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Cocoa
LIF Infant
Member since 5/05 314 total posts
Name:
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x
Message edited 5/29/2005 12:46:25 PM.
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Posted 5/11/05 6:22 AM  |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: For the children of divorce...
Posted by Cocoa
do you ever feel that because your parents got divorced, that people almost expect that from you too? like, divorce is what you know, so it is only a matter of time? sometimes i feel like people who don't know divorce or why it happened almost think that that is the only thing i know and expect me to have the same outcome.
no actually i don't feel that at all
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| Posted 5/11/05 6:50 AM |
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VirginiaDeb
Don't eat me, hippo!
Member since 5/05 9252 total posts
Name:
Deb
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Re: For the children of divorce...
I think my dad expects me too. But that's mostly because we're young.
Kev and I had had multiple discussions about this. We've decided that we're going to work extra hard - do whatever it takes not to get a divorce (both sets of our parents are divorced).
This is especially if children are involved. We both know how hard it is, and don't want our children to have to go through what we did. Now, given, we both had pretty good situations for children of divorce, but no matter what it's hard. We don't want our kids to have to deal with all the confusion, and being sent all over the place all the time.
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| Posted 5/11/05 7:16 AM |
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Donna
1 year already!!
Member since 5/05 3360 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: For the children of divorce...
I don't. My parents got divorced when I was older (after 20 something years of marriage) and I know my DH and I aren't them.
I got married at an older age than my parents and for now DH and I don't have the same issues they did (young parents, 2 kids, small apt, no $, etc)
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| Posted 5/11/05 8:23 AM |
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Sweetpea130000
My Love!
Member since 5/05 2375 total posts
Name:
Shandra
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Re: For the children of divorce...
Both of us are from divorced parents, mine when I was a baby, him when he graduated from college and we are going to work extra hard to make sure it doesn't happen.
But we also know that we are not them, so we will be doing our own thing
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| Posted 5/11/05 9:34 AM |
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ckdk
My girls
Member since 5/05 7027 total posts
Name:
Cheryl
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Re: For the children of divorce...
Posted by Redhead
Posted by Cocoa
do you ever feel that because your parents got divorced, that people almost expect that from you too? like, divorce is what you know, so it is only a matter of time? sometimes i feel like people who don't know divorce or why it happened almost think that that is the only thing i know and expect me to have the same outcome.
no actually i don't feel that at all
Same here, my mom and step father have been married for a very long time and I would almost say that coming from divorced parents, people would expect the opposite.
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| Posted 5/11/05 9:35 AM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: For the children of divorce...
To an extent, I do feel that way. I feel that since DH and I both come from divorced parents we have to work harder at our marriage because we haven't seen what a healthy, successfull marraige looks like so we have no example to follow. For myself I have to learn how to deal with the bad instead of giving up and walking away from it, which is IMO why a lot of marriages don't work out - because once things get rocky people bail instead of trying to resolve their issues.
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| Posted 5/11/05 9:42 AM |
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Re: For the children of divorce...
Mine have been divorced since I was 7 and DH's are still together. I dont think people think that of us just because of my parents. But I do think that people think we will be together forever because we will work extra hard to make it work. Weve seen what divorce can do to a person and we wouldnt do that to ourselves or our children.
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| Posted 5/11/05 10:57 AM |
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jms100303
Luv my munchkins
Member since 5/05 4789 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: For the children of divorce...
I don't feel that way. My dad has been remarried for almost 18 years and they have a great marriage.
But, my MIL made some comments when we were getting married that "this was forever" and stuff like that. I think she was joking, but I am not sure if it was because my parent's were divorced or not.
On a side note, I didn't take the decision lightly and waited until I was "older". I think had I gotten engaged when I was younger, like many of my friends, right out of college at like 22, my dad would have said something. My dad & mom were young when they married. My DH and I got engaged when we were 27 and married at 28. I waited, because I did NOT want to get divorced (I know noone does, but I wanted to be certain we were right for one another). I made sure he is the right one.
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| Posted 5/11/05 11:09 AM |
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Catzmeow
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 604 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Re: For the children of divorce...
No, I have never felt like people expect me to get divorced just b/c my parents are. People have only said positive things to us. But there was one time when we were engaged that an unhappily married friend of ours actually said "Are you sure you two want to get married? You seem happy together now. Marriage only ruins things." I was pretty shocked!
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| Posted 5/11/05 11:23 AM |
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Tracey
***********
Member since 5/05 6297 total posts
Name:
Tracey - brideinapril
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Re: For the children of divorce...
No, and to be honest it never occurred to me, my parents divorce had nothing to do with me.
My Dh's parents are still together - like co-habitating - they don't even share a room anymore.
Again, I don't think that would happen to us either though. Who knows?!
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| Posted 5/11/05 11:33 AM |
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aimerliny
LIF Infant
Member since 5/05 336 total posts
Name:
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Re: For the children of divorce...
I don't think people expect it. But I do think that my husband and I were overly cautious when we finally decided to live together, get engaged, by a house, get married. If anything, I think it makes our beliefs stronger, if that makes sense.
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| Posted 5/11/05 12:54 PM |
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AJsMommy122
Stop 2 smell the roses
Member since 5/05 2048 total posts
Name:
Maxine
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Re: For the children of divorce...
No I don't think about that at all. If anything I think about how it effected me & my brother and I work even harder on our relationship.
DH's parents are still together ( they got engaged when she was only 15!!!!!) so I use them as my role models!!!!
My parents were each married once before they married eachother I am hoping 3xs the charm for both of them
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| Posted 5/11/05 5:00 PM |
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Jenziba
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Member since 5/05 6265 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: For the children of divorce...
No, I don't find this to be the case with me.
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| Posted 5/11/05 5:02 PM |
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Cocoa
LIF Infant
Member since 5/05 314 total posts
Name:
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x
Message edited 5/29/2005 12:46:45 PM.
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| Posted 5/11/05 5:02 PM |
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pinky
Twin Moms Do Everything Twice
Member since 5/05 9612 total posts
Name:
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Re: For the children of divorce...
i dont think so
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| Posted 5/11/05 5:49 PM |
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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: For the children of divorce...
I don't think others expect of me.....I actually fear that I'll push it to that point because I don't know what a happy marriage is....
I knew for a LONG time my dad was unhappy and I had no role model for a happy marriage...so this is aLL new to me!
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| Posted 5/11/05 6:24 PM |
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LMFitz
life is good
Member since 5/05 2013 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: For the children of divorce...
I've never felt that way
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| Posted 5/11/05 7:36 PM |
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Gertyrae
Peace out Homies!
Member since 5/05 20046 total posts
Name:
Gerty ®
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Re: For the children of divorce...
I never felt that way, but then I ended up divorced. And my mother married an alcoholic and so did I (the first time). I learned my lesson well though...DH is a great guy, no chance of us having any major problems.
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| Posted 5/11/05 9:56 PM |
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Kierasmom
I love my kids
Member since 5/05 2885 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: For the children of divorce...
Posted by Cocoa
do you ever feel that because your parents got divorced, that people almost expect that from you too? like, divorce is what you know, so it is only a matter of time? sometimes i feel like people who don't know divorce or why it happened almost think that that is the only thing i know and expect me to have the same outcome.
I know that's a big concern of my MIL. She seems to think that I don't have a good sense of family values. If anything the divorce really makes me appreciate DH more. My father is an a-hole and I know that I am very lucky to have someone like him. But my MIL thinks that I'm more inclined to throw in the towel if times get hard.
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| Posted 5/11/05 10:34 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: For the children of divorce...
My MIL once said she would never want her children marrying someone who was divorced. Both my parents are divorced, and I was a little offended. I don't think that makes me more likely to get divorced, though I think some do rush to that judgement, but I have also seen firsthand that sometimes you cannot work out all your problems, and that it is better and more healthy for everyone when some parents decide to get divorced. I have seen both my parents (who were married over 30 years) become much more happy people when divorced. To stay together just for the sake of "not giving up" just seems silly when there are some issues too large to fix.
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| Posted 5/12/05 9:13 AM |
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Cocoa
LIF Infant
Member since 5/05 314 total posts
Name:
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Re: For the children of divorce...
Posted by Kierasmom
Posted by Cocoa
do you ever feel that because your parents got divorced, that people almost expect that from you too? like, divorce is what you know, so it is only a matter of time? sometimes i feel like people who don't know divorce or why it happened almost think that that is the only thing i know and expect me to have the same outcome.
I know that's a big concern of my MIL. She seems to think that I don't have a good sense of family values. If anything the divorce really makes me appreciate DH more. My father is an a-hole and I know that I am very lucky to have someone like him. But my MIL thinks that I'm more inclined to throw in the towel if times get hard.
this is what i mean. i DON'T want to get divorced for this reason, however, knowing it, i know that sometimes people are just better off not being together. my parents are so much happier apart and now they have new wonderful lives.
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| Posted 5/12/05 9:18 AM |
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Re: For the children of divorce...
We both have divorced parents. Mine just recently and DH when he was teen. For us it's something to learn from and be aware so we don't make the same mistakes. I think we will work even harder to continue to strengthen our marriage to not put our children through what we went through.
Message edited 5/12/2005 2:38:29 PM.
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| Posted 5/12/05 2:38 PM |
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bluegrl24NY
LIF Infant
Member since 5/05 297 total posts
Name:
Helena
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Re: For the children of divorce...
I don't feel that way, but because my mom has been divorced three times, I do have this absurd fear that Craig will leave me one day and that thought terrifies me.
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| Posted 5/12/05 2:56 PM |
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Mkr09
.....
Member since 5/05 7550 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: For the children of divorce...
I've never even thought about it. I've never had anyone expect us to get divorced b/c my parents are.
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| Posted 5/12/05 4:49 PM |
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