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Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long
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NJmom
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Member since 8/05 4987 total posts
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Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long
Posted by Maathy317
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by Maathy317
You need to REALLY lighten up. You decided to jump in and make a statement without getting all of what I said. If someone gets snarky with me, I don't have any problem giving it right back. Do you really want to continue this or do you want to grow up and stop acting as immaturely as you are? I stated an opinion, which by the way, was not in a negative vein. Someone decided to take one sentence of that said opinion and get testy about it. I responded. That's when you came in. I suggest you get ALL the facts before you jump down someone's throat.
Don't backpeddle now Maathy - if you're going to be obnoxious and immature, then own up to it. What you said was rude, there's no getting around it. I was expressing how what you said bothered me, and gave my reasons, perhaps to enlighten some people here that there are, in fact, people who ENJOY working, and who would continue to do so even if they could afford to stay at home. You, however, took an immature turn in direct response, and that's how we got here. Don't throw your immaturity and total lack of sensitivity back to me.
And now, I'm done with this, and with you. Go take your "snarkiness" and obnoxious humor and direct it to someone else more deserving. I have more important things to do. Goodnight.
Wow, you really told me, didn't you? I may need to take to my bed, I am so wounded by your rapier-like tongue. I, usually, find that if one doesn't have anything intelligent to say to an argument, they resort to name-calling. While, I enjoy a good "battle of wits" I feel, in this case, that it would be grossly unfair considering my opponent. So, I lay down my sword, defeated. Yes, you WON. Yes, you are TRIUMPHANT. Yes, you can rest assured, you are MASTER OF YOUR DOMAIN.
I guess being older doesn't make you more mature! I personally find what Beth has contributed to be very intelligent. And if I was in her shoes I know I would be offended by your comments too. What you said insinuates that there is something wrong with mothers who want to go to work. Like the right choice is to stay at home, but if you have to go to work for financial reasons then that's okay.  If a mother wants to work, that's great! There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a parent AND work at the same time. I'm sure in Beth's case it makes her an even better mommy than she already is. If you've ever read any of her posts, I think it's clear that she is a great mom. I applaud mom's like her for being able to carry out 2 demanding jobs! 
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Posted 4/11/07 9:14 AM  |
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nrthshgrl
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Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long
Posted by Shelly
And ladies- I've said it before, and I'll say it again. We need to all SUPPORT one another, not attack one another or make assumptions that we all WANT to be a SAHM. We need to stop with the Breastfeeding v. formula/ working mom v. SAHM mom and all other attacks on each other. If we don't support each other and the choices we have, who will?
The whole world claims to love mothers, but they all criticize us. They want us to breastfeed, but not anywhere they can see us. They want us to work, but for us not to like it.
So when we turn on each other, we really are left with no one else to support us.
We are all different individuals. Some want to breastfeed, some don't. Some want to work, some don't. We need to support everyone's choices, so that we HAVE choices. We are 2 generations away from women who had no choices. Most of our grandmother's didn't work unless they absolutely had to. And if they did work, they were secretaries, nurses and teachers. Even my mom- those were her career choices. My friend's mom wanted to be a doctor. They made her sign a CONTRACT saying she wouldn't have children before allowing her to start medical school. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT???
Now women, and mothers, permiate almost every profession in the world. Women are CEO's, CFO's, doctors, lawyers, heads of state, teachers, nurses and secretaries. A woman can be anything she wants to be. And who helped her get there? WOMEN!! It wasn't a sea of men marching for equal rights, changing educational policies. It wasn't men who started suing for sexual harassment and using phrases like glass ceiling. Hell it wasn't even too many men taking cases for women claiming they deserved equality in the workplace. It was WOMEN!! And I bet a whole lot of them were MOTHERS!!!
To assume that every women wants to stay home, is just wrong- and IMO hurts women. How can we ALL want the same thing? Are we all the same? It just feeds into every chauvenist's idea that all women want to be SAHM and no woman will be a good working m.om, because she secretly wants to be a SAHM. Just like it is wrong to assume every woman wants to work.
I can't emphasize this enough. To elevate the status of women in this country, we need to SUPPORT one another. Support each other's choices, especially the ones we don't want for herself. That way, our daughters and daughters-in-law will have even more choices than we do!! How great would that be?
Maybe one day the idea of a mother as President won't be so odd (although we are getting close). Maybe moms will be 50% of the CEO's instead of 16.4%. Maybe mom's and women will make up 50% of Congress. But while we criticize others for making choices we didn't, or assume all women want to stay at home, we will never be equal. 
So basically what I am trying to say is we need to support one another and the choices we each make, even if they aren't the choices that we would make 
Well said, as always!
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| Posted 4/11/07 9:48 AM |
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Maathy317
Grammie's Little Man
Member since 2/06 3235 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long
Posted by BabyInMarch
Posted by Maathy317
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by Maathy317
You need to REALLY lighten up. You decided to jump in and make a statement without getting all of what I said. If someone gets snarky with me, I don't have any problem giving it right back. Do you really want to continue this or do you want to grow up and stop acting as immaturely as you are? I stated an opinion, which by the way, was not in a negative vein. Someone decided to take one sentence of that said opinion and get testy about it. I responded. That's when you came in. I suggest you get ALL the facts before you jump down someone's throat.
Don't backpeddle now Maathy - if you're going to be obnoxious and immature, then own up to it. What you said was rude, there's no getting around it. I was expressing how what you said bothered me, and gave my reasons, perhaps to enlighten some people here that there are, in fact, people who ENJOY working, and who would continue to do so even if they could afford to stay at home. You, however, took an immature turn in direct response, and that's how we got here. Don't throw your immaturity and total lack of sensitivity back to me.
And now, I'm done with this, and with you. Go take your "snarkiness" and obnoxious humor and direct it to someone else more deserving. I have more important things to do. Goodnight.
Wow, you really told me, didn't you? I may need to take to my bed, I am so wounded by your rapier-like tongue. I, usually, find that if one doesn't have anything intelligent to say to an argument, they resort to name-calling. While, I enjoy a good "battle of wits" I feel, in this case, that it would be grossly unfair considering my opponent. So, I lay down my sword, defeated. Yes, you WON. Yes, you are TRIUMPHANT. Yes, you can rest assured, you are MASTER OF YOUR DOMAIN.
I guess being older doesn't make you more mature! I personally find what Beth has contributed to be very intelligent. And if I was in her shoes I know I would be offended by your comments too. What you said insinuates that there is something wrong with mothers who want to go to work. Like the right choice is to stay at home, but if you have to go to work for financial reasons then that's okay. If a mother wants to work, that's great! There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a parent AND work at the same time. I'm sure in Beth's case it makes her an even better mommy than she already is. If you've ever read any of her posts, I think it's clear that she is a great mom. I applaud mom's like her for being able to carry out 2 demanding jobs!
If SOMEONE would have, actually, read my original post to this topic, I stated that there shouldn't be a difference between a SAHM and a working mom. They are both moms and have a difficult job no matter what. It doesn't matter what path you choose. However, she decided to take one sentence out of that whole post and make an issue of it and, if she would have read my post later on, I clarified my answer. She may, very well, be the best mother in the universe, but, there was no need for her to take the tone she did. She turned this into the debate it became. So, if you want to send them in her direction.
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| Posted 4/11/07 10:08 AM |
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Ambersmom
Straight up nasty
Member since 5/05 7740 total posts
Name:
Sharon
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Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by Shelly
And ladies- I've said it before, and I'll say it again. We need to all SUPPORT one another, not attack one another or make assumptions that we all WANT to be a SAHM. We need to stop with the Breastfeeding v. formula/ working mom v. SAHM mom and all other attacks on each other. If we don't support each other and the choices we have, who will?
The whole world claims to love mothers, but they all criticize us. They want us to breastfeed, but not anywhere they can see us. They want us to work, but for us not to like it.
So when we turn on each other, we really are left with no one else to support us.
We are all different individuals. Some want to breastfeed, some don't. Some want to work, some don't. We need to support everyone's choices, so that we HAVE choices. We are 2 generations away from women who had no choices. Most of our grandmother's didn't work unless they absolutely had to. And if they did work, they were secretaries, nurses and teachers. Even my mom- those were her career choices. My friend's mom wanted to be a doctor. They made her sign a CONTRACT saying she wouldn't have children before allowing her to start medical school. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT???
Now women, and mothers, permiate almost every profession in the world. Women are CEO's, CFO's, doctors, lawyers, heads of state, teachers, nurses and secretaries. A woman can be anything she wants to be. And who helped her get there? WOMEN!! It wasn't a sea of men marching for equal rights, changing educational policies. It wasn't men who started suing for sexual harassment and using phrases like glass ceiling. Hell it wasn't even too many men taking cases for women claiming they deserved equality in the workplace. It was WOMEN!! And I bet a whole lot of them were MOTHERS!!!
To assume that every women wants to stay home, is just wrong- and IMO hurts women. How can we ALL want the same thing? Are we all the same? It just feeds into every chauvenist's idea that all women want to be SAHM and no woman will be a good working m.om, because she secretly wants to be a SAHM. Just like it is wrong to assume every woman wants to work.
I can't emphasize this enough. To elevate the status of women in this country, we need to SUPPORT one another. Support each other's choices, especially the ones we don't want for herself. That way, our daughters and daughters-in-law will have even more choices than we do!! How great would that be?
Maybe one day the idea of a mother as President won't be so odd (although we are getting close). Maybe moms will be 50% of the CEO's instead of 16.4%. Maybe mom's and women will make up 50% of Congress. But while we criticize others for making choices we didn't, or assume all women want to stay at home, we will never be equal.
So basically what I am trying to say is we need to support one another and the choices we each make, even if they aren't the choices that we would make
Well said, as always!
Shelly, you rock!!
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| Posted 4/11/07 10:23 AM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long
Posted by Maathy317
However, she decided to take one sentence out of that whole post and make an issue of it and, if she would have read my post later on, I clarified my answer.
Maathy, I really loved the tone of your original post. As you can see mine above shares your view that as women and mothers we should all support one another.
I think what hit a nerve is the that one line. It makes the assumption that all working women really want to be SAHM. I didn't see anywhere where you clarified that, but I could have missed it.
That is the underlying assumption that every chauvenist I have ever met has used- well every woman reallly WANTS to stay at home, so how can she do well at work? Why should I promote this woman who is/will be a mother and will really want to stay home with her kids when there is a man right there? It's very frustrating to women who are trying to break free of the glass ceiling.
It also implies that there is something wrong with women who WANT to work, not just have to.
I can't tell you how many of my SAHM friends tell me how lucky I am to work, to get out of the house and be my own person for a few hours a day. In the city, to afford daycare you have to make a certain salary. For some, its just not worth it. Maybe its the old grass is always greener response. But there are plenty of mothers out there who want to work.
To be a mother is the hardest job of all. We all know that. But in today's age, where working mothers and SAHM are being criticized from every direction, I think women of my generation (I'm 31) are very sensitive about this topic. That is why I didn't even look at it at first.
You may look at what your wrote as just that one line, but a lot of us, me included, just saw that old assumption that we are trying to break free from- that all women really want to SAHM. And it definitely hits a nerve.
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| Posted 4/11/07 10:27 AM |
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Ambersmom
Straight up nasty
Member since 5/05 7740 total posts
Name:
Sharon
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Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long
Posted by ddunne2
Posted by Secretmama3
I do not know of any 2 year olds who are in nursery school. Nursery school programs do not start until age 3, before that, its pretty much a daycare setting.
Personally, for OUR FAMILY, its extremely important to me and to my husband that I am the one spending the most time with my children. I could not stomach the thought of someone else feeding, rocking, consoling, interacting with, and BONDING with my children while I was at work 8-10 hours a day.
Where would that leave me? I would get to wake my children up in the morning, drop them at daycare, go to work, pick them up, feed them dinner, put them to bed, and do it all again the next day?
No thank you.
I did not want someone else enjoying my childs moments while I was at work. The most heartbreaking thing in the world, was when my best friend called me in tears because her son had learned to walk while at daycare, and she was not there to see his first steps.
My two year old goes to a true preschool program. It is not a daycare center, so they do exist.
So does my child. It is a structured preschool program, not daycare and she is excelling as a result of her attendance. The best investment I could have ever made in her future.
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| Posted 4/11/07 10:29 AM |
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Dragonfly75
I love Hypnobabies
Member since 3/06 2333 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long
Posted by Shelly
You may look at what your wrote as just that one line, but a lot of us, me included, just saw that old assumption that we are trying to break free from- that all women really want to SAHM. And it definitely hits a nerve.
I was thinking the same exact thing. I got so tired of hearing "going back to work must be the most terrible thing for you, if only you could stay home..." Honestly, I love going to work 3 days a week. I love bringing home $$ and keeping my skills sharp.
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| Posted 4/11/07 10:31 AM |
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paulandles912
My children are a blessing!
Member since 5/05 2598 total posts
Name:
Leslie
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Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long
Wow, this was a long post to catch up on.
Beth and Shelly to you both -- you are eloquent and inspiring.
I am also a WOHM who enjoys working but doesn't have to work.
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| Posted 4/11/07 10:38 AM |
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Charly
LOVE!
Member since 5/05 12578 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long
Posted by paulandles912
Wow, this was a long post to catch up on.
Beth and Shelly to you both -- you are eloquent and inspiring.
I totally agree!
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| Posted 4/11/07 10:40 AM |
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Stefanie
♥
Member since 5/05 23599 total posts
Name:
Stefanie
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Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long
From reading these long 6 pages...I'm just tired.
This was so pointless. You know you're all good moms reguardless of what you choose to do...so why argue about it?
I have to say...some people need to read carefully and try to not to take things too personally.
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| Posted 4/11/07 11:07 AM |
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NJmom
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Member since 8/05 4987 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long
Posted by Shelly
Posted by Maathy317
However, she decided to take one sentence out of that whole post and make an issue of it and, if she would have read my post later on, I clarified my answer.
Maathy, I really loved the tone of your original post. As you can see mine above shares your view that as women and mothers we should all support one another.
I think what hit a nerve is the that one line. It makes the assumption that all working women really want to be SAHM. I didn't see anywhere where you clarified that, but I could have missed it.
That is the underlying assumption that every chauvenist I have ever met has used- well every woman reallly WANTS to stay at home, so how can she do well at work? Why should I promote this woman who is/will be a mother and will really want to stay home with her kids when there is a man right there? It's very frustrating to women who are trying to break free of the glass ceiling.
It also implies that there is something wrong with women who WANT to work, not just have to.
I can't tell you how many of my SAHM friends tell me how lucky I am to work, to get out of the house and be my own person for a few hours a day. In the city, to afford daycare you have to make a certain salary. For some, its just not worth it. Maybe its the old grass is always greener response. But there are plenty of mothers out there who want to work.
To be a mother is the hardest job of all. We all know that. But in today's age, where working mothers and SAHM are being criticized from every direction, I think women of my generation (I'm 31) are very sensitive about this topic. That is why I didn't even look at it at first.
You may look at what your wrote as just that one line, but a lot of us, me included, just saw that old assumption that we are trying to break free from- that all women really want to SAHM. And it definitely hits a nerve.
Couldn't have said it better!
Maathy, your original post was fine. But that one line spoiled everything else you wrote because to me it implied that you feel there are two kinds of working moms: those that work because they have no choice and those that want to work. It seems like your original post only applied to those that work because they have no choice. I don't really see where you clarified that. The working moms who work because they want to deserve some respect and admiration!
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| Posted 4/11/07 11:42 AM |
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Maathy317
Grammie's Little Man
Member since 2/06 3235 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long
Posted by BabyInMarch
Posted by Shelly
Posted by Maathy317
However, she decided to take one sentence out of that whole post and make an issue of it and, if she would have read my post later on, I clarified my answer.
Maathy, I really loved the tone of your original post. As you can see mine above shares your view that as women and mothers we should all support one another.
I think what hit a nerve is the that one line. It makes the assumption that all working women really want to be SAHM. I didn't see anywhere where you clarified that, but I could have missed it.
That is the underlying assumption that every chauvenist I have ever met has used- well every woman reallly WANTS to stay at home, so how can she do well at work? Why should I promote this woman who is/will be a mother and will really want to stay home with her kids when there is a man right there? It's very frustrating to women who are trying to break free of the glass ceiling.
It also implies that there is something wrong with women who WANT to work, not just have to.
I can't tell you how many of my SAHM friends tell me how lucky I am to work, to get out of the house and be my own person for a few hours a day. In the city, to afford daycare you have to make a certain salary. For some, its just not worth it. Maybe its the old grass is always greener response. But there are plenty of mothers out there who want to work.
To be a mother is the hardest job of all. We all know that. But in today's age, where working mothers and SAHM are being criticized from every direction, I think women of my generation (I'm 31) are very sensitive about this topic. That is why I didn't even look at it at first.
You may look at what your wrote as just that one line, but a lot of us, me included, just saw that old assumption that we are trying to break free from- that all women really want to SAHM. And it definitely hits a nerve.
Couldn't have said it better!
Maathy, your original post was fine. But that one line spoiled everything else you wrote because to me it implied that you feel there are two kinds of working moms: those that work because they have no choice and those that want to work. It seems like your original post only applied to those that work because they have no choice. I don't really see where you clarified that. The working moms who work because they want to deserve some respect and admiration!
I can understand how the one line can be misunderstood and apologized for it and clarified it in a later post. My original post was in response to the posters before me. I have, in previous posts, have had nothing but admiration and high regard for all the mothers on this board, working (because you choose to or not) or SAHM. I never, at any time, said that one was preferable over the other. I think you all do fabulous jobs. If the response to that one sentence would been put as you have written, this discussion would be over. However, I didn't take kindly to the response I received and thought it was uncalled for. All that was needed was a civil response.
Message edited 4/11/2007 12:01:25 PM.
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| Posted 4/11/07 12:00 PM |
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Stefanie
♥
Member since 5/05 23599 total posts
Name:
Stefanie
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Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long
Let's just end it with this...
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| Posted 4/11/07 12:28 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to SAHM-Sorry-Long
Posted by Stefanie
Let's just end it with this...
IMAGE
Exactly...The end! 
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| Posted 4/11/07 2:19 PM |
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