Sex in the 1st Trimester

As most of you know, I'm 9 weeks and we went through IVF.

The meds for IVF made me pretty uncomfortable so I wasn't really "in the mood" at all, then with the ER and ET...

To make a long story short, DH and I haven't had sex since August 8th. Two months. That's by far the longest we have EVER gone.

My doctor hasn't put me on any restrictions, but I have to say, I'm terrified of having sex.

Terrified.

I just don't think it's worth the risk and I want to wait until the 2nd trimester.

DH is getting a little impatient. I know he wouldn't pressure me, but he has definitely been hinting. I've told him how I feel.

I was wondering how many of you may feel/felt the same way and how you handled it.

Did you just suck it up and do it?

Or did you wait?

Thanks.

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

I am going through the same thing right now. I haven't done it in a couple of weeks and had an IUI on Sept. 22nd so I'm only a couple of weeks pregnant. DH wants to but I'm so scared to mess anything up since I am considered high risk (factor v, mthfr, endo, still on hormones) and it took me so long to get pregnant. I'm also embarrassed to ask the nurse as I haven't moved on to an obgyn yet. I'm still at the re office.

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

I feel your pain
once I started to feel the baby move it was just too weird- and since DH was able to feel her move too- he also felt too weird.
don't do anything that makes you uncomforatable- you'll get your sex life back, dont' worry.

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

I was too freaked to "do it" for a long time. In the beginning I was on progesterone suppositories so I didn't do it - then I had placenta previa. At 20 weeks I no longer had a previa so I was given the all clear. SO basically there was nothing going on until 20 weeks

Even now - I still get a little nervous everytime we do the deed.

Congrats and good luck

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

In the 11wk and Im not allowed to due to a small hemmorage I have. Doc dosent want me to disturb the situation until I heal which hopefully will be gone within the next 2wks. MY poor DH

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

I was really afraid in the 1st trimester as well. Also I wasn't feeling well and just didn't feel like it. It picked up a lot in the second because I felt more like myself. Now I don't want to because she moves so much and we can't find a comfortable position.

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

Well...with my first daughter, I had no issues. Oddly, this time, I thought I'd be the same way...but in the middle of it the other night, I was kind of freaked. I didn't say anything and I just told myself I'm thinking too much...but it definitely made it less enjoyable. Just be honest and continue to let him know how you feel. It's totally safe in most cases...but it's OK to have fears!

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

I feel your pain. Last night i tired to but i just don't feel right about it. I been sick not throwing up just not myself and i'm scared to right now.
i feel bad for Dh i felt so bad last night i told him to stop cause it hurt and just didn't feel right.
I hope i get better and feel better so my dh.
I know he wants it bad but i just can't.

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

Not to be "graphic" but there ARE other ways to take care of him without having intercourse.... Will that count toward his sex quota?

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

Posted by Porrruss

Not to be "graphic" but there ARE other ways to take care of him without having intercourse.... Will that count toward his sex quota?

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

Posted by Porrruss

Not to be "graphic" but there ARE other ways to take care of him without having intercourse.... Will that count toward his sex quota?

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

Posted by leighla

Posted by Porrruss

Not to be "graphic" but there ARE other ways to take care of him without having intercourse.... Will that count toward his sex quota?

Yes, I've thought of those.

One of them my nausea just won't allow.

He's always been more of a "real thing" guy.

I'm just afraid I'll start crying in the middle of things or freak out.

Or that we'll have a problem with the baby and then I'll never want to have sex again.

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

Posted by regi

Lauren,

Why don't you try calling your dr and explain your fears to him/her? If your dr says it's perfectly okay to do... then it has to be fine.

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

I didn't have your IVF issues, but I have had cervix issues throughout my pg and I was paranoid the whole time. I have had internal exams every 2 weeks throughout the pg and the dr. never said not to have sex, but DH & I were both afraid. If anything happened with the cervix I would have been on bed rest and I really wanted to avoid that. Plus there was a risk of miscarriage. So we have used "other methods" to take care of DH. We did try to do the real thing twice and it just wasn't worth it IMO. I really couldn't enjoy it. Now that I'm towards the end, I told him to get ready because when I'm ready for this baby, we are gettin' busy!

As far as your situation, I think you should do what you feel comfortable with. Your DH will hopefully understand if you're not comfortable. Talking to your doctor about it is a good idea too (I think someone else suggested that as well.)

Good luck!!

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

Sex in the first trimester was non-existent for us as well.. I didn't go nearly what you went through to get pregnant, Lauren, but due to my m/c history I was just far too freaked out to have sex until I felt I was "safe" (i.e, past 13 wks or so..) Outside of my skittishness, I was so sick all the time and exhausted and just the thought of sex wasn't appealing to me. (and I hear ya on the 'other stuff'... no way no how when you feel like hurling as it is !

The 2nd trimester, lets just say we made up for lost time I felt better, I was more confident that the pregnancy was going well and my sex drive drastically increased.. (ahh those racy dreams really helped!)

Hitting the 3rd tri, I again have lost all interest in sex. As some other ladies have said, its the weirdness of feeling the baby move , as well as being so big and uncomfortable that sex is more of a chore than pleasure... Being creative is one thing, but when everything is achey and you have presssure, etc, it just isn't the first thing on your mind to have nookie!

I can't say that you'll ever become 'relaxed' about having sex given all you went through to get to this point, but once you physically start feeling better and also feel more confident about your pregnancy, I think you and your DH will be able to reconect again

Good luck to you - you are DEF not alone in how you are feeling!

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

Lauren,

We were given the all clear from my RE after 9 weeks but the doctor said we might experience a little bit of blood. Well, considering everything we went through as well I was and said no for a while. DH felt the same. Don't worry, he had some fun While I had no nausea or m/s I wasn't exactly gun-ho to do that... was a bit turned off but I started to feel bad for the guy.

We've since been given the all clear up until week 26, after that they are too concerned with premature labor. I was petrified the first time and yes, it felt very weird. Probably mostly psychological but I can already feel them in there and I have a bit of a belly now so well, ya know... I can't fully relax and be a s e x goddess if I can feel my little beans dancing in there Poor DH never knows when and if he's gonna get it now

Talk to your doc about it. They get that question all of the time. Do what you feel comfortable with

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

lauren- I understand!!

Right now we are still being restricted by the RE, she said in a few more weeks if alls ok, she will "lift the restriction" ...lol...But Im terrified. I dont wanna wait yet I dont want to do it either cause Im soooo scared of bleeding.

I feel your worry, and I feel 100% the same way!

If you "make it" through, can you fm and just tell me it was ok?

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

I am also 9 weeks. And let me tell you.. You Are NOT alone!!! My husband is nervous about it eventhough we went to the doc. and there are no restrictions.. We actually have sex about 1-3 times a week now... which is a huge decline... since the doctor spoke to us about it his mind is a little more at ease.

Message edited 10/9/2006 4:24:53 PM.

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

Posted by dm24angel

lauren- I understand!!

Right now we are still being restricted by the RE, she said in a few more weeks if alls ok, she will "lift the restriction" ...lol...But Im terrified. I dont wanna wait yet I dont want to do it either cause Im soooo scared of bleeding.

I feel your worry, and I feel 100% the same way!

If you "make it" through, can you fm and just tell me it was ok?

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

LMAO to your last comment Lauren...

OK you know my situation and I can tell you there will be NO MORE SEX in my house until the kid goes to College!! OK not that long but....I would speak to your RE about it if you haven't seen the OB yet. I think every situation is different tho and really it somes down to what you are comfortable with.

Can you get DH one of those blow-up dolls?? OK kidding -- but if he only wants the real thing he will just have to wait. After all you've been through, this should be easy for him to undersatnd.

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

boosh and i haven't either

but she understands my needs and addresses them accordingly

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

You need to do what you're comfortable with. Now my DH and I have the opposite problem- he's the one not really comfortable with it. He was ok the 1st and 2nd trimester, but now he won't come near me- and hasn't in about a month. But I try not to give him a hard time because I know he just feels weird about it. I made him promise me last night though that our sex life would return to normal after the baby is born.

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

Posted by CaptainCharisma424

boosh and i haven't either

but she understands my needs and addresses them accordingly

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

Posted by karacg

Posted by CaptainCharisma424

boosh and i haven't either

but she understands my needs and addresses them accordingly

With a stamp???

Re: Sex in the 1st Trimester

Posted by CaptainCharisma424

Posted by karacg

Posted by CaptainCharisma424

boosh and i haven't either

but she understands my needs and addresses them accordingly

With a stamp???

you might say that

there's some licking involved