Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

I had a frustrating play date situation today, and wanted to share the details to see if I'm overreacting, or how others would have handled.

A girl from my daughter's preschool came over. I'll call her J. They were supposed to come over at 4pm, but the mom emailed at 2:30 to say J went down for a nap late, and could they come over at 5. Sure, not a problem, they are only 2, so I'm totally flexible.

She finally shows up at 5:35, annoying bc my daughter eats dinner at 6:30, but whatever, I'll push her schedule back a bit. But here's the kicker. The Mom goes, "Sorry we're late, there was a party this morning, and she napped late and then threw up". WTF??? Your daughter throws up but you still think it's still OK to bring her over to my apt? I wanted to kick her out immediately but felt awk, so just dealt with it. The Mom kept saying she's sure it wasn't a bug or anything, blah blah blah. And to make matters worse, J's nose was dripping non stop and she kept wiping it with her hands and then playing with my daughter's toys!

Clearly I'm annoyed, but I'm curious if I'm overreacting. Or, more importantly, how do you handle something like this? Would it have been ok for me to tell her that I was not comfortable with her being in my apt after having thrown up? I'm interested to see what others would do.

Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

It's like one of those situations that you can't really do anything( at least I won't) with out looking like a jerk. as a mom I won't take my kids to anyone's house if they threw up that day or could be sick. You are not overreacting you did what I would have done. Nothing then vent to other people. Some people just don't know the right etiquette for play dates.

Message edited 3/17/2015 11:02:22 PM.

Re: Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

I would have been furious, too.

She was wrong to come to your house so late, first off.

I would never bring my kid around others after they threw up. This is common sense. But it is awkward to ask them to leave. I would just sanitize as much as I can.

Hopefully she did not have a bug to pass along!

Re: Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

Oh HELL no! What is wrong with her? I would've been really pissed at her coming so late, but then hearing that her runny-nosed kid just threw up, and she brought her over anyway?? You would absolutely have not been wrong to ask them to leave (but honestly I would probably feel awkward doing that myself, and probably would wind up not saying anything either.)

Re: Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

Wow, I would be pissed. I would react different,y tho based on my relationship with the mom. Are you friends/friendly or is it just a mom from nursery school?

First off, if it was much past 4pm, she should have just said we should rescheduled. Knowing that to first come over at 530 is late considering dinner, bedtimes, etc.

Now for the throwing up. I would be livid. I probably would be so pissed that I would have immediate,y said, we should just rescheduled (even after she showed up to my apt). And for the wiping her nose with her hands and then playing with your toys. That would make me crazy. All my friends know how anal I am with stuff like that. I would have kept offering her a tissue and taking said toy away and obviously wipe it down with an antibacterial wipe.

This would go without saying for me, but I think that would be the last play date with this girl (bc of her mom)

Re: Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

I know one of those mom's and it drives me crazy, I slowly stopped actively making plans with her. I think you were stuck, as much as I want to say "you should have kicked her right out!" I know I wouldn't have had the balls to do so...

Re: Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

Absolutely not overreacting. Vomit is one thing I don't handle well. If I was in that situation, I would've been pissed beyond relief. But at that point what could you have done since she was already there! Ugh that is so annoying! If it were me I would've cancelled the second she even went down late for a nap and rescheduled. Some people have no courtesy for other people time. Sorry this happened to you.

Re: Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

Ugh. That's really annoying.

Most of our friends have decency to call & ask if it were OK to still meet (kid has had fever, now on antibiotics, kid had cough, kid threw up, kid had runs). It happens a lot during the winter.

I ALWAYS reschedule. I'm a big time germ-phobe & you only have to learn once by getting your kid sick & almost end up in the hospital from a playdate with someone who was "getting better".

Honestly, I probably would not do play dates with this person anymore.

I don't know... I may have even said "let's go get some coffee & reschedule" to get them out of my house. I have bluntly told people that we get so sick & are just recovering from something, we can't afford the kid missing more school or another trip to the Dr.

Re: Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

Thanks for all of the responses. I tend to overreact with situations, so am glad to know that my feelings were justified in this case.

I am definitely never having this mom over again. I had only met her once previously, so my husband was annoyed that I had her here. He thinks first play dates when you don't really know the person should be on neutral ground, which after this, I now agree!

I should also mention that I'm an emetophobe, which means I have a huge phobia with vomiting. So, the second she said her daughter threw up, my anxiety went through the roof.

I kept saying, are you sure it isn't a bug, and she's like, "no, she ate too much candy and was jumping, I wouldn't have brought her if she was sick." Meanwhile, she had snot dripping down her face the entire time, which didn't seem to concern the mom at all.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent ladies! I woke up this morning even more annoyed then last night. (Luckily, DD not showing any signs of sickness, knock on wood)

Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

I don't think you are overreacting AT ALL. The lateness wouldn't have bothered me (but I am not a punctual person myself. I could see how others would be annoyed by that, and rightfully so). But I would be really pissed about the throwing up and then still coming. That's just common courtesy- you don't bring your child around other children if they've thrown up! As far as the runny nose- that's just little kids, it happens all the time. BUT as the parent, knowing my child had a runny nose, I would be stalking her down with a tissue/wipe in my hand at all times making sure her snot wasn't being shared. In the moment, I wouldn't have done anything, like ask them to leave, but as soon as they left, I would scrub my child's hands, and clean all the toys. And would likely not invite them over again!

Re: Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

Re: Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

UGH! I would never have that mom over again...

Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

def not overreacting! I would be annoyed too. As soon as the kid leaves, I would quickly disinfect all my daughter's toys and everything the kid touched. Hope your DD doesn't get sick!

Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

I'm sorry but I'm in the minority.

Some kids vomit from too much food and shaking. Snot has nothing to do with a stomach bug. I've seen this happen too many times.

If she'd said nothing at all this would be nothing. But she fessed up and was honest. I think that gives you a chance to make your mind up on the proximity.

I blame her for not telling you when she threw up to start with. I posted before AJ ate something off and was icky all day. Then when her BFF wanted to hang out. I told the mom she'd been off. Later when I was to drop off the girl, mine threw up. I made sure to tell the BFF mom the MOMENT I saw her. No its not a bug, no its not contagious. Ya know what? It wasn't. her daughter never got sick, mine immediately recovered.

To me throwing up isn't a sign by itself that the person should be quarantined. Even I threw up from time to time due to something I ate.

I would however tell said mom, could you let me know next time BEFORE your child shows up that she's been sick up? I just get concerned because my child is horrible with vomit, so I try to avoid it when I can.

Re: Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

Ugh! Id be angry. But im one of those parents that if my kids sneeze i cancel play dates. Im so paranoid of my childen getting others sick. Disinfect all toys.

Re: Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

I don't see the point in trying to talk the OPs out of her feelings. Not only could it potentially be a virus (yes it could also be nothing but there is a stomach bug starting to go around right now per a doctor I know), but the OP was uncomfortable. She has a fear of vomit. It's her home and her kid. I think that mom was extremely rude to come so late and then not tell the OP BEFORE showing up that her kid threw up and ask if the OP if she still wanted them to come. Just rude.

Honestly, I would've been really uncomfortable and annoyed too. I probably would've said something like "well, I guess we should reschedule, don't you think, since your kid could be sick and my DD is getting tired now." Tried to cut it short at least.

But no, I personally don't think you were overreacting at all. My DH has a mega germ fear, he would've been livid.

Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

I may be the minority. The lateness would annoy me because it's rude. My dd had a clear runny nose almost all winter, but she wasn't sick. No way I'd keep her inside all the time. There also has been a time or 2 where she threw up because she ate too much at a party or whatever that might be what happened. The lateness would annoy me though

Re: Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

running nose wouldn't bother me my kids have them most of the winter. 9/10 times i try to mention that before i go over to a play date just in case the parent is someone who doesn't want their kid around anyone who has a cold.

the throw up would have annoyed me. and as a parent i would have said DD threw up once i am confident it was just from eating but i am going to cancel and keep her home just in case. as long as she didn't throw up again she would be in school the next day.


ETA: she was 100% rude for showing up late and not mentioning her daughter had thrown up.

Message edited 3/18/2015 9:41:19 AM.

Re: Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

the throwing up might have been nothing but you dont know, the mom should have called or texted and said my dd went to a party this morning ate a little too much candy and she threw up, i dont think she is sick would you still like to have the play date or reschedule, that way you can now decide if you want to risk it or not,
if it was me i would have said something like, perhaps next time give me the heads up on something like that my dd has a terrible time with throwing up and i dont like to take any chances with that.

the mom was wrong for not giving you the heads up and letting you decide to keep or cancel the play date, its common courtesy

Re: Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

Yea I think it was rude of the mom to bring over her DD so late and especially if she was sick... she should have rescheduled.

Re: Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

I agree with Marisa, I would have no problem saying let's reschedule. Me, personally, I probably would have rescheduled the moment the mom asked to drop her off at 5. To me, that's cutting into dinner and bedtime routine, I just think that's rude. J's mom should have asked to reschedule. If it was a difference between 2 and 3, that would be one thing, but still annoying and throws off your day.

Re: Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

Wow I'm surprised by how many people would have been "furious" at this mom.

Personally, the lateness would have been the most annoying part and it definitely would have irked me.

The runny nose would not have been an issue at all. Pretty much every kid at daycare has a runny nose this past week. Especially this time of year. It happens. With the vomiting, I would have assumed the same thing - she just ate a lot of candy and was too active and it didn't agree with her. It has happened to my DD. I wouldn't have thought to cancel a playdate over it.

I guess maybe the bigger issue is that this was the first play date with this mom, and I can see why you might not be rushing to have another anytime soon.

Re: Play date vent and question on how to handle situation

I would be infuriated that she showed up with a sick child. My DD had to be hospitlized for 2 days because she got so sick at 17 months from a child whose parent couldn't keep him home. I would flat out tell her, that we should reschedule.

Re: Play date vent and question on how to handle situation