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Hopefulmama
LIF Adult
Member since 4/14 1014 total posts
Name:
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UPDATE Question for single/divorced ppl
If you are in a relationship with someone you don’t live with - have you seen that person? I haven’t seen my SO since this started. We are distancing very seriously but I’m getting lonely. Just wondering what other people doing.
Update- this probably won’t surprise anyone who has followed my posts, but my boyfriend unexpectedly broke up with me today. 2.5 years gone in a 10 minute phone call. We had gotten into a fight two days ago bc I wanted to go see him and he was, I felt, ambivalent. We didn’t talk yesterday. And today he called and nonchalantly told me He was never coming back to NY, we never really knew each other, and we had no future. He was cruel and cold and I’m gutted and can’t even see a friend and get a hug.
Message edited 5/29/2020 7:37:23 PM.
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Posted 5/14/20 4:17 PM  |
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MC09
arrrghhh!!!!
Member since 2/09 5674 total posts
Name:
Me speaks pirate!
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Re: Question for single/divorced ppl
If you've been distancing and he's been distancing why can't you see each other? Even if it's 6 ft apart because you're worried. It may help lift your spirits just to see each other.
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| Posted 5/14/20 4:24 PM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7612 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
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Question for single/divorced ppl
My neighbor does not live with her BF but they still see each other regularly.
I think if you’re both socially distancing and taking proper precautions, it’s just like if you lived in the same house. My neighbor is actually an epidemiologist for the state.
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| Posted 5/14/20 4:27 PM |
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Hopefulmama
LIF Adult
Member since 4/14 1014 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for single/divorced ppl
Posted by MC09
If you've been distancing and he's been distancing why can't you see each other? Even if it's 6 ft apart because you're worried. It may help lift your spirits just to see each other.
He’s riding it out with his kids at his second home which is two hours away, so far for a social distance visit. But I think it’s time to make some kind of effort. I have broached this and he has balked. I dont want to force him to do something he thinks is unsafe but I’m starting to resent his lack of effort.
Also even though we are distancing, there are still some inherent risks - my son’s physical therapist comes to home (she wears a mask) and he goes to the grocery store since he is in the boondocks and deliveries take a while to get to him.
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| Posted 5/14/20 4:43 PM |
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JME78
LIF Adult
Member since 11/09 3672 total posts
Name:
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Question for single/divorced ppl
I know several people who are not living with their significant others, but they are seeing each other.
I don't see the problem with it- if one of you were a healthcare worker I can see being wary, but if you are both adhering to distancing, there should be little risk. If its not safe now, when will it be safe? Honestly I wouldn't worry about seeing someone in this circumstance. Your mental health is also important - I would be more worried about the mental toll being apart from my SO was taking rather than a very minor chance that your SO picked something up in the grocery store. Most people go to the grocery store and are fine.
Message edited 5/14/2020 4:51:14 PM.
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| Posted 5/14/20 4:50 PM |
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jaykaylol
LIF Infant
Member since 6/16 170 total posts
Name:
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Question for single/divorced ppl
my sister and her bf dont live together (both still live at home almost an hour drive from each other) - they are seeing each other for the 2nd time in two months today. both are WFH but other family members are in and out to work.
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| Posted 5/14/20 4:51 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Question for single/divorced ppl
Posted by JME78
I know several people who are not living with their significant others, but they are seeing each other.
I don't see the problem with it- if one of you were a healthcare worker I can see being wary, but if you are both adhering to distancing, there should be little risk. If its not safe now, when will it be safe? Honestly I wouldn't worry about seeing someone in this circumstance. Your mental health is also important - I would be more worried about the mental toll being apart from my SO was taking rather than a very minor chance that your SO picked something up in the grocery store. Most people go to the grocery store and are fine.
I agree. I know several single people who still see their SOs regularly even though they don't live together.
The one couple i know who does not is because she is undergoing treatment for an illness and is immunocompromised due to her meds
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| Posted 5/14/20 5:08 PM |
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Christine2
LIF Adult
Member since 2/09 1216 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for single/divorced ppl
The ones I know who are in relationships have been seeing each other as they normally have.
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| Posted 5/14/20 5:16 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9508 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for single/divorced ppl
I’m not single but if I was yes, I would be seeing my boyfriend. Unless you are high risk there is no reason to be afraid of getting COVID.
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| Posted 5/14/20 5:19 PM |
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mrsrainbow
LIF Adult
Member since 1/17 1465 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for single/divorced ppl
If you're both quarantining seriously and the people you are quarantining with are as well (meaning, children are not seeing anyone else either, children being exposed to other people make me worried because who knows who is exposed but asymptomatic) then I would be OK with seeing each other.
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| Posted 5/14/20 5:33 PM |
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Hopefulmama
LIF Adult
Member since 4/14 1014 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for single/divorced ppl
My children haven’t seen anyone except me, and their father (and his parents, who he lives with). Despite my oft-stated frustration with this extended stay at home order, we have been following it diligently. The big risk is the PT who goes to several households. She didn’t come for weeks, but my son has cerebral palsy and was started to experience joint problems.
My BF left for the hills literally a week before schools closed. Pulled his kids out. I thought he was crazy and we got into a big fight lol. Guess he wasn’t so crazy!
Neither of us want covid. We feel the long term effects are all too unknown. I’m worried about PMIS now. But I would be willing to see him bc I still perceive the risk as low. He is not yet ready to do the same.
Not sure at what point I should push him on it.
Message edited 5/14/2020 6:11:42 PM.
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| Posted 5/14/20 6:11 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Question for single/divorced ppl
Posted by Hopefulmama
My children haven’t seen anyone except me, and their father (and his parents, who he lives with). Despite my oft-stated frustration with this extended stay at home order, we have been following it diligently. The big risk is the PT who goes to several households. She didn’t come for weeks, but my son has cerebral palsy and was started to experience joint problems.
My BF left for the hills literally a week before schools closed. Pulled his kids out. I thought he was crazy and we got into a big fight lol. Guess he wasn’t so crazy!
Neither of us want covid. We feel the long term effects are all too unknown. I’m worried about PMIS now. But I would be willing to see him bc I still perceive the risk as low. He is not yet ready to do the same.
Not sure at what point I should push him on it.
If he's not comfortable with it, I'm not sure pushing it will do any good and may just cause an argument.
The last thing you need right now is more stress from fighting with someone.
It sucks I know.
But you both have to be equally ok with it.
Otherwise he'll be uncomfortable the whole time and it will be strained
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| Posted 5/14/20 6:22 PM |
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bunnyluck
LIF Adult
Member since 1/14 3196 total posts
Name:
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Question for single/divorced ppl
H
Message edited 5/14/2020 6:42:38 PM.
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| Posted 5/14/20 6:34 PM |
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bunnyluck
LIF Adult
Member since 1/14 3196 total posts
Name:
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Question for single/divorced ppl
At first we were. Then we weren't because I got scared, now we are...Honestly, I'm at the point where I ask myself, if not now, then when? Like when will it ever be 100% risk free? Am I suppose to wait for a vaccine? We're both socially distancing as much as possible and just because we don't live together isn't reason enough to forego seeing each other. Like what about married couples who take turns going to the supermarket? Or essential workers? What's the difference? I struggled with it for a while, but honestly, being isolated with 2 small kids completely alone was sending me down a dark spiral. My mental health was seriously on the decline. I couldn't do it anymore. So I see him and I see my mother as well (who lives two houses down the block). It is what it is. I obviously don't want to infect strangers but I can't live in complete solitude any longer either. So I respectfully do my best..
This truly, truly sucks for single people and single parents. Like complete isolation, basically solitary confinement, is ridiculous to expect. I do my absolute best to play my part in public (which is rare - I mostly order through Instacart), mask up, remain 6 ft apart. But in my home, I need another adult to connect with in person. I felt guilty about it at first, but now I am ok with admitting that it's not normal and doesn't feel right to be alone for months on end.
Message edited 5/14/2020 6:43:44 PM.
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| Posted 5/14/20 6:34 PM |
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Hopefulmama
LIF Adult
Member since 4/14 1014 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for single/divorced ppl
Posted by bunnyluck
At first we were. Then we weren't because I got scared, now we are...Honestly, I'm at the point where I ask myself, if not now, then when? Like when will it ever be 100% risk free? Am I suppose to wait for a vaccine? We're both socially distancing as much as possible and just because we don't live together isn't reason enough to forego seeing each other. Like what about married couples who take turns going to the supermarket? Or essential workers? What's the difference? I struggled with it for a while, but honestly, being isolated with 2 small kids completely alone was sending me down a dark spiral. My mental health was seriously on the decline. I couldn't do it anymore. So I see him and I see my mother as well (who lives two houses down the block). It is what it is. I obviously don't want to infect strangers but I can't live in complete solitude any longer either. So I respectfully do my best..
This truly, truly sucks for single people and single parents. Like complete isolation, basically solitary confinement, is ridiculous to expect. I do my absolute best to play my part in public (which is rare - I mostly order through Instacart), mask up, remain 6 ft apart. But in my home, I need another adult to connect with in person. I felt guilty about it at first, but now I am ok with admitting that it's not normal and doesn't feel right to be alone for months on end.
This 100 percent. It he won’t start seeing me then I am going to start seeing my mother. I need a buddy lol. The loneliness is not bearable much longer.
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| Posted 5/14/20 7:05 PM |
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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11486 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
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Re: Question for single/divorced ppl
I am in a similar situation. I haven’t seen my SO in over 2 months. He was living with me part time or more when he was in my city.
I am still on the fence about a meetup with him in the park next week.
I have been as serious about distancing as I have. He still has to go to work all over the state, so he has been traveling. He is also staying with his mother at the moment.
We have been having major issues since this started. It’s too much to not see each other for over two months, but at least I am seeing how he reacts in a serious situation. I don’t like it one bit.
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| Posted 5/15/20 1:22 AM |
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JandJ1224
Member since 6/06 5911 total posts
Name:
Jannette
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Re: Question for single/divorced ppl
Posted by Hopefulmama
My children haven’t seen anyone except me, and their father (and his parents, who he lives with). Despite my oft-stated frustration with this extended stay at home order, we have been following it diligently. The big risk is the PT who goes to several households. She didn’t come for weeks, but my son has cerebral palsy and was started to experience joint problems.
I imagine being in your situation is very difficult. I think every contact has risks. For example if you had virus enter your house from your contact with your bf then your kids spend time with their dad and grandparents who dad lives with they could spread it to grandparents. Your decision could impact their health.
I think if there were no pre-existing conditions and no older population involved it would be easier to say take the risk.
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| Posted 5/15/20 4:50 AM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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Question for single/divorced ppl
We see each other almost every day. We’re both completely social distancing, and so are our exes. So I’m at my bf’s house the entire week we both have our kids, and the week that we’re kid-free, I go home to work and come back at dinner time. I think it’s really helped me to be around another adult and to be able to go between 2 houses. It’s also helped my son because he’s an only and he gets to play with other kids.
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| Posted 5/15/20 5:22 AM |
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Hopefulmama
LIF Adult
Member since 4/14 1014 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for single/divorced ppl
Posted by JandJ1224
Posted by Hopefulmama
My children haven’t seen anyone except me, and their father (and his parents, who he lives with). Despite my oft-stated frustration with this extended stay at home order, we have been following it diligently. The big risk is the PT who goes to several households. She didn’t come for weeks, but my son has cerebral palsy and was started to experience joint problems.
I imagine being in your situation is very difficult. I think every contact has risks. For example if you had virus enter your house from your contact with your bf then your kids spend time with their dad and grandparents who dad lives with they could spread it to grandparents. Your decision could impact their health.
I think if there were no pre-existing conditions and no older population involved it would be easier to say take the risk.
This is a good point and it has guided my decision making until now. But with the virus not going anywhere anytime soon, how much do I owe my former in-laws? Do I owe them my relationship? My BF was sick the last week of feb and left for his cabin the first week of March so i literally haven’t seen him since February. Technically my ex’s home is a converted two family with two floors and two kitchens and bathrooms. He could distance from his folks if he wanted or had to.
It just brings up so many questions about social obligations. I am quarantined alone with a disabled child, if I have a social opportunity where I feel I could mitigate risk, do I really have to think about my former in-laws? I think when the time comes I will just tell my ex that I am starting to broaden my circles and he should consider distancing from his parents. Put it on him to protect them.
I just can’t see essentially ending my relationship out of further consideration for my former in-laws. I’ve forsaked all company for months as it is to protect them. And by the way, they never liked me ;).
Message edited 5/15/2020 9:02:20 AM.
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| Posted 5/15/20 8:55 AM |
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LiveItUp
Love my babies!
Member since 8/11 4096 total posts
Name:
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Question for single/divorced ppl
It could work the other way around though. Your ex or in laws could get it and pass it to your son, and then you could pass it to your SO's kids. Most kids get it mild, but theres always that chance they wouldn't, and I think it seems your SO is trying his hardest to keep his kids safe. I feel very bad for your situation, but I wouldn't push him if I were you until he feels truly comfortable.
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| Posted 5/15/20 2:19 PM |
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jlm2008
LIF Adult
Member since 1/10 5092 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for single/divorced ppl
Posted by Hopefulmama
Posted by JandJ1224
Posted by Hopefulmama
My children haven’t seen anyone except me, and their father (and his parents, who he lives with). Despite my oft-stated frustration with this extended stay at home order, we have been following it diligently. The big risk is the PT who goes to several households. She didn’t come for weeks, but my son has cerebral palsy and was started to experience joint problems.
I imagine being in your situation is very difficult. I think every contact has risks. For example if you had virus enter your house from your contact with your bf then your kids spend time with their dad and grandparents who dad lives with they could spread it to grandparents. Your decision could impact their health.
I think if there were no pre-existing conditions and no older population involved it would be easier to say take the risk.
This is a good point and it has guided my decision making until now. But with the virus not going anywhere anytime soon, how much do I owe my former in-laws? Do I owe them my relationship? My BF was sick the last week of feb and left for his cabin the first week of March so i literally haven’t seen him since February. Technically my ex’s home is a converted two family with two floors and two kitchens and bathrooms. He could distance from his folks if he wanted or had to.
It just brings up so many questions about social obligations. I am quarantined alone with a disabled child, if I have a social opportunity where I feel I could mitigate risk, do I really have to think about my former in-laws? I think when the time comes I will just tell my ex that I am starting to broaden my circles and he should consider distancing from his parents. Put it on him to protect them.
I just can’t see essentially ending my relationship out of further consideration for my former in-laws. I’ve forsaked all company for months as it is to protect them. And by the way, they never liked me ;).
I don't think anybody said you should end your relationship for your ex inlaws? I mean, you really shouldn't want to put them in harms way just as a person...but unless I have you m'ixed up with someone else, isn't your bf kind of been a jerk to you? Wasn't he the one that wanted you to throw him an expensive birthday party even though you are a single mom and he's very wealthy? And didn't he not want to go away on vacation not to spend money on you, wanted you to just go to his cabin but was taking like 17 people on a yacht to Europe? And now you are saying that he took off to his vacation house in February with no thought to how his SO would be alone???I'm sorry , but I think this is a very good time to reevaluate this relationship. Im sure you are lonely and overwhelmed with your kids, especially one being special needs, but you don't need to settle for his scraps!!! You deserve better! Sorry, I know this wasn't anything you asked, but your posts about your BF make me so angry for you.
Edited because I said like 15 times for some reason.
Message edited 5/15/2020 6:21:52 PM.
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| Posted 5/15/20 4:51 PM |
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