I am just so nervous and sad..advice?

This is going to sound horrible, but does anyone not else not trust their dh with their children?

My dh is great with her when I am around. As long as I am telling him what the next step is he is fine. He plays with her wonderfully but doesnt "watch" her the way I do and it makes me nervous.

I am supposed to be going back to work part time in September. I would be home by 1 in the afternoon but my dh would be with her all morning. Which includes, hearing her when she wakes up, feeding her breakfast, playing with her, putting her down for her morning nap and obviously just constantly watching her. She turns 1 in August and she will obviously not just be that little baby who just stayed still anymore.

This is going to sound horrible but I am not sure I can trust him with her. He tries but he suffers with ADD (attention deficit disorder) and although he tries to focus, sometimes he just cant.

I just needed to vent..maybe some of you go through this with your husbands..do you have any advice?? I plan on laying everything out for him. He wont have to bathe her or take her anywhere for that matter, I will be home early enough to do all of that but I am still a nervous wreck. I wish staying home were an option for me, I dont want to leave her in the first place. I am just so nervous and so sad.

Re: I am just so nervous and sad..advice?

Hmm that's a tough one. Do you think he would follow out a schedule if you wrote one out for him? I know w/my DH if I give him vague instructions things don't always get done the way I want them to but if I tell him specific times to do things even though I'm not that strict with DD things go smoother.

Re: I am just so nervous and sad..advice?

See..I do this all the time with him. With every aspect of our lives since his ADD is pretty bad. He will follow explicit instructions like when to feed her, what to feed her, etc. But I am more worried about watching her. What if something happens. When she coughs, he panics. She will be walking by then, its going to be a whole different ballgame.

I guess there are no answers for me, but I go back in September and I look at Megans face, I just feel so bad. I guess in the end, I truly dont want to go back at all.

Re: I am just so nervous and sad..advice?

Is he on meds for the ADD? Maybe you need to be upfront and address it together.

Re: I am just so nervous and sad..advice?

Have you baby proofed the house yet? Maybe limit her to one room in the house like the living room/den until you get home from work.

Re: I am just so nervous and sad..advice?

Oh god...I feel for you. I have this problem most of the time as well but without the ADD part. I dont get him sometimes. He took dd in the car and left off her seatbelt and a cop ticketed him and her for no seat belt. He has brought her to daycare with no hat, no shoes etc... He is forgetful in all aspects of life. I dont get it?!? People tell me to create lists etc... C'mon I work too. But people think that it is the only way to resolve some of the nonsense.

Re: I am just so nervous and sad..advice?

Well, you KNOW my situation. JT is a SAHD during the day, as well, and I thought there was no way in the world that he could ever take good enough care of Ava.........until I saw him do it. Did he stumble and make mistakes and forget to give her lunch a couple of times...YES, but he learned his lessons from dealing with her, and he is probably better at taking care of her than I am, now. (Well, that's so not true, but he's just as good as me ) You really need to put some faith in him that he will figure it out. Noreen, there's no way Megan will allow him to sit on his butt all day. A few days of not knowing what the hell he is doing will kick in so hard in the azz that he will shape up quickly. I honestly don't think that men have the instincts to parent the way we do, I just don't think that, however, I do think they can learn to have the same reactions we do. And in the end, who cares if it's instinct or a learned response? It's all the same in the outcome. You have to allow him to learn through making mistakes. That's his daughter. His beautiful, precious flesh and blood. Trust that he would do anything to take care of her, even if she ends up with crusted cereal in her ears and nose. As long as she's in one piece at the end of the day, he did a good job

Re: I am just so nervous and sad..advice?

Is he on meds...I know quite a few adults who are on them for add and adhd and they help tremendously....hugs to you

Re: I am just so nervous and sad..advice?

Rachel put it so eloquently and each word of advice she gave is SO VERY TRUE !

Youre going to have to let him take the wheel a few times between now and then

TRy not to be as neurotic as far as what gets done or how it gets done. Ive learned to let that go many moons ago.
If the kids are happy, healthy and fed, then all is well.

As first time moms, we've all stumbled quite a number of times. So we have to understand that dads wil too !

As someone else mentioned, babyproof as much as possible. keep all small things FAR AWAY and remind him of that one all summer long.
and give him simple lists/reminders.

start out by leaving him with her half hour this week, an hour next week. By mid summer, you should be up to a few hours.
and try to "forget" certain things like leaving out a certain thing for him. you have to also let him learn to "figure it out" when he has to improvise.

He will surprise you. I look forward to your report back to us in a few months

and ADD can be a good thing, we're very creative and do things our way

Re: I am just so nervous and sad..advice?

I really appreciate all of your kind words, advice and just listening (well reading.)

He can do the basic things. I trust him with that. But his add is so severe, that he will start watching a tv show in the middle of feeding her and I will have to remind him that she is sitting there with her mouth open. It goes beyond just basic protection ya know. Like when she coughs when shes eating, he panics big time and looks at me. I told him, I wont be here, he needs to be ready for ANYTHING.

I am not against him for having add..BUT..as the person who has to deal with the circumstances of it, its VERY hard. I know its hard on him with not being able to focus and the like but after dealing with it for so many years, it really takes a toll on you. I love him with or without it..its just harder to be able to have confidance in him.

Re: I am just so nervous and sad..advice?

Re: I am just so nervous and sad..advice?

I think that it would be fair to say that most women feel some of this. Nobody will ever do it the same as we do, and accepting that everyone does it different and the kid will be OK is hard but worth it. My DH has anxiety so I know what its like to have that extra worry. It was after DS was born that my DH realized how much it effected his life and went back to therapy and on meds.

I dont think you answered some of the pp. Is your DH on meds? If not, and it is as severe as you say, I think it would be irresponsible of him not to get a medication evaluation from a psychiatrist. If takign a pill can make your lives calmer and your daughters safer than it is a small price to pay.

Re: I am just so nervous and sad..advice?

No one will take care of her the way you do. Your the mommy and will always be nervous and that's totally normal. I'm like that with my DH. I'm always like, "Don't do that", "Watch that." He knows it's not because of him, it's just I like things my way. I'm sure he will be great. Maybe you can leave a list of things and times to do them on the refrigerator. This way it makes you feel like he has a schedule and can try to follow it. You can test it out one day. Pretend to go to work, but go out for a while and see what happens. I'm sure he'll be so nervous, that he will surprise you.

We are all here for you!!!