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Mealtime Offenders (article)
I don't remember where I found this article, but I found it helpful when we had our own battles going on.
Profile on the seven worst mealtime offenders and some surefire ways to bring law and order back to your table.
Sharon Benson
Mealtimes are supposed to be together time, an opportunity to savour good food, good company and good conversation. But the reality often has parents longing for a padded cell (not sure if it’s for themselves or the kids!). If you dread another supper spent breaking up brawls between scuffling siblings or restraining reluctant diners, help is at hand! We’ve profiled seven of the worst mealtime offenders and come up with some surefire ways to bring law and order back to your table.
1. The Dashing Diner
Modus Operandi: She’s up! She’s down! She’s tap dancing on the table! Inquiring parents want to know: Is there any way to make this kid sit still long enough to polish off her peas?
Case in Point: Isabella Timeo hasn’t resorted to Krazy Glue to keep four-year-old daughter, Sienna, at the table. Yet. She has, however, threatened to withdraw privileges, cancel outings and hold back dessert — with limited success. The LaSalle, Que., mom sometimes wonders if the family’s lifestyle fuels her daughter’s mealtime meanderings. “We’re always on the go, always rushed,” says Timeo. That’s why she’d like the dinner table to be an oasis of calm. “I want it to be a pleasant experience, where Sienna sits and behaves even if she doesn’t want to eat. But it’s a constant battle.”
Rehab Program: Before you engage in table warfare, Calgary paediatrician and father of four Peter Nieman advises a reality check: Can your child stay still for a favourite game or TV show? If not, she may find it a challenge to sit for her supper. You can help, however, by creating an atmosphere conducive to sociability. Turn off the radio. Unplug the TV. Ignore the phone. Now…sit down and focus on your child. “With my own kids, we talk about what they’re thankful for and how their day went,” says Nieman. “And I tell them interesting stories.” If your child leaves her seat, insist she limit roaming to the eating area. And keep mealtime short. “Anything more than 15 minutes and they start to drift.”
The Verdict: With patience, you can steer your nimble nosher right. It’s worth the effort, unless you want to wind up on the Most Unwanted List of dinner guests.
2. The Stuck-in-the-rut Eater
Modus Operandi: To bystanders, this finicky fiend looks like the ideal kid. After all, he eats only a dozen things, so shopping’s easy. Right? Not so fast. Worries about this child’s dietary intake frequently drive parents to commit desperate acts — like surreptitiously trying to stuff a day’s worth of nutritional requirements into a Twinkie.
Case in Point: Penetanguishene, Ont., mom Stephanie Rushton can count on her fingers the foods her six-year-old son, Ian, will eat. Until he was two, Ian suffered with overactive gag reflex, unable to manage solid foods. “Then one day, the condition disappeared.” Suddenly Ian could eat a variety of foods, but he wouldn’t. One physician recommended Rushton padlock the fridge and serve Ian one new food, and nothing else, until he ate it. “He said, ‘Don’t worry, your son won’t starve himself.’” After three days of screaming, crying and fighting, Ian had consumed nothing but water. “I wave the white flag,” says Rushton. “I feel like I’ve failed. I don’t know how because my other two eat normally. But we just don’t know what else to do.”
Rehab Program: What to do, advises Ellyn Satter, the Wisconsin author of How to Get Your Kid to Eat…But Not Too Much, is follow this principle: “Parents are responsible for the what, when and where of feeding, children for the how much and whether of eating.” Don’t cater. Don’t wheedle, coerce or threaten. “Have faith in the child, set him up in a situation that is supportive of him and let him rise to the occasion,” says Satter. Come mealtime, serve a variety of foods, including one or two items your child is comfortable with. Then let him do his eating, while you do yours. Period. “Making, and sticking, with this change takes a leap of faith and steady nerves,” says Satter. So don’t go it alone. Find someone, like a nutritionist or dietitian, who understands feeding dynamics and turn to them whenever you feel the urge to backslide.
The Verdict: Good news! Even hardened foodphobes can reform, but not immediately. It can take months of exposure before your child even considers putting a new food in his mouth. Longer until he’s willing to chew. In the meantime, keep plenty of napkins handy and teach junior how to spit discreetly.
3. The Bad Influence
Modus Operandi: Give this character a toehold at your table and she’ll quickly convert the most adventurous eater into a picky pain. She’s recognized by her crinkled nose and unusual speech pattern, which is interspersed with cries of “Ewww!” and “Gross!”
Case in Point: Two-year-old Sean loves his older sister, Breanne, nine. He especially loves it when she plays Monkey See, Monkey Do at the dinner table. “Sometimes she’ll hold her nose while she’s eating something she doesn’t like — like beans,” says Cold Lake, Alta., mom Aleea Edwards. Then Sean, who loves beans, does the same. “Or she’ll blurt out, ‘I don’t like this. It’s disgusting.’ And he’ll parrot: ‘I don’t like dis. It’s disgusting.’” Edwards is concerned Breanne’s pickiness might spread to her son, relegating mom to the role of short-order cook. “At the moment, Sean’s open to pretty much anything. And I’d like it to stay that way.”
Rehab Program: The first step to remedying this problem, believes Satter, is for parents to look inward. Ask yourself: Am I pressuring my older child to eat? Or encouraging her to be a good role model? “That in itself is a kind of pressure. Because being a good role model means, of course, your child has to eat.” If you’re satisfied you’re not pushing your gustatory trendsetter, it’s time for a chat. “She needs to be taken to one side and told she’s to come to the table, look things over, eat or not eat without comment,” says Satter. Then tell her if the rude remarks continue, she’ll be excused from the table until the next meal or snack time. “She can’t carry food with her or come back to the table. And that’s that.” If your child makes a real effort to improve, compliment her. But don’t go overboard. Simply say, “I can tell you’re really working on being polite.”
The Verdict: If you’re tired of spending mealtimes listening to your child dis your dishes, it might be time to review the consequences for disorderly conduct.
4. The Turtle
Modus Operandi: Watch out! Slow and steady might win the race, but this sluggish muncher takes so long to get the job done, his parents often lose patience — or fall asleep — long before he crosses the finish line.
Case in Point: Waiting for five-year-old Sebastian to finish eating is like waiting for the bus on a cold winter day, says Edmonton mom Melanie Michaud. “Seems like it’ll never come.” There are days her son takes an hour to consume half a sandwich. “Once it’s time to eat, it’s like he forgets what he’s supposed to be doing.” Even Sebastian’s favourites, like macaroni and cheese, take forever to go down. “He’s smaller than other kids his age, so I worry about his weight.” As a result, Michaud often coaxes her son to eat. “I’ll say, ‘OK, put another bite in your mouth. Now chew.’ I feel like I’m always pestering him.”
Rehab Program: Once you’ve ensured your child can properly chew, swallow and digest his food — and that he’s not stalling to avoid chores — it’s probably time to chill out. “Some kids are simply not in a rush,” says Nieman. And that’s a good thing. “Many of the obese children we see wolf their food, don’t take time to chew it, to taste it, to feel its texture.” Of course, knowing your kid’s a model masticator doesn’t help when you’re frantic to get out the door. On those occasions, allow a reasonable amount of time to finish a meal, then remove your child’s plate. “But give fair warning.” If all else fails, Nieman suggests you challenge your child to chew each bite of food 20 times, and no more.
The Verdict: Don’t bother threatening to send this kid to bed without supper. It could turn your little turtle into a wolf, and then you’ll really have a problem on your hands.
5. The Snack Attacker
Modus Operandi: A master of disguise, this non-stop grazer is actually a sheep in kid’s clothing. Be careful: Turn your back for a minute and he’ll strip the pantry bare.
Case in Point: Pickering, Ont., mom Lisa Dart spends an inordinate amount of time herding her little flock of snackers away from the cupboards. “We constantly hear ‘I’m huuungry!’” says Dart of sons Christopher, eight, and Michael, five. The growlies hit particularly hard after school. “I give them a snack, like crackers and cheese or cut-up veggies to hold them off till dinner,” says Dart. “But half an hour later, they’re back in the kitchen begging for more.” Despite assertions of starvation, the boys never manage to finish a meal. “They always complain we serve them too much.” No sooner, however, are the supper dishes cleared than the snack monsters are back scrounging for “junk food” like cookies, crackers or chips. “It’s just not possible they’re hungry 24 hours a day.”
Rehab Program: “Many kids have no clue what real hunger feels like,” says Nieman, “because they’re always snacking.” Not only does the non-stop noshing limit a child’s ability to build up an appetite, it’s also a key factor in skyrocketing levels of childhood obesity. That’s why, in addition to three balanced meals a day, Nieman advocates limiting kids to a mid-morning and mid-afternoon snack. But make sure the munchies you dish out have staying power. “Imagine your child’s metabolism as a fire,” suggests Nieman. Feed it something like paper and you get a spurt of energy that soon wanes. So it goes when your kids chow down on snacks (or meals) loaded with refined carbohydrates, trans fats and sugar. To avoid roller-coaster blood sugar levels, serve snacks that are high in protein like hard-boiled eggs or a trail mix of nuts, raisins and low-fat granola. If kids come home from school especially ravenous, give them something substantial like a tuna sandwich. Then tell them the cupboards are off limits until dinner is served. (But don’t make them wait longer than three hours.)
The Verdict: If your kids complain about the scarcity of snacks, deliver this good news: Fresh produce is excluded from the no-more-than-two-snacks rule. Then hand ’em an apple.
6. The Experimenter
Modus Operandi: He may not wear a lab coat, but this table type is hot on the heels of a Nobel Prize in Ickiness. Problem is, he doesn’t care who — or what — he has to mess up in the process.
Case in Point: With four kids between the ages of three and 14, Kamloops, BC, mom Jane Smith has developed a laid-back attitude and a strong stomach. “Not much grosses me out.” It’s a good thing too because Smith’s three-year-old son, Luke, likes nothing better than to dissect his food. “He squishes beans and peas to see what pops out of them; rips open sandwiches to see what’s inside,” says Smith. “I guess if you can smell it and touch it before you taste it, it doesn’t seem so weird.” What about the mess? Smith figures it goes with the three-year-old territory. “Anything that lands on the carpet we let dry, then just vacuum it up. No big deal.”
Rehab Program: Feeding a child doesn’t have to be a big deal. In fact, says Satter, once you’ve put nutritious food on the table, your role is largely supportive. With toddlers, that means waiting and watching as your child picks up food and drops it, puts it in his mouth, then spits it out again. “It’s sensory exploration. The same thing as sand play and fingerpainting,” says Satter. “If you try to make a child be neat, that’s going to be a deterrent to their eating, and you’ll end up having struggles about that.” But don’t despair: Kids usually grow out of the up-to-their-elbows-in-it stage by the time they’re preschoolers. (Though they still use their fingers to push food onto their fork or pick something up to eat it.) Before you know it — around age 10 — your diminutive diner will have the coordination to fully master cutlery.
The Verdict: Knowledge, not neatness, is key to stress-free table time. Be realistic about your child’s capabilities, and breaking bread with him will be a pleasure, not a pain.
7. The Dinner Pest
Modus Operandi: The caption under this kid’s mug shot might read, “Warning! Has been known to poke, prod and provoke his siblings the minute mom or dad’s back is turned.” Resorts to protestations of innocence or crocodile tears in an attempt to avert punishment. Reproach with caution.
Case in Point: With three rambunctious
boys — Noah, six, Josh, seven, and Tyler, 12 — Mississauga, Ont., mom Barb Kruusi knows her family’s not likely to make the cover of Genteel Dining Monthly. She would, however, appreciate getting through a meal without her two youngest assaulting each other. “If Noah doesn’t want something, he puts it on Josh’s plate, then Josh gets mad and throws it back, then they whack each other.” Kruusi has tried seating the squabbling siblings on either side of Tyler, but even big brothers have limits. Take the day Josh repeatedly bumped Tyler’s elbow, despite requests to cease and desist. When Josh persisted, Tyler fired off a meatball missile. “It hit Josh smack dab in the middle of the forehead, rolled down his shirt and onto the floor.” Sighs an exasperated Kruusi: “I work all day. I don’t need this.”
Rehab Program: “Siblings do fight sometimes,” says Nieman. “Often it’s playful, but when things get out of hand, that’s when parents have to intervene.” Those occasions aside, Nieman believes regular table dust-ups can be symptomatic of a bigger problem. “Namely, not having established minimum standards of conduct for our children.” If your home feels like a training ground for WrestleMania, time to review the golden rule. “Say: In this house we treat others as we wish to be treated, and here’s what that means.” Once house rules are established, enforce them. “If the child acts up at the table, interrupt what’s happening, take him into another room and give him a stern warning.” If the behaviour continues, issue a time out or ask the offender to leave the table. Be consistent in your expectations, and eventually your kids will use mealtime for bonding, not brawling.
The Verdict: Just forget about encouraging these ruffians to practise their manners in case they get invited to dinner at Buckingham Palace. You’ll have better luck telling them to straighten up and dine right or they’ll do a stint in solitary.
Message edited 9/23/2006 7:29:21 AM.
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