How to handle horrible boss?

I’m really struggling with my supervisor. I thought it was great at first - I work at a small nursing school and everyone seemed so nice and caring. But my boss started showing her ugly side about 4 months after I started last May. She hinted around about how my predecessor was bad by saying little things here and there and there was an admin person that she was rude to. But both of them really were incompetent (losing $7k checks, etc). My boss forced one to retire and phased the other’s job out (although both of them worked there over 7 years). Then she hired another person and was rude to her (but I also had issues with her bc she kept trying to get me to do her work).

As soon as the new person left on “leave of absence” in Nov, my bosses hate turned toward me. She had said things that felt like microagressions toward me before then (implying that my hair color wasn’t nice, asked if I ever thought of changing my hairstyle bc it would look nicer, etc), but now her behavior is causing me a lot of anxiety bc I never know if she’s going to be nice or nasty.

I can tell when she’s had a particularly bad day (whether it’s at work or personal) bc she’ll pick on me more than normal that day. Now she’s also started putting me in charge of minor projects with unattainable deadlines. I fear it’s to make a list of all my shortcomings and either give me a bad performance review in June so I don’t get a raise or to fire me.

I’ve been looking at the school for other jobs but nothing has come up that wouldn’t be a step back. Her harassment has gotten to the point that I might have to look outside higher ed (even though I’ve been in the field for 20 yrs).

There’s really no one I feel good about talking to to get the harassment to stop. She’s highly regarded by her higher ups and most of the stuff she’s said to me can be turned around in a way that it’s my fault. I think the main issue (other than she’s a b1tch) is that my personality is better suited to introverts like computer people and they’re all jump in ASAP nurses. I’ve made the changes that she asked me to do in my mid-year review, but every week she finds something else to point to me being “incompetent”.

Some examples - she gets bent out of shape if I’m not at work so I rarely take the time to go to regular dr appts. The one time I took 4 hrs off to go to the dentist, she yelled at me. Last Fri everyone but me was going to be out of town and of course that’s when my son decided to throw up all night and my ex is out of town. I was mortified that I couldn’t go to work and she set a meeting tomorrow to discuss it (even though it was out of my control). FYI - I have over 177 hours of time off I’ve accumulated bc I’m afraid she’ll yell at me about taking time off - and she still does when I take 4 hours.

Sorry - long winded but I’m hanging such a hard time dealing with this (especially on top of dealing with my separation and dad having cancer). How do you deal with an awful boss? I’m trying not to take it personally but I pride myself in being a good worker and she’s killing my confidence! I’m also trying my best not to get fired bc I’m a single parent but I really wish I could find a job I like asap!

How to handle horrible boss?

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I had a boss like this my first job out of college and it was a nightmare.
The school doesn’t have an HR department you could speak to? Even if you think the work issues will be turned around in you, she shouldn’t be making comments about your appearance or hairstyle.

Re: How to handle horrible boss?

Re: How to handle horrible boss?

You need to go to HR.
She is abusive. Comments about your hair color or hair style are way out of line and have nothing to do with your work performance.

I am assuming you have PTO. So, that means you can take the time off as necessary without having to be penalized. You shouldn't be afraid to go to the doctor or dentist when you need to. What happens when you take vacation time ? Is she still such a ****** about it ?

Go to HR. You need to stick up for yourself. You are not the problem, she is.

How to handle horrible boss?

I wonder if I can talk to HR, just to get it on record, and ask them not to do anything about it. But if my boss is working on firing me that there would be a complaint about her treatment on record.

Re: How to handle horrible boss?

Re: How to handle horrible boss?

I had a toxic supervisor years ago. I mentioned something to her supervisor (so the team boss) asking to work with someone else because I couldn't take working with her anymore and that backfired... was basically asked to step down by a certain date... in the end it was for the best. Not worth the stress, anxiety and dread of going into work each day.

Re: How to handle horrible boss?

Re: How to handle horrible boss?

Re: How to handle horrible boss?

Re: How to handle horrible boss?

How to handle horrible boss?

In most companies talking to HR wont do a damn thing. Sad but true. Id try to tough it out and look for something else. I am sorry your going through this. A bad boss can ruin everything about a working environment.

Re: How to handle horrible boss?

Re: How to handle horrible boss?

Re: How to handle horrible boss?

Re: How to handle horrible boss?

I had a boss like this. She was bipolar and initially was a nice person but soon flipped her Mr. Hyde switch. I quit.

I suspect your boss is pushing you to make you quit. She may have someone in the wings she wants to bring in.

Sorry you are dealing with this. You have every right to take time off, this isn't indentured servitude ffs!!!!

How to handle horrible boss?

That is horrible that she treats you that way. I would just deal with her cordially and look for another job asap.

How to handle horrible boss?

She set a meeting with me at 11am this morning to talk about some issues (one of them being when I couldn't come in last Friday b/c DS was throwing up all night). I'm not exactly sure what she thinks I could have done in that situation. I offered to come in a bring DS with me (and leave him in my office so he didn't come in contact with anyone) and she told me to stay home.

My mom told me to look at her with balloons on her head so I can get through the meeting ok, but there's a knot in my stomach from dread. I guess the worst that can happen is that she fires me (which would be awful b/c I don't know how to explain that away on my resume that I'm not currently employed). Other than being fired, even if she wrote something up to go in my record - I guess that doesn't matter if I'm trying to leave asap. It's just that I'm usually a great employee and I hate that she's undermined my confidence.

Re: How to handle horrible boss?

Re: How to handle horrible boss?

Good luck with your meeting today.
If you taking off last Friday was really an issue she would have addressed it right away rather than set up a meeting for Thursday to discuss it.
She's playing with you and your emotions! She is hoping that it will bother you all week thinking about it. Crazy woman with a little bit of power!
Obviously she must know that you don't take off a lot since you have so much time banked. And if not remind her of that. But you really should start taking the days. You don't want to loose them.
Maybe you're a challenge for her since she abused the others until they quit. For that reason alone you're stronger than you give yourself credit for and I bet she Thinks so too.
Stay strong!

How to handle horrible boss?

Definitely document it with HR. I doubt you keeping detailed journal will do anything in the event something does happen because it wasn't reported.

Re: How to handle horrible boss?

I have been in both corporate/private sector and education (I became a high school teacher at 29.)

I have had a couple of awful bosses. One was particularly horrendous - made someone cry daily, got people fired over nonsense, etc.

I don't think you want this answer but the only thing that I found that works is to get out. People aren't usually persuaded to change their behavior by subordinates.

The only thing that sort of alleviated it with the really awful boss that I had (besides taking PTO days and eating junk lol) was flattering him because his ego was enormous. I found a way to do it that I could sort of stomach until I was able to get out of there. But I couldn't live like that forever.

How to handle horrible boss?

Well, I didn't cry (although I came close). I didn't get fired (thankfully) but she did do an official write up that goes in my record.

I did get in trouble for being out b/c my son was sick. She said I should have called her at 1am instead of sending an email so she could have time to figure it out. And also said that I need to have emergency back up for cases like this.

She also said I'm not a team player - basically penalizing me b/c I don't ask her every 5 minutes if there's something I can do to help. She's annoyed b/c I never work after hours or on the weekend. I'm pretty quick with my work and there's never a need to work overtime (although I'm not going to say that to her b/c she has to work over time a lot).

The one that makes me really annoyed is that she basically said I need to stop seeing my therapist b/c it's disruptive to the team. I go once a week - on the weeks I *don't* have my son, I go after hours. On the weeks I *do* have my son, I come into work at 9:30. It only happens twice a month (every other week) and I take a 30 minute lunch so it more than makes up for my missing 1.5 hours. I know she's been bent out of shape about my appointments, but I've been dealing with a lot and I really value the appointments. So we agreed that after June 1 I would drop one appointment (and I'll just hope that I'm on my way out by then).

I almost laughed out loud when she said that she's not a micromanager!

I'm glad that's over and now I'm just going to keep searching for a job and hope I can get out of here before the annual review in July.

Edited to add: she didn't come out and tell me to stop seeing the therapist. She kept backtracking every time that came out of her mouth b/c she knows that's protected, but she tried to walk the fine line of telling me to stop and not getting in trouble if I complained to HR about it.

Message edited 4/19/2018 12:06:43 PM.

Re: How to handle horrible boss?

How did the meeting go?

Re: How to handle horrible boss?

There are lots of problems with this update:

1. Your boss is wrong because you have the right to use sick days to care for your sick kid and you shouldn't be written up about that. For something like this, I would go to HR to complain. Also, find out if there are procedures in place for calling in sick because being required to call her at 1 a.m. does not sound reasonable. (Limit your complaint to this one issue and don't bring up the other issues.)

2. I can't really say anything about the "team player" comment.

3. You do not have to disclose that you are seeing a therapist and, unless she specifically approved your adjusted schedule, she is right. Talk to your therapist about being more flexible with appointments (evening, etc.) because you are getting in trouble at work. If the therapist won't accommodate, get yourself a new therapist.

4. Will you get a copy of the report and will you have an opportunity to respond?

Message edited 4/19/2018 12:55:56 PM.