Spinoff- Babies at showers

I really don't get the argument that babies take away attention from the bride/mom-to be.

I understand if you don't want kids tearing up a room, or a crying baby. Or even if you just want to make it a peaceful (or naughty ) adults only affair. That I get. But I just don't see how bringing a baby takes attention away from the bride/mother to be.

First off, the event is focused on the woman. All the people there are there to see and celebrate her.

Second, any other human being will take attention from the woman. People talk amongst themselves. They catch up and want to see what other people are doing. Doesn't that take away attention from the bride/mom to be? Especially a pregnant woman. Should a pregnant woman skip a shower because she may get some attention? It seems so silly to me.

At my cousin's shower, my sister and I brought our DD and the infant nephew of the bride was there too (all with the permission of the hostess, the bride's mother). When we walked in (before the bride) we got some attention from our relatives. But once the bride walked in, it was all about her. Only our cousins were intersted in our kids. But they were equally as interested in what we were doing too (to catch up).

Even at my wedding, my relative brought his uninvited 3 month old to my wedding. I was annoyed, but they were family coming in from Florida and all potential babysitters were at the wedding. So I sucked it up. And you know what, it made no difference except the fact that since she stepped out of the chapel during the ceremony, she and the baby were the first people I saw after we got married. Big deal.

I don't mean to be rude or insulting, I just don't get it.

Re: Spinoff- Babies at showers

I agree with you.

ETA: I think its ok as long as they are invited

I think if a grown woman has an issue with a baby getting attention- there's another issue there.

Message edited 2/9/2008 9:28:10 AM.

Re: Spinoff- Babies at showers

I've been to showers where there were full-on tantrums because the kids were fighting over who got to open the presents. I've seen kids being allowed to roam when waiters are trying to get by with hot food.

So I'll say this - it depends on the kid, it depends on the environment,it depends on the length of the shower and most importantly it depends on the parents.

Some parents don't control their kids; some kids are uncontrollable.

It takes my attention away from the bride, her guests, etc. if I have to enterain my 4 year old - and she's the easy going one. That's why I don't bring my kids to showers unless specifically requested to bring them (like in the case of my SIL who insisted).

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I agree with you. I think being jealous that a baby will have more attention than you is a bit bridezilla. I did not have any issues with anyone bringing any children to my wedding. As long as I wasn't changinf the diapers I was happy.

As for showers does anyone actually enjoy going to those. I think it is our duty as women to pretend we are happy to be held captive in a small room and act excited over dish towels.

Re: Spinoff- Babies at showers

i was at a bridal shower where the bride's FSIL brought her 3-yr old daughter, and another cousin brought her 2-yr old, and the two of them ran around the entire time. it was so rude. the shower was held in a room that had a dance floor - so the bride was opening her gifts at one end and the 2 little girls were doing twirls and spinning in the middle of the floor.

unfortunately, there are those moms who think this behavior is okay and they tend to ruin it for the rest

Re: Spinoff- Babies at showers

If children are invited, then fine. But if they are not, why would it be acceptable to bring them? I think it's wrong for anyone, adult or child, to show up at an event uninvited. As far as children "stealing attention" from the bride, I think that they do. Not trying to offend, JMO.

Re: Spinoff- Babies at showers

MOST people don't intend to have thier children "steal thunder" at events......and there are others who want to bring their babies everywhere to "show them off"

Either way, their is a change of focus for the guests......

You mean to tell me that Grandma and Aunt Fannie and all the OOT relatives aren't going to fawn all over that baby? Please, let's get real.....

Not that the bride may even notice, she's all wrapped up in the excitement.....

Re: Spinoff- Babies at showers

I think it is about the person themself. I mean - I don't mind sharing the spotlight with anyone. I saw my showers as parties and I saw my wedding as a celebration of family and friends - so I wanted kids and I appreciated having them there and it didn't bother me at all when people went gaga over something that wasn't ME.

Having said that - there are a lot of people who DO NOT like to share the spotlight - and I don't really see anything wrong with that. My SIL is having her shower soon and my sons are specifically not invited because she does not want them to 'steal the show'. I'm okay with that!

ETA: Curliegirl is exactly right - there is a total difference between the chick who brings her kid to a shower because she doesn't have a sitter or who just likes having her baby with her - and the one who dresses her baby in a mini wedding dress and announces "LOOK WHO'S HERE!" when she walks into the shower holding her baby like a mini trophy.

Message edited 2/8/2008 11:15:06 AM.

Re: Spinoff- Babies at showers

I don't think babies detract necessarily either... I just don't think it's up to the mother of the baby to decide whether or not the baby with detract from the bride's day (or the mother-to-be's day). If the baby is invited, then it's okay to bring the baby or not bring the baby. If the baby isn't invited, then it's not okay. It's up to the host. If the host invites the baby, THEN it's up the mother. I'm sure 99% of the time, if there's a conflict where the mother couldn't otherwise come, it would be fine, but I wouldn't otherwise ask the host if bringing a baby is okay.

I had NO children at our wedding (it ended at midnight and no one wanted to bring them anyway) and 2 children (my niece and cousin's daughter) at my shower, who were absolutely adorable. I loved having them there... but if everyone brought their kids, it would have TOTALLY changed to tone of the day... It would have been crazy!

Re: Spinoff- Babies at showers

I had two infants and a three year old at my shower and never thought twice about it.
The infants were both DH's cousins and the three year old helped me open the gifts.
I personally have no issue with it...and I agree that I think it's a bit Bridezilla to feel as though the attention is being taken away from you.

But, then again...I had children at my wedding and didn't think twice about it either. These are family celebrations and I see no reason to exclude any members of the family.

Re: Spinoff- Babies at showers

Re: Spinoff- Babies at showers

if a shower is at someone's house, I think it's a little more acceptable to bring children...but when it's being held at a restaurant or catering hall, I think it's not the place for small children, for all the reason's that were previously listed. Parents have to try to entertain the children, children might get bored and want to run around, do you set up a kids table, or just have the kids sit with thier parents at a table with other adults...


eta: when it's at someone's house, there's another room to take the children in if they're having a tantrum, or you want to set them up with a games, etc....

Message edited 2/8/2008 10:53:56 AM.

Re: Spinoff- Babies at showers

because people are attracted to babies.

I would never bring my son to a shower for that reason.

The shower recepient should get ALL the attention.

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Message edited 2/8/2008 11:05:23 AM.

Re: Spinoff- Babies at showers

If it were my wedding or shower,
and the parents had to bring their baby in order to make the wedding (no sitter)....

as long as the baby didnt rip up the place and have a 2-hr tantrum, i would NEVER even think that the baby would be taking the attention away from me....that is just so silly.
I find it odd that someone would even think of themselves as having to compete for the attention with a baby?!

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Re: Spinoff- Babies at showers

I think it also depends on the newness of the baby/child. If he/she is a member of the family that everyone's met already, it won't cause the kind of commotion that bringing a baby to show everyone for the first time will.

Everyone knows how people act the first time they meet a new baby, and the baby should not be the main event at a shower meant to honor someone else. If the objective of the parents is simply to show off their baby, they can throw their own party.

Re: Spinoff- Babies at showers

Well, I think it depends on the mother with the baby.

My bridal shower, my young cousins were invited-my aunt has 6 kids, 5 of them are girls, 2 of those are my flowergirls. So I would never dream of leaving of my 4 other cousins out (their siblings).

My future sister in law had a baby, 2 months old. Now, I had already told her that her newborn would not be invited to the wedding. My mother and his mother agreed that the baby was too young to be at my shower.

Let me add, that my mother in law would wind up watching the baby at my shower bc the SIL is a 33yr old brat who pawns off her kid every chance she gets. She agrees, she will get a babysitter in order to come to my shower.

The day of the shower, she brings her 2 month old, and tells her mother that she decided the baby was coming, because she wants the baby in pictures with me and because she wants her family to see the baby. She brings the baby, my MIL winds up feeding, changing and watching the baby while my SIL does nothing--many guests notice how mean she is to my MIL. (verbally abusive)

That was in November. In January, I was getting ready to send my invites out for the wedding, she tells my MIL that she is going to bring her baby to my wedding behind my back. I call her on it and tell her that the baby is not coming to the wedding.

SIL calls me a F'in wh0re in 7 different messages to my DH a total of 21 times...oh, all in different personalities..some crying, some yelling, some just un-explainable.

I rip up her invitation in front of DH, therefore dis-inviting my SIL to my wedding, stuck to it, and we have not spoken to her since. We are now much more stress free and happy we don't have to deal with a 33 year old woman who acts like a 3 year old.

So, it depends on the mother-if she really is trying to get attention for her baby.

Message edited 2/8/2008 11:24:49 AM.

Re: Spinoff- Babies at showers

Re: Spinoff- Babies at showers

Let me start by saying, I will not be bringing the baby with me. Not because she was not invited, sh'es 4 months old for crying out loud. But because I kow that this family will get very offended that I tried to steal the brides thunder.

If I did have to bring her, she would wear an appropriate outfit, but would not be dressed as to upstage anyone.

I only thought to ask because I thought if I asked the host of the shower first, and she said it was ok, I would bring her. Then I got to thinking that it would be hard for me to emjoy myself, because I'd ahve to watch the baby and I know she'd be passed around like a football. Which would be fine it it was a home, but in a restaurant, it would just make it harder.

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Re: Spinoff- Babies at showers

honestly--i don't understand the concept these days of bringing kids to just about EVERYTHING.

when i was a kid---my parents just didn't take us with them every time they had an event to go to. if there was a shower, party, wedding, etc.--either they'd get a babysitter or my mom would politely decline if she couldn't find anyone. case closed. that was just the way it was when i was growing up---other parents in our family and neighborhood did the same thing.

when there are parties and functions for adults---like a shower (baby or bridal) i simply don't think babies or kids belong there. JMO