THANK YOU

Message edited 2/24/2007 10:50:58 AM.

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

I am sort of in the same situation and if this baby is a boy - I will use the name. It is DH's name as well so that makes it a little different. Would I name my baby this if it were not DH's name - No. But, I love DH and I know this is soooo important to him and his family so I am going to let him have this Good luck

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

I wouldn't name my child anything that I did not absolutely love. I understand that traditions are important, but it is your child and you have to give him/ her name that you think they deserve. You should be able to come up with a compromise. Do you mind sharing the name?

MY FIL wants me to name our first born son (if we ever have one) aftger him. I refuse and have already told him not to be disappointed. I do not like his name (steve). I have an ex that really hurt me named steve and I don't have a great relationship with FIL so I see no reason for it.

YOu really have to think about it and decide if you could live forever knowing that you named your child after your FIL when you were second guessing it.

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

<------- That' s "John Joseph" we all call him Jack.

Your husband won't want to break tradition since his son will be named after him. And your MIL will want it because it's her husband's name and she had to suffer the family tradition "curse"

It was hard for us because my Father is John Andrew and the baby was named after my FIL who wasen't very keen to us getting married which made me not want to follow tradition plus well my Father hates his name and always said never to name a Grandchild because if he liked his name so much my brother would have been a John, Jr.

There are like 5,000 John's in Dh's family already but none of them go as Jack so we got lucky... everyone else s a John, JJ, Johnny, Johney, Jay, J, or Junior. Some of his Aunts's just happened to marry John's and then name their son's John as well.

We got really lucky because everyone loved that we continued tradition and are more then happy to call him "Jack" actually so happy that we joked about not really going thru with it and just keeping it a secret.

DH is a Joseph John... and actually my MIL kept the tradition alive she had every chance to kill it because my GMIL hated naming her son (Dh's Father ) John Joseph because she thought it was dumb and she actually calls DH "Josh" which cracks me up.

So the tradition for us is that the First born son is named after the Grandfather which flips back and forth from Joseph John to John Joseph. The funny thing is honestly it really doesn't go back any farther then about 4 generations..lol

Or your other option is to give your son the family name and then call him by the middle name.

What name is the "name"?

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

Honestly, I think tradition is really important, and I don't think I could handle being the one to break such a long standing tradition. And knowing the family history of this tradition, I'd say that makes an OK name much more special. And to be quite honest, Ava's name could be Morty, and it wouldn't matter. She's still my precious baby girl.
In the end, you have to do what you think is right, obviously, but for me, I'd probably stick with tradition (probably easy for me to say since we have nothing like that in our families).

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

DH's family has a tradition that we are changing a bit. My FIL is named after his father and grandfather and as far as I know at least 2 more generations.

The first name is Rupert they all have the same middle name as well. DH's parents kind of modernized it and name DH Robert with same middle name as his father and those before. If we have a boy we will use a first name that starts with R and the same traditional middle name.

DH isn't the first born son so we aren't the first to be changing the tradition but I can see how difficult that is. Is it possible for you to change the tradition a bit while still keeping some continuity?

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

I wouldn't be the one to break the tradition particularly because it means so much to DH. If his family was pushing & he didn't like it, I would do whatever you wanted. He does care.

My DH wanted Vincent Joseph after his dad. After saying I wouldn't have a Vinnie (insert very Italian last name), arguing many times, it was switched to Joseph Vincent. In the end, it meant so much more to him than to me. While I hate the name Vinnie, I regret being a b!tch about the name. I could have dealt with a Vince & saved myself a lot of grief.

Pick the name, pick out a variation of the nickname that you like, & opt for that. Joseph was called Jack by all of my friends for months afterwards. When he finally became Joseph to be & I was ok with the name, they switched to Joseph.

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

My ILs are pushing for this too, and I am personally against it. I (and this is my personal opinion from the experiences in my own family, so please no one take offense) feel that it is a little unfair for any child to have to "share" their name with someone. To me it almost pre-defines their personality and their importance in the family. I know with DH, he was named after someone & BIL was not. There is a fierce difference in the way they are percieved within the family, and it affects both of them. For the past 32 years DH is reminded at every family function about how he was named after blah blah, and he was a great man, and etc. They never fail to say to BIL, "I have no idea where your mother got your name from." Yeah, way to make a kid feel good.


I also think that whatever you decide to name your child should come from what you & DH feel in your heart. If naming the baby after someone is not 100% what you want, then I think you should not have to do it. It is YOUR baby, after all.

I know this is a tough issue. Good Luck

ETA: As a compromise we are using the first initial "G" for our names, since it is the initial of all of our Grandparents as well as DHs name in italian.

Message edited 2/7/2007 8:01:49 AM.

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

I would stick with the tradition. Should we have a son, the son will be named after Dh's late father. I'm not crazy about the name but it means so much to DH.

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

If it is really really a tradition than I would probably go for it unless I couldn't live with the name. personally, I hat ethe tradition. DH at first use to say his son should be named after his dad (which is also my DH's name) and I was like you have to be kidding me...why do you need three and personally I can't see my kid with the name. His dad was't named after his grandpa or anything like that - it wasn't a tradition in his family but more so the Italian thing to do and I am not Italian. So he eventually compromised and it is my son's middle name. Also I added that if we name one child after his dad - one child would have to be named after my dad and my dad's real name - a nice weird Lithuanian name...helped change his mind too!!!

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

I would probably stick with tradition. Though does the tradition include middle names? If not, I would pick the middle name I love and call my son by his middle name-it's a nice variety in the family anyway.

Example, I have a cousin names John Scott, after his dad. We and everyone in the family and all his friends/school etc. have always called him Scott. As a professional, he now goes by:

J. Scott Lastname

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

UGH! this is such a tough situation! so sorry.. i'm the kind of person who would go against it because 1) i don't like duplicating names and 2) i don't like not having a choice. it just seems too absolute for my taste. with my two points, it doesn't matter what the name is. i'm definitely a pig-headed person. crap! i just brought negativity to your solution.

is there really no inkling of hope that they'll be fine with breaking the tradition? or even your husband? good luck, girl!

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

I would go ahead and do it just to keep the peace. You could always call him whatever you wanted.

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

If I didn't love the name, honestly I wouldn't use it. I understand tradition but you have a say also and I think having it as a middle name would be a good compromise.

My IL's don't have that tradition, however we are having my husbands name as the baby's middle name.

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

I would keep the tradition, not for the entire family, but only because it meant alot to my DH.

My precious bundle is all that matters, name is just a name.

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

I would probably keep the tradition on the birth certificate - but call him by a creative nickname (like others have mentioned) or by the middle name you love - I think it's a great compromise!

Can you tell us the name and we can help find variations?

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

HONESTLY-

YOU are gaining the weight
YOU are pushing him/her out
YOU are the parent...NOT grandma and grandpa.

YOU pick a name YOU like.

I have had this battle already. I established the ground rules on it BEFORE we were married.

DH is supposed to be the 4th...but his grandma didn't like the middle name so she changed it...so honestly, I see no real reason to use it....BESIDES, DH's parents told me they didn't have a name picked out so they just named him after his dad. Both go by the first name and the middle name, well, it's LAME.

Traditions are cute, but sometimes, you gotta draw the line and if people really hate you over it....you know what kind of person they really are.

[You asked for my honest opinion...hope I didn't come off as a total b*tch. ]

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

Seems like you have a bunch of good answers to far that seem to be split.

Personally, tradition or no tradition, if I didn't like the name, I wouldn't name my child that. My cousin was forced to do it, as her son was the 4th. The name was a real southern name, Clarance. So, her little boy's name is:
Clarance Ramsey. She calls her DH by the middle name, so they call her son "Clay". She hates it- but did it "to keep the peace".

My ex husband had this tradition, but hated his father's name... and had said the tradition would end w/ him.

At the end, you and your DH have to be happy w/ whatever you choose. Your In-laws will eventually accept the decision you both make together.

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

it doesn't seem like you mind that much and since it's so important to your dh, i would do it.






I agree 100%

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

I would name my child a name my DH and I absolutley love! My DH and his familiy wanted my son's name to be my DH's wich is also his father so he would have been a 3rd. I'm so not a fan of that sort of thing personally and we named him his own name! compromise is he has DH's middle name. I really could have cared less of what anyone thought of me.... this is MY child too and I wanted to name him.

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

Personally, i'm a sap. unless the name is hideous i'd follow tradition. however, i don't think its bad if there's another name you're really desiring

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG

I wouldnt name my child something I didnt 100% want them named just for the sake of my ILs.

Sorry.

Re: Need your honest opinions SORRY LONG