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scared about making mommy friends

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EatingMyVeggies

Member since 1/12

6667 total posts

Name:

scared about making mommy friends

Dc is now starting school and I'm so anxious About making friends. These parents will be in our community until graduation and I know how important it is to build relationships.

I'm shy until people get to know me but I don't come off as shy. I feel awkward when trying to cultivate new friendships.

Anyone else relate?

I do hit it off with people because I'm down to earth and funny but I just get nervous.

Posted 9/4/12 10:06 AM
 
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Wendy
Wheeee!

Member since 5/05

13736 total posts

Name:

scared about making mommy friends

I hear ya! There's a little girl born two months before DD two houses down. The father grew up in the area (we live in the house DH grew up in) and went to school with DH. I am *still* awkward about forging relationship with these people!! (Even though I would love Ann to have a BFF in walking distance - she currently goes to daycare a few towns away). They will go to school together one day, getting on the school bus together on my corner Chat Icon

So I can totally relate.

I actually threw Ann's 3rd birthday party with all her daycare friends to initiate some contact for play friends (or mommy friends) but didn't really follow through with keeping contact (LOL) Chat Icon

I have to admit though, deep down I (DH too) am a total hermit!! I just keep thinking we need to break out of the box for Ann's sake! Chat Icon

Message edited 9/4/2012 11:06:37 AM.

Posted 9/4/12 11:04 AM
 

kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!

Member since 8/07

12475 total posts

Name:
Keri

Re: scared about making mommy friends

I'm the same way.


I'm afraid I come across as "stuck up" but really I'm just very self conscious and shy until I get to know people.

Sometimes I over compensate by babbling and I actually cringe internally when I hear myself going on and on about the silliest things Chat Icon

I recently tried to start a conversation with a woman at my friend's DD's birthday party. Her daughter went to dance with my friend's DD and I had just signed my DD up at the same school.

I said "I just signed my daughter up at the same dance school!" with a smile on my face. She just ignored me and walked away. Chat Icon

Talk about being shut down! Chat Icon

Posted 9/4/12 11:07 AM
 

2boys4me
He's coming soon!

Member since 4/10

4260 total posts

Name:

Re: scared about making mommy friends

Posted by kahlua716

I'm the same way.


I'm afraid I come across as "stuck up" but really I'm just very self conscious and shy until I get to know people.

Sometimes I over compensate by babbling and I actually cringe internally when I hear myself going on and on about the silliest things Chat Icon

I recently tried to start a conversation with a woman at my friend's DD's birthday party. Her daughter went to dance with my friend's DD and I had just signed my DD up at the same school.

I said "I just signed my daughter up at the same dance school!" with a smile on my face. She just ignored me and walked away. Chat Icon

Talk about being shut down! Chat Icon



Haha this is me! I'm so socially awkward and shy, it's so painful. It doesn't help that I sometimes stutter too but not like "ddddddddddid you hear?" I get a block where the word just won't leave my mouth, it's so frustrating because I just want to talk, there is just a big long pause and it's always on something like my name! They look at me like I'm an idiot for not knowing my own name. I just play it off like "rough morning" or "two kids under two, surprised I can even remember to get dressed" just to cover myself. I also babble like a moron or over share just trying to find something to talk about then go home and cringe.

Posted 9/4/12 12:08 PM
 

Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn

Member since 5/05

27567 total posts

Name:
Janice

Re: scared about making mommy friends

aww sort of same boat here. except i am too friendly and trying to tone down and slow down my roll to make school friends. i come off as stalkerish.

Chat Icon

Posted 9/4/12 12:30 PM
 

Goobster
:)

Member since 5/07

27557 total posts

Name:
:)

Re: scared about making mommy friends

I can relate. I always was a very friendly person but it's easy to become more isolated when you don't know many people where you live and dont have many opportunites to make friends until your DC starts school. Thats the boat I am in now and hoping to make some friends for my DD and myself.

Posted 9/4/12 12:52 PM
 

EatingMyVeggies

Member since 1/12

6667 total posts

Name:

scared about making mommy friends

It's so funny because my close friends would be shocked to know I have trouble with new people.


I think I hate that whole newness aspect....like, can I crack a joke now or should I wait? Should I censor myself? What if this person thinks I'm lame? How should I come off? I end up completely sanitizing my personality and I think I come off as dull..........and holding my deck of cards so close & not revealing the real me.

argh!! Well, I'm off to go to pre-k and meet the teacher & see the classroom with DC..............and will try not to be horribly awkward. Chat Icon Thanks!

Posted 9/4/12 1:00 PM
 

MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!

Member since 5/06

14562 total posts

Name:
Marisa

Re: scared about making mommy friends

DH is like this - He comes off as an arrogant snob .....but he's really just very uncomfortable around new people and TERRIBLE at making small talk ....

I could start a conversation with a brick wall - I don't censor myself (well, just my language) I am who I am, take it or leave it. I find at daycare the other kids will introduce (or announce) you to their parents - "MOM - that's SEAN's MOMMY !!" ......then you have to laugh the 'oh how cute' laugh and start talking about the kids and how they talk about each other or play or whatever .......ice broken -

The birthday party is also a good way to break the ice - with daycare it's a lot of drop off, pick up rushing and you recoginze people and say "hi" every day - but you don't actually know they're name (other than so and so's Mom/Dad) or find out that they're a Doctor, teacher, lawyer, married, divorced etc etc until you have 5 minutes to have an actual conversation -

Posted 9/4/12 1:57 PM
 

Adriana
LIF Infant

Member since 8/10

259 total posts

Name:
Adriana

Re: scared about making mommy friends

omg I take my 13month old dd to gymboree and I'm already thinking about how its going to be when she starts school!!! Chat Icon

Message edited 9/4/2012 2:00:50 PM.

Posted 9/4/12 2:00 PM
 

Ltdentway99
LIF Adult

Member since 9/06

1752 total posts

Name:

Re: scared about making mommy friends

I get social anxiety too, even though I don't appear that way. I learned that the best thing to do is walk in with a huge smile. Fake it till you make it. Chat Icon

Posted 9/4/12 3:38 PM
 

KarenAnthony
Baby Girl Coming in May!!!

Member since 10/07

3031 total posts

Name:
Karen

Re: scared about making mommy friends

I often feel as though other people are not open to making new friends (probably me being paranoid)..but i feel like most people already have so many friends and family that they aren't really open to it..sometimes i am scared of rejection too, so i do not initiate a playdate when i'd actually like to.


Posted 9/4/12 3:53 PM
 

EatingMyVeggies

Member since 1/12

6667 total posts

Name:

scared about making mommy friends

thank u all!
I think I did well today. Made an effort. We shall see!

Posted 9/4/12 4:05 PM
 

MrsProfessor
hi

Member since 5/05

14279 total posts

Name:

Re: scared about making mommy friends

Posted by Wendy

I have to admit though, deep down I (DH too) am a total hermit!! I just keep thinking we need to break out of the box for Ann's sake! Chat Icon



DH and I are the same way- we are both very introverted and get nervous about meeting new people- DD is the same which makes me feel terrible because I don't want her taking these cues from us. I've made friends through my book group and writing group but reaching out more puts me in a near-panic. Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 9/4/12 4:06 PM
 

JennyPenny
?

Member since 1/08

12702 total posts

Name:
Jen

scared about making mommy friends

I am the same way. I went to DD"s Pre-school transition day today where you meet the teacher and other parents. I dreaded it and was wishing DH could take off of work and come with me. I'm really good about talking when someone initiates conversation, but i'm pretty terrible at small talk. I also get nervous about stupid things- such as, where to park, what door to go in, should I bring her supplies...etc.

Posted 9/4/12 5:07 PM
 

lipglossjunky73
My Everything!

Member since 11/05

35670 total posts

Name:
<3

Re: scared about making mommy friends

I feel the same way.

When DS was in preK last year - I really made a lot of friends with the parents. We always talked when they played on the playground after school, and they were still too young to drop off for birthday parties so we all hung out and had a great time while the kids were doing their thing....

I don't even know if I will make friends this year, to be honest. I won't be dropping him off at SCOPE, he is being bussed to his PM Kindergarten class, and then staying after for after care, where parents come and go to pick up kids after work. Birthday parties will probably be drop off, so I doubt I will really be connected to anyone. I can't go to PTA meetings during the day, and who is going to want to socialize during meet the teacher night, parent-teacher conference, etc?

Posted 9/4/12 5:14 PM
 

bella321
Blessed!

Member since 3/09

1952 total posts

Name:
Kristy

Re: scared about making mommy friends

I'm naturally an anxious person and meeting new people doesn't help.

I've found that just getting out of the house ... the park, library, walking around the neighborhood with DS is great way to make new friends.

When I see another child, I say something like "Oh, he/she is so cute. How old is he/she?" Every parent loves an compliment and an easy question gets the conversation going.

Posted 9/4/12 8:19 PM
 

butterfly20
Party of 5 - 2015

Member since 4/06

7390 total posts

Name:

Re: scared about making mommy friends

yeah, me too..

we have a neighbor on our block, kid is same age as ds, their second kid will also be same age as our #2...

I guess I need to start breaking out of my shell. I just worry I'm going to shove my foot in my mouth.

Posted 9/4/12 9:39 PM
 

Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy

Member since 3/08

10420 total posts

Name:
Momx100

Re: scared about making mommy friends

When I was a new mom in NYC, I totally felt shy and nervous about making new friends. I felt so out of my comfort zone. The only mom friends I had were from one friend who was pregnant with me. If that mommy friend didn't invite me out, we probably wouldn't have had any new friends. I also had a lot of non-mommy friends so I think I didn't try at all to make mommy friends.

We moved to the DC area last year and I have tons and tons of mommy friends and acquaintances. I never joined any mom's clubs or even knew they existed in NYC. DC has many of them. Between the few clubs that I am in, we have multiple activity choices per day. We also get invited to a lot of birthday parties from preschool and the mom's clubs. You start seeing the same people at birthday parties and get invited to playdates, bbqs, etc.

Posted 9/4/12 9:50 PM
 

betty
My boys

Member since 5/05

4380 total posts

Name:
Beth

Re: scared about making mommy friends

My advice is don't push it too hard, just let it happen. Make small talk here and there and you'll find your matches. I have met some of my very good friends over the past year from school.

Posted 9/4/12 9:56 PM
 

Nic3
LIF Toddler

Member since 2/08

402 total posts

Name:
Maria

Re: scared about making mommy friends

Posted by betty

My advice is don't push it too hard, just let it happen. Make small talk here and there and you'll find your matches. I have met some of my very good friends over the past year from school.



I agree. This has always been my approach, and over the years, I have made wonderful friends this way, albeit slowly. I am a total contrast to my sister, who would meet people through the local PTA and months later, they were taking family vacations together?!?! Too close, too soon, I think. And I do think that that type of mommy closeness does seem to happen at a lot of schools. It actually seems forced to me when I see moms who didn't know each other a year ago air-kissing, "Love you girl friend!" in the parking lot. Weird, awkward, no thanks!
My pace isn't forced to go slowly - it is simply a natural progression.

Posted 9/5/12 3:27 AM
 
 

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