said i should put him in daycare.i have an appointment with them on tuesday to ask all of my questions so we will see. i want to do what is best for him but i know how hard it will be on him at first...and me too.

Re: need advice plz! (poll re: daycare, developmental delays)

Re: need advice plz! (poll re: daycare, developmental delays)

Can I play devil's advocate for a minute?

Josh may need those things because he is used to them being done that way with you, KWIM?

.I remember whenever there was going to be a change for Cailen in daycare, and I stressed about how he would handle it because he "needed" it a certain way, and he transitioned beautifully.

First of all, he transitioned because he had to. Mommy wasn't there to fix it, and it forced him to adjust. also, Cailen saw "everyone else" was doing it that way, and that made him want to do it too.

I will say, the separation thing will be difficult for both of you. even though Cailen has been in daycare his whole life, he clings to me in the morning. but, there are things he won't do for me that he does in daycare - eat new things, nap, things like that - he did them all in daycare.... You may actually see a lot of things change with him because of this new environment, and new people.

I am not saying it won't be a long, hard transition, but I personally feel that kids really grow and develop so well with a variety of new stimuli. They sound like they really have experience and I don't think they will have difficulty with Josh and these issues. and you will be there to make sure things are being done correctly.

I am very supportive of you doing this... I can understand your fear, and have been through that myself many times with Cailen. I always worried he wouldn't transition well to something, and he always surprised me....

Re: need advice plz! (poll re: daycare, developmental delays)

I would talk to the daycare about the issues you list and see how they would handle them. If they can't handle them, or if you aren't happy with their answers, then don't send him.

But if you like their answers, I think if could be beneficial for him to attend daycare, for the reasons you list. While I'm sure you do a tremendous job with him at home, the socialization aspect is so important, and he will only get that in a group setting.

You could try it and if he doesn't adapt well or seems unhappy, take him out again.

Re: need advice plz! (poll re: daycare, developmental delays)

I know the the services do get provided at daycare...maybe you can arrange the therpaits to come at the time Josh will be gtting fed his lunch and work with him 1:1 at that time??

Re: need advice plz! (poll re: daycare, developmental delays)

I think it sounds like a great opportunity for the both of you to thrive!!

I would absolutely give it a shot!!

Re: need advice plz! (poll re: daycare, developmental delays)

Re: need advice plz! (poll re: daycare, developmental delays)

I am sorry for crashing

My nephew has autism and my niece has asperger's. My sister felt the same way about them sending them to EI and preschool - that they wouldn't KNOW how to care for them properly.

And they didn't know. BUT they both adapted fabulously. They learned to eat new foods that we were NEVER able to get them to eat AND they broke them of some terrible habits.

I think you should give it a shot and if you hate it, you can always take him out!