Serious family dillema

OK- so DH and I are not actively TTC but we're not doing much to prevent it at this point. We'll see what happens, but we're not charting, temping, etc...

DH told me yesterday that when we get pregnant, he wants NOTHING to do with his Mother (parents are divorced). He dosn't want her involved in our children's lives. This is completely understandable to me because of a LONG history with DH's mother. (Terribly long story. Involved with court cases, child abuse of the worst kind, probation, etc....) The only reason we've stayed in contact with her is because DH has a younger sister who still lives with her( I know, How did DH's mom get custody of her we're still wondering).

A BIG part of why we moved was to distance ourselves from DH's family as much as possible. It's been blissful without having to come home to him stressing because his mother wants us to go over for dinner.. He always dreaded that but we went to see his sister. That's it.

So now here we are getting ready to start a family within the year hopefully and he wants to make it clear to his mother she will have nothing to do with us anymore. Nobody in his family except his dad really know the logistics of what went on 'back then' (VERY Italian family. Dark secrets are swept under the rug never to be mentioned again- no matter the circumstances- smile through everything- fake it if you have to.

Sorry to be so cryptic.. It's just a stressful situation I wish we didn't have to face

Re: Serious family dillema

Well, you have to do what's best for your family and any new additions ( ) that come your way and if that means cutting people out of your life than so be it. Realizing that it may create a sh!tstorm may make it easier, but also remember that you're far away and there's nothing she can do considering the distance you put between her and yourselves.

Good luck!!

Re: Serious family dillema

She's not allowed to leave the state too I might add... HUGE plus for us

Re: Serious family dillema

You just do what you need to do for your immediate family. I know it can be stressful.

Re: Serious family dillema

I wouldn't focus on her at all...focus on you and your DH and you soon to be new family.
eta: if keeping your MIL out of the picture is the best thing for your family..then so be it

Message edited 8/9/2007 12:40:17 PM.

Re: Serious family dillema

Wow...... so sorry your going through this......the last thing you need is stress/drama while TTC.......once your bundle arrives it will be your responsibility to keep them from harm... I would have DH simply tell his mother that he has no intentions of letting history repeat itself....... I think it's a strong enough statement that will get the point across w/o dredging up the past......GL

Re: Serious family dillema

Similar situation with me.

My mother has nothing to do with my son.

Plain and simple....

Re: Serious family dillema

Re: Serious family dillema

It's a reality that we tend to face when it affects our children. We learn to deal with so much when it's just us but as soon as it touches (or has the potential to touch) our loved ones it's a whole different story.

It's never black and white...not exactly an easy or hard decision. There is always so much more to it. You have to do what's best.