Who Pays for & Coordinates Shower?

Is it like a wedding, how your friends who are in your bridal party do it? Or is the mothers? Or a combo of both? I know it can vary greatly, but what's the norm?

Re: Who Pays for & Coordinates Shower?

I think it is generally the mother's family (mom, sister), but it is always nice if the daddy's family can chip in

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DH & I are paying ourselves.....long friggins tory. Traditionally it is your family.

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I think usually your family. I know my mom's with my kid sister was done by her coworkers [as was tradition at her job then] so she didn't have another one. My aunt is actually doing mine from 1200 miles away!

These days, it's like a wedding really: anything goes.

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My SIL did it all for me, drama from the rest of the family, i almost didnt have one.

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I think it completely depends. My mom paid for my bridal and will be paying for my baby. I just went to a baby shower where the two grandmothers threw it - and that would never happen in my case!

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i had two. one given by my mom, one by my MIL.

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See, it's so confusing for me. I have absolutely no family on LI, they're all from upstate, and all of DH's family lives here. Showers aren't as big upstate either. So for my wedding, DH's mother & our SIL (his brother's wife) coordinated a shower for me. My mom came, but as a guest. And I hate for this to fall on them again, but my mom doesn't get how showers are, really--she's been to a few, but doesn't realize how big they are down here. My sister wants to help, but I feel bad having SIL the main person again still.

Re: Who Pays for & Coordinates Shower?

Not sure what "Tradition" is, but sometimes I toss tradition to the wind.

In my case, I chose the date, time and place (I had a say in the day so my mom could be here, she lives OOT), put the deposit and printed/mailed the invitations. My mom, aunt and cousins are planning everything else, they insisted on taking over, which was fine w/ me, I have plenty to do at home. I have this sneaking suspicion that my aunt and mom are paying the balance on the place!

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A couple should never pay or throw their own shower..instead they should have a welcoming party. You never want to be the one askng for gifts. If DH must pay for the shower then a friend should host and be the RSVP.True etiquette is that a mother also not pay for the shower but in many cases they do. My mom and stepmother threw both my bridal and baby shower. My sister did the favors for both.

Re: Who Pays for & Coordinates Shower?

I was going to ask the same thing.

I don't mean to hijack the thread, but I'm not having a shower now because of the drama involved. My sister and my SO's sister wanted to have one, and at first I didn't really want one since I've bought so much already, but I said okay. So SO's sister wasn't really coordinating anything so my sister was starting to plan it all. I suggested it be at the clubhouse in my development because it's such a large and nice space and all the people wouldn't fit in SO's house. SO's sister said that's fine. So the clubhouse comes with a fee of $250.00. My sister is young (24) and can't afford the expense of the entire shower and I have no other family here. I asked SO if he could pitch in some money for it(without my sister asking me to ask, I just feel bad) and he initially said yes. Then a week later he bascially gets an attitude saying if my sister needs money for a shower SHE can't afford, to swallow her pride and ask him herself. Then went on to say it's BS that he has to pay for something that could be done for free at his sister's.

Needless to say, after that, I said forget it, I don't want a shower. It really peeves me though because it's HIS baby too and he hasn't pitched in to pay for anything thus far. Ugh. Sorry I took over the thread, I just needed to vent about it

Re: Who Pays for & Coordinates Shower?

Posted by nbc188

See, it's so confusing for me. I have absolutely no family on LI, they're all from upstate, and all of DH's family lives here. Showers aren't as big upstate either. So for my wedding, DH's mother & our SIL (his brother's wife) coordinated a shower for me. My mom came, but as a guest. And I hate for this to fall on them again, but my mom doesn't get how showers are, really--she's been to a few, but doesn't realize how big they are down here. My sister wants to help, but I feel bad having SIL the main person again still.

Message edited 2/20/2007 1:27:05 PM.

Re: Who Pays for & Coordinates Shower?

traditionally it's supposed to be someone not related (so it's not the family asking money) but these days I don't think anyone cares. Whoever you have that can do it for you is great!

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All the sh0owers I've hosted we've done as a group effort. It is pretty easy to have an inexpensive shower.

Re: Who Pays for & Coordinates Shower?

Posted by waterspout4

Posted by nbc188

See, it's so confusing for me. I have absolutely no family on LI, they're all from upstate, and all of DH's family lives here. Showers aren't as big upstate either. So for my wedding, DH's mother & our SIL (his brother's wife) coordinated a shower for me. My mom came, but as a guest. And I hate for this to fall on them again, but my mom doesn't get how showers are, really--she's been to a few, but doesn't realize how big they are down here. My sister wants to help, but I feel bad having SIL the main person again still.

Holy moly!!!!! I am in the EXACT same position as you!! I'm from Rochester and have no family here. My bridal shower was so difficult because MIL wanted my mom to shell out money, but she had to shell out money for a plane ticket and hotel room. (Just after my father had been let-go from his job of 30 years.) I was involved with details of my bridal shower and I want them to figure this one out themselves.

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I think it depends on your situation.

For me..My mom, my Aunt( baby's godmother) and my sister are pitching in moneywise and to organize and my Moms cousin whos like my cousin is also helping money wise.

Re: Who Pays for & Coordinates Shower?

my mom and MIL did mine, but it all depends on the situation.

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My mom and sister threw my bridal shower, but my mom and MIL are going to throw my baby shower. most of the showers ive been to have been thrown by the mom, sisters and/or mil...

I agree that you should not be throwing your own shower (i mean its fine if you know about it and help plan it, but the invites should not be coming from you or the rsvp to you)...

Message edited 2/20/2007 2:13:25 PM.

Re: Who Pays for & Coordinates Shower?

I think it varies...
My grandmother is paying for the catering place(my mom is deceased) and my sister is paying for everything else (favors, centerpieces etc)...

Re: Who Pays for & Coordinates Shower?

Re: Who Pays for & Coordinates Shower?

My mom, one sister (I have 2) and DH will be splitting the costs 3 ways.

My sister is doing all the planning. DH's mom will be invited but she is not being asked for input -- or to submit a list of invitees!!

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I think we will pay for our own
both moms live out of state
and my sister has no $$$

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A group of close friends are hosting my shower. My family and DH's are far away so they are the closet thing to family that I have.

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Re: Who Pays for & Coordinates Shower?

We have a unique situation too so we are paying for the shower. DH is the RSVP (makes it easier for family who understand anyway) and I have had some say in the planning and have been able to give him my ideas and preferences. Ultimately he and my SIL are trying to keep some elements of surprise for me.

I have not heard any comments about the fact that DH is hosting my shower. I think that many people respect my situation and ultimately wish us the best. I personally never think twice about who is hosting a shower I am invited to.