Pop in's or drop by's (whatever you call them)

What are your thoughts on this?

Today we had my family over. My mom, my dad's sister and her two (adult) girls and my cousins daughter (who is 3)

I think my DH mentioned to his mom that we were having them over today, just kind of a this is what we are doing Saturday type of thing.

Well at about 1:30, my il's walk into the house. I hate to say they were not invited, but they were not. I said to my MIL, I didn't know you were coming. She said that she told DH that they would stop by.

This gets me nuts b/c DH just told them we wer having company, and call me rude but I don't feel like I have to include them everytime we have family over. And we have them over plenty.

DH asked his parents what they were doing here, outisde, not in front of our company. And they needed the shop vac. Turns out, DH and my dad were using it, my dad had come over earlier to do work on our house. (totally planned)

I am angry b/c I know my MIL lied about telling DH and I don't want her to think she can come over whenever we have people over.

How would you deal with this?

Re: Pop in's or drop by's (whatever you call them)

if it were me, i would have DH deal with it. limits have to be set and since its his side of the family he should take care of it so as not to cause any conflict.

Re: Pop in's or drop by's (whatever you call them)

I agree that he should deal with it. But HOW??? I'm not trying to be a biotch, but it's like these people don't listen. It's very frustrating.

Re: Pop in's or drop by's (whatever you call them)

That was very rude of her and you have every right to be annoyed.. Only suggestion i could give that wont cause controversy is dont tell her next time your having company. That way you dont have to deal with her lame excuses.

Re: Pop in's or drop by's (whatever you call them)

i would hate that she lied --- but unfortunately its better that DH deal with it than you. sadly sons tend to be fearful of hurting their mother's feeling--at any age....so he may not follow thru the way you'd like.

but at least let DH know that you don't appreciate them coming by like that.

Re: Pop in's or drop by's (whatever you call them)

maybe just have say something like "let us know when you are coming over b/c DW only made a certain amount of food and we had already had plans so check with her a day or two ahead please".

Re: Pop in's or drop by's (whatever you call them)

Re: Pop in's or drop by's (whatever you call them)

DH's friend has just shown up. It is very annoying, especially when the house is messy.

Re: Pop in's or drop by's (whatever you call them)

I don't mind people just stopping by, but the fact that she knew you would be having company and came anyway is unacceptable. I would have your DH say just that. She overstepped the boundaries.

Re: Pop in's or drop by's (whatever you call them)

I understand your frustration. I also don't like when people stop by unannounced. How do they know what you are doing? The least they can do is call from the road and say that they are in the neighborhood and would like to stop by, so that if you can be prepared!

Re: Pop in's or drop by's (whatever you call them)

Re: Pop in's or drop by's (whatever you call them)

No one is allowed in my home, ever, without invitation.

I use the "house is a mess, cat isn't feeling well, I'm not feeling well, Jim isn't feeling well, etc, we plan to go out, might catch a movie, etc"

whatever.

But NO ONE comes into my home I HATE it!

I go visit others. Even so far as go to their house with food and cook it there for them.

If i get a bigger house I dread ppl coming into my space. Both hubby and I are homebodies. Its our space.

Re: Pop in's or drop by's (whatever you call them)

I feel the same way. My family would never just drop in. For some reason my IL's feel like they are so close that they don't have to call first. Makes me nuts.

Re: Pop in's or drop by's (whatever you call them)

Neither side of our families would dare to come over without calling us first. It hasnt happened in the two years we are married.

Re: Pop in's or drop by's (whatever you call them)

I just don't get how people do this. It's like it never occurs to her to make a quick call to see if they can stop by.

I'm not asking for 6 weeks notice, just a day or even a few hours notice.

What's gets me really nutty is that she will tell me to call her if I want to come by for dinner or what have you during the week. I know that they ususally go out on Saturdays and Fridays are almost always pizza nights so they would be home. But I have to call her to let her know what if I want to come over. Which I would do, but the fact that she tells me to call her first makes me and

Re: Pop in's or drop by's (whatever you call them)

My Dad had started doing something similar, calling from down the road and wanting to come over. Absolutely not, I need a day or two in advance. As far as your IL's? I would definitely have your DH set the boundaries. Tell them that as much as you like to see them, drop-in visits are not permitted, it's too much with the baby (you could say).

Re: Pop in's or drop by's (whatever you call them)

we literally have people "dropping in" daily, the weekends is even more often, my BF, my cousin, mu uncle, my parents, I love a full house, it would not bother me at all, the more the merrier, especially when it is family Sorry you had a strssful day

Re: Pop in's or drop by's (whatever you call them)

Re: Pop in's or drop by's (whatever you call them)

My grandparent used to do that. My parents had bought a house in the sub and at least 2 or 3 Sunday per month they decided to show up at 11:30am (right before lunch!!!) as a "surprise". We used to all live in the City.

So they would come and invited themself to lunch (especially in the Summer). They would take the lounge chairs and stay all afternoon in our yard and nap.

So we were stuck at the house with them and they took our chairs.

My mom (her parents) decided that the next time they would come we could be ready to let go of everything we did and dress like we were leaving the house. I swear we did it. They showed up and we all got our jacket, etc.. and went towards the car in the driveway. My mom said to her parents. "Oh... we were just leaving. You should have called". We did it twice. They got the hint.