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sweetie
Member since 8/06 1730 total posts
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Re: Would you have intervened?
I would not have called the police. My mother & I argued (ok, screamed) at each other alot when I was a teen.
The fights might have sounded bad but we both would have been mortified if anyone called the police on us.
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Posted 7/6/07 10:37 AM  |
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NK926
LIF Adult
Member since 6/05 1140 total posts
Name:
Natalie
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Re: Would you have intervened?
If I thought it was physical, I would have called the police.
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| Posted 7/6/07 10:38 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Would you have intervened?
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by Ophelia
I'm sorry. I didn't read anything about "abuse" here at all.
I believe there is a line between the two...a VERY VERY THICK AND BRIGHT line.
I know all about the cycles of child abuse. I know how destructive they can be.
I also know that an abused child would not have had the cheek to stand up to their "abuser". this girl was just disrespectful. not a "victim".
Physical abuse is just that - acting physically on another - it does not mean it has to happen on an ongoing basis, every week, every month, every year. Once is enough in my mind. A physical response to a situation, i.e., laying your hands in an aggressive, assaultive manner, is never an appropriate response, unless in self-defense.
A solitary slap to the face, a smack to the tushy - that, in my opinion, is much, much different than a parent who has taken it so far that a child, or teenager, is repeatedly screaming no, or stop.
maybe in your mind, but not in reality.
one slap and you are scarred for life. come on. really.
they hit A LOT in my house, and i don't consider myself "abused". I know what it feels like. I know what I would and would not do with my child...but to say I was "abused" is such a disrespect to the poor children out there who really are.
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| Posted 7/6/07 10:39 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Would you have intervened?
Posted by Bxgell2
parent who has taken it so far that a child, or teenager, is repeatedly screaming no, or stop.
you are assuming here that this was the case, as no one saw, no one witnessed.
one of my girlfriends used to run screaming out of her house that she was being beaten, when her mom never laid a hand on her.
If I were that concerned, I'd go to the house, cell phone in hand, and knock on the door.
if the girl was getting beat, I would call the cops.
but other than that, it's all purely speculative....with sadly, more doubt placed on the parent than on the unruly teen.
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| Posted 7/6/07 10:42 AM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
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Re: Would you have intervened?
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by Ophelia
I'm sorry. I didn't read anything about "abuse" here at all.
I believe there is a line between the two...a VERY VERY THICK AND BRIGHT line.
I know all about the cycles of child abuse. I know how destructive they can be.
I also know that an abused child would not have had the cheek to stand up to their "abuser". this girl was just disrespectful. not a "victim".
Physical abuse is just that - acting physically on another - it does not mean it has to happen on an ongoing basis, every week, every month, every year. Once is enough in my mind. A physical response to a situation, i.e., laying your hands in an aggressive, assaultive manner, is never an appropriate response, unless in self-defense.
A solitary slap to the face, a smack to the tushy - that, in my opinion, is much, much different than a parent who has taken it so far that a child, or teenager, is repeatedly screaming no, or stop.
maybe in your mind, but not in reality.
one slap and you are scarred for life. come on. really.
they hit A LOT in my house, and i don't consider myself "abused". I know what it feels like. I know what I would and would not do with my child...but to say I was "abused" is such a disrespect to the poor children out there who really are.
I guess I really can't relate to NOT being hit - we were all hit. . . a lot. My parents are immigrants from Italy - and the beatings we got were NOTHING compared to what still goes on there.
My sister ran away and when she came back - my parents smacked the rebellion right out of her. And she knew, if she ever did something stupid like that again, she would get hit and that's it.
I do believe it works - I know that as I became a teenager the threat of a beating was the ONLY thing that kept me in line sometimes. I would talk and talk but the moment my mom reached down for her shoe I shut my mouth and walked away.
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| Posted 7/6/07 10:43 AM |
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sweetie
Member since 8/06 1730 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you have intervened?
I know everyone feels strongly on this & has their own opinions but if you guys think a slap is abuse, you would not believe my dh's stories from when he grew up in Jamaica
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| Posted 7/6/07 10:43 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Would you have intervened?
Posted by Ophelia
Physical abuse is just that - acting physically on another - it does not mean it has to happen on an ongoing basis, every week, every month, every year. Once is enough in my mind. A physical response to a situation, i.e., laying your hands in an aggressive, assaultive manner, is never an appropriate response, unless in self-defense.
A solitary slap to the face, a smack to the tushy - that, in my opinion, is much, much different than a parent who has taken it so far that a child, or teenager, is repeatedly screaming no, or stop.
maybe in your mind, but not in reality.
one slap and you are scarred for life. come on. really.
they hit A LOT in my house, and i don't consider myself "abused". I know what it feels like. I know what I would and would not do with my child...but to say I was "abused" is such a disrespect to the poor children out there who really are.
I don't think you understood what I was saying - I don't think that a solitary slap to the face, a smack on the tush, is physical abuse. But, I do think a parent has taken it too far when he/she responds with repeated hitting in which the teenager screams repeatedly stop or no.
I don't think you were "abused" so to speak, on an ongoing basis. But, the fact is, when someone uses physical intimdation or aggression (and again, I'm not talking here about a solitary slap or smack to the tushy) in response to an outspoken child or teenager, in that specific instance, it is technically physical abuse.
That is why I would call the police.
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| Posted 7/6/07 10:44 AM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Would you have intervened?
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by stephanief
I would never call my mom a B!tch either but that is because she showed me respect and treated me fairly....who knows what is going on in that house....but beating (or hitting, spanking) your child does nothing but teach them that it is okay to hit someone when you are angry...that is not an okay lesson to teach your child IMHO
you don't have to use it. all should raise their kids how they are most comfortable.
I hope to God that I am never in that situation. b/c I can't imagine how much it would hurt to have my daughter talk to me like that.
I agree, and I for one will not hit my child....I think a spank on the hand or bottom when they are young is different that a slap in the face...that is my opinion....but you are right, we all make decisions for ourselves on how we will raise our kids
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| Posted 7/6/07 10:45 AM |
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2PreciousBlessings
The Perfect Pair
Member since 5/06 19861 total posts
Name:
Best Wife & Mommy
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Re: Would you have intervened?
Posted by sweetie
I know everyone feels strongly on this & has their own opinions but if you guys think a slap is abuse, you would not believe my dh's stories from when he grew up in Jamaica
I am from Jamaica and trust me I know how kids are being disciplined there. I know I was not abused. Kids know that certain lines you do not cross.
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| Posted 7/6/07 10:46 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Would you have intervened?
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by Bxgell2
parent who has taken it so far that a child, or teenager, is repeatedly screaming no, or stop.
you are assuming here that this was the case, as no one saw, no one witnessed.
one of my girlfriends used to run screaming out of her house that she was being beaten, when her mom never laid a hand on her.
If I were that concerned, I'd go to the house, cell phone in hand, and knock on the door.
if the girl was getting beat, I would call the cops.
but other than that, it's all purely speculative....with sadly, more doubt placed on the parent than on the unruly teen.
All I know is the poster said that 20 minutes into the fight it was clear that the parent started hitting the teenager and the teenager started SCREAMING stop. If that was the case, and it was my neighbor, I would call the cops. It's a difference of opinion, really.
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| Posted 7/6/07 10:46 AM |
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LFitzy79
can hardly wait
Member since 5/05 2650 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Would you have intervened?
I would have called the cops, and then I would have called CPS.
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| Posted 7/6/07 10:48 AM |
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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Would you have intervened?
Posted by Tilde
I do believe it works - I know that as I became a teenager the threat of a beating was the ONLY thing that kept me in line sometimes. I would talk and talk but the moment my mom reached down for her shoe I shut my mouth and walked away.
I'm sorry, but this was true for me too. Now that I look back, I don't know how my mom dealt with me. 
My dad: all he had to do was LOOK at me, and I knew when to shut up.
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| Posted 7/6/07 10:48 AM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: Would you have intervened?
Posted by Ophelia
I also know that an abused child would not have had the cheek to stand up to their "abuser"....
This actually rings very true to me. I'm very torn on this issue...
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| Posted 7/6/07 10:50 AM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
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Re: Would you have intervened?
yeah my dad only hit me MAYBE twice in my whole life and both times were bc i was disrespectful to my mother. . .
the funny thing is that if some of you ladies were my neighbors back in the day - CPS would have been called on us AT LEAST once a week - definitely every friday or saturday night when we had the usual "i want to go out" fight lol
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| Posted 7/6/07 10:50 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Would you have intervened?
Posted by Bxgell2
I don't think you were "abused" so to speak, on an ongoing basis. But, the fact is, when someone uses physical intimdation or aggression (and again, I'm not talking here about a solitary slap or smack to the tushy) in response to an outspoken child or teenager, in that specific instance, it is technically physical abuse.
That is why I would call the police.
yes, you are right about that.
but I do no feel that is the case here. the girl was obviously NOT afraid of her mom, or intimidated by her in the least judging from the screaming on both sides.
in terms of whether or not she was actually being hit, again, we can only speculate.
but I'm sorry, I cannot condemn this mother for going ape$hit on her child for calling her a b1tch. I just can't. it is the EPITOME of dispect, and I'd probably be so hurt and honestly FLOORED...
I mean, I don't know what this girls life is like, but it was an argument over getting off the phone!!! it doesn't sound to "tough" to me.
we had time limits...we weren't allowed on the phone longer than 10 mins at a time...30 SECONDS (time, btw) if we were grounded.
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| Posted 7/6/07 10:51 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Would you have intervened?
We were all raised differently.
I think what we're all missing is that the teenager was being hit repeatedly by her mother - enough to make the OP uncomfortable & wonder if she should call the police.
If you heard a man & woman doing the same thing, maybe you would call the police for a domestic disturbance?
I see no reason why a teenager doesn't deserve the same protection. Even if it's a bratty teenager. Ground her azz, dont' give her a dime...but beat the cr@p out of her doesn't sit well with me.
I'm not there yet. Maybe I'll change my mind. I did about spanking - and then I changed it back to no spanking.
Message edited 7/6/2007 10:55:30 AM.
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| Posted 7/6/07 10:54 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Would you have intervened?
Posted by eroxgirl
Posted by Ophelia
I also know that an abused child would not have had the cheek to stand up to their "abuser"....
This actually rings very true to me. I'm very torn on this issue...
It's hard for me too, b/c I don't want to raise my children the way I was raised.
but i have seen my cousins, who have EVERYTHING handed to them. scream at the parents and say the worst things...and getting yelled at, grounded...car taken away...doesn't work..so then what???
there are certain lines that a child should not cross. I think calling your mom a b1tch is one line you may cross once, but you will NEVER cross again.
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| Posted 7/6/07 10:54 AM |
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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Would you have intervened?
Posted by Tilde
yeah my dad only hit me MAYBE twice in my whole life and both times were bc i was disrespectful to my mother. . .
the funny thing is that if some of you ladies were my neighbors back in the day - CPS would have been called on us AT LEAST once a week - definitely every friday or saturday night when we had the usual "i want to go out" fight lol
SAME! maybe it's a Queens thing
My sister and I used to say "we're going to call the cops on you" and my dad would hand us the phone. "Go ahead, no more nice clothes, catholic school, walkman, bicycle every year. You want to call, go right ahead." At that point, we would put the phone down and go stomping upstairs and cry in our room. It wasn't funny then, but it was funny now.
Like Ophelia said, I would never say I was abused. Now that I look back, I deserved ALMOST every smack and beating. It's not liike my mom was having a bad day and beat me for no reason. But, of course there are times that I look back on and say "she could have handled it differently."
The main thing is that children don't come with manuals. People do what they know and what they feel is right for them and their children. I am noone's judge.
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| Posted 7/6/07 10:55 AM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
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Re: Would you have intervened?
i guess for me - i WAS that teenager - I WAS the one getting beat. . .and I got over it. It was the end of the world for fifteen minutes then my mom would make dinner and it would all be over. Bringing authorities into it would have destroyed my family.
So, no I wouldn't call.
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| Posted 7/6/07 10:57 AM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you have intervened?
Posted by pmpkn087
Posted by Tilde
yeah my dad only hit me MAYBE twice in my whole life and both times were bc i was disrespectful to my mother. . .
the funny thing is that if some of you ladies were my neighbors back in the day - CPS would have been called on us AT LEAST once a week - definitely every friday or saturday night when we had the usual "i want to go out" fight lol
SAME! maybe it's a Queens thing
you don't know how many times I think that on this site! 
it's like a different planet!
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| Posted 7/6/07 10:58 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Would you have intervened?
Posted by nrthshgrl
We were all raised differently.
I think what we're all missing is that the teenager was being hit repeatedly by her mother - enough to make the OP uncomfortable & wonder if she should call the police.
If you heard a man & woman doing the same thing, maybe you would call the police for a domestic disturbance?
I see no reason why a teenager doesn't deserve the same protection. Even if it's a bratty teenager. Ground her azz, dont' give her a dime...but beat the cr@p out of her doesn't sit well with me.
I'm not there yet. Maybe I'll change my mind. I did about spanking - and then I changed it back to no spanking.
I understand what your saying.
but without confirmation (other than the kid screaming, which I have said before in other posts I've seen as "crying wolf) that she was being beaten repeated..(did the OP hear the slaps, see the girl disheveled, bruised)????
I don't think anyone...man/woman/adult/child should be beaten and live in fear. but it just doesn't seem like it was the case in THIS situation...which is why I wouldn't have called the police without first going over to the house.
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| Posted 7/6/07 10:59 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Would you have intervened?
Posted by pmpkn087
My sister and I used to say "we're going to call the cops on you" and my dad would hand us the phone. "Go ahead, no more nice clothes, catholic school, walkman, bicycle every year. You want to call, go right ahead." At that point, we would put the phone down and go stomping upstairs and cry in our room. It wasn't funny then, but it was funny now.
This made me LOL. My sister did the same thing but it was because our parents were trying to make us eat lobster.
My mother actually burst out laughing & said "Go ahead, call. I want to see what they're going to say."
Message edited 7/6/2007 11:00:41 AM.
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| Posted 7/6/07 10:59 AM |
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Moehick
Ready for the sun!
Member since 5/05 30339 total posts
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Properly perfect™
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Re: Would you have intervened?
I have called the police before about domestic violence so my answer is yes
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| Posted 7/6/07 11:00 AM |
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JennCo
My greatest joy is my baby boy
Member since 1/07 2772 total posts
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Re: Would you have intervened?
I grew up in a house where if my brother or I called our parents a derogatory name like that, you learned you never did it again b/c you remembered getting smacked for it. I don't mean BEAT, I mean a good ol fashioned smack and that was it - you knew you'd never say that again!
I look at my nieces and nephews and they are raised completely differently than I was and I have to say, they are spoiled brats with no appreciation for a damn thing! I don't have children yet but I definetly see a lack of respect from the younger generations and it's b/c as a society we look at discipling our children is such a bad thing- I don't get it!
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| Posted 7/6/07 11:04 AM |
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JennCo
My greatest joy is my baby boy
Member since 1/07 2772 total posts
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Re: Would you have intervened?
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by pmpkn087
My sister and I used to say "we're going to call the cops on you" and my dad would hand us the phone. "Go ahead, no more nice clothes, catholic school, walkman, bicycle every year. You want to call, go right ahead." At that point, we would put the phone down and go stomping upstairs and cry in our room. It wasn't funny then, but it was funny now.
This made me LOL. My sister did the same thing but it was because our parents were trying to make us eat lobster.
My mother actually burst out laughing & said "Go ahead, call. I want to see what they're going to say."
I heard the teenage neighbor across the street say that to his mom the other day and the mother did the same thing she was hysterical laughing and handed the kid the phone and said the same thing!
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| Posted 7/6/07 11:06 AM |
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