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DRMom
Two in Blue
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Melissa
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Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
I was surprised that a few people said they would. I PERSONALLY, would never let my kids play somewhere before I had met/spoken to the parents. Call me overprotective, but they are my LIFE and I can't imagine releasing them to the care of total strangers. how about you?
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Posted 7/19/10 10:38 AM  |
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eddiesmommy
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Melissa
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
I dont think anyone said theyd let their kids go to just anyones home without knowing the parents. I was one that I think you are referencing but have misinterpreted the response.
I didnt say, nor do I think anyone did, that we wouldnt know or speak to the parents first.
Of course I would talk to the parents first, but what I did say was that I would NOT inspect or visit the home of every friend my child has before going to their house.
There is a big difference. Im talking late elementary, early middle school, BTW not now as a small toddler.
Message edited 7/19/2010 10:57:20 AM.
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| Posted 7/19/10 10:41 AM |
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MrsA714
Baby #2 is here!
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
I would absolutely need to know them and while I wouldn't "inspect" their house I would at least want to have been there before to see for myself where my child would be playing. I would want to know if they have a pool, trampoline, pets,the other members of the family living there, etc. You can't be too careful these days.
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| Posted 7/19/10 10:48 AM |
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
As much as I would like to say "No WAY NEVER" I know that at some point Teddy will be a teenager. Also I would like to point out that when I was a kid my "caretaker" was all over me and people I knew like white on rice. It didn't stop one of those "FRIENDS FATHERS" from taking advantage of me and a few of her other friends. Most abuse occurs with some one you know and trust.
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| Posted 7/19/10 10:49 AM |
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CathyB
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
When my kids were toddlers I couldn't imagine letting them play somewhere I hadn't seen.
Now that they are older and I don't want them to miss out, sometimes I let them play at houses where I "know" the parents from school but haven't been in the house beyond the entry. I do ask about pets (allergies) and pools before we go over.
But I understand what you are saying, I used to think the same thing myself.
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| Posted 7/19/10 10:51 AM |
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Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy
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Momx100
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
Of course I would have to know the parents now since DS is only a toddler.
I think I'd be more open when the kids are older and in school, like maybe 8-9yo. It's hard to say since DS is only 16m old now.
I'm a hands on type mom though so I would probably like to have met the parents at least when I drop DS off.
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| Posted 7/19/10 10:53 AM |
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mommyIam
Member since 7/09 9209 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
My parents never let us play at anyone's house without them being right there, the whole time. I was always angry about this, since they did it till I was 12.
But I think this is one of those things, where they were right, when saying, you'll understand when your a parent.
I wouldn't, not until DS is school age anyway, maybe after 2nd grade ... maybe even longer 
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| Posted 7/19/10 10:55 AM |
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4PsInaPod
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D
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
Posted by eddiesmommy
I dont think anyone said theyd let their kids go to just anyones home without knowing the parents. I was one that I think you are referencing but have misinterpreted the response.
I didnt say, nor do I think anyone did, that we wouldnt know or speak to the parents first.
Of course I would talk to the parents first, but what I did say was that I would NOT inspect or visit the home of every friend my child has before going to their house.
There is a big difference. Im talking late elementary, early middle school, BTW not now as a small toddler.
What she said 
My parents always "knew" my friends parents but didn't visit each and every one of their houses!
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| Posted 7/19/10 10:59 AM |
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MrsRbk
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Michelle
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
absolutely not!
Growing up I was never allowed at someones house if my parents (or at least ONE of my parents) didn't know the kid(s) and their parents.
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| Posted 7/19/10 11:00 AM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
I went back and read the posts I was referring to and did mis-read them. I thought a few of your were saying you would allow your kids to go places where you did not know the parents or the house. I am not talking about toddlers OR teenagers though.
I am talking about kids ages lets say, 4-11 or so. i still say my kids would not be going anywhere without me being familiar with the parents, their schedule and the type of parent they are.
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| Posted 7/19/10 11:13 AM |
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Ophelia
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remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
no. I would have to know the parents very well and I would make sure to drop my kid off the first time to at least get to know what the house looks like.
this is how I was raised. I am not sure if it's a city paranoia or what, but i was never allowed to go to someone's house that my parents weren't familiar with.
I was also never allowed to go over someone's house if the parents weren't home.
and then there were the parents MY parents didn't approve of. I was hardly ever even allowed over their house WITH the parents there!!!
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| Posted 7/19/10 11:14 AM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
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Stephanie
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
no way, I plan to meet and visit the homes where my children will be playing
what if they have an unsecured pool/gun/dog, etc
NO WAY
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| Posted 7/19/10 11:32 AM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
Posted by Ophelia
no. I would have to know the parents very well and I would make sure to drop my kid off the first time to at least get to know what the house looks like.
this is how I was raised. I am not sure if it's a city paranoia or what, but i was never allowed to go to someone's house that my parents weren't familiar with.
I was also never allowed to go over someone's house if the parents weren't home.
and then there were the parents MY parents didn't approve of. I was hardly ever even allowed over their house WITH the parents there!!!
It's not city paranoia - my parents were the same way!
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| Posted 7/19/10 12:26 PM |
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nrthshgrl
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
Yes I have. I'm the only person I guess or maybe some of you aren't there yet.
DH or I have met the parents in the school, but don't know them extremely well. The kids are good friends & no I haven't inspected the house.
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| Posted 7/19/10 12:31 PM |
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eddiesmommy
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Member since 5/09 11524 total posts
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Melissa
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
Posted by pinkandblue
no way, I plan to meet and visit the homes where my children will be playing
what if they have an unsecured pool/gun/dog, etc
NO WAY
how would you know though? I mean obviously the pool you could see, but what if they said they keep the dog gated off, but it was just to appease you?
How would you know if they had an unsecured gun? I doubt they would just come out and tell you that...KWIM? Are you going to check under their mattress? Maybe when you go everything is in order, but mom got distracted and left a knife on the counter while emptying the dishwasher...KWIM?
Im not being snarky, bc these things concern me as well. I just dont see how I could possibly cover all the bases though. I feel for us, that I just need to be able to trust the parents and then wouldnt feel the need to inspect their home. I just think that I cant protect DS from everything and if he is at someones house, he is out of my hands. I can only do so much and then I have to leave my trust in the parents of the child who he is with.
Message edited 7/19/2010 12:37:46 PM.
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| Posted 7/19/10 12:34 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
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Stephanie
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
Posted by eddiesmommy
Posted by pinkandblue
no way, I plan to meet and visit the homes where my children will be playing
what if they have an unsecured pool/gun/dog, etc
NO WAY
how would you know though? I mean obviously the pool you could see, but what if they said they keep the dog gated off, but it was just to appease you?
How would you know if they had an unsecured gun? I doubt they would just come out and tell you that...KWIM? Are you going to check under their mattress?
Im not being snarky, bc these things concern me as well. I just dont see how I could possibly cover all the bases though. I feel for us, that I just need to be able to trust the parents and then wouldnt feel the need to inspect their home.
I would hope that parents would be forthright but you are correct, I am not going to go and search under their mattress....
however, when my children are small and pre-teen, I WILL be checking out homes before dropping them somewhere
everyone needs to do what they are comfortable with
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| Posted 7/19/10 12:35 PM |
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CrankyPants
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Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
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Mama Cranky
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
To answer the OP-I don't think so, just the idea of my kids playing in a house where I don't know the parents well makes me nervous.
I actually want to have all play dates at my house so I don't have to worry about this-but I know that is just ridiculous.
The in particular scares me:
Posted by pinkandblue
no way, I plan to meet and visit the homes where my children will be playing
what if they have an unsecured pool/gun/dog, etc
NO WAY
The gun thing makes me really nervous but I don't think you would even know about this if you were familiar with the parents. I don't even know how to deal with that one.
Then, you get into sleepovers-those make me even more nervous, our friends and family, fine, but friends from school with whom we are not really close? Ugh. So much to worry about
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| Posted 7/19/10 12:40 PM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
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Mama Cranky
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
Posted by nrthshgrl
Yes I have. I'm the only person I guess or maybe some of you aren't there yet.
DH or I have met the parents in the school, but don't know them extremely well. The kids are good friends & no I haven't inspected the house.
I think a lot of us are not there yet-I bet the answers are different on the school age parenting board.
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| Posted 7/19/10 12:41 PM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
Posted by CrankyPants
To answer the OP-I don't think so, just the idea of my kids playing in a house where I don't know the parents well makes me nervous.
I actually want to have all play dates at my house so I don't have to worry about this-but I know that is just ridiculous.
The in particular scares me:
Posted by pinkandblue
no way, I plan to meet and visit the homes where my children will be playing
what if they have an unsecured pool/gun/dog, etc
NO WAY
The gun thing makes me really nervous but I don't think you would even know about this if you were familiar with the parents. I don't even know how to deal with that one.
Then, you get into sleepovers-those make me even more nervous, our friends and family, fine, but friends from school with whom we are not really close? Ugh. So much to worry about
See, I would be asking these questions-do you have a gun? How is it stored? Do you have a dog? etc.
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| Posted 7/19/10 12:42 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
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remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
why does everything have to get so distorted?
somehow going over the get to know a house is changed in to "looking under the mattress".
obviously there is always an element of surprise. you can never be 100% sure.
but that doesn't mean that you can still be vigilant.
sadly, I will be the mom who disappoints her son with a play date. he won't be going to anyone's home for the first time directly from school. I will be bringing him there and introducing myself etc.
and since this is the way I was raised. this is ingrained in me. and I don't see myself altering too much. especially at that age.
I mean, my father was uber strict and I still managed to get over his rules when I was a teenager (some parents were even complicit  ) but at 6 years old...no. I want to know what I am allowing my child to walk in to. and I want you to know that I am interested in how you protect my child while they are in your care.
if that makes me overbearing, it's yet another hat I'll gladly wear in his name. 
ETA: and I agree. ask questions and you get answers. my bf growing up-her dad was a cop. obviously there were guns in the house but they were properly stored. we all knew where they were but no one dared even go near. besides, they were locked.
but my parents asked. they were omnipresent.
I hated it then but I understand it now.
Message edited 7/19/2010 12:49:28 PM.
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| Posted 7/19/10 12:45 PM |
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eddiesmommy
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Member since 5/09 11524 total posts
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Melissa
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
Posted by DRMom
Posted by CrankyPants
To answer the OP-I don't think so, just the idea of my kids playing in a house where I don't know the parents well makes me nervous.
I actually want to have all play dates at my house so I don't have to worry about this-but I know that is just ridiculous.
The in particular scares me:
Posted by pinkandblue
no way, I plan to meet and visit the homes where my children will be playing
what if they have an unsecured pool/gun/dog, etc
NO WAY
The gun thing makes me really nervous but I don't think you would even know about this if you were familiar with the parents. I don't even know how to deal with that one.
Then, you get into sleepovers-those make me even more nervous, our friends and family, fine, but friends from school with whom we are not really close? Ugh. So much to worry about
See, I would be asking these questions-do you have a gun? How is it stored? Do you have a dog? etc.
Definitely, but I think there still just needs to be a level of trust. You can inspect homes until you are blue in the face, but you have to hope, like Stephanie and I were discussing that they are honest with you. Like the gun thing, I would hope they wouldnt lie, or if the were honest and said yes, I would hope its locked up and when they say it is, they mean it. I have no way of knowing though, that its just under their mattress somewhere. KWIM? So for me, its not about the home per se, but the level of trust and comfort with the parents. The house could be fine on the outside, but who knows whats in their closets, where they keep there dog once youre not there....KWIM?
The whole thing makes me nervous, but for me, I cant live like that.
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| Posted 7/19/10 12:47 PM |
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Kidsaplenty
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Stephanie
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
I have school aged kids and I absolutely would not allow my DDs anywhere that I didn't know the parents, and I would want to go in the house as well just to scope it out. You never know what the situation is ihn someone's house, and I'd hate to find out I put my DD in a bad environment after the fact
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| Posted 7/19/10 12:47 PM |
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eddiesmommy
best buds!
Member since 5/09 11524 total posts
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Melissa
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
Posted by Ophelia
why does everything have to get so distorted?
somehow going over the get to know a house is changed in to "looking under the mattress".
obviously there is always an element of surprise. you can never be 100% sure.
but that doesn't mean that you can still be vigilant.
sadly, I will be the mom who disappoints her son with a play date. he won't be going to anyone's home for the first time directly from school. I will be bringing him there and introducing myself etc.
and since this is the way I was raised. this is ingrained in me. and I don't see myself altering too much. especially at that age.
I mean, my father was uber strict and I still managed to get over his rules when I was a teenager (some parents were even complicit ) but at 6 years old...no. I want to know what I am allowing my child to walk in to. and I want you to know that I am interested in how you protect my child while they are in your care.
if that makes me overbearing, it's yet another hat I'll gladly wear in his name.
Its not distorted, it was brought up and addressed. POint being, despite what you see and the questions you ask, at some point it has to come down to your comfort level and your level of faith and trust in the parents. No one said dont ask about it, dont be vigilant, but that sometimes, you will never really know for sure and you have to leave it to trust.
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| Posted 7/19/10 12:49 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
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remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
Posted by eddiesmommy
Its not distorted, it was brought up and addressed. POint being, despite what you see and the questions you ask, at some point it has to come down to your comfort level and your level of faith and trust in the parents. No one said dont ask about it, dont be vigilant, but that sometimes, you will never really know for sure and you have to leave it to trust.
why does this "point" even need to be argued? it this not a natural..a given in any circumstance we would ever come across in life? 
you are actually the person who brought up "looking under the mattress" and other people talking about "inspecting"
I don't think anyone who said they'd make sure to go to the house at least the first time said anything about this...but the way I am reading it, it's turned in to another thing to blow out of proportion.
people are defending themselves against the notion and that is just silly.
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| Posted 7/19/10 12:54 PM |
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Momma2Be
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Dina
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Re: Spinoff to trampoline post-Do you plan on letting your child play at houses where you do not know the parents(or the house?)
Posted by DPerotti
My parents always "knew" my friends parents but didn't visit each and every one of their houses!
Same here. In fact, I don't remember my parents ever being in any of my friends houses growing up.
Now that I am a parent, I think I would want to know if they have a pool or trampoline but other than that, I don't think I would feel the need to 'inspect' their houses. But who knows, DS is only 4 months old....maybe I'll feel differently when he's older and it isn't a hypothetical anymore 
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| Posted 7/19/10 12:56 PM |
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