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Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult

Member since 5/05

13060 total posts

Name:
Ginger

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by beachgirl

Just two cents from a daughter of a mom who took care of several kids in our home after we had left to go to college. Even now when I go back to Visit my mom and run into any of these parents or these kids who are grown now they will always make remarks about what a good job my mother did in "raising" their kids!

My mom never asked for this role,she had raised 8 of her own so didnt need to raise anyone elses child but the parents themselves gave her this title.

I can see how this topic gets heated as no matter what we do as moms we have huge guilt over it. Look at me I work from home and take care of my DD and I feel guilty when I have to take calls during the day when my DD wants me to play with her.



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I would NEVER as a parent say that to a caregiver and don't think any of the moms I know would do that. I take the credit for my kids when they are good or bad.

Posted 4/10/07 12:04 PM
 
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CathyB

Member since 5/05

19403 total posts

Name:

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by hazeleyes33

I have to disagree with the firsts. The girls I work with who have children in daycare have always discussed how they did not want to miss the firsts but we NEVER feel we do. At the end of the day, I don't feel like I missed out of anything. Our day just continues from where we left off and I continue teaching them what they learned during the day. Personally I think anyone can miss a first even if you are with them all day. Just like a child can get hurt while you are watching them. Things happen even if you are there.



Totally agree with you on the firsts. I'm home with the kids pretty much all the time, I missed the first time my son crawled when I was at the grocery store. Chat Icon

Posted 4/10/07 12:06 PM
 

Bxgell2
Perfection

Member since 5/05

16438 total posts

Name:
Beth

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by Secretmama3

I do not know of any 2 year olds who are in nursery school. Nursery school programs do not start until age 3, before that, its pretty much a daycare setting.

Personally, for OUR FAMILY, its extremely important to me and to my husband that I am the one spending the most time with my children. I could not stomach the thought of someone else feeding, rocking, consoling, interacting with, and BONDING with my children while I was at work 8-10 hours a day.

Where would that leave me? I would get to wake my children up in the morning, drop them at daycare, go to work, pick them up, feed them dinner, put them to bed, and do it all again the next day?

No thank you.

I did not want someone else enjoying my childs moments while I was at work. The most heartbreaking thing in the world, was when my best friend called me in tears because her son had learned to walk while at daycare, and she was not there to see his first steps.




I tried to be fair and neutral in all of this, and while you might *feel* this way, just as I *feel* there are a variety of reasons why I don't think that staying at home with your child is either good for the child, or for the parent, I would NEVER, never explain all that in a post. What you said here was unnecessary and hurtful - there are times that you really should restrict what comes out of your mouth, or in this case, your fingers Chat Icon

Posted 4/10/07 12:10 PM
 

pmpkn087
Life is good...

Member since 9/05

18504 total posts

Name:
Stephanie

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by MichaelsMommy

I also felt upset when I read a lot of mom's stating they did not want anyone else "raising" their child... not being able to stay home with my son is a SORE subject for me and it will continue to be until I can stay home. It's not that I want to stay home because I want to RAISE him because I AM ALREADY raising him... he doesn't do things for anyone unless Mommy "approves", no joke! He won't even kiss or hug anyone hello unless I tell him it's okay, lol.

Anyway, my son is with his grandparents (my parents and inlaws take turns) when DH and I are working and in these 2 years, I have NEVER felt like they were "raising" him... so it really upsets me when people make it like if you don't stay home with your kid, you're not raising them. Chat Icon

This is a hard topic to discuss, because working mom's and sahm's will always think differently in terms of this. Believe me, if were able to, I'd stay home in a heartbeat, just to be with my son, I don't want to miss out on anything... but DH and I are the ones raising him 100%!

Don't feel bad about your choices, someone will have something to say to make you feel guilty no matter what the topic is... Chat Icon



I could have written this post myself. Just because I can't stay home with my son doesn't mean I'm not raising him.


There are plenty of things that people say, and have been said on this thread, that are very sore for meChat Icon . I wish more than anything that I can stay home with my baby, but I can't. I just wish that people would THINK before they write certain things.

Posted 4/10/07 12:10 PM
 

Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn

Member since 5/05

27567 total posts

Name:
Janice

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

As a SAHM, I feel that we all "raise" our own children. If you work, you are choosing who watches your child. Who interacts with your child. What your child eats, when he sleeps...So in that sense you are "raising" them.

It may be a naive way for me to compare it, but I sah and DH works. I am with the baby so much more then DH. DH is definitely "raising" our child, even if days go by where he doesn't see the baby. However, our roles as parents are definitely different. I am the primary care provider. I don't know if working moms would find that term offensive, but I am the primary care provider. From morning to night, and at times through the night, its me. So if you are sharing the responsibility of "caring" for your child with your daycare provider, I don't think you can argue the fact that for a huge chunk of the day you are not the "primary care provider" I do believe you are raising your childChat Icon

Posted 4/10/07 12:12 PM
 

hazeleyes33
LIF Adult

Member since 5/05

13060 total posts

Name:
Ginger

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by MichaelsMommy

I also felt upset when I read a lot of mom's stating they did not want anyone else "raising" their child... not being able to stay home with my son is a SORE subject for me and it will continue to be until I can stay home. It's not that I want to stay home because I want to RAISE him because I AM ALREADY raising him... he doesn't do things for anyone unless Mommy "approves", no joke! He won't even kiss or hug anyone hello unless I tell him it's okay, lol.

Anyway, my son is with his grandparents (my parents and inlaws take turns) when DH and I are working and in these 2 years, I have NEVER felt like they were "raising" him... so it really upsets me when people make it like if you don't stay home with your kid, you're not raising them. Chat Icon

This is a hard topic to discuss, because working mom's and sahm's will always think differently in terms of this. Believe me, if were able to, I'd stay home in a heartbeat, just to be with my son, I don't want to miss out on anything... but DH and I are the ones raising him 100%!

Don't feel bad about your choices, someone will have something to say to make you feel guilty no matter what the topic is... Chat Icon



Thanks!\Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 4/10/07 12:14 PM
 

Secretmama3
LIF Infant

Member since 1/07

311 total posts

Name:

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Beth,
I apologize as I had ZERO intention of making anyone feel bad. I posted MY feelings for MY family... as I wrote in the very beginning of my post.

QUOTING MYSELF:
"Personally, for OUR FAMILY, its extremely important to me and to my husband that I am the one spending the most time with my children. I could not stomach the thought of someone else feeding, rocking, consoling, interacting with, and BONDING with my children while I was at work 8-10 hours a day. "

MY family, MY children, and MY feelings. NOT at all judging ANYONE else!

I am entitled to my opinion as you are entitled to yours. My opinion has NOTHING to do with ANY other family but MINE. I WOULD NEVER judge a parent for making a choice for his or her own family, my opinion is about MY family, MY choices, and MY feelings.

Again, I am sorry, I honestly did not mean to offend you or anyone else here. I was just stating my feelings for my family.

I hate threads like these.... something always gets "lost in the translation"

Edited to add: I really am sincerely sorry. I hate arguing on these (or any) boards, and I 99% of the time avoid these heated topics. I *thought* what I wrote was not bad... I still do not see how its bad, its my feelings based upon my own children... NOT any one elses.


Message edited 4/10/2007 12:19:14 PM.

Posted 4/10/07 12:16 PM
 

Jenhos
Maeve

Member since 6/05

3229 total posts

Name:

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

I have a question for the SAHM's do you feel like your DH raises your children or just you because you are home?

Posted 4/10/07 12:18 PM
 

MichaelsMommy
Love my son!

Member since 6/05

1468 total posts

Name:
Lauren

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by Bxgell2

I tried to be fair and neutral in all of this, and while you might *feel* this way, just as I *feel* there are a variety of reasons why I don't think that staying at home with your child is either good for the child, or for the parent, I would NEVER, never explain all that in a post. What you said here was unnecessary and hurtful - there are times that you really should restrict what comes out of your mouth, or in this case, your fingers Chat Icon



Thank you Beth Chat Icon

Message edited 4/10/2007 12:31:08 PM.

Posted 4/10/07 12:20 PM
 

BabyAvocado
Happy New Year

Member since 5/05

17334 total posts

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Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

I totally understand where you are coming from Hazel and I agree. Part of the reason why this is such a heated debate, I have learned, is that when describing our choices, we tend to unintentionally hit a nerve on the other side of the debate.

What bugs me, in addition to the "having a stranger raise my child" comments is the "I don't want to miss all the milestones" comments - another untruth. The only milestone of Jake's that I missed was his first unassisted steps - not because he was in daycare, but because he was home w/DH while I was visiting a friend in the hospital. SO...missing firsts & milestones can happen to anyone unless you NEVER leave your child.

Also, the first time he did anything for me, was just as good as the first time he did it, period, as far as I'm concerned. It's still the first time I'm seeing it.

Also, there are more than 2 sides to this debate - it's not just SAHMs vs Working Moms - because there are so many in between. Part time working moms, work-at-home moms, working moms that wish they could stay home, working moms that don't wish to stay home, and so on.

In order to make this a more "discuss-able" topic - ALL sides need to be a bit LESS defensive/sensitive about their own guilts and issues with their very personal decision (we all have them as moms), and ALL sides need to be a little bit MORE sensitive to the other sides.

Posted 4/10/07 12:20 PM
 

Secretmama3
LIF Infant

Member since 1/07

311 total posts

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Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Ok honestly, you can all stop quoting me and jumping all over me.

Read my second post where I explained my first and APOLOGIZED as well.

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Posted 4/10/07 12:21 PM
 

Bxgell2
Perfection

Member since 5/05

16438 total posts

Name:
Beth

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by Secretmama3

Beth,
I apologize as I had ZERO intention of making anyone feel bad. I posted MY feelings for MY family... as I wrote in the very beginning of my post.

I am entitled to my opinion as you are entitled to yours. My opinion has NOTHING to do with ANY other family but MINE. I WOULD NEVER judge a parent for making a choice for his or her own family, my opinion is about MY family, MY choices, and MY feelings.

Again, I am sorry, I honestly did not mean to offend you or anyone else here. I was just stating my feelings for my family.

I hate threads like these.... something always gets "lost in the translation"

Edited to add: I really am sincerely sorry. I hate arguing on these (or any) boards, and I 99% of the time avoid these heated topics. I *thought* what I wrote was not bad... I still do not see how its bad, its my feelings based upon my own children... NOT any one elses.





I'm all for everyone having the right to their own opinion. You have that right, just as I. But, in my opinion, I think that it's the "right" thing to do, to exhibit some display of sensitivity. Here, the mommy is clearly upset - she's clearly a little defensive, maybe rightly so, and from what I can see, she's really looking for the SAHM's to realize and acknowledge that working moms aren't relinquishing their responsibilities in raising their children, not a post explaining your particular reasons why you don't want to work. I understand your feelings and where they come from, and I think they are valid, but I just think on this particular post, it was a little insensitive. Me, personally, I'm fine - I'm not that sensitive on this issue, at least not on this board (when someone says something to me in person, well that's another story), but I think the original poster IS sensitive on this particular issue and we should keep that in mind.

Posted 4/10/07 12:21 PM
 

pmpkn087
Life is good...

Member since 9/05

18504 total posts

Name:
Stephanie

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by Secretmama3

Beth,
I apologize as I had ZERO intention of making anyone feel bad. I posted MY feelings for MY family... as I wrote in the very beginning of my post.

QUOTING MYSELF:
"Personally, for OUR FAMILY, its extremely important to me and to my husband that I am the one spending the most time with my children. I could not stomach the thought of someone else feeding, rocking, consoling, interacting with, and BONDING with my children while I was at work 8-10 hours a day. "

MY family, MY children, and MY feelings. NOT at all judging ANYONE else!

I am entitled to my opinion as you are entitled to yours. My opinion has NOTHING to do with ANY other family but MINE. I WOULD NEVER judge a parent for making a choice for his or her own family, my opinion is about MY family, MY choices, and MY feelings.

Again, I am sorry, I honestly did not mean to offend you or anyone else here. I was just stating my feelings for my family.

I hate threads like these.... something always gets "lost in the translation"

Edited to add: I really am sincerely sorry. I hate arguing on these (or any) boards, and I 99% of the time avoid these heated topics. I *thought* what I wrote was not bad... I still do not see how its bad, its my feelings based upon my own children... NOT any one elses.





How could you NOT have intended to offend anyone?

IMO, you went too far when you said:

Where would that leave me? I would get to wake my children up in the morning, drop them at daycare, go to work, pick them up, feed them dinner, put them to bed, and do it all again the next day?

No thank you.



Posted 4/10/07 12:22 PM
 

hazeleyes33
LIF Adult

Member since 5/05

13060 total posts

Name:
Ginger

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by Secretmama3

I do not know of any 2 year olds who are in nursery school. Nursery school programs do not start until age 3, before that, its pretty much a daycare setting.

Personally, for OUR FAMILY, its extremely important to me and to my husband that I am the one spending the most time with my children. I could not stomach the thought of someone else feeding, rocking, consoling, interacting with, and BONDING with my children while I was at work 8-10 hours a day.

Where would that leave me? I would get to wake my children up in the morning, drop them at daycare, go to work, pick them up, feed them dinner, put them to bed, and do it all again the next day?

No thank you.

I did not want someone else enjoying my childs moments while I was at work. The most heartbreaking thing in the world, was when my best friend called me in tears because her son had learned to walk while at daycare, and she was not there to see his first steps.




Some preschools do start at 2 years old. They have classes for 2-3 and 4 year olds.
WOHM's don't feel like our life is just dropping them off and picking them off. I spend almost 3 hours in the morning and 4 hours at night with my kids. I spend all weekend, holidays, personal days, sick days, vacation days, half days and any extra days like I have today with them.
I'm sorry your bf feels this way and I think it is really crappy of her caregiver to tell her about the babies first steps. The best people don't tell you these things if they know it is that important to you.

Posted 4/10/07 12:23 PM
 

hazeleyes33
LIF Adult

Member since 5/05

13060 total posts

Name:
Ginger

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by Secretmama3

I do not know of any 2 year olds who are in nursery school. Nursery school programs do not start until age 3, before that, its pretty much a daycare setting.

Personally, for OUR FAMILY, its extremely important to me and to my husband that I am the one spending the most time with my children. I could not stomach the thought of someone else feeding, rocking, consoling, interacting with, and BONDING with my children while I was at work 8-10 hours a day.

Where would that leave me? I would get to wake my children up in the morning, drop them at daycare, go to work, pick them up, feed them dinner, put them to bed, and do it all again the next day?

No thank you.

I did not want someone else enjoying my childs moments while I was at work. The most heartbreaking thing in the world, was when my best friend called me in tears because her son had learned to walk while at daycare, and she was not there to see his first steps.




On another note, how is your dh not as important to you not to see the 1st's? Dads are left out like they don't care either which makes no sense to me.

Posted 4/10/07 12:24 PM
 

hazeleyes33
LIF Adult

Member since 5/05

13060 total posts

Name:
Ginger

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by CathyB

Posted by hazeleyes33

I have to disagree with the firsts. The girls I work with who have children in daycare have always discussed how they did not want to miss the firsts but we NEVER feel we do. At the end of the day, I don't feel like I missed out of anything. Our day just continues from where we left off and I continue teaching them what they learned during the day. Personally I think anyone can miss a first even if you are with them all day. Just like a child can get hurt while you are watching them. Things happen even if you are there.



Totally agree with you on the firsts. I'm home with the kids pretty much all the time, I missed the first time my son crawled when I was at the grocery store. Chat Icon



To me, your 1st was when YOU saw him, not someone else. There are sooo many milestones in a child's life that you DO see that you can't feel guilty over everything.

Posted 4/10/07 12:26 PM
 

hazeleyes33
LIF Adult

Member since 5/05

13060 total posts

Name:
Ginger

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by Bxgell2

Posted by Secretmama3

I do not know of any 2 year olds who are in nursery school. Nursery school programs do not start until age 3, before that, its pretty much a daycare setting.

Personally, for OUR FAMILY, its extremely important to me and to my husband that I am the one spending the most time with my children. I could not stomach the thought of someone else feeding, rocking, consoling, interacting with, and BONDING with my children while I was at work 8-10 hours a day.

Where would that leave me? I would get to wake my children up in the morning, drop them at daycare, go to work, pick them up, feed them dinner, put them to bed, and do it all again the next day?

No thank you.

I did not want someone else enjoying my childs moments while I was at work. The most heartbreaking thing in the world, was when my best friend called me in tears because her son had learned to walk while at daycare, and she was not there to see his first steps.




I tried to be fair and neutral in all of this, and while you might *feel* this way, just as I *feel* there are a variety of reasons why I don't think that staying at home with your child is either good for the child, or for the parent, I would NEVER, never explain all that in a post. What you said here was unnecessary and hurtful - there are times that you really should restrict what comes out of your mouth, or in this case, your fingers Chat Icon





Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 4/10/07 12:27 PM
 

Secretmama3
LIF Infant

Member since 1/07

311 total posts

Name:

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Once again,
I am sorry.

I truly did not mean to offend.

My comment about "where would that leave me" was JUST that... ME... not you, not your friends, ME... MYSELF.

I am not going to sit here defending myself anymore.

I apologized.
I am trying to explain MY thoughts and MY feelings.

If you want to sit here picking apart my words and trying to analyze what said, and what you perceived my "intentions" to be, then have at it.

But for the original poster:

I sincerely apologize if anything I said offended you.
I do not think that a good quality day-care setting is bad AT all, nor do I think that daycares, babysitters, nannies, or ANYONE else is "raising" your child when you send them there.

That was your original question... and if anyone has the nerve to tell you that you and your husband are not THE SINGLEMOST important people in your childs life, I would just ignore them.

Posted 4/10/07 12:28 PM
 

hazeleyes33
LIF Adult

Member since 5/05

13060 total posts

Name:
Ginger

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by Janice

As a SAHM, I feel that we all "raise" our own children. If you work, you are choosing who watches your child. Who interacts with your child. What your child eats, when he sleeps...So in that sense you are "raising" them.

It may be a naive way for me to compare it, but I sah and DH works. I am with the baby so much more then DH. DH is definitely "raising" our child, even if days go by where he doesn't see the baby. However, our roles as parents are definitely different. I am the primary care provider. I don't know if working moms would find that term offensive, but I am the primary care provider. From morning to night, and at times through the night, its me. So if you are sharing the responsibility of "caring" for your child with your daycare provider, I don't think you can argue the fact that for a huge chunk of the day you are not the "primary care provider" I do believe you are raising your childChat Icon




I agree with you that you are not the primary care provider when they are at daycare but the raising does come from the home. I was asked many times if I wanted them to do this or that with my child because they knew it was MY decision not there's and I respect them for it. I think that is because I have a very good daycare and they really do (and did) care for my kids.

Posted 4/10/07 12:29 PM
 

MichaelsMommy
Love my son!

Member since 6/05

1468 total posts

Name:
Lauren

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

SecretMama, I am not jumping on you and I will delete my post quoting you... what got me is the way you worded your post... Sure you didn't mean to offend anyone, but the words you used, OMG, I got a lump in my throat and my heart feels so heavy right now... The fact that you can't stomach another person bonding with your child... I'll tell you this... I am at work for almost 12 hours per day (including commuting) and my son is the BIGGEST mama's boy I've met so far... cuddles, kisses, hugs, are all for Mommy... my husband can barely get a kiss in without Michael yelling at him "just Mommy", lol... for someone like me and the original poster, certain words can really just make the entire post sound much worse than you meant it... I know you stated it was YOUR opinion and YOU'RE doing what YOU think is best, but words like "can't stomach" and "no thank you", didn't sit right with me... I'm sorry you feel that everyone is attacking you. I didn't mean to as I too refrain from threads like these, but it's such a sore topic for me I just couldn't let it go... Chat Icon

Posted 4/10/07 12:30 PM
 

hazeleyes33
LIF Adult

Member since 5/05

13060 total posts

Name:
Ginger

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by BabyAvocado

I totally understand where you are coming from Hazel and I agree. Part of the reason why this is such a heated debate, I have learned, is that when describing our choices, we tend to unintentionally hit a nerve on the other side of the debate.

What bugs me, in addition to the "having a stranger raise my child" comments is the "I don't want to miss all the milestones" comments - another untruth. The only milestone of Jake's that I missed was his first unassisted steps - not because he was in daycare, but because he was home w/DH while I was visiting a friend in the hospital. SO...missing firsts & milestones can happen to anyone unless you NEVER leave your child.

Also, the first time he did anything for me, was just as good as the first time he did it, period, as far as I'm concerned. It's still the first time I'm seeing it.

Also, there are more than 2 sides to this debate - it's not just SAHMs vs Working Moms - because there are so many in between. Part time working moms, work-at-home moms, working moms that wish they could stay home, working moms that don't wish to stay home, and so on.

In order to make this a more "discuss-able" topic - ALL sides need to be a bit LESS defensive/sensitive about their own guilts and issues with their very personal decision (we all have them as moms), and ALL sides need to be a little bit MORE sensitive to the other sides.




ITA with you!

Posted 4/10/07 12:31 PM
 

Secretmama3
LIF Infant

Member since 1/07

311 total posts

Name:

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by MichaelsMommy

SecretMama, I am not jumping on you and I will delete my post quoting you... what got me is the way you worded your post... Sure you didn't mean to offend anyone, but the words you used, OMG, I got a lump in my throat and my heart feels so heavy right now... The fact that you can't stomach another person bonding with your child... I'll tell you this... I am at work for almost 12 hours per day (including commuting) and my son is the BIGGEST mama's boy I've met so far... cuddles, kisses, hugs, are all for Mommy... my husband can barely get a kiss in without Michael yelling at him "just Mommy", lol... for someone like me and the original poster, certain words can really just make the entire post sound much worse than you meant it... I know you stated it was YOUR opinion and YOU'RE doing what YOU think is best, but words like "can't stomach" and "no thank you", didn't sit right with me... I'm sorry you feel that everyone is attacking you. I didn't mean to as I too refrain from threads like these, but it's such a sore topic for me I just couldn't let it go... Chat Icon [/QUOTE

I am SO sorry I made you feel that way. Now I am crying.....

We are ALL mommies...
we ALL love our children and all of us do our very best by them.

Some of us SAH
Some of us go to work.
Some HAVE to work
Others WANT to

No matter whan our situation, we have the common bond of motherhood...

and I am SO sorry for making a fellow mommy feel so bad.

Chat Icon I am SO sorry I made you feel that way. Now I am crying.....

Message edited 4/10/2007 12:34:07 PM.

Posted 4/10/07 12:33 PM
 

dm24angel
Happiness

Member since 5/05

34581 total posts

Name:
Donna

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by hazeleyes33

Posted by dm24angel

gonna be an agrument soon as always...

For me....I have a hard time leaving my dog alone when I go food shopping, I cant imagine leaving my baby....But once they are older and understand more, I will feel more comfortable.

Thats my choice and my feelings, I want to see all the firsts and be there for my baby versus hearing about it from someone else.

We will suffer some b/c of it sure, but its what is important to me.

And I also atribe to the belief it takes a village to raise a child, so at the same time, I welcome chances to have others help "raise" my baby.

I think the decision is unique to each person, based on their feelings and beliefes....people think and feel and believe different things, doesnt make one wrong or one right.



I have to disagree with the firsts. The girls I work with who have children in daycare have always discussed how they did not want to miss the firsts but we NEVER feel we do. At the end of the day, I don't feel like I missed out of anything. Our day just continues from where we left off and I continue teaching them what they learned during the day. Personally I think anyone can miss a first even if you are with them all day. Just like a child can get hurt while you are watching them. Things happen even if you are there.



Thats my entire point...

You all dont FEEL like you miss it...I Would...

Doesnt make me right and you wrong.

If anything I feel like its great that you dont feel like your missing anything...

ETA- People on both sides need to stop taking it so personally and defending their position. There is NO REASON to defend yourself....You feel as you feel and that is your right and great and perfect for you....maybe not for others, but no one is WRONG or RIGHT here.....The defensiveness gets sooo carried away.

Message edited 4/10/2007 12:36:31 PM.

Posted 4/10/07 12:33 PM
 

hazeleyes33
LIF Adult

Member since 5/05

13060 total posts

Name:
Ginger

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by Secretmama3

Once again,
I am sorry.

I truly did not mean to offend.

My comment about "where would that leave me" was JUST that... ME... not you, not your friends, ME... MYSELF.

I am not going to sit here defending myself anymore.

I apologized.
I am trying to explain MY thoughts and MY feelings.

If you want to sit here picking apart my words and trying to analyze what said, and what you perceived my "intentions" to be, then have at it.

But for the original poster:

I sincerely apologize if anything I said offended you.
I do not think that a good quality day-care setting is bad AT all, nor do I think that daycares, babysitters, nannies, or ANYONE else is "raising" your child when you send them there.

That was your original question... and if anyone has the nerve to tell you that you and your husband are not THE SINGLEMOST important people in your childs life, I would just ignore them.





Unfortunately, it did offend some people. This is why there is such a debate because each side is put down on their choices.

Posted 4/10/07 12:33 PM
 

hazeleyes33
LIF Adult

Member since 5/05

13060 total posts

Name:
Ginger

Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long

Posted by MichaelsMommy

SecretMama, I am not jumping on you and I will delete my post quoting you... what got me is the way you worded your post... Sure you didn't mean to offend anyone, but the words you used, OMG, I got a lump in my throat and my heart feels so heavy right now... The fact that you can't stomach another person bonding with your child... I'll tell you this... I am at work for almost 12 hours per day (including commuting) and my son is the BIGGEST mama's boy I've met so far... cuddles, kisses, hugs, are all for Mommy... my husband can barely get a kiss in without Michael yelling at him "just Mommy", lol... for someone like me and the original poster, certain words can really just make the entire post sound much worse than you meant it... I know you stated it was YOUR opinion and YOU'RE doing what YOU think is best, but words like "can't stomach" and "no thank you", didn't sit right with me... I'm sorry you feel that everyone is attacking you. I didn't mean to as I too refrain from threads like these, but it's such a sore topic for me I just couldn't let it go... Chat Icon



You said it perfect.

Posted 4/10/07 12:34 PM
 
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