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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
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Would you be offended by this?
Since DH and I have been together...his brother has never invited us over for dinner or anything for that matter. We've invited him over several times (parties, holidays etc) and he has come 3 times in total. He recently moved into a new apartment and had DH help him. DH sat in the truck the ENTIRE day after coming home from the night shift at work and he didn't even so much as offer him water.
Anyway...I just think it's really crazy that he has never invited us over, and am a little offended by it. He has his wife's family over ALL THE TIME, but never once thinks to invite his ONLY brother?
Just today we went to see DH's mom at another family members house. She came into town since the baby is due soon, and she asked us if we had seen the new apartment after he fixed it. We told her, no because we haven't bene invited and she looked surprised. Mind you DH"s cousin was invited today.......
I'm really bothered by this...am I wrong?
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Posted 7/26/07 11:00 PM  |
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nyteacher13
Three Under Four!!! :-)
Member since 8/06 6405 total posts
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~ THERESA ~
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Re: Would you be offended by this?
Posted by mitabtrfly
Since DH and I have been together...his brother has never invited us over for dinner or anything for that matter. We've invited him over several times (parties, holidays etc) and he has come 3 times in total. He recently moved into a new apartment and had DH help him. DH sat in the truck the ENTIRE day after coming home from the night shift at work and he didn't even so much as offer him water.
Anyway...I just think it's really crazy that he has never invited us over, and am a little offended by it. He has his wife's family over ALL THE TIME, but never once thinks to invite his ONLY brother?
Just today we went to see DH's mom at another family members house. She came into town since the baby is due soon, and she asked us if we had seen the new apartment after he fixed it. We told her, no because we haven't bene invited and she looked surprised. Mind you DH"s cousin was invited today.......
I'm really bothered by this...am I wrong?
nope! I'd be pi$$ed off, too.
ETA: Rereading this, I'll ask you this question: (the question that dh often asks me when I'm pi$$ed or hurt)
 Would you honestly even WANT to go if they did invite you? Sounds like these people don't share the same common sense and etiquette as you do. Maybe it's best to just let it go and say "it is what it is". You have TOO much coming up (baby!!!  ) to be bothered by insensitive morons. Just remember this when they want to come over next time.
Message edited 7/27/2007 7:46:54 AM.
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| Posted 7/26/07 11:01 PM |
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Goldi0218
My miracles!
Member since 12/05 23902 total posts
Name:
Leslie
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Re: Would you be offended by this?
You have choices. You can either sit and let this brew, or you can lower your expectations. Sometimes it stinks, but it may be the only way to move on and lessen your aggravation.
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| Posted 7/26/07 11:14 PM |
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4monkeys
boys will be boys =)
Member since 9/05 7205 total posts
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:)
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Re: Would you be offended by this?
I dont think Id be angry, as much as Id be crushed and repulsed on behalf of your poor DH 
THat's just terrible It really is.
It sounds like he calls on his brother when he needs him only.
How does your DH feel about this? is he bothered by it ?
Depending on the personalities involved, and how you think this would affect other family things, I would speak to the brother or his wife or someone you can confide in within the family.
Sibling relationships are precious to me, and this would HAVE to be addressed immediately if it were me. My hubby is an only child, so Im not sure how Id handle it if it were him...
Would he be annoyed/angry if you stepped up to try to see what what going on? Has his brother always been this way toward you both ?
It sounds like your DH is a better man than his brother, hands down.
 
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| Posted 7/26/07 11:48 PM |
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Jacksmommy
My love muffin!
Member since 1/07 5819 total posts
Name:
Liz
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Re: Would you be offended by this?
Honestly, you have to look at the families makeup. I just got married and have been with my husband for 7 years and one of his brothers I met one time for 2 minutes and one I met the day of my wedding! Even his mother is like that. We bought a house in April and invited her over several times and the first time she came over was the day before our wedding. It used to hurt my husband, but he has begun to realize that that is how is family is and if he wants to have any sort of relationship with them, he has to bite his tongue and deal with it. Before we dated, its not like they had huge family get togethers or anything.
If I had any relationship with his mother or brothers, I might say something. On our wedding day, when I was saying goodbye to his brothers, I made a joke like don't be strangers. Btw, these are grown men, older than my husband, so its not like they are kids!
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| Posted 7/27/07 6:28 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Would you be offended by this?
Posted by Goldi0218
You have choices. You can either sit and let this brew, or you can lower your expectations. Sometimes it stinks, but it may be the only way to move on and lessen your aggravation.
I agree.
Not knowing the family dynamic, it's hard to say whether or not it's an offense. My DH never picks up the phone. He has a ton of friends who call him all of the time, invite us places, etc. We go, but he is not an initiator.
My family comes over a lot because they live around the area & are pushier. They call & say "When are we getting together?" or "What are you doing Sunday?"
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| Posted 7/27/07 6:59 AM |
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Gertyrae
Peace out Homies!
Member since 5/05 20046 total posts
Name:
Gerty ®
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Re: Would you be offended by this?
I would probably be upset..but there isn't much you can do about it.
If DH isn't willing to confront it, I would just leave it alone.
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| Posted 7/27/07 7:37 AM |
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USAFmrs
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/06 796 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Would you be offended by this?
i'd be bent about it--- and probably invite myself over!!!
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| Posted 7/27/07 7:40 AM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
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Re: Would you be offended by this?
honestly, some people have really bad manners! what makes me say that is that he never offered your DH water when he helped him move.
to answer your Q, yes, I would be annoyed by it. maybe your DH can say something to him? 
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| Posted 7/27/07 7:40 AM |
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Emily
Kasey & Me! Lurves it!
Member since 7/06 8703 total posts
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STBHC
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Re: Would you be offended by this?
I have never been to my BIL's apartment. I don't care either. I do find it obnoxious he did not give your DH water or anything.
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| Posted 7/27/07 8:55 AM |
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Nicole728
My Happy Girl
Member since 7/06 8198 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Would you be offended by this?
ITA!
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| Posted 7/27/07 8:58 AM |
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Re: Would you be offended by this?
Even though it may be the family dynamic, it still hurts. My family has always been not close, and they treat each other like acquaintances (not my parents but everyone else), and I still get upset by it. It's because you have an ideal of what a family should be like, and what they should do. The new attitude I am lately trying to take is that I'm saddened by it, but I'm not hurt by it. I know that they are like this, but I think it's sad.
And I have always vowed to NOT raise my family like that. So now you have a baby on the way and you and DH can do the same. Teach your kids to have an inviting home (if this makes sense).
Message edited 7/27/2007 9:05:22 AM.
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| Posted 7/27/07 9:04 AM |
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MrsO
Big Brothers to Be
Member since 1/07 4521 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Would you be offended by this?
Maybe he feels there is an open invite for his brother to come over anytime he wants. I wouldn't wait for the invite just call and say we are stopping by.
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| Posted 7/27/07 9:08 AM |
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Arieschick29
aries+cancer= pisces&gemini
Member since 3/06 4268 total posts
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Jen
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Re: Would you be offended by this?
ya know, at first I thought your BIL seems like a jerk and is totally hurtful to not ask you guys over or give DH water or thanks for moving
HOWEVER
Im not sure what your family dynamics are but in DH's family (with 2 brothers) Ive learned that sometimes the expectation that its family can ditch etiquette in the dump
Is it possible that BIL thinks you guys can just come over cause your family and dont need to be invited? Or that DH should have just taken the water and helped himself a la "mi casa es su casa" type of mentality 
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| Posted 7/27/07 9:10 AM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
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Re: Would you be offended by this?
Posted by Arieschick29
ya know, at first I thought your BIL seems like a jerk and is totally hurtful to not ask you guys over or give DH water or thanks for moving
HOWEVER
Im not sure what your family dynamics are but in DH's family (with 2 brothers) Ive learned that sometimes the expectation that its family can ditch etiquette in the dump
Is it possible that BIL thinks you guys can just come over cause your family and dont need to be invited? Or that DH should have just taken the water and helped himself a la "mi casa es su casa" type of mentality
Unfortunately, I don't think his brother thinks that way (no invitation required) because he's complained about others who have done that. I would not feel right doing that to my own family.
As for the water situation..DH was watching the truck for him..so he didn't go upstairs. However his brother brought drinks (beer) down for the other 2 guys he had helping him..and DH told him gee thanks for asking..and he said "well I have to take care of them". Oh really?? If it weren't for DH your arse would have been down there watching the truck by yourself!!!!
I guess this bothers me because I hardly have family...and he has a big one. I know for a fact they get together a lot and there are events we haven't been invited to, I'm assuming because my son is 16 and I didn't have a baby. But so what. It bothers me when I hear oh we were here, and they ask "how come you didnt[ come"..UMM because we didn't get an invitation..how about that. Even if DH was not able to go..I would go. I guess my thoughts/feelings of what a family shoudl be like are not what theirs is.
I'll tell you this much...let us get our house..because I won't invite ANYONE over!!!
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| Posted 7/27/07 10:50 AM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
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Re: Would you be offended by this?
It really depends on your their personality and your relationship with his wife.
You see- I think it is a guy thing. I think men don't "invite" other people over. I know DH rarely invites his friends over. Its really up to me to do the formal inviting- and we really don't do that much anymore since i had Jordy.
SO if her family is over all the time, its probably she is talking to them and says come on over.
I also think it could be a personality thing. I don't think I ever officially invite dmy family over when I moved, but they were around and I said come up and see the apartment. It was very casual.
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| Posted 7/27/07 11:00 AM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you be offended by this?
Posted by Shelly
It really depends on your their personality and your relationship with his wife.
You see- I think it is a guy thing. I think men don't "invite" other people over. I know DH rarely invites his friends over. Its really up to me to do the formal inviting- and we really don't do that much anymore since i had Jordy.
SO if her family is over all the time, its probably she is talking to them and says come on over.
I also think it could be a personality thing. I don't think I ever officially invite dmy family over when I moved, but they were around and I said come up and see the apartment. It was very casual.
We have a good relationship. When I've invited them over, only his brother comes. Why? Because his wife claims to feel "uncomfortable" because she doesn't speak English. Well..I understand Spanish and to me that's a B.S. excuse. OUr family is Spanish..so DUH.
Her mother comes for 6 months at a time...and granted the wife doesnt' work but that's just a little ridiculous. 6 months? She has her own husband.
Anyway...I'm going to just try and accept the fact that they are just rude...period. As much as I dont want to stoop to their level, it's hard to not want to.
DH has told his brother about it..but he says nothing..so we will act the same way.
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| Posted 7/27/07 11:06 AM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you be offended by this?
Posted by mitabtrfly
We have a good relationship. When I've invited them over, only his brother comes. Why? Because his wife claims to feel "uncomfortable" because she doesn't speak English. Well..I understand Spanish and to me that's a B.S. excuse. OUr family is Spanish..so DUH.
You have your answer. Whether its valid or an excuse, for whatever reason she is uncomfortable around you and DH. That explains it.
And yes, it is rude. But I agree with you. Don't stoop to thier level. Continue on doing whatever you think is the right thing to do.
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| Posted 7/27/07 11:15 AM |
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Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!
Member since 6/06 14437 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: Would you be offended by this?
Anyway...I just think it's really crazy that he has never invited us over, and am a little offended by it. He has his wife's family over ALL THE TIME, but never once thinks to invite his ONLY brother?
I COULD HAVE WRITTEN THIS MYSELF!!!! We both bought houses around the same time about a year and a half ago and I have had over BIL and SIL numberous times for dinner including for Christmas Eve when I was pregnant and when I first gave birth and we have NEVER been invited over to their house EVER, not for dinner, not to hang out, nothing. But SIL's family is always there for holiday's and just for no reason. I told DH I refuse to invite them over again until we are invited over their house. I mean come on, they have been in their house almost 2 years and BIL has never invited his only brother over. 
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| Posted 7/27/07 11:22 AM |
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sami
So very blessed!! Thank u !!
Member since 8/06 6524 total posts
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Re: Would you be offended by this?
You have every right to be upset! People just dont know how to act!
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| Posted 7/27/07 12:09 PM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: Would you be offended by this?
i hate to ask this question---and don't think i'm being rude--but if he has his wife's family all the time, i have to ask this question:
Could it be possible that your DH's brother doesn't like you and maybe that's why he doesn't invite you guys over, cause he thinks that your DH will bring you too?
Perhaps due to feelings he might have about you, he has distanced himself from his brother?
Like i said- i'm not trying to be mean, but its a genuine question, that I didn't see addressed here.
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| Posted 7/27/07 12:36 PM |
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