WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

sorry if this is long...but i need some advice
so pretty much, me and my DH would like to have DC #2 next year. Due to my work situation, March-June is pretty much the months that would be ideal to have the baby. Now i know it may not happen the way, as it can obviously take longer, but regardless i can't have a July-October baby or i wont have a job to come back too . So if it doesnt happen during the months I want, we will have to wait till the end of that year or go into the following year (2011) to start trying again.

Now my sister got engaged and wants to get married in March or april of next year and wants have a destination wedding at disney world. Now, obviously if this happens, their goes TTC #2 for next year I cant even have a June baby b/c you can't fly past 32 weeks (i even called my doctor to ask). Know i know their was no guaranteed i would get pregnant for that time anyway, but regardless i wouldn't even be able to try now.

Also, right now no one in my family has the $$ for it, but they don't care and said this is what they are doing regardless (she can be very selfish). So on top of the wanting to have a baby at that time, shes not even paying for anyone in MY family, (her FI they are-go figure) she's only paying for her reception/ceremony. So me and my DH will have to shell out a lot of money for the hotel, airfare, food, etc. Truthfully we just dont have it, esp due to us saving for a house and wanting baby #2 next year (and i only work part time). I dont have benefits, so we have to save $$ so i can take maternity leave. I am also the MOH so on top of it, so i have to do the shower, bachelorette party, etc.
i dont know what to do. She knows their is a shot we may not make it if she definitely decides this is what they are doing, and she says she understands, but i really do want to be at my sisters wedding, but i feel like she's asking me to give up a lot. Plus she is not offering to help us pay to come down their. I should also mention prior top DS, they thought i had PCOS and since having him, my periods are back to being really irregular and long (i am on CD40 right now and no AF so i really dont want to have to put out TTC on hold an extra year. My parents agree with us 100%, as do most of my friends and feels shes begin unreasonable to everyone.

Thanks for making it this far. Please dont think i am selfish, b/c i love her very much and am so excited to be the MOH but i just feel like they are making some bad decisions in general (she wont even think about a new york wedding even though no one can afford her destination wedding).
So i am just wondering how many of you would put TTC #2 on hold to accommodate her?
*also Missy...please dont mention this anyone

Message edited 2/11/2009 1:36:23 PM.

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

I would not put TTC on hold . you have to do what 's best for your family, esp. because of your job. Hopefully she changes her mind

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

To simplify it - I would not. Personally, I would go ahead with my plan and figure out what to do about her when if and when it becomes an issue.

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

I absolutely would not put TTC on hold to accomodate her. As you said, there is no guarantee it will happen when you want it to, but given the potential for medical issues to arise, and your personal situation which means waiting one full year before trying again, I wouldn't pass up this year's opportunity to TTC.

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

Posted by krissy888

I would not put TTC on hold . you have to do what 's best for your family, esp. because of your job. Hopefully she changes her mind

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

I don't think it makes you selfish to put your own family in front of your sister's wedding. But I also don't think it's selfish for her to want a destination wedding- as long as she's truely ok with some important people not being there. You shouldn't need to change around your plans to accomodate her, and she shouldn't need to change hers to accomodate you.

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

If I wanted a baby I'd do it when it was best for me, period. That said, I also wouldn't expect anyone else to plan their life around mine either.

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

Posted by bayla

Posted by nferrandi

I don't think it makes you selfish to put your own family in front of your sister's wedding. But I also don't think it's selfish for her to want a destination wedding- as long as she's truely ok with some important people not being there. You shouldn't need to change around your plans to accomodate her, and she shouldn't need to change hers to accomodate you.

I think you said it perfectly

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

The future is unpredictable. I wouldn't put TTC on hold.

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

I wouldn't put TTC on hold - you never know how long it can take. You ultimately have to do what is best for your family (and you are not selfish in the least bit! )

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

I have to agree with everyone else. Your family comes first. Don't put your life on hold for anyone else.

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

Knowing what I know now about infertility, I would not suggest putting TTC on hold for your sister's wedding.

Is the destination wedding planned yet or she *wants* one? There are a lot of things I wanted for my wedding too & then taking everything into consideration, I adjusted my expectations.

If you cannot afford a shower with the bridal party, the dress, etc, I would suggest talking to your sister, thanking her for the honor & stepping down.

Also if you really want to go, you can drive down or take a train. I drove 5+ hours to Cape Cod at 31 weeks. It's not comfortable but with stops, you can do it.

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

Message edited 2/11/2009 2:06:54 PM.

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

I think you answered your own question. I would continue to TTC. If she can't even consider your feelings, why do you have to go into debt and put TTC on hold for her?

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

I would not put TTC on hold.

ETA: It is NOT selfish to not want to postponne TTC. People who do OOT/destination wedding have to realize that it's not selfish NOT to attend such wedding. SHE is the one selfish if she expected such thing.

Message edited 2/11/2009 2:18:23 PM.

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

B - Firstly, I won't say a thing.. not to worry! I didn't know she got engaged, so congrats to her!

Secondly, you know how I feel about TTC given all we went through to have Samantha. I agree with the PP's in saying, don't put your plans on hold. I know you guys are close, but you have to do what is right for you and your family first.

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

I would not put off TTC, and I do not think you are selfish at all.

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

I would not put off TTC.
OK here is a LONG story of what has happened in my family...
With both pregnancies I was taking into account my sisters wedding. She originally wanted to get married in May 2008 so DH and I decided to TTC earlier than originally planned and we had DD in Dec 2007. My sister in the meantime did not even book her wedding. Then, we wanted to have the kids close so we decided to TTC in the summer 2008 knowing that my sister's wedding was booked for May 2009. Thank god we were lucky and got pregnant right away bc I more than likely would have put it off to skip some months for my sisters wedding. And now just last month, my sister moved the wedding again to May of 2010.
So if you made it through all of that - the moral of my story is that your sister may be saying one thing now, but things change and you should do whatever is right for your family (DH, DS and you).
GL!

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

Posted by waterspout4

Posted by bayla

Posted by nferrandi

I don't think it makes you selfish to put your own family in front of your sister's wedding. But I also don't think it's selfish for her to want a destination wedding- as long as she's truely ok with some important people not being there. You shouldn't need to change around your plans to accomodate her, and she shouldn't need to change hers to accomodate you.

I think you said it perfectly

This is exactly what I was going to say.

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

Posted by krissy888

I would not put TTC on hold . you have to do what 's best for your family, esp. because of your job. Hopefully she changes her mind

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

Posted by Diana1215

I wouldn't put TTC on hold - you never know how long it can take. You ultimately have to do what is best for your family (and you are not selfish in the least bit! )

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

Re: WWYD-TTC #2 and sister wedding issue

I agree with everyone here - there's no way you should put your family's plans on hold for her wedding!

My husband's brother got engaged about a year ago, and during the planning process, they realized how expensive everything was. So they thought a destination wedding in Mexico would work for them, as it would be cheaper. My husband told his only brother that he was very happy for him, but we wouldn't be going - financially, we couldn't afford it, I couldn't take off work in May (because I am a teacher), and we weren't willing to travel that far with our child. His fiance found our decision selfish, but ultimately, it was our decision, and anyone who decides on a destination wedding needs to go into it knowing that not everyone is going to be able to go!!