theres nothing i can do, right? *update*

this regular at the bar has become my friend. well, me and dh both like him, he's our friend.

his wife works alot and we get along with her, i really like her but we barely see her.

well..... now they are fighting and prob getting a divorce soon.

i think she thinks there is somethign goign on me and Frank. or that i like him or that he likes me or something.

frank, dh and i went out a few weeks ago and i crashed on franks couch. dh didnt cuz he had work very early the next day and it wasnt worth waking me up. thing is, she was out of town. BUT he told her the story and we all had a good laugh about it.

then, last week they were fighting so he stayed at the bar with me and our friend Sam (she is my best friend & coworker). when she got off he asked the three of us go to this other bar around the corner. we went for two drinsk and then came back. he almsot didnt go homw that night, but we told him he needed to. she locked him out of their bedroom. she knew he was hanging with me and Sam.

fast forward to last night. like i said, theyve been fighting the past week alot.
i'm at the bar and so is he. i was hangign , not working. and we were sitting next to each other. a bunch of our other friends were around too. it wasnt just the two of us.
well, she came in all dressed up. like sexy. and was like "what are YOU doing here?" and i was like "well, i come here sometimes when Sam is working" and she was like OH.
and she just wanted to get him out of there asap.
she was nice to me, but it was different. i dont know if it was just b/c she was mad at him or that she doesnt like me and thinks somethign up.
when they left i was asking sam and our other friend why she was like that and they were like "she's jealous probably"


what would you do?



UPDATE :

saw them together last night. she was really nice to me, we were chatting the whole night. its HIM she has the problem with, the fact that he is constantly at hte bar.
although, i think it may be Sam she doesnt like, when sam said goodbye she gaev her a fake smile and rolled her eyes.
so, i think i was just being paranoid.

Message edited 5/31/2007 5:19:03 PM.

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

What is your goal?

You can't fix their marriage but if you're looking to reassure her that you aren't after her husband - not falling asleep on their couch would be your first step.

The next would be to befriend the wife. Talk about how much you love your husband, etc.

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

truthfully...it doesn't seem to be your issue...they need to work it out for themselves. I would stay out of it if I were you. Saying something might pull you into a fight with one or both of them.

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

yeah we always got along. i was TRYING to talk to her last night. i told her she looked pretty and tried talking about her tattoos and stuff. it was like pulling teeth.

i just want her to not feel weird about me and know im not after him.

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

Sounds like you need to cool it with your friendship for awhile. By trying to befriend her, you could make it worse. Remember the old adage, "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer"- she might feel you trying to be friendly with her is due to ulterior motives.

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

I would try to be friendly, but see how she responds. If she is cool, then back off. If she responds, then respond back. You can't make her be your friend if she doesn't want to.

I agree- I would back off your friendship with her DH and definitely avoid being alone with him.

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

Not for anything but if I was out of town and one of my friends slept in my house be it on my couch, in my tub or in my bed I'd be plenty upset as well.

You and her DH could swear up and down on a stack of bibles and she is still going to have some doubt in the back of her head.

I think you need to cool it for a while on your friendship. Limit it to a work type friendship if you really want to help your friend and his wife

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

i'm not looking to be her good friend.


anyway, i pretty much ONLY hang out with him at my bar and the only time we didnt it was him, me and my DH.

oh well, i dont think theres anything i can do differently.

if she doesnt trust him, she doesnt trust him. but i'm not the one she shouldnt trust him with. but she is human, so i understand. i just wanted to reassure her theres nothing to worry about with ME. but i'll just leave it all alone.

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

I would respect her feelings and her marriage enough to back off hanging out with the DH, especially alone. I'd be friendly as far as work goes, but I'd probably cool hanging out with him outside of work, even if your DH is there.

While YOU know nothing happened -- she knows you spent the night at their house without your DH when she was out of town. That would hurt and confuse most women. That would more often than not end a friendship - at the very least seriously strain a friendship. You know you didn't do anything wrong, but the fact is their marriage is strained now. I'd just cool it for a while and let them work things out. That probably cannot happen if you and your DH continue to be friends with her DH outside of work.

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

ok, see everyone thinks i should cool hanging out with him.... which i understand BUT i ONLY see him when i am at the bar.

so, if he ends up coming in then he ends up coming in.

its not like we both plan to meet there or anything, we just both end up hanging there. its our local.

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

I would say something to her...not beat around the bush, just come out and tell her the truth about how you two are friends and that nothing is going on. You'll put her mind at ease and make that uncomfortableness (is that a word?) better between the two of you.

Yeah, I know nothing happened, you know nothing happened, he knows nothing happened but she MIGHT think something happened. I wouldn't want a girl sleeping over my house that my dh is friends with. JMHO...

Message edited 5/24/2007 10:32:32 AM.

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

i slept at his house one time and its NOT going to happen again. and it wasnt my decision. i was passed out. (dh and him were up having some beers and watching tv) its not my fault i was left there.

and i apologized to her about that. she thought it was funny and was actually OK about it. she knows the whole situation.

it wasnt just me and him hanging out that day. it was him, me and my DH.

other than that, we've never hung out alone or outside the bar.

Message edited 5/24/2007 10:35:07 AM.

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

Well, then maybe this girl is just nutty. Your best bet would probably be to stay away from them.

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

but your DH left you there. Personally, I would have never let that happened. I don't care, I know my DH would wake me up and take me home. Whether she laughed at it then doesn't matter. It will always be in the back of her head. I wouldn't never forget something like that. And her laughing could also be a front.

Also, cool the relationship down. It doesn't seem like you have any intentions of doing this, and that too would bother me.

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

To be honest, I think she ACTED like it was funny when it happened. What else was she supposed to do in front of all of you telling her this story?

Once she thought about it, though, I understand why she got upset. Yes, her DH should have had your DH take you home if you were passed out. That's not your fault -- but that's not going to make her feel perfectly comfortable around you right now. I think that needs to be understood.

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

Would you be OK with the situation if you were in her shoes?

Meaning, if your SO had a female friend and you didn't really know her and she was more friends with your SO. Would you feel comfortable her sleeping on your couch while you were away?

I'm not saying you had the intention of doing anything, but try putting yourself in her shoes. Obviously, she has some issues with him being friends with you. Maybe he talks about you more than he should, who knows. But than you happen to stay on their couch when she wasn't home. See what I mean.

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

Re: theres nothing i can do, right?

Message edited 5/24/2007 10:41:13 AM.