What's your take on this...

Here's the situation. I have been dating my boyfriend for over 3 years now...we live together and have a committed relationship. When I found out I was pregnant I just assumed the baby would have his last name...and when I think of names I always use it with his last name. For the past week or so i've been thinking about this alot. Who's to say the baby needs to have his last name? I know it's the norm but i'm thinking that I would like him to have my last name since we're not married.

I guess my question is what would you do or if you were in this situation or if you have been in the past what did you do. I know each situation is different but just wondering.

Re: What's your take on this...

you could use both last names and just hyphen it.

Re: What's your take on this...

I have a different name from my husband and our son has his last name, its tradition. If you aren't sure about this, why not give the child a hyphenated name.

Most of my friends here aren't married to the fathers of their child (although they are slowing getting married these days...thats middle age for you) and their kids all have their fathers last names. Its just tradition I guess! I suppose if you were Icelandic, your kids would always have the mothers last name...again, cultural traditions.

Re: What's your take on this...

I think it depends where you think you're relationship is going. If it looks like you're heading down the path towards marriage, then I would just use his last name (it will save the hassle of changing it later on and, trust me, social security is a pain in the azz).

If it's still up in the air (i.e. you haven't really discussed the marriage thing), then I would use your last name.

Hope that helps!

Re: What's your take on this...

Re: What's your take on this...

I know ppl that have not been married and have had kids, sometimes they take the dads last name, sometimes the moms, but you could also do the hyphenated last name like Jolie-Pitt (just for eg) if your last names arent too long.
My friend is married but did not take her DH last name so they will be hypenating her last name and his last name, hers is very short and his is very long, it works though! Not sure how long both of your last names are or if they would work with that.
I think its completly up to you and your boyfriend talk to him and see what you come up with!

Message edited 9/1/2009 12:19:13 PM.

Re: What's your take on this...

Re: What's your take on this...

My older brother has my moms last name...hes never even thought of changing it


Talk to your bf, see how he feels about it....its something you need to decide on together. Do you know how strongly he feels about the baby taking his last name?

Message edited 11/29/2007 11:12:53 AM.

Re: What's your take on this...

I'd probably just give the baby his last name because if I didn't (assuming DH and I weren't married) I'd probably get a whole crapload of questions as to why I didn't and that would annoy me - but that's specific to ME and my family. I'd definitely give the baby his name if I liked his name better than my own (I like most last names better than my maiden name).

Re: What's your take on this...

Re: What's your take on this...

Re: What's your take on this...

My oldest son is not my dh's however he has his dads last name. When I was dating ds dad we never talked about marriage (we were on the younger side) but I knew he would always be a part of ds's life so I felt he should have his dads last name. Even now I'm married he has brothers who all have my dh's last name but he does't mind, he likes having his dads name

Re: What's your take on this...

Posted by my3boys

My oldest son is not my dh's however he has his dads last name. When I was dating ds dad we never talked about marriage (we were on the younger side) but I knew he would always be a part of ds's life so I felt he should have his dads last name. Even now I'm married he has brothers who all have my dh's last name but he does't mind, he likes having his dads name

Re: What's your take on this...

I am in the same situation and have been wondering this question myself. Instead my baby's father and I are not even together anymore and I dont see us ever being together in the future. I have chosen to give the baby my last name because it will be living with me, not it's father, and I know one day I want to get married and if I do it will save a lot of problems when changing the last name again.

Re: What's your take on this...

I am in the same situation. Been with bf for 4 years, very committed, will be living together when baby comes. He is elated about fatherhood. We have talked about marriage and about the future and we are both certain that will be the next step. I just "assumed" that the baby would have it's fathers last name. But recently I have had doubts too - well not doubts but second thoughts really. Should it be named after the father even though we aren't married? What if for some reason we we don't end up getting married? Yes he will always be in the baby's life, but should the baby have his last name if the baby will be living with me if that happens? Because of all this, we decided to give the baby both last names. Sorry for rambling on and on, but it's funny how you posted this and I was thinking about it just this past week.

Re: What's your take on this...

Re: What's your take on this...

Re: What's your take on this...

i would give the baby my name.
no wrong answer here but that is what i think i would do.

I actually got engaged after knowing my now DH only 8 mos. we were married 2 yrs later and now its been 7 yrs. we are only now having a baby so this didnt come up. however my SIL has a lot of children and with her first she wasnt married, then later for the others she was. All same hubby. the first had her name the rest his. later it was changed to all be his name.

GL whatever you do!

Re: What's your take on this...

I would give the baby my last name.

Re: What's your take on this...

I would talk to your BF about it and see what he thinks! Just to get a second opinion!

Re: What's your take on this...

I think choosing the last name is a personal decision.
I didnt take DH last name, but my children do have his name.

Re: What's your take on this...

It's really a personal decision. I would have the baby have his last name. My SIL had her maiden name as the baby's middle name. I couldn't do that because my last name was by no means a middle name at all.

I think it's definately something to discuss with him. A family member of ours never changed her name because of professional reasons and they all (her three kids) have hypenated last names. Their last names aren't too long so it works.

Re: What's your take on this...

I think it depends, if you intend on someday getting married, and if the dad wants to be in the child's life regardless of whether you stay together, I think then the child should have the father's last name. I know for my DH knowing that the child that doesn't live with him (he too was born out of wedlock) at least shares his name. DH tries to be as much a part of the child's life as possible. I can see considering other options if the father has no intention of being part of the childs life... but otherwise, it's helpful for bonding purposes... at least this is what I think and from what I've seen it has given DH a sense of comfort and the child is pretty proud to have dad's name despite the fact dad can't be with him all the time - kind of like it reminds him of dad. Again, this is just my experience, do what you are comfortable with. I'm also more traditional on this topic than other's I've seen, I'm already anxious to ensure my name is changed on all important documents (and not hyphenated) by the time the baby comes and I would personally not hyphenate my child's name, but again, that's just my opinion. But being that DH had a child in similar circumstances I thought this may be helpful.

Message edited 11/29/2007 4:13:29 PM.

Re: What's your take on this...