| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: [1] 2 |
dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
|
When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
MIL has always made comments about heavy people. If we go out to eat or shop, she will stare at someone overweight and make the most insensitive comments. I have on occasion reminded her that I had weight loss surgery and that most of my family is overweight and her totally insensitive remarks bother me. Never once has this made an impression and helped her bite her tongue.
DH began taking over telling her how rude it is to make the comments she does because it truly makes my blood boil.
Well, tonight at dinner she did it again. DH did not happen to hear the comments and I didn't speak for a good 10 minutes because I know I would have ended up telling this woman off and walking out of the restaurant. Right now is not the time to start a family argument but boy - it is really brewing.
I'm getting to the point that I don't want to blow up at her, but I really cannot figure out what else to do. DH and I both have spoken to her about it and she thinks she's funny. Asking FIL to speak to her is not even a thought here - it would do no good.
Next time I may end up flinging my food in her face 
ETA: and the worst part is when we were saying goodnight, she turns to me and says "Next time I see you - you'll be half your size". Friggin idiot!
Message edited 7/20/2007 11:58:19 PM.
|
Posted 7/20/07 11:57 PM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
beautyq115
New Year!
Member since 5/05 13729 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
What an a$$! SOme people have no clue 
|
| Posted 7/20/07 11:59 PM |
| |
|
nyteacher13
Three Under Four!!! :-)
Member since 8/06 6405 total posts
Name:
~ THERESA ~
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
I'd make some type of comment like, "how does it feel to be so perfect?"
OR
FLING SOMETHING AT HER!
Ugh. In-laws!!! Why do they make them?
|
| Posted 7/20/07 11:59 PM |
| |
|
nyteacher13
Three Under Four!!! :-)
Member since 8/06 6405 total posts
Name:
~ THERESA ~
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
Posted by dooodles
ETA: and the worst part is when we were saying goodnight, she turns to me and says "Next time I see you - you'll be half your size". Friggin idiot!
Ya know what? I take back what I wrote. Treat her like a child. Blunty say back to her, "that's inappropriate" and give her a disappointed look. Then, stop communication with her until she says something nice. She must be REALLY insecure herself to be noticing faults in everyone else. Keep saying, "that's inappropriate" to her in a stern voice, and she'll eventually stop. If she doesn't, then don't go around there! Why be around people that bring you down? I don't care if she's your MIL or the freaking POPE for christ's sake! 
|
| Posted 7/21/07 12:02 AM |
| |
|
dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
Posted by nyteacher13
I'd make some type of comment like, "how does it feel to be so perfect?"
Oh, I will NEVER utter those words to her and let her think for a minute that she just might be!
Trust me, she would not be affected by the comment
|
| Posted 7/21/07 12:03 AM |
| |
|
DebG
Pick a cause & stand up for it
Member since 5/05 18602 total posts
Name:
The cure IS worse!
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
Here is an idea- Find out something she may be sensitive about and do the same thing.
I know it sounds mean or like you are stooping but if you tried to talk to her and she is not getting it, this may be the only way.
For instance, if she is shy about her gray hair, everytime you see someone with gray hair, make some sort of snide comment.
|
| Posted 7/21/07 12:04 AM |
| |
|
nyteacher13
Three Under Four!!! :-)
Member since 8/06 6405 total posts
Name:
~ THERESA ~
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
Posted by dooodles
Posted by nyteacher13
I'd make some type of comment like, "how does it feel to be so perfect?"
Oh, I will NEVER utter those words to her and let her think for a minute that she just might be!
Trust me, she would not be affected by the comment
ugh, she sounds like a real f'n BEOTCH. I've dealt with weight stuff all my life, and if my MIL said that $hit to me, I'd
b!tchslap her. I wouldn't go near her and make her feel ill thinking that I'm mad at her (kinda like now for her father's day antics ).
Inlaws suck! 
|
| Posted 7/21/07 12:06 AM |
| |
|
nyteacher13
Three Under Four!!! :-)
Member since 8/06 6405 total posts
Name:
~ THERESA ~
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
Posted by DebG
Here is an idea- Find out something she may be sensitive about and do the same thing.
I know it sounds mean or like you are stooping but if you tried to talk to her and she is not getting it, this may be the only way.
For instance, if she is shy about her gray hair, everytime you see someone with gray hair, make some sort of snide comment.
hahahahha... funny! LOVE IT!!!
|
| Posted 7/21/07 12:07 AM |
| |
|
dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
Posted by DebG
Here is an idea- Find out something she may be sensitive about and do the same thing.
I know it sounds mean or like you are stooping but if you tried to talk to her and she is not getting it, this may be the only way.
For instance, if she is shy about her gray hair, everytime you see someone with gray hair, make some sort of snide comment.
See, I've even tried this (I am in no way, shape or form trying to be an angel here - I have no problem going for the jugular). This doesn't even work  NOTHING gets to her except her concern for DH. She still treats him like a child. Other than that, nothing bothers her which is why I am getting so frustrated.
You have no idea how happy I am that they don't drive so that we are limited in how often we see them
|
| Posted 7/21/07 12:10 AM |
| |
|
nyteacher13
Three Under Four!!! :-)
Member since 8/06 6405 total posts
Name:
~ THERESA ~
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
Posted by dooodles
Posted by DebG
Here is an idea- Find out something she may be sensitive about and do the same thing.
I know it sounds mean or like you are stooping but if you tried to talk to her and she is not getting it, this may be the only way.
For instance, if she is shy about her gray hair, everytime you see someone with gray hair, make some sort of snide comment.
See, I've even tried this (I am in no way, shape or form trying to be an angel here - I have no problem going for the jugular). This doesn't even work NOTHING gets to her except her concern for DH. She still treats him like a child. Other than that, nothing bothers her which is why I am getting so frustrated.
You have no idea how happy I am that they don't drive so that we are limited in how often we see them
not driving limits you? I drive and we STILL don't see them. I refuse to go out of my way when they CLEARLY don't. The live less than a mile away!!! It's ridiculous!!!
Just blow her off... dh is on your side, so you're in the clear. Be unavailable to her and maybe she'll get the hint EVENTUALLY.
|
| Posted 7/21/07 12:14 AM |
| |
|
DebG
Pick a cause & stand up for it
Member since 5/05 18602 total posts
Name:
The cure IS worse!
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
Ug that stinks, I thought I had the perfect evil plot plan!
Humn, I will have to keep thinking.
|
| Posted 7/21/07 12:22 AM |
| |
|
DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
Posted by DebG
Here is an idea- Find out something she may be sensitive about and do the same thing.
I know it sounds mean or like you are stooping but if you tried to talk to her and she is not getting it, this may be the only way.
For instance, if she is shy about her gray hair, everytime you see someone with gray hair, make some sort of snide comment.
ITA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fight fire with FIRE! 
ETA: i just read that nothing bothers her but things involving DH... well, use HIM to upset her! there has to be a way! 
Message edited 7/21/2007 12:27:39 AM.
|
| Posted 7/21/07 12:26 AM |
| |
|
dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
Posted by DebG
Ug that stinks, I thought I had the perfect evil plot plan!
Humn, I will have to keep thinking.
I have complete faith that you will come up with something even more evil that I will love 
|
| Posted 7/21/07 12:26 AM |
| |
|
LightUpOurLife
Totally in love
Member since 8/06 12785 total posts
Name:
Bonnie-Jean
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
Posted by nyteacher13
Treat her like a child. Blunty say back to her, "that's inappropriate" and give her a disappointed look. Then, stop communication with her until she says something nice. She must be REALLY insecure herself to be noticing faults in everyone else. Keep saying, "that's inappropriate" to her in a stern voice, and she'll eventually stop.
I think this is a good route. If you say it enough, other people will notice and maybe say something to her about it.
|
| Posted 7/21/07 12:38 AM |
| |
|
DebG
Pick a cause & stand up for it
Member since 5/05 18602 total posts
Name:
The cure IS worse!
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
Posted by BJandDan
Posted by nyteacher13
Treat her like a child. Blunty say back to her, "that's inappropriate" and give her a disappointed look. Then, stop communication with her until she says something nice. She must be REALLY insecure herself to be noticing faults in everyone else. Keep saying, "that's inappropriate" to her in a stern voice, and she'll eventually stop.
I think this is a good route. If you say it enough, other people will notice and maybe say something to her about it.
OOh I like that too! You have to practice though and make sure that you use the perfect tone for the word inappropriate
|
| Posted 7/21/07 12:43 AM |
| |
|
dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
Posted by DebG
Posted by BJandDan
Posted by nyteacher13
Treat her like a child. Blunty say back to her, "that's inappropriate" and give her a disappointed look. Then, stop communication with her until she says something nice. She must be REALLY insecure herself to be noticing faults in everyone else. Keep saying, "that's inappropriate" to her in a stern voice, and she'll eventually stop.
I think this is a good route. If you say it enough, other people will notice and maybe say something to her about it.
OOh I like that too! You have to practice though and make sure that you use the perfect tone for the word inappropriate
I'll try this (and yes, I will need to practice). If it doesn't work, I promise to make my avatar the picture of her with my food all over her face
|
| Posted 7/21/07 12:46 AM |
| |
|
DebG
Pick a cause & stand up for it
Member since 5/05 18602 total posts
Name:
The cure IS worse!
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
Ask her what she proposes you do if doodlebug is a little overweight?
Also ask her how you should teach your little one to respond to people who belittle her?
|
| Posted 7/21/07 12:59 AM |
| |
|
dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
Posted by DebG
Ask her what she proposes you do if doodlebug is a little overweight?
Oh, I am waiting for this day. DH already knows if she makes one comment, the gloves are coming off. She once made a comment about my SIL having seconds at the buffet breakfast after the mass on CJ's birthday. NO CLASS WITH THIS WOMAN
Posted by DebG
Also ask her how you should teach your little one to respond to people who belittle her?
Oh, this is a good one! I can't wait to pose this question to her
|
| Posted 7/21/07 1:02 AM |
| |
|
saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
My mil is the same way, and she is no skinny minny. her thinking is that if someone in her family is bigger then she is, they they have the problem, not her. it is so frustrating. and no one can tell her to lose weight because she gets upset.
|
| Posted 7/21/07 8:12 AM |
| |
|
bklyngirl
COULD THIS BE MY YEAR??
Member since 6/05 15758 total posts
Name:
Gail
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
first...u look beautiful w ith or without being pregnant. why doesn't she like overweight people. i'm osrry that you're going through this. has she ever been overweight?
|
| Posted 7/21/07 8:16 AM |
| |
|
Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
I think this calls for the big guns. You have got to use her grandchild. I would say since you have no problem saying things about people who are overweight, and I have people in my family who have weight problems, I do not feel it would be good for my child to hear comments of this sort. So until you can learn to keep your comments to yourself, well then I guess you won't be seeing this baby.
|
| Posted 7/21/07 8:39 AM |
| |
|
Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
wow..this is nuts. I guess the one simple thing to say, unless you've said it before is this. Tell her next time she does something like this that it's none of her f'in business. Other people are happy with themselves so she should shut the ef up.
If she says something to you directly, tell her to mind her own business and the next time she opens her mouth about it she can kiss seeing her grandchild goodbye because you don't want him/her exposed to such discrimination. Your comments are not warranted, have no basis and deserve no attention. Cut it out or we will cut you out.
|
| Posted 7/21/07 8:40 AM |
| |
|
luvsbob4603
To a healthy 2013
Member since 5/05 21840 total posts
Name:
To a brand new year to a healthier me
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
Posted by Stacey1403
I think this calls for the big guns. You have got to use her grandchild. I would say since you have no problem saying things about people who are overweight, and I have people in my family who have weight problems, I do not feel it would be good for my child to hear comments of this sort. So until you can learn to keep your comments to yourself, well then I guess you won't be seeing this baby.
I was going to say the same thing!You are beautiful doooodles, Tell your Mil if you know what is best for you keep your mouth shut about overweight people Or you wont be seeing your grandchild EVER!!The nerve of her. I too am struggling with weight loss, Yes i am losing a little...BUT your mil has no common sense or empathy.
|
| Posted 7/21/07 8:55 AM |
| |
|
Palebride
I am an amazing bakist
Member since 5/05 13673 total posts
Name:
Lori
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
Honestly, I don't think there's really much you can do - that's the way she is, and she's probably been that way for a long time. People dont' change unless they want to - and if she sees nothing wrong with her behavior, then she's not going to change it.
It's sad, really, that she's going through her life saying bad things about others to build herself up.
I have several relatives in my family who enjoy telling off-color and racist jokes. It offends me to no end, but after years of giving them a reaction and trying to make them see why it was inappropriate or cruel to say those things, I realized that I was feeding into it and giving them what they wanted. So now, I ignore them or leave the room and they usually get the point. Recently, one of them told a joke while I was out of the room, and when he realized I could still hear, he actually apologized to me, saying he thought I couldn't hear what was going on. Not perfect - but it's some sort of progress.
Good luck!
|
| Posted 7/21/07 9:18 AM |
| |
|
Goldi0218
My miracles!
Member since 12/05 23902 total posts
Name:
Leslie
|
Re: When will she learn her comments are insensitive????
Posted by Stacey1403
I think this calls for the big guns. You have got to use her grandchild. I would say since you have no problem saying things about people who are overweight, and I have people in my family who have weight problems, I do not feel it would be good for my child to hear comments of this sort. So until you can learn to keep your comments to yourself, well then I guess you won't be seeing this baby.
I 100% agree. Stacey is right. DH and I discuss how we want to raise our children. They are like sponges and pick up negativity. We do not want our future children around people who are spewing intolerance and disapproval without regard to others' feelings. It is simply not acceptable.
Donna, you know I am in the same boat as you are. I struggled with weight my whole life until I had my surgery. However, even though I am not overweight anymore, any comment directed towards people who are hurts me. The taunting as a child and teen resonates just as loudly now as it did 20 years ago. Tomorrow is my 5 year anniversary since my surgery and to this day, I still go to the larger sizes out of habit. IT NEVER leaves you.
This may be a little tangential but here I go on a mini-rant:
To those people who think its funny to say hurtful things to people who are different... Get a little more creative. If you want to hurt someone, go after their character. Going after a person because of their weight, color or disability is lame and a little too easy. I may have had an extra few pounds on my butt, but at least I always had the gift to retaliate with class.
(rant over)
Message edited 7/21/2007 9:45:38 AM.
|
| Posted 7/21/07 9:45 AM |
| |
|
| Pages: [1] 2 |
