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Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

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newlywedT
LIF Adolescent

Member since 9/11

674 total posts

Name:

Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

For some reason DD (5 years old) has been saying that she hates her nose and that it makes her look ugly.
I've asked "who said that?/did someone say it?"
She said she is saying it. (maybe I phrased the question wrong)
Not sure if she heard it from school or whatever.

I've tried telling her that her nose is pretty, but she still repeats it.
I've even told her: "you have the same nose as daddy and daddy is very good looking" she says "your nose makes you pretty but mine makes me ugly"

She has an ENT appointment in a few weeks to check on her enlarged adenoids and tonsils - is it wrong if I tell the receptionist to put this note on top of her file so the doctor will see it:
"My daughter has been saying she hates her nose and it makes her ugly, when you examine her can you say she has a nice nose and it makes her pretty"

Posted 11/20/19 12:39 PM
 
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!

Member since 5/05

19012 total posts

Name:
L

Re: Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

Yes, if you think it will help her now.

Posted 11/20/19 12:48 PM
 

LuckyStar
LIF Adult

Member since 7/14

6575 total posts

Name:

Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

I have lot of doctor friends and I’m pretty sure they would all happily oblige.

I don’t know if you have to be that specific but you could tell the receptionist what you wrote in your post and see if they’d ask the doctor if they would mind saying something.

Posted 11/20/19 12:49 PM
 

shadows
LIF Adult

Member since 1/10

4625 total posts

Name:

Re: Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

I’m no doctor - but if I were - I’d be more than happy to do this. I think it’s definitely fine!

Posted 11/20/19 1:13 PM
 

BaysideForever
LIF Adult

Member since 1/11

9897 total posts

Name:

Re: Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

YES!

My daughter is very small for her age and bullied for her size. At the same time she is a very confident little girl and doesn't seem to mind being small only in certain instances does she feel bad about it (like recess and gym and anything where her little legs cant keep up). Well, they wanted her to go to the endocrinologist for growth testing and I specifically found a doctor who is small herself and told her I don't want this to be emphasized as a "problem" or for anything to make her feel that her size is "wrong" and to just emphasize "being healthy" and "checking" on things. She complied and so far, so good.

Posted 11/20/19 1:48 PM
 

newlywedT
LIF Adolescent

Member since 9/11

674 total posts

Name:

Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

I wrote this on a post it note:
"For some reason since the last visit my daughter has been saying she hates her nose and it makes her ugly. Can you say something like 'you have a nice/pretty nose' "

I gave it to the receptionist and asked her to put it on DD's file so the doctor will see it.
He later came into the room (and I saw the post it on the front of her chart)

He did not saying anything about her nose.

Oh well.
He is highly rated as a doctor though - his waiting room is full of awards and "Top 10 doctor 2015, 16....2018" from NY Magazine and so on.
*shrug*

Posted 12/12/19 2:24 PM
 

Tulip9
LIF Adolescent

Member since 2/14

512 total posts

Name:

Re: Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

Posted by newlywedT

I wrote this on a post it note:
"For some reason since the last visit my daughter has been saying she hates her nose and it makes her ugly. Can you say something like 'you have a nice/pretty nose' "

I gave it to the receptionist and asked her to put it on DD's file so the doctor will see it.
He later came into the room (and I saw the post it on the front of her chart)

He did not saying anything about her nose.

Oh well.
He is highly rated as a doctor though - his waiting room is full of awards and "Top 10 doctor 2015, 16....2018" from NY Magazine and so on.
*shrug*



that's shame and just to let you know a lot of those awards like top doc- they pay to get so don't put too much stock in that

Posted 12/12/19 2:40 PM
 

newlywedT
LIF Adolescent

Member since 9/11

674 total posts

Name:

Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

>
that's shame and just to let you know a lot of those awards like top doc- they pay to get so don't put too much stock in that
>

Really? I did not know that.
I thought those were actually the top 10 doctors in NYC.

wtf so their criteria is actually "Top 10 payments by doctors" ?

Posted 12/12/19 2:56 PM
 

LuckyStar
LIF Adult

Member since 7/14

6575 total posts

Name:

Re: Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

Posted by Tulip9

Posted by newlywedT

I wrote this on a post it note:
"For some reason since the last visit my daughter has been saying she hates her nose and it makes her ugly. Can you say something like 'you have a nice/pretty nose' "

I gave it to the receptionist and asked her to put it on DD's file so the doctor will see it.
He later came into the room (and I saw the post it on the front of her chart)

He did not saying anything about her nose.

Oh well.
He is highly rated as a doctor though - his waiting room is full of awards and "Top 10 doctor 2015, 16....2018" from NY Magazine and so on.
*shrug*



that's shame and just to let you know a lot of those awards like top doc- they pay to get so don't put too much stock in that



I came on to say the same. It’s bs. If I see too many of those in an office it’s an immediate red flag to me. If you have to pay for your accolades, you can’t be all that remarkable.

Posted 12/12/19 3:00 PM
 

newlywedT
LIF Adolescent

Member since 9/11

674 total posts

Name:

Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

But the award comes from New York Magazine.
I assumed it would be impartial based on whatever criteria they used and not like buying an advertisement.

Like People Magazine's Sexiest Man of the Year or Time Magazine's Person of the Year - they selected the person based on their criteria, the person did not pay for a spot.

Posted 12/12/19 3:08 PM
 

GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!

Member since 11/06

25882 total posts

Name:
Shawn

Re: Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

https://www.propublica.org/article/top-doctors-award-journalist
https://slate.com/technology/2006/06/what-s-wrong-with-magazine-best-doctor-lists.html

http://nymag.com/health/bestdoctors/2017/doctors-who-decides-2017-05/
NY Magazine gets the list from a 3rd party.

Posted 12/12/19 4:08 PM
 

newlywedT
LIF Adolescent

Member since 9/11

674 total posts

Name:

Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

thought about this the other day and it still bothers me.

freaking doctor saw the note and choose to ignore it.

Posted 2/21/20 1:24 PM
 

Sash
Peace

Member since 6/08

9359 total posts

Name:
fka LIW Smara

Re: Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

Posted by newlywedT

thought about this the other day and it still bothers me.

freaking doctor saw the note and choose to ignore it.




Do you think the doctor maybe read it but forgot to say it during the checkup?

Or maybe felt uncomfortable saying it as male to an underage female patient especially in today’s climate? When I first read your post I didn’t think it was a big deal to request this to the doctor but I can see how this could be awkward.

I think if you or the reception would’ve spoke to him alone about it instead of a post it, it probably would’ve been a better approach to get a clear understanding of what is going on. Does she have an older aunt, uncle or cousin she admires that can compliment her nose? My sister has me talk to my nieces or give compliments when they are feeling subconscious. But the are still in the phase where they think I’m cool.

Message edited 2/21/2020 2:17:51 PM.

Posted 2/21/20 2:16 PM
 

Hopefulmama
LIF Adult

Member since 4/14

975 total posts

Name:

Re: Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

Posted by Sash

Posted by newlywedT

thought about this the other day and it still bothers me.

freaking doctor saw the note and choose to ignore it.




Do you think the doctor maybe read it but forgot to say it during the checkup?

Or maybe felt uncomfortable saying it as male to an underage female patient especially in today’s climate? When I first read your post I didn’t think it was a big deal to request this to the doctor but I can see how this could be awkward.

I think if you or the reception would’ve spoke to him alone about it instead of a post it, it probably would’ve been a better approach to get a clear understanding of what is going on. Does she have an older aunt, uncle or cousin she admires that can compliment her nose? My sister has me talk to my nieces or give compliments when they are feeling subconscious. But the are still in the phase where they think I’m cool.



I totally agree. Would be very inappropriate for male a doctor to tell a female patient, even a young girl, that’s she’s pretty. It’s also well outside the responsibility of the doctor. If you had asked him to reassure her that her nose was healthy and structurally normal, that’s one thing. But “nice” and especially “pretty” are inappropriate things to ask him to say.. doctors are trained to evaluate patients from a clinical distance and determined if tissue is healthy or diseased, not if it’s pretty or not. I worked in a pediatrician’s office for many years and they would not have honored this request.

Message edited 2/21/2020 3:06:53 PM.

Posted 2/21/20 3:02 PM
 

StaceyWill
It's a girl!!!

Member since 6/10

21072 total posts

Name:
Stacey

Re: Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

Posted by Hopefulmama

Posted by Sash

Posted by newlywedT

thought about this the other day and it still bothers me.

freaking doctor saw the note and choose to ignore it.




Do you think the doctor maybe read it but forgot to say it during the checkup?

Or maybe felt uncomfortable saying it as male to an underage female patient especially in today’s climate? When I first read your post I didn’t think it was a big deal to request this to the doctor but I can see how this could be awkward.

I think if you or the reception would’ve spoke to him alone about it instead of a post it, it probably would’ve been a better approach to get a clear understanding of what is going on. Does she have an older aunt, uncle or cousin she admires that can compliment her nose? My sister has me talk to my nieces or give compliments when they are feeling subconscious. But the are still in the phase where they think I’m cool.



I totally agree. Would be very inappropriate for male a doctor to tell a female patient, even a young girl, that’s she’s pretty. It’s also well outside the responsibility of the doctor. If you had asked him to reassure her that her nose was healthy and structurally normal, that’s one thing. But “nice” and especially “pretty” are inappropriate things to ask him to say.. doctors are trained to evaluate patients from a clinical distance and determined if tissue is healthy or diseased, not if it’s pretty or not. I worked in a pediatrician’s office for many years and they would not have honored this request.



I agree as well. Totally not the doctor's place to do that.
Your place; your family's place - yes. The doctor's place - no.

Posted 2/21/20 3:19 PM
 

Chai77
We are free of the don!

Member since 4/07

7350 total posts

Name:

Re: Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

No, I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to ask the doctor to say that. It’s not his place to comment on anyone’s appearance and you are putting him in an uncomfortable position.

Posted 2/22/20 7:20 PM
 

LuckyStar
LIF Adult

Member since 7/14

6575 total posts

Name:

Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

If the doctor objected to the word “pretty” he could have said perfect. I don’t think the OP was set on a specific word, just for the doctor to reassure her.

No, it’s not a doctor’s place. But most doctors, particularly those who choose to work with children, would have absolutely no problem making a child feel good about themselves.

Posted 2/22/20 7:25 PM
 

LastLightGlow
Mystic.

Member since 4/07

2626 total posts

Name:

Re: Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

.....

Message edited 3/29/2020 4:42:05 PM.

Posted 2/23/20 12:40 PM
 

lululu
LIF Adult

Member since 7/05

7604 total posts

Name:

Re: Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

Yeah sorry I agree with the above posters who say it’s inappropriate. I thought so at the time you originally posted but everyone was saying it was an okay thing to ask so I figured I must be wrong. I think the only doctors who should comment on appearance are cosmetic surgeons.

Posted 2/24/20 2:20 PM
 

jamnmore
LIF Adult

Member since 6/16

989 total posts

Name:

Re: Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

Posted by lululu

Yeah sorry I agree with the above posters who say it’s inappropriate. I thought so at the time you originally posted but everyone was saying it was an okay thing to ask so I figured I must be wrong. I think the only doctors who should comment on appearance are cosmetic surgeons.



Completely inappropriate.

Years ago, I went to a new dr. I have lost 300 pounds in my life. While I was at this new doctor. he made a comment along the lines of "for someone who lost 300 pounds you look pretty damn good"
I left and never returned. The whole thing completely skeeved me out and I would never return.

Posted 2/25/20 8:12 AM
 

Momma2015
Mommax2

Member since 12/12

6396 total posts

Name:

Re: Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

It's a pretty weird request. I wouldn't even think of asking the doctor to reassure my child of their good looks. Chat Icon

Posted 2/25/20 8:21 AM
 

Christine2
LIF Adult

Member since 2/09

1114 total posts

Name:

Re: Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

I see absolutely NO PROBLEM asking this request. A pediatric doctor with a good bedside manner should have no problem fulfilling this request. A strict clinician with no doctor-patient skills or human empathy might.

Posted 2/28/20 7:21 PM
 

TTCwithHope
LIF Infant

Member since 4/10

263 total posts

Name:
M

Re: Is this OK for me to say to the doctor?

...

Message edited 6/7/2020 7:21:52 AM.

Posted 3/1/20 6:33 AM
 
 

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