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alnem
This is gonna be a good year!
Member since 2/06 9562 total posts
Name:
Emily
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
i was DH's beneficiary even before we were married...it was split 50/50 between me and his little brother. however, when we got married it was changed over to 100% me.
so yes, i would pizzed if i were you. its not very difficult to make the change request and your DH should do it asap, especially since you have a child.
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Posted 11/9/07 10:43 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Ambersmom
Straight up nasty
Member since 5/05 7740 total posts
Name:
Sharon
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
Hell yeah I'd be upset. And I'm with you on not trusting the inlaws..
A very good friend of mine at work is going through the very same thing. Her husband died unexpectedly and due to certain financial reasons, everything was in his name (house, etc.). Beneficiaries were his parents. She got NOTHING. Inlaws are holding the $$$ hostage as a means to "control" her and their influence over her children, etc. I can see how much stress she goes through because of it.
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| Posted 11/9/07 10:46 AM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
Absolutely, I would be furious. If you DH hasn't "thought" of it, educate him. You need to be beneficiary, you are his wife and you will suffer financially should something happen to him, not his parents..
ETA Don't back off, he needs to do this. You have his child, you are his wife. You and the child are his priority. No doubt and any man that trusts his parents to do the "right" thing is insane. ANYONE is capable of seeing $$$ signs when a loved one is gone, even beloved parents. They can manipulate, hold control, esp over grandchildren, etc and he may be trying to give them that advantage if he is very "family" oriented.
One thing that pops to mind is remarriage....as a young woman should you ever find yourself a widow, you may very well get remarried one day and ILs could surely take away any $ they may have been giving you (if you ever got any at all).
You are the wife, you should hold all the control as his debts are your debts, and vice versa.
Message edited 11/9/2007 11:31:09 AM.
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| Posted 11/9/07 11:21 AM |
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dawnie
Barb-Never removing this pic!
Member since 11/05 3932 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
Posted by Wendy
I wouldn't be upset but now that you've discussed it, I would make sure it was done ASAP.
ITA!
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| Posted 11/9/07 11:24 AM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
Posted by mitabtrfly
[You don't know my in-laws...I really believe they would keep it. ESPECIALLY after recent events where they stated "I don't know them well enough". 
I am sure they would keep it. If there is any tension b/w you and them and their son is no longer in the picture, I highly doubt YOU would be at the top of their list. Esp if they disapprove of ANY choices you make in the future...when it comes to relationships, your children and seeing the grandparents, etc.
If there is friction (or even if not) I highly suspect ALL things get worse when stress of a death of a loved one and $ enter the picture. Their son is blood, YOU are not.
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| Posted 11/9/07 11:34 AM |
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mka06
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 1079 total posts
Name:
Melis
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
i would be upset and angry if i felt it was done intentionally
i wouldn't be angry if i felt it was something that he didn't think about or forgot and that once it was brought up, changes were made.
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| Posted 11/9/07 11:36 AM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
Posted by eroxgirl
I And even then he was trying to cut me out of it -- he said "but what about the child?" when I put my name as beneficiary. I had to remind him who will care for her if something happened to him, and how would inurance money help pay the mortgage if it is locked in a trust until she's 18? Never mind the fact that she's not born yet. 
Just stay on top of him.
Goes to spouse, not a child...no reason at all for it to go to a child. That makes no sense. ITA
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| Posted 11/9/07 11:38 AM |
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CathyB
Member since 5/05 19403 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
Posted by ODonnell
Posted by Erin0602
Hmm, I thought that once you got married your spouse automatically became the beneficiary. I thought the only way the spouse wouldn't be the beneficiary is if they signed something and had it notorized. Guess I was way wrong.
But to answer your question, I would be upset, especially now that you have a child together. Some guys just need to be reminded. It's an easy thing to forget, but an important one to remember.
It is automatic. I was told by our benefits dept. that I didn't need to change it at all. His benefits will automatically go to you should anything happen.
This is not true for the NYPD. He has to go and change it.
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| Posted 11/9/07 11:39 AM |
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Kathy042806
LIF Adult
Member since 5/06 1416 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
Posted by june262004
I believe spouse gets everything.
Thats not always the case..they stress it alot being in the nypd that you should keep your beneficiaries up to date, b/c there have been cases that unfortunately someone passes away, and they left behind a wife and kids, and the poor wife gets nothing b/c when the husband first got on the force, he listed a former girlfriend as beneficiary, and never changed it..he just "forgot" and the wife and kids were left with nothing..this can't be fought, which is why they always hound us to stay on top, and make sure you change over everything...at least that's how the city works...it really takes no time, and the peace of mind that you are left with is priceless!! good luck!
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| Posted 11/9/07 11:41 AM |
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
Yes, I would be upset. God forbid anything ever happened to him!!
We took care of it right away, maybe about a month after we were married. I made Kevin my beneficiary, and he split his 50/50 btw me and his DD.
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| Posted 11/9/07 11:42 AM |
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babymakes3
Almost there!
Member since 7/06 7376 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
Yes, I would be upset. Grief can make people do things you would never expect them to do, like take the money hostage.
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| Posted 11/9/07 11:56 AM |
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
My insurance is current, with DH as the beneficiary, but both of our personal checking accounts still have our moms as beneficiaries.... granted, we've only been married for 5 months, but we totally never got around to it, and frankly forgot about it until this thread
thanks for the reminder!
Message edited 11/9/2007 12:29:49 PM.
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| Posted 11/9/07 12:29 PM |
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CkGm
They get so big, so fast :(
Member since 5/05 13848 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
I would be very upset and worried.
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| Posted 11/9/07 12:30 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
No because he's lazy, which is why I got the paperwork filled it out, had him sign it & sent it in myself.
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| Posted 11/9/07 12:49 PM |
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Tany
Becoming a different woman
Member since 5/05 24460 total posts
Name:
Tania
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
I would be upset, not so much for me but for my daughter. I would want her to be protected if something ever happened to her dad.
Message edited 11/9/2007 12:51:49 PM.
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| Posted 11/9/07 12:51 PM |
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MamaMia
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/07 886 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
Posted by ODonnell
Posted by Erin0602
Hmm, I thought that once you got married your spouse automatically became the beneficiary. I thought the only way the spouse wouldn't be the beneficiary is if they signed something and had it notorized. Guess I was way wrong.
But to answer your question, I would be upset, especially now that you have a child together. Some guys just need to be reminded. It's an easy thing to forget, but an important one to remember.
It is automatic. I was told by our benefits dept. that I didn't need to change it at all. His benefits will automatically go to you should anything happen.
YES, I believe that to be true as well the WIFE trumps anyone else he may name so it would go to YOU.
I know this because my STBX was my beneficiary and I changed it. 
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| Posted 11/9/07 12:52 PM |
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Boobobunny
Live in the Present
Member since 5/05 3572 total posts
Name:
Dannielle
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
I made DH change his mother as the beneficiary when James was born...(our sonwas born a yr before we got married)
I told DH that his mother will never be in the position to raise our children. so any $$ he leave behind has to be available to our children.
DH thought about it and agreed that his mother would not give 100% of the $$ towards his children's expenses. So he changed the beneficiary to Me and the secondary to James...we added Marianna when she was born.
The funny thing is that MIL recently learned that she is no longer the benficiary and she thought that she should still be listed...as a primary split with me. DH and I could not understand why she should this...she claimed that if something happened to me and dh together she could monitor the $$ for the kids. We tried to explain that if Dh and I die together the $$ goes directly to the kids...and my parents would have the responsibilty to monitor how the $$ is spent...because the children are being left to my parents.
She then asked if we would leave her the house then
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| Posted 11/9/07 12:56 PM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
Posted by nrthshgrl
No because he's lazy, which is why I got the paperwork filled it out, had him sign it & sent it in myself.
I can't get the paperwork from his job...that's another problem. My main concern is our DD, not so much me.
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| Posted 11/9/07 6:06 PM |
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mitabtrfly
Member since 12/06 2770 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
Posted by Boobobunny
I made DH change his mother as the beneficiary when James was born...(our sonwas born a yr before we got married)
I told DH that his mother will never be in the position to raise our children. so any $$ he leave behind has to be available to our children.
DH thought about it and agreed that his mother would not give 100% of the $$ towards his children's expenses. So he changed the beneficiary to Me and the secondary to James...we added Marianna when she was born.
The funny thing is that MIL recently learned that she is no longer the benficiary and she thought that she should still be listed...as a primary split with me. DH and I could not understand why she should this...she claimed that if something happened to me and dh together she could monitor the $$ for the kids. We tried to explain that if Dh and I die together the $$ goes directly to the kids...and my parents would have the responsibilty to monitor how the $$ is spent...because the children are being left to my parents.
She then asked if we would leave her the house then
Precisely my point. Family gets crazy when it comes to money.
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| Posted 11/9/07 6:07 PM |
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KateDevine
*
Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
Posted by june262004
I believe spouse gets everything.
Not true if it is stated otherwise.
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| Posted 11/9/07 8:53 PM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by june262004
I believe spouse gets everything.
Not true if it is stated otherwise.
I work for a bank. I believe spouses over ride.
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| Posted 11/9/07 8:55 PM |
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
Posted by mitabtrfly
We've been married for over a year and I just saw DH has his parents only as his beneficiaries. He claims he "never got around to it" although he mentioned it when we got married. I got upset because he is a police officer and god forbid something should happen to him, we are left with nothing. He says his parents wouldn't keep anything, and I told him, you don't know that (especially now that there is friction between us). People change when it comes to dealing with $$ and it doesn't matter if they are family..they are the FIRST ones to screw you over!!
Am I wrong for being upset? As soon as we got married I added him on and DD when she was born.
I just think it's lazyness on his part and also he just doesn't THINK!!!
I would be annoyed, but kind. After all he dosen't HAVE to do this. I know you're married and have a child, but it's up to him who he picks. I would just explain it gives you peice of mind, and that people change in a crisis. His parents may not be as understanding as he thinks. I made DH change his paperwork before I let him ride his motorcycle. I just explained it's piece of mind that I would be ok and he agreed. It could just be an oversite, or maybe he really forgot. Either way I would talk to him about it
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| Posted 11/9/07 10:31 PM |
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Goldi0218
My miracles!
Member since 12/05 23902 total posts
Name:
Leslie
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
We changed beneficiaries immediately to each other. I switched from my parents to DH in a letter written to all parties necessary.
Message edited 11/9/2007 10:44:58 PM.
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| Posted 11/9/07 10:44 PM |
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beachgirl13
Mommy to 3 boys!
Member since 5/05 4114 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
I would be upset. He needs to change that.
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| Posted 11/9/07 11:23 PM |
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LIMOMx2
...
Member since 5/05 24989 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would you be upset if after a year of marriage and having a child your DH didn't have you or your DC as a beneficiary?
DH still has his parents as the beneficiaries and we have been married over 3 yrs. It doesn't bother me. It is his parents and if god forbid something happened I know I would get it anyway.
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| Posted 11/9/07 11:29 PM |
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