Am I wrong?

OK- So Mil came by tonight with her cousin and her cousins 7yr old daughter(who DH and I are close too) to see Ryan...

While we were all talking MIL began to cry (out of nowhere) saying how upset she is her brother and sister have not been able to see him yet (for they live out of state)- she then looks at me and DH and says..."they just dont know how it is.."

I turned around and said "What...I dont know how it is...my dad is in Iraq, and has spent only the babies first 2 days of his life with him."

Hello this is the babys GRANDFATHER...my FATHER... a little more "special" then a "great" aunt or uncle... and I dont know how it is... As usual this is her making everything about HER FAMILY...

She then goes on to say to her cousin... "Ya know, I just want them (meaning me n dh) to give him to me for the day...I wanna show him off too...I want my friends to come over."

Now- this is something she has been saying to me ALOT lately... and I always respond with... Im home all day they are more than welcome here, or if you would like pick a night and Ill have you and them over...

I CANT see why she needs my son at HER house, and why I cant be there?? Why should I feel I cant be around my son..why I should feel I should "disappear" for a night.. just so she could "show him off"...

Am I missing something... is this something people traditionally do?? Just go out one night, and leave there children so there inlaws can show there grandchild off??

I feel Im being very nice in welcoming them into my home at anytime, so she could do this...Im so sick and tired, of being told (or now her telling other people) that Im basically wrong for not disappearing for the night...

Im sorry-but I dont wanna be away from my son... I have to go back to work in Jan. so I wanna spend every min. I have with him... I may have a little bit of a sharing problem.. but god damnit hes my son, nobody has "rights" to him... I dont owe anyone anything!!!

Am I wrong... honest opinions please!

Re: Am I wrong?

I don't think you are wrong. It was nice of you to offer to entertain her friends, why would she think you'd let her take your baby to meet her friends? People are so bizzare.

Re: Am I wrong?

DEFINITELY not wrong....is this her way of offering a night of babysitting to give you some free time? Geez....

Can you or DH tell her that you don't feel comfortable leaving him yet? That's quite a justifiable reason, and one she SHOULD not take offense too, but I'm guessing she would.

I understand how you feel, TOTALLY.

Re: Am I wrong?

Babysitting- are you kidding me... she is always trying to push me out of me house...

I say im going somewhere and she says can I babysit... NO... Im taking me son with me!!!

Apparently- this is her son...she gave birth to him... Im just the babysitter

Re: Am I wrong?

I don't think you are wrong at all. It is actually really nice of you to even offer to have her friends over to meet your son. Sorry you have to deal with her, its hard enough adjusting to the new baby life. She sounds like real PAIN!!!!

Re: Am I wrong?

That is so weird!!! She has some serious issues.

You were very nice to offer an invitation for her friends to visit. That is exactly the right thing to do.

Re: Am I wrong?

I would not hand my daughter over to either of her grandmothers for the day this young so NO you aren't wrong. Heck there I still times I don't like to let anyone else hold her besides DH.

Re: Am I wrong?

No, you are not wrong. Stick to your guns too!! I think you're being more than accomadating by telling her they can come over to your house. She's just being a drama queen with the crying bit...don't fall for it. She needs a good talking to...

Ohhh....these MIL's get me angry!

Message edited 11/1/2005 9:25:11 PM.

Re: Am I wrong?

I also want to give you lots of for putting up with her!!!

Re: Am I wrong?

NO you are NOT wrong!! What is it with her and wanting to be alone with YOUR son??

It's funny because, in a way, I want to say you are lucky to have your MIL (both my mom and MIL live out of state) around to watch the baby and to fuss over the baby and all that. But this is just too too much.

I know you want to savor every moment with him before going back to work (I was the same way) but have you tried letting her babysit for one night so you and your DH can go out by yourselves? I'm saying that in hopes that it will quell her suffocating fussing over the baby, but my guess is you've tried it and it didn't work!!

Yikes!!

Re: Am I wrong?

You're not wrong. I would try to ignore her comments as much as you possibly can. I think every new mom has difficulties adjusting to your new family fitting into your & DH's "old" family. I was pretty tough on my MIL too. It won't always be like this...it's because Ryan is new - and so damn cute!

Re: Am I wrong?

Yea shes babysit about 3 or 4 times already... only for real short pd.s of time... Like for me to go food shopping or for me and DH to get dinner.. each time I hope it will suppress her desire for a little bit, but this woman is incredible...you give her an inch and she takes a mile..

She still demands to see him the very next day (and if that next day passes and she dosent see him...its drama) and its still not good enough...she just expects for it to happen more often...

Thanks Stef- I dont know how much more I can handle...she just really gets under my skin! I try so hard to be strong...

I am grateful I have her...and I know she loves her grandson...but what is it gonna take for her to realize...thats all she is..the grandma
NOT the mother... I come first....Hes my son I make the decsions...

Re: Am I wrong?

Based on how she treats you and the things she's said, I don't think that you are wrong. I think you've been very gracious in telling her that her friends are welcome in your home.

I hope that with time the two of you will develop a better relationship at least for Ryan's sake. Hopefully, she'll realize that her actions and pushiness are only going to alienate her from Ryan.

Re: Am I wrong?

Ya know the wierd thing is...when shes not being a royal PITA...we get along real well... but its these things she says, does and truely feel is owed to her that just drive me into hysterics!

Re: Am I wrong?

You are 100% right to be annoyed with her. It is so nice of you to offer for her friends to come over. I have to say I can TOTALLY relate to all your feelings, as my MIL is a real piece of work as well. But I honestly dont know how you deal with and cope with her EVERYDAY. My advice may be a bit harsher then the others, but I think either you or DH need to be very firm with her and tell her to cut the crap or else she will see less of her grandson and not more. You need to set the right foundation now so you dont have the same issues to deal with over and over again. This is what I had to do and it took several months for things to quiet down but now my MIL is much better at listening, although nowhere near normal. Good Luck

Re: Am I wrong?

Oh wow you are describing my grandmother. From the first week he was born she wanted to know when I would bring him over so her friends could see him. I kept saying he was too young and he wasn't going anywhere that they could wait. I finally agreed to it about a week ago. I have to say it was pretty funny...I felt like i was having lunch with the golden girls. They were fussing so much they even bought him a cake that said "welcome, we love you". However she kept throwing indirect comments that we don't trust her to babysit when I go back to work.

Re: Am I wrong?

OMG, I could have written that whole post myself!!! My MIL is a total PITA about seeing the kids too...she also complains that I don't bring them over to visit...hello!!! i have 2 kids, I am not searching you out... and my DH just says that she's "emotional"...well, I don't think I have to deal with her being "crazy"! I am not comforable leaving my kids with anyone, (I even had a problem leaving Mal with my DH the other day even though he is completely capable) We are their MOTHERS, we have the right to say no!

Message edited 11/1/2005 10:50:46 PM.

Re: Am I wrong?

You are so not wrong! Stick to your guns!!! What does your DH say about the situation?

Re: Am I wrong?

Oh I totally understand what your going through my MIL is a PITA as well. I feel for you.
your not wrong for wanting to have your son to yourself I was the sameway and once I went back to work it was a little worse cuz I wanted to take care of him every chance I got when I got home and on the weekends but after a while it got easier and I would welcome the break of someone watching her for a few hours so I can catch up on other things

Message edited 11/2/2005 10:56:13 AM.

Re: Am I wrong?

So sorry for you to have to go through that!!! Some people forget what it's like at the beginning!! You have every right to be upset!!! I feel for you!!!

Re: Am I wrong?

Posted by Stefanie

No, you are not wrong. Stick to your guns too!! I think you're being more than accomadating by telling her they can come over to your house. She's just being a drama queen with the crying bit...don't fall for it. She needs a good talking to...

Ohhh....these MIL's get me angry!

Re: Am I wrong?

Posted by ambersmom

Posted by Stefanie

No, you are not wrong. Stick to your guns too!! I think you're being more than accomadating by telling her they can come over to your house. She's just being a drama queen with the crying bit...don't fall for it. She needs a good talking to...

Ohhh....these MIL's get me angry!

Amen to this! You have been more than gracious offering to have her friends and family over to see the baby. As young as your little one is, they don't need to be exposed to 1.5 million strangers (especially since we're approaching cold and flu season). Tell her "show and tell" time ended in grade school and your baby is not a trophy for her to show off! Being a proud grandparent is one thing, being demanding and crossing boundaries is another!

Tell me about inlaws!!

Re: Am I wrong?

Your not wrong...you have extended and invite to your MIL and her friends and family to come to your home...I think that is more than enough.

But at the same time Grandma is super excited about her grandson. She wants to show him off...probably same as you.

As far as being left alone with him...she probably wants to prove to you and DH that she can still do it.

I wouldn't leave the baby with her for a full day...but maybe you and DH could go out to dinner and leave the baby with her for a few hours....I'm sure that you can use some "ME or WE" time with your DH

Re: Am I wrong?

Okay -- that book I was telling you about the other night -- Little Earthquakes by Jennifer Weiner -- that sounds completely like the evil MIL in that book!

It makes my situation PALE in comparison.

Just hang in there and stick to your word. It sounds like you are being more then gracious in your offers to have her friends over. She just needs to learn how to **** it up and deal with it.