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Poppy811
LIF Infant
Member since 2/12 236 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Would you go to HR?
Posted by Leb
I would go to HR. Also I would speak with the daycare privately and let them know to specifically not speak to you in front of your boss and to pull you aside in private, call you, or wait until he is gone.
Completely agree with this.
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Posted 2/19/15 10:09 AM  |
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MichLiz213
Life is Good!
Member since 7/07 7979 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you go to HR?
Posted by jessnbrian
Posted by Paramount
IMHO yes. Your boss should never call you useless. And to threaten you? (Bad review)!!!!
This is what it comes down to. You would be protecting yourself but be open to the boss retaliating. It's F'ed and you don't win either way. At least this way you have the upper hand and if the buss retaliates you have it in paper FIRST.
This. You need to get everything down in writing as formal complaints with HR. Because this boss will NOT stop here. You need, from now on, to document EVERYTHING that is said to you, EVERYTHING that might even be said outside of work hours, AND be aware of what might be going on at daycare. I, personally, would inform the teachers at the daycare of the personal relationship between the two of you and to ask that they keep an eye on anything that might be going on. I mean really, these are KIDS for goodness sake, they hit, they rough house, they bite sometimes (I did all 3 as a kid, I once bit a girl on the playground at school, I have no recollection as to WHY, I just remember doing it, I was an a$$ of a kid), but seriously, GET OVER IT!
I agree. The fact that you mentioned the boss has a, "real ego and a serious attitude" tells me it wasn't said jokingly. You need to have this documented.
I agree with another poster that you need to discuss (if they don't know already) that your boss' child is in the same class and to handle all conversations regarding your child in a discreet manner from now on.
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| Posted 2/19/15 10:09 AM |
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kn2011
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/10 537 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Would you go to HR?
I obviously wasn't there to hear the comment, but it almost sounds like a joke. How could he even write anything about a child on the review? I would be more concerned about the "useless" comment. Personally I would just log it all and if something else happens in the workplace I would either speak to the boss directly, or contact HR
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| Posted 2/19/15 10:13 AM |
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hunnybunnyxoxo
this is what it's all about
Member since 11/07 3321 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Would you go to HR?
he can't be serious about putting this on your review if your kid were to hit his kid. He must have been sarcastic. Did he say it in a threatening tone? did it seem snarky? did he blurt it out and walk away?
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| Posted 2/19/15 10:18 AM |
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mrsBLT
missing my baby
Member since 1/10 1359 total posts
Name:
Brittany
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Re: Would you go to HR?
That depends on what you'd like to happen and what you'd actually tell HR.
If you want to tell them he called you useless and actually have them look into it, speak to him about it, etc. then tell HR.
If you want to just document that he called you useless, then don't go to HR. Keep a running document yourself until you feel you're at the point where you want something done about it.
HR departments don't just "document" something. They're there to protect to the company and if someone reports something that could potentially blow up into something else, they're going to investigate it - including speaking to your boss, probably meeting with the both of you at the same time.
However, in either case, I'd document that he said the daycare/review thing, but keep it out of HR.
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| Posted 2/19/15 10:22 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you go to HR?
I'm trying to think how I would handle an employee complaining that her boss called her useless and the daycare scenario.
First, being called useless is rude & not constructive but it's not illegal. I would be counseling your boss on his behavior, maybe send him to a class on tact & communication (wouldn't be the first person I sent).
I'd also explain to him that any failings on your part need to be documented.
With the daycare scenario, I'd think he was joking because he cannot possibly be serious about it but I'd tell him his humor is inappropriate & to leave any issues at daycare out of the workplace.
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| Posted 2/19/15 11:00 AM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you go to HR?
Posted by Millie3
So sorry you have to deal w this nonsense!
Coming from the most "corporate"'industry, not yet. HR is there to protect management and the company. First you should speak with boss directly. The daycare should have never said anything to you in front of your boss
If you speaking to him doesn't work, then go to HR.
Not correct. HR is there to for the company and it's employees - not just management.
To the OP, I'd go to HR to have it on the record, though it does sound to me like he was joking.
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| Posted 2/19/15 11:06 AM |
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mrsboss
my little love
Member since 12/09 5054 total posts
Name:
Me
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Would you go to HR?
Yes, this needs to be properly documented. Although it may not show up specifically on your review, he may dock you in other ways unfairly.
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| Posted 2/19/15 11:12 AM |
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Blazesyth
*yawn*
Member since 5/05 8129 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you go to HR?
Posted by NYCGirl80
Posted by Millie3
Coming from the most "corporate"'industry, not yet. HR is there to protect management and the company.
Not correct. HR is there to for the company and it's employees - not just management.
In a lot of places of employment - HR is only there to make sure the business is safe. I've seen it in every place I work.
They protect the business from lawsuits first and foremost. It's sad to say, but that's what I (and many people) feel.
Message edited 2/19/2015 11:23:21 AM.
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| Posted 2/19/15 11:22 AM |
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sometimesmommy
Always in my heart.....
Member since 11/06 6686 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you go to HR?
Posted by Blazesyth
Posted by NYCGirl80
Posted by Millie3
Coming from the most "corporate"'industry, not yet. HR is there to protect management and the company.
Not correct. HR is there to for the company and it's employees - not just management.
In a lot of places of employment - HR is only there to make sure the business is safe. I've seen it in every place I work.
They protect the business from lawsuits first and foremost. It's sad to say, but that's what I (and many people) feel.
Your gut is correct for most companies. What I have found is that HR is a mix of employees. Most want to help but there's a bigger picture that the general employee population doesnt see. HR managers who WANT to genuinely help but not always able to especially in an at will employment state. So when you go to HR make sure you have documented multiple cases of whatever it is you are accusing or need help with-depending on the nature of the complaints of course.
In this case I wouldnt advise going to HR yet-but if your boss is dumb enough to truly put something in your review--thats a different story.
Message edited 2/19/2015 11:56:31 AM.
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| Posted 2/19/15 11:55 AM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
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Would you go to HR?
Absolutely
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| Posted 2/19/15 11:57 AM |
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JennCo
My greatest joy is my baby boy
Member since 1/07 2772 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you go to HR?
Posted by WannaBeAMom11
Definitely, unless you have a very sarcastic relationship. My bosses and I say things to each other that would make HR cringe but it's all in fun and they respect me as much as I respect them.
I see what you are saying, however, I'm not a sarcastic person and we dont have that kind of relationship.
He said this in an authoritative, arrogant way....as if he could use this against me, b/c he has the 'power' to do so.
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| Posted 2/19/15 11:59 AM |
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ChilisWife
God Bless America
Member since 5/05 3570 total posts
Name:
A.K.
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Re: Would you go to HR?
Posted by mrsBLT
That depends on what you'd like to happen and what you'd actually tell HR.
If you want to tell them he called you useless and actually have them look into it, speak to him about it, etc. then tell HR.
If you want to just document that he called you useless, then don't go to HR. Keep a running document yourself until you feel you're at the point where you want something done about it.
HR departments don't just "document" something. They're there to protect to the company and if someone reports something that could potentially blow up into something else, they're going to investigate it - including speaking to your boss, probably meeting with the both of you at the same time.
However, in either case, I'd document that he said the daycare/review thing, but keep it out of HR.
I agree. Just understand that going to HR does not mean you are secretly documenting something. HR will need to ask your boss about what you said. Im not saying you shouldnt report it but you should know what to expect.
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| Posted 2/19/15 12:08 PM |
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Seawolf
LIF Adult
Member since 3/14 1336 total posts
Name:
Scrumba
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Re: Would you go to HR?
I think he was making a (poor, unfunny) joke regarding the review, but I would 100% visit HR and let them know that he called you "useless."
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| Posted 2/19/15 12:14 PM |
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JennCo
My greatest joy is my baby boy
Member since 1/07 2772 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you go to HR?
Posted by ChilisWife
Posted by mrsBLT
That depends on what you'd like to happen and what you'd actually tell HR.
If you want to tell them he called you useless and actually have them look into it, speak to him about it, etc. then tell HR.
If you want to just document that he called you useless, then don't go to HR. Keep a running document yourself until you feel you're at the point where you want something done about it.
HR departments don't just "document" something. They're there to protect to the company and if someone reports something that could potentially blow up into something else, they're going to investigate it - including speaking to your boss, probably meeting with the both of you at the same time.
However, in either case, I'd document that he said the daycare/review thing, but keep it out of HR.
I agree. Just understand that going to HR does not mean you are secretly documenting something. HR will need to ask your boss about what you said. Im not saying you shouldnt report it but you should know what to expect.
good point
Message edited 2/19/2015 12:42:30 PM.
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| Posted 2/19/15 12:42 PM |
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MrsM84
LIF Adult
Member since 2/13 2352 total posts
Name:
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Would you go to HR?
I know that everyone's responses are focusing on reporting/not reporting to HR (I would likely report this and want it document just in case something did happen in the future), but I would be really upset with my daycare center. I know you said the teacher was trying to be discreet but no issues with your child (or any child for that matter) should be discussed anywhere in the vicinity of another parent. The fact that this happened is very upsetting/disturbing to me. I would speak with the head of the daycare facility, tell them what happened, and ask that moving forward nothing dealing with your child be addressed in the presence of other parents, whether they be your boss or others. It's just not necessary with all all the possible modes of communication -- you can pull the parent into a private room, wait until other parents who are in the room to pick up their child leave, e-mail, phone call, parent portal, daily updates, etc.
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| Posted 2/19/15 1:07 PM |
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pumpkinmom
LIF Adult
Member since 5/12 2911 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you go to HR?
Posted by jessnbrian
Posted by pumpkinmom
Sounds like they were joking to me - to write something about your kid on a review.
From what the OP also wrote about the boss, this does NOT sound like a joke. I've known and worked with people like this, and believe you me, they are definitely not joking and would find some way to tie it into the review.
The OP asked for opinions about the review comment and I gave mine. Neither of us knows these people IRL.
I will add, IF I felt I had to go to HR about my boss, I would just be protecting myself until I could find a new job. Or I would be asking for a transfer.
Message edited 2/19/2015 3:45:38 PM.
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| Posted 2/19/15 3:44 PM |
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LI-Joy
Member since 10/07 2910 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you go to HR?
Yes, I would definitely go to HR. That comment needs to go on his record for threatening you. What an a$$hole. Good luck.
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| Posted 2/19/15 3:56 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you go to HR?
Posted by ChilisWife
Posted by mrsBLT
That depends on what you'd like to happen and what you'd actually tell HR.
If you want to tell them he called you useless and actually have them look into it, speak to him about it, etc. then tell HR.
If you want to just document that he called you useless, then don't go to HR. Keep a running document yourself until you feel you're at the point where you want something done about it.
HR departments don't just "document" something. They're there to protect to the company and if someone reports something that could potentially blow up into something else, they're going to investigate it - including speaking to your boss, probably meeting with the both of you at the same time.
However, in either case, I'd document that he said the daycare/review thing, but keep it out of HR.
I agree. Just understand that going to HR does not mean you are secretly documenting something. HR will need to ask your boss about what you said. Im not saying you shouldnt report it but you should know what to expect.
For an HR perspective, I believe our job is a liaison between companies & employees. We are here to keep our company out of trouble with the law so if they're doing something illegal, yes we are here to protect them & make sure they're on the straight & narrow.
Plenty of employees complain about their bosses & vice versa. Basically it's a he said/she said and documentation is always your friend. But HR is going to ask your boss about the situation to get his point of view (including his view on why he said you are "useless".)
I agree to speak to daycare too. Also if my boss ever said my kid's daycare behavior like that was going on my review, I'd tell him then he better teach his kid how to defend himself really well.
In all seriousness, I would not want them in the same classroom & would ask about what other options there were.
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| Posted 2/19/15 4:15 PM |
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marianne13
LIF Adolescent
Member since 6/10 887 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you go to HR?
That was so unprofessional. I'd go to HR and I'm not confrontational.
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| Posted 2/19/15 4:28 PM |
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jessnbrian
Only God knows His plan for us
Member since 4/13 7238 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Re: Would you go to HR?
Posted by pumpkinmom
Posted by jessnbrian
Posted by pumpkinmom
Sounds like they were joking to me - to write something about your kid on a review.
From what the OP also wrote about the boss, this does NOT sound like a joke. I've known and worked with people like this, and believe you me, they are definitely not joking and would find some way to tie it into the review.
The OP asked for opinions about the review comment and I gave mine. Neither of us knows these people IRL.
I will add, IF I felt I had to go to HR about my boss, I would just be protecting myself until I could find a new job. Or I would be asking for a transfer.
You make a good point about finding a new job or a transfer. You are the first to mention it and I think that's a GREAT suggestion for the OP. To have to deal with this on a regular basis (if it is, in fact, as bad as it sounds to me) is difficult and tiresome. Getting everything documented with HR would def. help with the transfer.
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| Posted 2/19/15 5:41 PM |
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bella321
Blessed!
Member since 3/09 1952 total posts
Name:
Kristy
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Re: Would you go to HR?
ITA with pp, go to HR. It almost sounds like your boss is looking for an "out" to write you a bad review.
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| Posted 2/19/15 6:35 PM |
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lazybug
LIF Adult
Member since 3/12 1013 total posts
Name:
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Would you go to HR?
It doesn't matter how it was delivered, if it made you feel uncomfortable then it's wrong. I wouldn't want anyone referring to my child as "your kid." Also, the useless comment is unacceptable. I would definitely go to HR. Someone needs to put this guy in his place ASAP!
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| Posted 2/19/15 10:15 PM |
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CSK
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/11 892 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you go to HR?
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by ChilisWife
Posted by mrsBLT
That depends on what you'd like to happen and what you'd actually tell HR.
If you want to tell them he called you useless and actually have them look into it, speak to him about it, etc. then tell HR.
If you want to just document that he called you useless, then don't go to HR. Keep a running document yourself until you feel you're at the point where you want something done about it.
HR departments don't just "document" something. They're there to protect to the company and if someone reports something that could potentially blow up into something else, they're going to investigate it - including speaking to your boss, probably meeting with the both of you at the same time.
However, in either case, I'd document that he said the daycare/review thing, but keep it out of HR.
I agree. Just understand that going to HR does not mean you are secretly documenting something. HR will need to ask your boss about what you said. Im not saying you shouldnt report it but you should know what to expect.
For an HR perspective, I believe our job is a liaison between companies & employees. We are here to keep our company out of trouble with the law so if they're doing something illegal, yes we are here to protect them & make sure they're on the straight & narrow.
Plenty of employees complain about their bosses & vice versa. Basically it's a he said/she said and documentation is always your friend. But HR is going to ask your boss about the situation to get his point of view (including his view on why he said you are "useless".)
I agree to speak to daycare too. Also if my boss ever said my kid's daycare behavior like that was going on my review, I'd tell him then he better teach his kid how to defend himself really well.
In all seriousness, I would not want them in the same classroom & would ask about what other options there were.
I'm not in HR, but from my understanding this is absolutely true. HR is not the police, HR is not your therapist, HR not your friend. HR is there to protect the company.
Its reason for getting involved in what you report to them is to make sure you or he does not sue the company. In order to do that, they need to talk to all parties and figure out what was said etc. Then they can make the decision that is in the Company's best interest. Which can involve disciplinary action against him, but realize, he probably won't get fired over this, and no matter what you say about "keeping it confidential, or not telling him" they can and will do it if they feel its worth investigating, they're not your lawyer.
I know my opinion is going to be unpopular, but...
IMHO, see if the daycare can make sure your kids are separate, and learn to work with this guy. if you can't do that, look to get transferred or another job. I don't think what has been said is going to get serious action to take place, but I'm not in HR.
Message edited 2/20/2015 9:41:59 AM.
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| Posted 2/20/15 9:34 AM |
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Genesis
LIF Zygote
Member since 2/15 3 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you go to HR?
Posted by CSK
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by ChilisWife
Posted by mrsBLT
That depends on what you'd like to happen and what you'd actually tell HR.
If you want to tell them he called you useless and actually have them look into it, speak to him about it, etc. then tell HR.
If you want to just document that he called you useless, then don't go to HR. Keep a running document yourself until you feel you're at the point where you want something done about it.
HR departments don't just "document" something. They're there to protect to the company and if someone reports something that could potentially blow up into something else, they're going to investigate it - including speaking to your boss, probably meeting with the both of you at the same time.
However, in either case, I'd document that he said the daycare/review thing, but keep it out of HR.
I agree. Just understand that going to HR does not mean you are secretly documenting something. HR will need to ask your boss about what you said. Im not saying you shouldnt report it but you should know what to expect.
For an HR perspective, I believe our job is a liaison between companies & employees. We are here to keep our company out of trouble with the law so if they're doing something illegal, yes we are here to protect them & make sure they're on the straight & narrow.
Plenty of employees complain about their bosses & vice versa. Basically it's a he said/she said and documentation is always your friend. But HR is going to ask your boss about the situation to get his point of view (including his view on why he said you are "useless".)
I agree to speak to daycare too. Also if my boss ever said my kid's daycare behavior like that was going on my review, I'd tell him then he better teach his kid how to defend himself really well.
In all seriousness, I would not want them in the same classroom & would ask about what other options there were.
I'm not in HR, but from my understanding this is absolutely true. HR is not the police, HR is not your therapist, HR not your friend. HR is there to protect the company.
Its reason for getting involved in what you report to them is to make sure you or he does not sue the company. In order to do that, they need to talk to all parties and figure out what was said etc. Then they can make the decision that is in the Company's best interest. Which can involve disciplinary action against him, but realize, he probably won't get fired over this, and no matter what you say about "keeping it confidential, or not telling him" they can and will do it if they feel its worth investigating, they're not your lawyer.
I know my opinion is going to be unpopular, but...
IMHO, see if the daycare can make sure your kids are separate, and learn to work with this guy. if you can't do that, look to get transferred or another job. I don't think what has been said is going to get serious action to take place, but I'm not in HR.
I agree with you, this is what my gut tells me is going to happen too. They are not there for the sole purpose of the employees. They are not there to protect the company and this boss of mine fired a woman while on maternity and rumor has it she sued the company - and won!
So if I was to bring something up, I think they wont take it lightly given his history.
Also, I've documented things that have happened in the last few months and it would't look good in his favor...he made an inappropriate sexual comment not too long ago...playfully bumps my shoulders when he sees me (like a "hey pal"), puts his hand over my hand on my mouse when he wants to see something on my computer. Like I said in my original post, there are a few things that have happened. This comment involving my toddler is what threw me over the edge!
However, all that said, I need this job, I like my job....I don't want this to go down in a bad way and then my reputation is at stake. 
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| Posted 2/20/15 10:21 AM |
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