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Message edited 3/28/2008 3:12:48 PM.

Re: DH vent

I understand your anger. When our lives change with a baby we try so hard to keep them the same. From what I've seen/heard with many who are pregnant: The men try to keep their lives the same until the baby comes. We, however, can't do that. They have a hard time understanding what we are going through.

To your DH he's probably thinking it might be his last summer doing this. You need to sit down and have a talk with him. It's about compromise. He wants to do it all the time and you don't want him to do it. Any chance to cut his hours down?

Re: DH vent

He needs to begin to realize that both of your lives are about to change & he needs to be there for you

Sh!t I'd love to hang out & work at the beach all summer too, but reality is it is not practical for me anymore & it is not who I am anymore

Re: DH vent

it sounds like you really enjoy getting out of the city and being at the beach on the weekends, but the one thing that is holding you back is your anxiety about the other people in the share house (who sound like pieces of work, by the way ).

i can see where you're coming from - who needs a bunch of catty girls making fat remarks about you when you're not in the room? but at the same time, i would hate to see you skip out on something you like because of these biotches.

people who say negative things about other people are almost always coming from a position of anxiety/insecurity/jealousy. it has nothing to do with you, and has everything to do with themselves.

so i would go to the beach, pregnant and proud! you are going to have a BABY!!!!!!!! and if you hear comments made about you - smile and move on and enjoy yourself. JMO

Re: DH vent

I understand your anxiety and frustration. I would feel self conscious also but you have to think about how much you enjoy being by the ocean vs. staying in the city during the summer. It might be just what you need.

Re: DH vent

If I were you...I would go and enjoy the "alone" time you have with each other while you can...as for what you may look like...tell all those other people that you are pregnant and it's a beautiful thing and be proud of the miracle growing inside you!! I do understand though...my entire family and I are going on a cruise in august and I am afraid that I'll look like an elephant in a bathing suit!! But my mom keeps reminding me that it is in fact beautiful and that I need to enjoy myself before the baby comes and there might not be any time to relax!!
Good luck!!

Re: DH vent

Message edited 3/13/2007 1:47:35 PM.

Re: DH vent

I think theres a few issues here.

The first is that you and your DH seem to have a lot of communication issues, since this is far from your first post about him and how you dont feel he is listening, etc ...

Those issues are only going to get worse after a child is born, I think seriously you need to have some long talks with your hubby about this all.

As far as the share house. Well Making fun of a PG girl is silly at best and yes if his "friends" are like that, I would be mad he even associates with that type of person and make it known its childish.

Also Im 7 months pregnant and Im not very "comfortable". Nothing about my weight, but mostly Im not easily up and moving around, Im not sure if I would want to be up and moving around each weekend at that stage.

Theres a lot to consider and bottom line is your voice needs to be heard,,,if its not..theres a bigger issue.

Good luck!

Re: DH vent

Posted by dm24angel

I think theres a few issues here.

The first is that you and your DH seem to have a lot of communication issues, since this is far from your first post about him and how you dont feel he is listening, etc ...

Those issues are only going to get worse after a child is born, I think seriously you need to have some long talks with your hubby about this all.

As far as the share house. Well Making fun of a PG girl is silly at best and yes if his "friends" are like that, I would be mad he even associates with that type of person and make it known its childish.

Also Im 7 months pregnant and Im not very "comfortable". Nothing about my weight, but mostly Im not easily up and moving around, Im not sure if I would want to be up and moving around each weekend at that stage.

Theres a lot to consider and bottom line is your voice needs to be heard,,,if its not..theres a bigger issue.

Good luck!

Re: DH vent

Resent you? He has to change! Sorry, everybody sacrifices when you become a parent, whether that be money, time, job, family...there are lots of compromises and sacrifices in all areas. And you do things you don't want to - oh well! He may have to stay at the beach less--boohoo. Sorry, I have zero sympathy for him. He can come home and take care of his preggo wife, you, and do what is right, not party all weekend, every weekend. I'm sure you'll go up there once or twice, and that seems like more than enough to me. JMO!!!!

Re: DH vent

Posted by dm24angel

I think theres a few issues here.

The first is that you and your DH seem to have a lot of communication issues, since this is far from your first post about him and how you dont feel he is listening, etc ...

Those issues are only going to get worse after a child is born, I think seriously you need to have some long talks with your hubby about this all.

As far as the share house. Well Making fun of a PG girl is silly at best and yes if his "friends" are like that, I would be mad he even associates with that type of person and make it known its childish.

Also Im 7 months pregnant and Im not very "comfortable". Nothing about my weight, but mostly Im not easily up and moving around, Im not sure if I would want to be up and moving around each weekend at that stage.

Theres a lot to consider and bottom line is your voice needs to be heard,,,if its not..theres a bigger issue.

Good luck!

Re: DH vent

You need to talk to him.

There is a difference between being a bachelor, getting married and having a PG wife. At some point, he can't live the "bachelor" life he seems to want to retain and be responsible to his family (you!!). While nobody wants to give up their hobbies, lifestyle, etc... sometimes you DO have to make adjustments. Your wife being PG is one of them so is the family once the baby is there. It can't be all about him and HIS priorities. You cannot be left alone later because you are stuck with the kid.

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Message edited 3/28/2008 3:13:13 PM.

Re: DH vent

Re: DH vent

Re: DH vent

I think he might have good intentions but maybe conveys them in the wrong way. I understand the comfort factor when your late in your pg but I think I would really love going to the beach on the weekends. You don't have to go swimming ofetn or even be in a bathing suit everyday. You can just lounge around in cute sarongs or something like that.

I think a few times where you posted about being really annoyed at your dh, it also had something to do with comments that other people are going to make towards you. Obviously he should take up for you & let them know that it's unacceptable but you really can't let other people's opinions or actions dictate your life. Try to think positive & work on your self-esteem. Enjoy your pg now & you don't need to worry about weight issues.

Try to make the most of this time with your dh. Good luck

Message edited 3/13/2007 12:53:06 PM.

Re: DH vent

try to be atactful as possible. even as angry as i am for you, i wouldn't 'ear-lick' him. just sit him down and have a heart to heart. i think if you pounce on him after stewing all day it could be counterproductive. just try to be as calm as you can.

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Message edited 3/28/2008 3:14:37 PM.

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Message edited 3/28/2008 3:14:02 PM.

Re: DH vent

Posted by Bklyngrl

this is how it went. when i got home, he hugged me and asked why i'm stressed so i explained i'm upset/concerned about the beach. That although i enjoy getting out of the city and our apt. on 90 degree days, i don't necessarily enjoy sharing a house (its not a big one - we share a room with another couple) and knowing the "type of girls" that are in the house, competitive, catty, gossipy etc. i don't know i want to be around that on my weekends while i'm 7-8 months pregnant! duh! i don't know how i'll feel, if i'll want to wear a bathing suit etc...i commute and work full time - weekends should be to decompress.

Anyway, he was good, said we don't need to do the share, he thought a half share would be good for me and the baby to hear the ocean blah blah blah. he said who cares about the hens checking me out to wear my pregnancy proud etc. I said we'll see.

Last nite he tells me his best friend who is 38 and single may want to be in the house also - it just ticked me off! so i said well maybe you 2 can be roommates since i'm not going. I told him i think its pathetic that he expects his v pregnant wife to share a bedroom in a beach house and to have to "tolerate" being around people i don't really care for - they're not my friends (these girls are pieces of work). DH says, I am a jerk because i get all huffy & "just can't get over them" like i'm an idiot for letting them bother me. THAT IS NOT THE POINT. The point is I am choosing NOT to be around them during my free time which is precious to me! I'd rather be with my friends! not to mention no one else is pregnant so they'll all be drinking etc going out till 2 in the a.m. etc...

Re: DH vent

I really hope it all works out for you

Re: DH vent

I don't think your DH is being very understanding at all...and I would totally feel the same way as you do. I think the best way to get through to him is to try talking to him w/o fighting ... If I were in the situation, I'd probably try to make him feel bad and make him realize how much this whole thing is bothering me... I might cry! If he won't listen I might try writing him a letter. Sometimes that gets through to them a little better. I would want to understand why he is so willing to go in on the share when he knows how much it goes against me. I'd want to know why the share is worth all this disagreement and arguing to him. I'd want to make him realize that we aren't 21 anymore, we are about to start family and he should be thinking about more than himself. I'd try to comprimise and offer to spend time at the beach, just not as a part of the share this year. I might try to convince him that we needed to save the money instead. If all that fails I might offer that this year we opt out and next year we'll go back in while we can leave the baby w/a sitter and have fun at the house w/all his single friends. There has to be some sort of comprimise otherwise it just makes room for resentment if one of you "wins" over the other.

Well, those are just some thoughts of mine, some things I would try. Good luck and I hope you both find away around this!

Re: DH vent

What is an ear-licking???

Re: DH vent

I'm confused. Didn't he compromise to do a half-share (whatever that is)? I don't know him but from what I've read, it seems that he's at least trying to be understanding. Like I said before, you really can't let other people (like "catty" girls) dicate your life or affect your happiness.

I just don't think it's worth arguing over something that won't even happen for a few months. JMHO

Re: DH vent

I think the way you first approached him seemed better and from the post he seemed more responsive then how you went about it when he said his friend might do it too. I also think if you keep brining up the catty girls then he is going to think that is all it is about. Also, I think pg women feel the most uncomfortable until they start showing so you might feel differently when you 7 months pg. The biggest thing that I would definitly not tolerate is sharing a room with another person or couple. I also would not go from Brooklyn to out eat 8 months pg incase you went into labor or needed your dr. To me that is to much distance at 36 weeks.