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Message edited 8/25/2012 9:26:53 PM.

Re: Need advice- feeling really sad

I have no advise but have a lot of the same feelings. I can't imagine being in the hospital and not being able to be with Molly. I also feel incredibly confused about how I'm suppose to meet both Molly's needs and that of a new baby without neglecting one of them. I wish I could give you some words of wisdom but I feel the same way.

Re: Need advice- feeling really sad

I felt the same way when I had Andy. Sarah was 16 months too. She was terrified of my FIL so I flat out told DH that my mom was staying. That was non negotiable. Luckily he agreed with me. That's the only time I've been away from her.

I brought several framed pics of her to the hospital, I put a pic of her in the basinette with Andy. I called home A LOT to hear what she was doing.

We didn't bring her to the hospital to visit, but I was only there 2 days. My roommate when I had Sarah brought her older kid and he had a huge meltdown every time he had to leave, I knew I wouldn't be able to handle that. Plus I didn't want to stress her out. Sarah was fine, my mom kept her occupied and didn't mention me so she wouldn't be looking for me.

I didn't know how it would all work out, but it did.

Message edited 3/20/2008 10:00:37 AM.

Re: Need advice- feeling really sad

Here's my story, maybe it will help :)

When i had my c, my DD was only 14 months old, I live 2 hours away from ALL my family. My IL's were the only ones who could watch G while i was in the hospital. I am a bit of a control freak, and I was forced to let go of the control and it was hard as hell.

I made DH call home and check on her, i couldn't do it, but after through all teh anxiety, G did GREAT! She loved being here with her grandparents, they bought her a baby pool, took her for walks, played all day and they put her to bed. I didnt' give G or my IL's enough credit. When you think about it in your head, it's so much worse than when it actually happens. And I wanted my mom with me at the hospital for me, i wanted to be selfish :)

And you know what, I loved that every minute i was in the hospital, DH was right there with me, and for those 4 days, we got some "alone" time with our new DD to get to know her before we introduced her to her big sister.

I took TONS of pics with me to the hospital too, so everywhere i looked was a frame of my G.

Re: Need advice- feeling really sad

No negotiations on this one.
IMO...your moms staying...end of story.
You are already stressed about giving birth and being away from your son...why would anyone want to add one more stressor into the equation with you not knowing if your son is okay. If they clearly do not know him, how would you feel okay? I think you mom is the best choice in making some of the stress diminish.

Re: Need advice- feeling really sad

sorry, thats a tough situation, Me personally would want to follow my gut. You have to try and not to get excitted and over anxious... its not good for your Blood pressure. Just remember your mil raised your DH and he came out okay right? so even if you mil stayed with matty for 2 nights, she may not know him well, but im sure shell do what is best for him.

Re: Need advice- feeling really sad

No advvice, just want to send

Re: Need advice- feeling really sad

I felt the same nerves when Jeremy was due to come out (C/S as well). I was a SAHM and the 1st time I was away from Emma was when she was 14 months old!! I missed Emma terrible when I was in the hospital. I also felt bad that I wasn't there with her. I had DH and her at the hospital all the time. I also called all the time at night and 1st thing in the AM. I do feel like it interfered with my joy of having a new baby. (I changed all that when I had Lukie cause I knew they were in good hands, not mine, but daddy).

Can BOTH moms stay? I thnk that would help them both and give you peace of mind.

Just remember it is only a few days and they can be with you in the hospital most of the days. Just please remember that you need time with the new baby. It's not as bad as you may think.

Re: Need advice- feeling really sad

since you're the one delivering the baby - i say you get to have whomever you feel most comfortable with take care of your child so that it one less thing for you to stress about. I'm sure M can come visit you in the hospital after the first day and it won't be so bad... you'll be great

Re: Need advice- feeling really sad

Since neither DW nor I are comfortable with any family member watching DC for any length of time, I had my sis watch DC during DD's birth during the day (scheduled C), and then I focused most of my time on DS. DW and I agreed that she would be getting plenty of attention from the nurses, and whenever she had any "down time", she should sleep. DS and I were there for a few hours every day.

It gave DW time to bond with just DD, and gave DS and me time to do just "guy stuff" before the women-folk came back home. We didn't want DS to think we were abandoning him for the new baby.

In the end, you're the mom, so you have 99% of the vote as to what happens.

Re: Need advice- feeling really sad

Posted by Bklyngrl

since you're the one delivering the baby - i say you get to have whomever you feel most comfortable with take care of your child so that it one less thing for you to stress about. I'm sure M can come visit you in the hospital after the first day and it won't be so bad... you'll be great

Re: Need advice- feeling really sad

Posted by Bklyngrl

since you're the one delivering the baby - i say you get to have whomever you feel most comfortable with take care of your child so that it one less thing for you to stress about. I'm sure M can come visit you in the hospital after the first day and it won't be so bad... you'll be great

Re: Need advice- feeling really sad

Oh no..I would feel the same way. I wish I had advice to make it easier.

All I can think of is once she is here, you will be a bit more occupied and some of these feelings will lessen.

Think of how scared youw ere before having him and how those feelings lessed once you were in the situation right? Same thing here. You always imagine you will feel worse then you do.

Hang in there!

Re: Need advice- feeling really sad

Is it possible for your Mom to alternate days with your IL's so your husband won't be so angry? I agree, Matty comes first. I'm sure you can work it out.

As for your feelings of anxiety-it's perfectly normal!! You are about to expand your family and meet your baby daughter who has been in your belly all this time! Of course you are feeling a little "all over the place".

Hang in there...Matty will do fine with his grandparents and will enjoy all the extra attention!

Re: Need advice- feeling really sad

Message edited 8/25/2012 9:28:13 PM.