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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7789 total posts
Name:
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WWYD
My BFF is like a sister to me. We have always been super close. Every year we would go away on multiple vacations together but now that we both have families, its less. However, we have always continued to do a summer share house and a few other weekend trips.
Last summer, when we were at the share house, it became VERY apparent that her DH is lazy AF. He does absolutely nothing to help with anything. That's her cross to bare but meanwhile, my DH felt bad for BFf and would help shlep all their crap to the beach while her DH scrolled his phone and napped. They have one kid who is an absolute brat. My BFF is a gentle parenter so all we did was watch her kid tantrum and slap her mother all week. Good times!
Fast forward, BFF asked me to give the deposit for the summer house last month which I did. Time allows you to forget the bad. Right now, we are away skiing with them. Well, all the memories have come back in full force. I don't think I can do a summer house with them. I love my BFF to death. I love her DH as well but my DH should not be busting his ass for their family (carrying ski gear, beach chairs, sand toys, etc.) while he is chillaxing. And he's the type of guy that if you say something, he will get super pissed. I know this sounds horrible, but the kid is insufferable. I know it's not her fault but it's a lot. And as a mom to 3, I have a high threshold for BS.
How do I get out of doing this share house without hurting BFF's feelings? I just can't stomach the thought of spending my summer vacation dealing with this circus. Not to mention, DH will probably divorce me if his back isn't broken from being their mule all week.
How do I back out???
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Posted 1/20/24 3:43 PM  |
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Christine2
LIF Adult
Member since 2/09 1216 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD
Can you get your deposit back at this point? If it is not too late, the best thing is to make up a money excuse. Just say it is too much since you have some unforseen expenses. You can also say you have other family obligations this summer. Or maybe summer camp for the kids instead (say that they want to be with their besties?) Perhaps you can go but you don't have to share the same house? You can say your kids want their own space?
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| Posted 1/20/24 9:43 PM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7612 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
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WWYD
Can you suggest a weekend girls trip instead of a family trip? You can say your husband can’t get off of work or something.
I have a friend whose husband can be difficult. We just make sure to only do girl things - no kids, no husbands.
Message edited 1/22/2024 6:11:41 AM.
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| Posted 1/21/24 8:51 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9508 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD
How long is the summer share house? Is this like a week or two or is it an all summer share?
If it's just a week or two I would probably suck it up and since you are going in with your eyes wide open maybe it will be a little more bearable. Just do not let you husnand help her out all the time. Say something to the other husband like "hey bob, joe's got his hands full right now. Would you mind helping us down to the beach with all this stuff?"
We have a summer house and I find myself cutting our time there shorter and shorter because we are hosting and it becomes a lot constantly doing things for others. But I have also found some families travel well together and some do not. It stinks if you and your friends family do not, but as a PP suggested then maybe it's time to just go back to a couple of girls weekends or maybe a couples trip where you leave the kids at home.
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| Posted 1/21/24 12:09 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7272 total posts
Name:
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WWYD
I would eat the deposit and get Covid.
I also love my bff to pieces (like a sister) but I can only take so much family time with her. She has 3 very rambunctious kids, one of whom is a toddler terror and she cannot control any of them. When we go to her house my husband ends up entertaining at least 2 of our 4 collective kids and I end up preparing whatever it is we’re going to eat. She jokes I’m afraid of her house and she’s not really wrong. I love her and I love her children I’m just not cut out for the accompanying chaos.
I cannot fathom a vacation with them. I would need to be medicated.
Message edited 1/21/2024 8:48:31 PM.
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| Posted 1/21/24 8:46 PM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7789 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD
Posted by LuckyStar
I would eat the deposit and get Covid.
I also love my bff to pieces (like a sister) but I can only take so much family time with her. She has 3 very rambunctious kids, one of whom is a toddler terror and she cannot control any of them. When we go to her house my husband ends up entertaining at least 2 of our 4 collective kids and I end up preparing whatever it is we’re going to eat. She jokes I’m afraid of her house and she’s not really wrong. I love her and I love her children I’m just not cut out for the accompanying chaos.
I cannot fathom a vacation with them. I would need to be medicated.
Hahaha! We had another friend in the house who is childless and last year she got Covid as we were leaving to go and I was convinced it was because she was like F this sh!t show. 
So you are my BFF in this situation because I am sure my house gives her anxiety. It's very loud chaos although we have control on our kids. But that's from all the yelling. LOL We are not perfect either.
I spoke to my DH about this and he, to my surprise, is actually against cancelling. He said its a tradition and the kids love it. He said he is just going to not help them out (which I do not believe because 1. that is not in his nature and 2. there is no way he will watch BFF struggle to carry all the crap to the beach while he sits on a chair). I approached the kids about changing it up this year and they were very upset about it. I think I am going to have to suck it up. I'll bring an extra bottle of tequila.
The idea of just sticking to girls trips is a good one. We still have a blast together but her family is very demanding on her so her fun time is limited when we are away.
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| Posted 1/22/24 8:38 AM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17789 total posts
Name:
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WWYD
That is great your husband is all for it - my husband would have said no way before I even did!
I do find it is hard getting together with friends kids as everyone parents differently. We try to do either girls trips or couples trips with my closest friends (but there is one husband the other husbands dont really care for).
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| Posted 1/22/24 10:01 AM |
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Re: WWYD
Sorry, but if there is no discipline, it IS her fault.
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| Posted 1/22/24 12:40 PM |
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StaceyWill
It's a girl!!!
Member since 6/10 21536 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: WWYD
Posted by lululu
If it's just a week or two I would probably suck it up and since you are going in with your eyes wide open maybe it will be a little more bearable. Just do not let you husnand help her out all the time. Say something to the other husband like "hey bob, joe's got his hands full right now. Would you mind helping us down to the beach with all this stuff?"
ITA with this!!
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| Posted 1/22/24 1:22 PM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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WWYD
I saw your update about going because the rest of your family wants to, but maybe you can hide when things get overwhelming. Take a long bathroom break, play with your kids in another part of the house or outside, etc. That's usually what I do when my bf's kids get too much for me.
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| Posted 1/22/24 2:35 PM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7789 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD
Posted by StaceyWill
Posted by lululu
If it's just a week or two I would probably suck it up and since you are going in with your eyes wide open maybe it will be a little more bearable. Just do not let you husnand help her out all the time. Say something to the other husband like "hey bob, joe's got his hands full right now. Would you mind helping us down to the beach with all this stuff?"
ITA with this!!
Last year, BFF asked her DH to go help my DH with the coolers and his response was "he has sons who can help."  I had to point out that my oldest son was on crutches. My other kids are little. So this is what I am dealing with...LAZY and does not like to be asked/told what to do.
To be clear, when we are hanging out regularly, I love the guy. He's a lot of fun. Not the best DH, but that's not my business or my problem.
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| Posted 1/22/24 11:26 PM |
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nycbuslady
LIF Adult
Member since 9/15 1063 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD
Posted by FirstMate
Posted by StaceyWill
Posted by lululu
If it's just a week or two I would probably suck it up and since you are going in with your eyes wide open maybe it will be a little more bearable. Just do not let you husnand help her out all the time. Say something to the other husband like "hey bob, joe's got his hands full right now. Would you mind helping us down to the beach with all this stuff?"
ITA with this!!
Last year, BFF asked her DH to go help my DH with the coolers and his response was "he has sons who can help." I had to point out that my oldest son was on crutches. My other kids are little. So this is what I am dealing with...LAZY and does not like to be asked/told what to do.
To be clear, when we are hanging out regularly, I love the guy. He's a lot of fun. Not the best DH, but that's not my business or my problem.
OMG! I would be so upset if my husband acted like that!
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| Posted 1/23/24 9:11 AM |
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StaceyWill
It's a girl!!!
Member since 6/10 21536 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: WWYD
Posted by nycbuslady
Posted by FirstMate
Posted by StaceyWill
Posted by lululu
If it's just a week or two I would probably suck it up and since you are going in with your eyes wide open maybe it will be a little more bearable. Just do not let you husnand help her out all the time. Say something to the other husband like "hey bob, joe's got his hands full right now. Would you mind helping us down to the beach with all this stuff?"
ITA with this!!
Last year, BFF asked her DH to go help my DH with the coolers and his response was "he has sons who can help." I had to point out that my oldest son was on crutches. My other kids are little. So this is what I am dealing with...LAZY and does not like to be asked/told what to do.
To be clear, when we are hanging out regularly, I love the guy. He's a lot of fun. Not the best DH, but that's not my business or my problem.
OMG! I would be so upset if my husband acted like that!
WOW!! That would piss me off so much! Sorry you have to deal with this crap...Does your DH get pissed?
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| Posted 1/23/24 11:14 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9508 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD
Posted by FirstMate
Posted by StaceyWill
Posted by lululu
If it's just a week or two I would probably suck it up and since you are going in with your eyes wide open maybe it will be a little more bearable. Just do not let you husnand help her out all the time. Say something to the other husband like "hey bob, joe's got his hands full right now. Would you mind helping us down to the beach with all this stuff?"
ITA with this!!
Last year, BFF asked her DH to go help my DH with the coolers and his response was "he has sons who can help." I had to point out that my oldest son was on crutches. My other kids are little. So this is what I am dealing with...LAZY and does not like to be asked/told what to do.
To be clear, when we are hanging out regularly, I love the guy. He's a lot of fun. Not the best DH, but that's not my business or my problem.
I can't even imagine someone acting like that. But I do wonder if YOU asked for help instead of your friend, how he would react.
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| Posted 1/23/24 12:50 PM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7789 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD
Posted by StaceyWill
Posted by nycbuslady
Posted by FirstMate
Posted by StaceyWill
Posted by lululu
If it's just a week or two I would probably suck it up and since you are going in with your eyes wide open maybe it will be a little more bearable. Just do not let you husnand help her out all the time. Say something to the other husband like "hey bob, joe's got his hands full right now. Would you mind helping us down to the beach with all this stuff?"
ITA with this!!
Last year, BFF asked her DH to go help my DH with the coolers and his response was "he has sons who can help." I had to point out that my oldest son was on crutches. My other kids are little. So this is what I am dealing with...LAZY and does not like to be asked/told what to do.
To be clear, when we are hanging out regularly, I love the guy. He's a lot of fun. Not the best DH, but that's not my business or my problem.
OMG! I would be so upset if my husband acted like that!
WOW!! That would piss me off so much! Sorry you have to deal with this crap...Does your DH get pissed?
My DH was livid when he found out, which was not until much later. DH wasn't there when it happened...thank God. My DH has a very a short fuse. When I said "he's on crutches!", he rolled his eyes and went and helped so DH didn't know about it until we came home from vacation.
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| Posted 1/25/24 10:57 AM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7789 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD
Posted by lululu
Posted by FirstMate
Posted by StaceyWill
Posted by lululu
If it's just a week or two I would probably suck it up and since you are going in with your eyes wide open maybe it will be a little more bearable. Just do not let you husnand help her out all the time. Say something to the other husband like "hey bob, joe's got his hands full right now. Would you mind helping us down to the beach with all this stuff?"
ITA with this!!
Last year, BFF asked her DH to go help my DH with the coolers and his response was "he has sons who can help." I had to point out that my oldest son was on crutches. My other kids are little. So this is what I am dealing with...LAZY and does not like to be asked/told what to do.
To be clear, when we are hanging out regularly, I love the guy. He's a lot of fun. Not the best DH, but that's not my business or my problem.
I can't even imagine someone acting like that. But I do wonder if YOU asked for help instead of your friend, how he would react.
Probably the same. He might not be as rude about telling me no but he would definitely make it known he was annoyed.
I always remind my BFF that he grew up being very catered to by his mother so she needs to stop the cycle because this is what happens.
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| Posted 1/25/24 11:07 AM |
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lpg21
LIF Infant
Member since 9/21 341 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD
I know you already said your DH wanted to go, but perhaps for following years you can suggest doing a different trip together where you can meet up at points, but are separated. For instance we did a Disney trip with DH's brother and family and we had our own rooms, and met up for a dinner here and there but otherwise did our own thing so we weren't around them 24/7.
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| Posted 1/28/24 1:12 PM |
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