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Kara
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Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
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They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
Because YOU don't seem to think that there was anything wrong with it. You brought it up to her telling the story like it was a joke. You didn't mention here that you ever apologized to her, recognized that it looked entirely inappropriate, and told her nothing happened and you feel awful about it.
That would eventually eat at me, too.
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Posted 5/24/07 10:41 AM  |
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DanaRenee
Fitness Junkie!
Member since 6/06 6470 total posts
Name:
Dana
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
Posted by Shelly
I would back off your friendship with her DH and definitely avoid being alone with him.
ITA, out of respect for him and his marraige
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:41 AM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
Posted by kerrycec03
Posted by ThusSpokeLaLolita
Posted by kerrycec03
Also, cool the relationship down. It doesn't seem like you have any intentions of doing this, and that too would bother me.
i see your point but theres nothing to cool down. i see him once a week if he pops in on wednesdays.
I don't care if its once a month, you say hi and bye and that's it. Don't put yourself in the situation. Stop making excuses. Just don't bother with him for a while. Doing that is basically the only thing you can do now. If asks why you are being distance, then explain it, but stop it.
i guess you just have to know him & i and the bar and our friends to understand.
i'm not going to stop going to the bar that I work at just because he comes in when i am there. thats obsurd.
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:42 AM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
Posted by kerrycec03
Posted by ThusSpokeLaLolita
Posted by kerrycec03
Also, cool the relationship down. It doesn't seem like you have any intentions of doing this, and that too would bother me.
i see your point but theres nothing to cool down. i see him once a week if he pops in on wednesdays.
I don't care if its once a month, you say hi and bye and that's it. Don't put yourself in the situation. Stop making excuses. Just don't bother with him for a while. Doing that is basically the only thing you can do now. If asks why you are being distance, then explain it, but stop it.
Why we are dwelling on the sleeping on the couch episode is because it should have NEVER happened. It wasn't a wise decision on your part, your DH's part and Frank's part. Most of us would have a hard time forgetting something like that.
Agreed. We're dwelling on it b/c it's a big deal -- and it was likely a HUGE deal to her. She's probably dwelling on it, too, and you don't seem to feel bad about it at all.
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:42 AM |
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kerrycec03
Mom of 2 beautiful boys!!
Member since 6/06 13519 total posts
Name:
Kerry
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
Posted by ThusSpokeLaLolita
Posted by kerrycec03
Posted by ThusSpokeLaLolita
Posted by kerrycec03
Also, cool the relationship down. It doesn't seem like you have any intentions of doing this, and that too would bother me.
i see your point but theres nothing to cool down. i see him once a week if he pops in on wednesdays.
I don't care if its once a month, you say hi and bye and that's it. Don't put yourself in the situation. Stop making excuses. Just don't bother with him for a while. Doing that is basically the only thing you can do now. If asks why you are being distance, then explain it, but stop it.
i guess you just have to know him & i and the bar and our friends to understand.
i'm not going to stop going to the bar that I work at just because he comes in when i am there. thats obsurd.
but nobody telling you not to go, but just stop talking to him, period! I haven't heard you once agree to that, which make me think you don't want to.
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:43 AM |
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sami
So very blessed!! Thank u !!
Member since 8/06 6524 total posts
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
I know you are all friends....but I would just stay away....maybe dont get so involved...I know it is a friendship...but like Mssissy said would you be okay with the situation...I know I would not be happy
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:44 AM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
Posted by ThusSpokeLaLolita
Posted by kerrycec03
Posted by ThusSpokeLaLolita
Posted by kerrycec03
Also, cool the relationship down. It doesn't seem like you have any intentions of doing this, and that too would bother me.
i see your point but theres nothing to cool down. i see him once a week if he pops in on wednesdays.
I don't care if its once a month, you say hi and bye and that's it. Don't put yourself in the situation. Stop making excuses. Just don't bother with him for a while. Doing that is basically the only thing you can do now. If asks why you are being distance, then explain it, but stop it.
i guess you just have to know him & i and the bar and our friends to understand.
i'm not going to stop going to the bar that I work at just because he comes in when i am there. thats obsurd.
You said one day you were there sitting next to him at the bar on a day you weren't working. You see it as no big deal -- In light of all the information we know, this isn't a situation I would recommend getting yourself into right now - whether or not other people are there.
JMHO.
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:44 AM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
Posted by Kara
Because YOU don't seem to think that there was anything wrong with it. You brought it up to her telling the story like it was a joke. You didn't mention here that you ever apologized to her, recognized that it looked entirely inappropriate, and told her nothing happened and you feel awful about it.
That would eventually eat at me, too.
ummmm not true AT ALL.
he told her that morning over the phone. i wasnt around. he told me she thought it was hilarious.
then a few days later i saw her walking down the street i ran outside and told her "i'm so sorry about teh other night. kevin left me there, i was passed out." and she was like oh its ok blah blah nlah. and i was like "ok, well sorry again!" and she assured me not to worry, it was totally fine.
like i said, ive seen her since then and she was fine.
it was only last night she wasnt her friendliest. BUT she was fighting with her husband, so maybe she was just in a bad mood.
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:45 AM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
Posted by kerrycec03
Posted by ThusSpokeLaLolita
Posted by kerrycec03
Posted by ThusSpokeLaLolita
Posted by kerrycec03
Also, cool the relationship down. It doesn't seem like you have any intentions of doing this, and that too would bother me.
i see your point but theres nothing to cool down. i see him once a week if he pops in on wednesdays.
I don't care if its once a month, you say hi and bye and that's it. Don't put yourself in the situation. Stop making excuses. Just don't bother with him for a while. Doing that is basically the only thing you can do now. If asks why you are being distance, then explain it, but stop it.
i guess you just have to know him & i and the bar and our friends to understand.
i'm not going to stop going to the bar that I work at just because he comes in when i am there. thats obsurd.
but nobody telling you not to go, but just stop talking to him, period! I haven't heard you once agree to that, which make me think you don't want to.
And quite honestly, THAT would be a red flag to most women. Let it go. Friendship with this guy shouldn't be so important to you that you'd let it ruin his marriage.
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:45 AM |
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Stefanie
♥
Member since 5/05 23599 total posts
Name:
Stefanie
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
Girls can be weird. They act one way and then another way. Maybe she was just having a bad day or they had a fight about something and that's why she was acting weird...
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:47 AM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
Posted by Kara
Friendship with this guy shouldn't be so important to you that you'd let it ruin his marriage.
ohhhhhhhhhh, so now I'M ruining his marriage?!?!?!?!
you've got to be kidding me.
i know what is ruining his marriage and it DEF is not me.
thats incredibly rude of you to imply.
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:48 AM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
Posted by Stefanie
Girls can be weird. They act one way and then another way. Maybe she was just having a bad day or they had a fight about something and that's why she was acting weird...
i agree.
they were fighting right there in fornt of everyone.
i was just trying to talk to her to make her feel better and i havent seen her in a few days.
i knwo when i am fighting with dh in public and someone is trying to talk to me i kind of am quiet myself.
i'm going to chalk it up to that for now.
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:49 AM |
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kerrycec03
Mom of 2 beautiful boys!!
Member since 6/06 13519 total posts
Name:
Kerry
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
I think some of us can't believe that you haven't once agreed to stop talking to him for a while, that is what is so disturbing. Like I said previously, whether its only once a week or once a month, just stop talking to him. You know she is upset, just cool it for his sake. Its very easy not to talk to somebody.
P.S. I def wouldn't talk to his DH to try and make her feel better. That's like putting salt on an open wound. Let them deal with it between each other, don't get involved!
Message edited 5/24/2007 10:51:28 AM.
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:50 AM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
Posted by ThusSpokeLaLolita
Posted by Kara
Friendship with this guy shouldn't be so important to you that you'd let it ruin his marriage.
ohhhhhhhhhh, so now I'M ruining his marriage?!?!?!?!
you've got to be kidding me.
i know what is ruining his marriage and it DEF is not me.
thats incredibly rude of you to imply.
You're twisting my words around. Perhaps it would have been clearer to say that the friendship is contributing to their marital problems... but either way, I didn't say YOU were ruining his marriage. However, it's really suspect that you refuse to back off.
Right now his marriage is in trouble and you have reason to believe she is uncomfortable with you for some reason or that you are after her husband. You think that's contributing to the problem -- or at least that's what I'm getting from your posts here. If you really do feel that way, then do them both a favor and just back off and don't speak to him for a while. You don't seem willing to do that, hence my above comment.
You posted here looking for thoughts on this - those are my thoughts.
Message edited 5/24/2007 10:55:38 AM.
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:52 AM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
Posted by kerrycec03
I think some of us can't believe that you haven't once agreed to stop talking to him for a while, that is what is so disturbing. Like I said previously, whether its only once a week or once a month, just stop talking to him. You know she is upset, just cool it for his sake. Its very easy not to talk to somebody.
i DON'T know if she is upset. thats whole point of this thread.
and you're right, i wont agree to stp talkign to him. i barely see him and its always with a group of people, at a bar aroudn from his house and never alone and its ridiculous to stop tlakign to him for something that may be nothing at all.
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:52 AM |
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mtnmama
Member since 5/06 4794 total posts
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Message edited 6/26/2009 11:22:22 AM.
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:52 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
Posted by kerrycec03
I think some of us can't believe that you haven't once agreed to stop talking to him for a while, that is what is so disturbing. Like I said previously, whether its only once a week or once a month, just stop talking to him. You know she is upset, just cool it for his sake. Its very easy not to talk to somebody.
P.S. I def wouldn't talk to his DH to try and make her feel better. That's like putting salt on an open wound. Let them deal with it between each other, don't get involved!
I happen to agree. It's not that you are breaking up his marriage, it's that you should just stay clear of antagonizing the situation. I would just lay low and let them work it out.
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:53 AM |
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kerrycec03
Mom of 2 beautiful boys!!
Member since 6/06 13519 total posts
Name:
Kerry
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
Posted by cpanyc
But you said in your first post that "i think she thinks there is somethign goign on me and Frank. or that i like him or that he likes me or something."
If he is your friend and you think that you are part of the problem he is having with his wife, then you should be the better person and end the friendship and stop adding fuel to the fire. That is what you can do to help him.
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:53 AM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
Perhaps she understood about the sleeping on the couch incident, but then he spent all night out at a bar with you and Sam and that's when the "uneasies" kicked in.
Look, if they're having trouble in their marriage, EVERYTHING is going to be suspect, regardless of how innocent it may seem to you.
Considering you aren't close friends, try to keep it as "hi" and "bye" when he comes in. Don't hang out with him afterhours unless she is there.
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:54 AM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
i think people here think i see him alot more than i actually do.
i see him for about 2 hours once a week. if that.
its not like we are always hanign out or talk on hte phone or email each other or myspace or anything of the sorts.
i just dont want her to think that i like him. end of story.
forget it, i didnt come here to get attacked.
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:56 AM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
Posted by ThusSpokeLaLolita
i just dont want her to think that i like him. end of story.
Then keep it to hi and bye and otherwise back off. That's part of the solution. You're unwilling to do that - so the discomfort will continue.
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:57 AM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
Posted by Porrruss
Perhaps she understood about the sleeping on the couch incident, but then he spent all night out at a bar with you and Sam and that's when the "uneasies" kicked in.
Look, if they're having trouble in their marriage, EVERYTHING is going to be suspect, regardless of how innocent it may seem to you.
Considering you aren't close friends, try to keep it as "hi" and "bye" when he comes in. Don't hang out with him afterhours unless she is there.
finally a voice of reason.
i can def try to talk to him less.
its just hard when youre in a group. if i'm sitting there when she comes in, then i am sitting there when she comes in. i have nothign to hide. but whether or not i tlak to him, we're both still THERE. ya know what i mean?
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:57 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
Maybe he likes you?
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:58 AM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
Posted by Kara
Posted by ThusSpokeLaLolita
i just dont want her to think that i like him. end of story.
Then keep it to hi and bye and otherwise back off. That's part of the solution. You're unwilling to do that - so the discomfort will continue.
beacuse you and kerry are attacking. not trying to actually help. you're just pointing fingers at me and telling em everything i am doing is wrong.
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:59 AM |
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kerrycec03
Mom of 2 beautiful boys!!
Member since 6/06 13519 total posts
Name:
Kerry
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Re: theres nothing i can do, right?
interesting, I mentioned the hi & bye thing like a batch of comments ago and got nothing.
I think really, you have got to leave it at that. Even if you are in a large group. Seriously, its the best solution.
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| Posted 5/24/07 10:59 AM |
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