My friend had bad news today..

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Member since 11/05

1041 total posts

Name:
kristen

Re: My friend had bad news today..

Hugs to your friend Chat Icon but also hugs to you ..I feel so horrible for both of you. It is supposed to be such a happy time.. I worry that your friend may push you a way for a while..not intentionally but it will probably be very painful for her to see you..then baby shower, baptism, 1st bday will all be a reminder of the baby she lost..I'm sure in time she will come around..
For now I would mail her a very nice card..explaining that you will always be there for her..that you understand if she needs time etc.. and let her take the lead..
things will get better in time.

Posted 10/10/12 9:29 PM

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HelenZ
So worth the wait :)

Member since 10/07

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Name:
Helen

Re: My friend had bad news today..

Posted by MrsPJB2007

It's very sweet of you to want to do something but I would not show up at her house this wknd unless you are explicitly invited. She likely will need some time and space, particularly with someone who was just 1 day apart in the pregnancy. Maybe send a card, but I would probably not go there...at least I wouldn't visit for at least a week or two. Let her know you're there for her when she needs it between now and then.

Hey Dina, it's Helen :) Just wanted to chime in and say I completely agree w/ the above....I've had two losses and both times I was very upfront about not wanting ANY visitors. The 2nd loss I was a little more understanding about people wanting to come over, but it didn't make it any easier. That being said, I know who you are talking about (I wont' name names here...), and since I recently went through the exact same thing her and I have been in contact, my heart is breaking for her and I know there's really nothing you can say or do to "make it better"....so I would say no gifts are necessary, but if you decide to do anything maybe something as a momento for the baby. A good friend of mine sent me an angel wing and a charm to have engraved with whatever I wanted after our loss, and it was SO touching and thoughtful. I think something like that would be really sweet. I definitely would not stop over or even ask if it's okay to come over, b/c then that puts her in a weird place to have to tell you no if she's not comfortable with it (and then she'd have to deal with feelings of guilt for telling you not to come over!) and also it will make her more aware of where she *should* be right now in her pregnancy. I just figured I'd give you my 2 cents since I've been there, even though it is different for every person when they're grieving....but I personally had a hard time seeing pregnant friends/family/co-workers after my loss. It will get better and she'll be more receptive, but it's definitely hard in the beginning. FM me if you want to chat, and congrats on the pregnancy Dina!!! I think DH and I will be trying again next month for the first time post partum, so hopefully I'll be joining you on here soon! Chat Icon

Posted 10/10/12 11:46 PM

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HelenZ
So worth the wait :)

Member since 10/07

2862 total posts

Name:
Helen

Re: My friend had bad news today..

Posted by MommaDina

Thanks so much everyone ... her husband texted me last night that she wanted him to let me know what was going on but she was so devastated so i told them that we loved them and would give them space but to remember that we were here when she needed us. I feel horrible for her and anyone that had to go through this.

I'm so dopey I just realized you posted this last week not this week! doh!! So you probably don't need my advice anymore anyway....(I just realized the post was bumped from the recent reply!) I know this week must be so tough on her b/c now it's dealing with the reality of it all and it just plain sucks Chat Icon

Posted 10/10/12 11:53 PM

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LIgal2012
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Member since 10/12

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Name:
K

Re: My friend had bad news today..

ITA Im sorry for her loss :(((

Posted by StaceyWill

I would just give her space right now. Let her know you're there if she needs you.
I'm so sorry she's going through this.

Posted 10/11/12 8:26 PM

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MommaDina
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Member since 8/12

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Name:
DinaMarie

Re: My friend had bad news today..

It's ok Helen ... I'm sorry for your losses ... she has been texting me a lot and I told her I didnt want to bother her so I only text back if she initiates the conversation ... however yesterday I did send her a text to let her know I was thinking about her with a heart. She did make me cry with her first text the next day though she really is a sweet girl and I feel so bad for them and anyone that went through anything like this.
Good luck Chat Icon with the trying and hopefully you will join me on here soon!

And everyone else thank you for your kind words and suggestions ... I would have never of gone over with out her telling me to but I did send her a card.