So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

I asked why the need for a vote. We have two dads that come by currently (not every week but every once in a while). A new group is being formed and this is the one that required a vote.

They said many of the moms have expressed concern about not feeling comfortable breastfeeding in front of the dads.

My husband was horrified there would even be a vote as am I. I think it's discrimination! The dads are really cool guys and I think it's great they are coming to our group...

I am thinking the vote will pass but still...I find it very unnecessary!! What do you think??

Message edited 10/11/2007 11:58:14 AM.

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

I agree, it's not nice. Now I didn't BF, but can't they cover up or sit away from the group so that the dads aren't seeing them? I can't imagine dads who are as involved as to go to playgroup are trying to catch a peek of a boob.

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

While i understand some may not be comfy bf'ing in front of the opposite sex...I do think that banning SAH dads from a group is awful.

I would change playgroups if i were you. A dad should have the same rights and priveledges as a SAHM would.

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

One of my playgroups, two dads come all the time, and it has never been mentioned or never been awkward at all. they get along with everyone.

I think that's obnoxious.

Those that want to bond with moms can do it another time.

Message edited 10/11/2007 12:11:00 PM.

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

I agree that the vote is unnecessary.. there are alot of dads out there that dont get involved with child and here are men that do and you want to make them feel unwelcomed... thats horrible.. I understand the bfing issue, but either bf in a private room not infront of the men, or use a bottle or use one of those cover ups.. I hope they vote to let them men in the group.. I think those who say no are just upset b/c maybe there husbands arent volunteering to go..

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

So, it's OK to discriminate if you're BFing? "I don't like to BF in front of <fill in the blank>", so it's alright? SAHD should be just as involved in playdates as mothers. Many women aren't comfortable BF in front of ANYONE, so should nobody be allowed to the playgroup? Society is complaining that not enough dads are involved with their DC, and when some are, they get ostracized.....

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

I think the fact they they need to VOTE on something like that is very disturbing! If someone is not comfortable they should either cover up or go to another room/corner/turn their back to the group etc.

This is incredibly discriminatory. Poor dads!

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

Posted by GoldenRod

So, it's OK to discriminate if you're BFing? "I don't like to BF in front of <fill in the blank>", so it's alright? SAHD should be just as involved in playdates as mothers. Many women aren't comfortable BF in front of ANYONE, so should nobody be allowed to the playgroup? Society is complaining that not enough dads are involved with their DC, and when some are, they get ostracized.....

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

That would make me really angry

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

Message edited 10/11/2007 12:40:33 PM.

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

Posted by dandr10199

Posted by maybebaby

Posted by CathyB

I agree, it's not nice. Now I didn't BF, but can't they cover up or sit away from the group so that the dads aren't seeing them? I can't imagine dads who are as involved as to go to playgroup are trying to catch a peek of a boob.

Yeah, this is how I feel. I didn't breastfeed but most of the moms do. With the exception of I'd say 2 moms most use a cover when breastfeeding so you see nothing.

The other 2 moms do expose a lot, but it never bothered me or the others..I mean a boob is a boob, lol.

I could maybe see how the dads would be slightly uncomfortable...but I think its important they be allowed to attend. Why should their babies be told they cant attend playgroup?

OK, I did EBF for 4 months (then I went on heart meds and had to stop) and would have done it longer if I could have.
I was ALWAYS descret when BFing and the moms should cover up a little anyway, IMHO. I did, it is really NOT that big a deal to use a receiving blanket over your boob. If DH was a SAHD I would want him to go to playgroup if he wanted to go. Actually, he was home with DD once and I suggested he go to one. He said "I would probably be the only one there and all the other moms can be so catty and I am just not into that". SAHD's don't want to deal with the catty b!tchyness that playgroups tend to have and who can blame them? That fact that there is even a vote happening is really b!tchy IMHO. These poor SAHD's my heart goes out to them. I feel that if a parent is a SAHM or a SAHD, we are all in this together and the b!tchyness has to stop.

Maybebaby - Print this thread out and hand a copy to all the mom is playgroup. This should make for a GREAT discussion!

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

What if the dads said "You know, this cattiness is emasculating us, and we're not comfortable around you, so if you want your kids to hang out with us, you'll need to have your DH's bring them."

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

Wow. That's just so not cool and really offensive. I'd certainly question whether I would stay in a playgroup with women who have such a close-minded, mean-spirited perspective.

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

Posted by anna

Posted by maybebaby

..he goes "oh well i mean i can walk to the other side of the room if anyone needs to breastfeed...I won't look, i swear!".

He was joking very good-naturedly about it, but i felt mortified. I felt like it was such obvious discrimination when he was told "We'll let you know if the vote passes".

HOW SAD, HOW CRUEL, I dont know what else to call it !

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

Posted by GoldenRod

What if the dads said "You know, this cattiness is emasculating us, and we're not comfortable around you, so if you want your kids to hang out with us, you'll need to have your DH's bring them."

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

Wow! Your playgroup is very organized to require a vote on something like this.

I see it from another perspective. Do some of these mothers see the playgroup as their girl-time?

i had a playgroup and I loved talking to other women about the stuff that we deal with. B*tching about our DH's, our bodies post partum, sex, and other girl talk. Our conversations would definitely have been more censored if a guy was there.

That being said, when one of the moms went back to work and her DH was staying home, we told her to have him bring their daughter.

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

Posted by dandr10199

Call it what it is...reverse discrimination
Those women should be ashamed of themselves.

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

Posted by dandr10199

Posted by GoldenRod

What if the dads said "You know, this cattiness is emasculating us, and we're not comfortable around you, so if you want your kids to hang out with us, you'll need to have your DH's bring them."

AMEN!!!!!

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

That is just ridiculous. What makes these women think that anybody cares about their boobs!!!!

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

To answer some questions/statments, yes, the group is really organized.

It's the merging of two smaller groups becoming one main one. I live in virginia, in a division called fairlington..our group is merging with another section of arlington.

I am going to say a few words before this "vote" takes place. I think its sick there has to be one.

And seriously, no one is looking at boobs! Good lord! Lol!

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

i really don't believe that the bfing is the true issue. i think it's more like a pp said, and the women just want to have girl time and talk freely without any men. because then they would have to censor their talk. we all know how down and dirty and deep women's conversation can be.

as a bfing mom i find it annoying that they would use that as an argument. we want so much for the world to just not make a big deal about breastfeeding and then they go and make a big deal about it themselves!!

Re: So my playgroup is taking a vote on whether or not to allow stay at home dads..

I would vote out those ridiculous people who want to ban SAHD's. That is just ignorant.