.

Thanks ladies!

Message edited 3/10/2007 3:08:04 PM.

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

Sorry about your whole situation. I believe you child should be able to do indivdual things with your father. Have you ever asked him how he feels?


On a far side note.. I will bring my voice recorder to the next APPT. HAHAHAHA!

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

greeeeeeeeat I'm so glad to see your choonie at your next internal.
I think...u should get this off your chest.
I know your dad is passive and doesn't make waves, but there is nothing wrong with telling him how u feel-u are his daughter,.
Call him-ask him to go for coffee and let him know.
At the very least...just tell him u are worried the baby will feel like they are taking a second seat to others.
I bet--it turns out way better then u expected.

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

cant wait to come to the internal!!!

anyway i think you should say something just so you know that you tried and if your son/daughter ever ask why when they are older, you can explain what was going on and how you handled it......

good luck

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

a part of me is so tired of talking about things like this with my dad - amd I think he's tired of hearing things like this from me too - I feel like he just wants to go out and live his life and not be burdened with things like my feelings.... I'm hoping maybe things will change after the baby is born... but then I tell myself - who am I fooling....

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

I'm not joining you at the internal....I don't think it's an appropriate place to meet someone for the first time .

But, I think you should try to talk with your Dad. Even if it changes nothing (which I hope is not the case), you'll know that you've done all that you can to resolve the situation. You can't control other people's actions...but you can let them know how their actions impact your life.

And as for your own child...I get the feeling that you and your husband and his children will love that baby so much that it'll be impossible for it to ever feel slighted in any way! So I wouldn't worry about that at all!

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

I don't know what else to say but I think you might need to set up bleacher seats so that we can sit comfortably at your internal.l

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

I have a similiar situation. My father has been with my stepmom for 21 years, they just got married- a big wedding last weekend. she has 4 kids and my dad has my brother and myself. When I was pregnant, my mother made the comment to my father - gene you are going to be a grandfather. His response was oh I have 8 grandchildren, my mom then said to him, NO you do not- this is your biological grandchild. My dads response was well, since I was there for the birth of the grandchildren they are my grandchildren ( and they all call him grandpa) so my mom was ****** and walked away- this was last year at my DH's 30th birthday party. so over the 9 months I let it go. my dad and I are very close so I figured I will wait till the baby comes and I will straighten it out, no need to make a fuss now I figured.
So now the baby is here. Her family which is really cool will make comments to dad like so gene how does it feel to be a grandfather, this one is really yours. this was by 2 women on my stepmoms side who are really cool and tell it like it is. He said great. So again I let it go. When dad and I are together with the baby we get approached and he is asked is this your first grandchild and he says no I have 8 others and I say outloud this is his first BLOOD grandchild and he says yes. I make it known!!! at the wedding just this past weekend the photography said is this your grandchild and he said yes and she said your first and he said oh no all these kids running around are my grandchildren too and she said oh, and again I intervened and said but this is his first biological granchild. I look like my dad and DD looks like me, so there is a big resemblence to grandpa so you can def tell she is his grandchild.
I get along great with my stepfamily but you better believe I am going to make sure it is clear that my daughter is really his grandchild!!!!! good luck, I know its not a fun situation. and about the internal,

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

girlygrl - I will most probably chime in like that - at a recent xmas party, my dad introduced me to someone - and he said - oh - you have 2 daughters, no sons, huh?

I said - well, I'm his only child - the other is his stepdaughter - so I do try and lay it out....

there have been some people who have said - wow - your dad must be sooo excited, and people have made mention to him "finally" being a grandfather, which I think only adds more fuel to the fire and forces my stepmom and stepsister to dig even deeper....

BTW ladies - I really have to get stadium seating for all of you now!

Message edited 3/10/2007 12:02:30 PM.

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

Posted by MsMBV

Posted by lastchance1222

greeeeeeeeat I'm so glad to see your choonie at your next internal.
I think...u should get this off your chest.
I know your dad is passive and doesn't make waves, but there is nothing wrong with telling him how u feel-u are his daughter,.
Call him-ask him to go for coffee and let him know.
At the very least...just tell him u are worried the baby will feel like they are taking a second seat to others.
I bet--it turns out way better then u expected.

looking forward to the internal

But in all seriousness, ITA with this. He is passive, he is a non-communicator, etc. This means the ball is in your court to get it out there so it can be addressed & hopefully resolved.

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

ugh, woman can be so freakin caddy!!!! YOu know for years I was in competition for my dads attention too with my stepsister. It wasnt until about 5 years ago when she got married did it finally stop and not until her first child did we have a closer relationship. Her first son loves my dad and me and I think she saw that and our friendship has been amazing since then. she is my DD's godmother.
My mom used to tell me when I would cry to her, b/c my father and I are so close and I felt like they were trying to take him away from me, but my mom always put it in a tell it like it is point of view- she said, well you have to understand this is the woman that is putting up with your father and giving him sex- ( just what I wanted to hear right) like sex is some sort of power- I guess it is now that I am married LOL , but anyways she was trying to tell me that the wicked stepmom will have influence over me no matter what and to try to work with her to a certain point. well years ago I went off on my dad and it made him realize what he was doing and it helped that my brother agreed with me and we told him flat out if he doesnt change he no longer has us as his children, I think a light bulb came on.
ah that worked for a lil bit but then I realized my dad was/is happy and she did that AND her kids too. so I was the bigger person and came around and I have to say it was the best thing I could have done for myself and our family.
sometimes we just have to bite the bullet, good luck, try your best, always be on guard, and make sure you chime in!!!!!

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

Posted by lipglossjunky73


I'm so sick of the ball being in my court.... its so tiring... and draining...

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

There have been many valid points made above. I was going to quote them, but we'd be here forever. We can't change who our family is and the past. We can change how we react to them. I know you're tired of making the effort with your father, but I think now is the perfect time to try your best. Granchildren can potentially change a lot in a relationship.

First of all, your step-family needs a b!tch slap. But there's a chance they have been very pushy because they are step family. Just because they are pushy trying to keep you out doesn't mean you need to push back harder by keeping them out. I hope that makes sense.

As for the internal, ummmmm, no thanks. Although I can't wait to hear about when you ask the doctor if DH is knocking on the kids head.

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

I don't have any advice, but I just want to give you as I feel awful that you have such heavy thoughts during this wonderful time in your life.....

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

Awwww, Liza. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way - I'm sure the hormones are raging though. Maybe things will be different when your baby is born.

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

I understand where you're coming from with getting upset about the "7th grandchild" comments, but really, what else can they say? They can't start calling your baby the 1st, and ignore the other 6, even if they're not biological.

I think its great that your blended family recognizes everyone equally (including your step daughter!) and isn't drawing blood lines in the sand.

But it does seem apparent that if you want more out of your relationship with your father, you're always going to be the one making the effort.

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

Well, I am so glad I have won the internal viewing.

I have personally "gave" up on a couple of people in my family. My dad and younger sister. Yes, I guess it $ucks that my dad does not know from me that I was getting married and he will now have a first grandson but so is life. I am MUCH happier by not having to deal with him, the alcohol, how bad my mom is (they got divorced after 32 years or marriage) and having my younger sister acting like a snitch. When I decided to let it go.... I felt such a relief off my shoulder.

That being said, that was me and my decision, you have to assess the situation and see what is good for you.

Personally I would make a very calm comment to your stepmom (at the right opportunity) when you dad is present (when you want to do something with him alone, etc...).. Something like "It appears to be bothering you that I am going to do something with dad, I am noticed a few times. I hope it is not". Let's see what she says.

In regards to the 7th grandchild comment, unfortunatelly it is a hard one to deal with. I think it is more "personal" for you and I can understand. BUT she has been married to him for a VERY LONG TIME. Saying that your child (although only real "blood" grandchild) is his 1st grandchild is very tricky. That would say that the family he married into over 20 years ago is not "real".

My mom and dad remarried. My stepdad is called grandpa by my sister's baby. She has grandpas. Although my stepdad came into my mom's life after we were already grown up and left the house, I cannot NOT make him feel welcome or try to. He is part of my mom's family. He treats my sister's kid like his own grandchild. I know his own children feel left out, it was never meant that way.

Message edited 3/10/2007 1:16:07 PM.

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

Shotgun!!!

On a more serious note, I understand how you feel slighted by saying your baby is the seventh grandchild. My father remarried about 5 years ago and his wife has two grandchildren, one on the way. All I have ever heard was how my Dad is a grandfather-yippee. NO, those are not his grandchildren! I think you are right in your feelings to want your child to have time with him. Just realize, it may be hard to do with an overbeating stepmother. I think you should sit him down now, if not both of them, and tell them how you feel. It doesn't seem like things can get any more noncommunicative, right? At least you get it off your chest even if he doesn't have alot of input. My father was always an unemotional person but since my sister's kids were born last year, I think he really is trying to change, I hope yours will too.

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

I do think that the fact is it will be the 7th Grandchild. As a pp said you can;t expevt the other 6 to just get ignored. One of my brothers has 2 step kids and my dad treats them no different than the others. They are considered part of the cousins yet have no biological ties to my family at all. And I think it is nice they are accepted like that.

As for not being able to do things alone with your dad that is a whole other story. Your Step mom should be able to respect that and I would say something to your dad about it.

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

easier said than done, but try to relax until the birth. I was surprised how my father changed. I don't even recognize him anymore.

Re: VERY,VERY, VERY long, and personal - I may remove - more family related....

Thanks ladies for taking the time to give me advice - I really appreciate it!!!

a lot of you have really some very insightful things to say based on your own sad experiences.... I am sorry you had to go thru stuff too, but I guess its what makes us stronger!!!



ETA: Ok folks - the line starts here....

Message edited 3/10/2007 2:15:07 PM.

Re: .

sweet what day and time!!