New here! My long intro...

Hello ladies! I am new to LIF, but was an "old timer" on LIW - joined in 2000, was married in 2001, same screen name. Some of you may remember me.

I was referred here by my friend who told me you were all a really amazing group of women. Anyway, it's difficult for me to realize that I belong on the Infertility board, but I've been reading all of your posts and I realize that you are all a great source of support and information - I hope I can be the same for all of you, and I pray that everyone's stay here is short.

My story is this - I am blessed with a son who will be 4 in just 12 short days. I got pg with him no problem, had a really easy pregnancy, a c-sec with no complications and all was well.

In December of 2004, DH and I decided it was time to TTC again, and we got pg immediately. I went to the OB around what would have been my 7 week mark in January of 2005, and he determined that the pg was ectopic, large, and in danger of rupturing. I was admitted to the hospital for a laparoscopy, the dr. was able to remove the pg and save my left tube. I was told to wait a month and then try again.

In March of 2005, DH and I tried again, and got pg again immediately. This time I was treated as high risk and went for bloodwork every other day to monitor for a possible ectopic. Around the 6 week mark, we were devastatd to learn that this pg was another ectopic, this time in my right tube. Honestly, my dr. was stunned as I had no prior risk factors for an ectopic. This ectopic was not as large, and in the interest of preserving my fertility as much as possible and trying to avoid a surgery on both tubes, we opted for a shot of methotrexate. The shot worked at first and then stopped. We opted for a second shot of metho. That seemed to do the trick, and the day before Mother's Day I was released from the every other day blood tests and only had to go once a week as my #s had dropped to a safe level.

Unfortunately on Mother's Day 2005 my right tube ruptured - I had no idea. Very long long painful story short, we spoke to the dr. and we all thought, based on my #s that it was just the pain of the end of the pg. In the end, I bled internally for hours before we realized what happened. By the time I got to the hospital and into surgery my BP was 50/30 and they considered giving me a transfusion just to get me through the surgery. Instead they opted for a lower dose of anesthesia (complicated by the fact that I had eaten earlier) and I woke up during the surgery but could not communicate with anyone that I was hearing and feeling everything until my BP came back up to a level where they could knock me out again. I lost my right tube, but not my life - it was real touch and go.

After that experience, I was so devastated, and depressed, I decided to take a break and spent all of 2005/2006 recovering and trying to avoid finding out what my next step would be.

This past January I finally had my HSG test, which for me was excruciatingly painful. The end result was that my left tube is not viable...if I got pregnant again naturally, according to my OB, the chances are extremely high that it would be another ectopic, which would mean they would immediately remove the tube. I was told that my next option is IVF.

I have spent the last few months coming to terms with all of this. Please know that I know that I am extremely extremely blessed with a beautiful child and my heart aches for those of you who are trying so hard to get pg. And my heart breaks for everyone who has suffered a m/c.

My dr. told me that for all we know, my tubes were always a mess and that my son is actually a miracle baby - the one that was able to "make it through". I don't know. All I know is that I struggle every day to decide whether or not this is what was meant to be for me - if I should just stop here with my son. I fight with myself because other days I don't feel "done"...I want another baby. I want my son to have some siblings. But other days I'm willing to admit that maybe having an only child is for the best for me.

I struggle with the idea of IVF - the unknowns scare me. I'm a chicken when I hear about the process. But I'm finally leaning towards going ahead. And I feel this need to be able to share and discuss with all of the other brave women struggling with infertility issues. I can't explain why this has all been so tough for me, but it has - emotionally and physically.

Anyway, that's my long story and the path that brought me here. I hope I don't seem "greedy" wanting another baby when so many women struggle to have even one, and I hope you will all bear with me as I work through this process. I hope I can be supportive to all of you too.

I am in the process of finding an RE. I have found out that my insurance will cover some of the cost. I'm just now trying to get the balls to start figuring out which doctor I want to see. I'm not sure why I still hesitate, but I do.


Anyway, that's my story and I'm glad to know there are people to share this experience with.

Message edited 5/1/2007 6:13:21 PM.

Re: New here! My long intro...

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope everything works out for you.

Re: New here! My long intro...

Nobody on this board would ever think you are selfish for wanting another baby
Good luck to you...hope your stay is a short one.

Re: New here! My long intro...

OMG!!! I am so sorry for you...what an ordeal you have gone through.

We are here to support and help one another and noone would think you are selfish for wanting a second baby.

I wish you nothing but good things in the future...and please feel free to ask any questions you may have.

Re: New here! My long intro...

WOW, an ordeal is right, and YOu by NO means are greedy for wanting another child, My goodness, thats silly, get that thought out of your head.

BAsed on all you have gone through, I would think IVF would be a breeze for you....Seriously.

Im a chicken with all things medical...big time and it was ok for me. The scariest part was the 15 minutes of anesthesia for retrieval...

If I can do it , anyone can.

Hang in there, good luck seeking a RE and stay strong.

Re: New here! My long intro...

Wow, you have been on quite a journey. I really do hope the best for you and pray that all works out.

Re: New here! My long intro...

I understand where you are coming from. i have a 3 1/2 yr old and we have been trying to have # 2 since 9/05, and just had our initial consult with the RE.. We thought for IUI & clomid and he dropped the bomb of only IVF would work b/c of tubal problems!! Im completely devastated and don't want to be greedy, or appear greedy.. Just on the fence, we are taking a month to digest everyting. I totally empathize with you. Good Luck!!

Re: New here! My long intro...

Re: New here! My long intro...

What a story!!
I think IVF is a great option for you. I think it will be much easier than anticipated. At least it was for me!!
Good Luck!

Re: New here! My long intro...

I hope that you are able to find an RE and get all the answers you need You have been through quite an ordeal, I wish you the best on this part of your journey

Re: New here! My long intro...

I also have a 4 year old DS and am dealing with secondary infertility. I felt much like you when I joined this board and the women here have not only made me comfortable but have become true friends.

IVF will be a great option for you, and compared to what you have been through it will be a breeze. It sounds much scarier than it is.

Re: New here! My long intro...

I am so sorry for all you have been through.

This is a wonderful group of women here and you will get lots of support and information - God knows I did!!

IVF is not that bad, really it isn't and it will probably be successful for you....best of luck!!

Re: New here! My long intro...

Secondary infertility is very hard to deal with! Don't be ashamed of your feelings, they are yours! I wish you all the best of luck!!!

And you are right, these are a pretty amazing group of ladies! I know because they supported me!!!!

Re: New here! My long intro...

Hi Lee, I wish you nothing but the best. I will pray for you that your wishes come true.

Re: New here! My long intro...

wow. i am sorry for all that you had to go through.

ivf can seem scary at times, but most of the fear is more of the unknown of things. i really think you can handle it, considering all you have been through already.

this board is very loving, supportive and informative. i never would have made it through ivf without the ladies here.

and please, do not think that you are being selfish. unfortunately, you have endured loss, pain and are struggling with fertility like the rest of us, there's no judgement on the level of it all and having a son, doesn't wipe it all away.

welcome and good luck!

Re: New here! My long intro...

Hi,

I'm sorry for all you've been through, I hope you get a healthy BFP soon.

Re: New here! My long intro...

Welcome, Lee!

You're story was heartbreaking and what you've been through is horrible. But like the other women have said, IVF might seem like an ordeal, but comparing it to what you've already been through, I think it will be a breeze for you

I wish you the best of luck and hope that your IF journey will be a short one. We all have doctors that we love if you ever need help with referrals.

And always know we're here for questions, concerns or a shoulder to cry on.

Re: New here! My long intro...

OMG! You have been through so much! I can't really add anything that hasn't already been said other than the ladies on this board are wonderful, so informative & a great support. Good luck to you. IVF isn't that bad, it sounds worse than it is. I hope your stay here is a short one.

Re: New here! My long intro...

Hi Lee, I agree this is a wonderful community and the ladies here are very helpful!!

Good Luck on your journey!!!

Re: New here! My long intro...

Welcome to the board, and I hope your stay is short - for the ordeal you've already been through

Re: New here! My long intro...

Wow I'm sorry for all you have been through

Hope you have a short stay and a healthy BFP very soon

Re: New here! My long intro...

I just wanted to welcome you, and also send you some for the ordeal you have already been through. I hope you find the help you need here, I know for me, this was the greatest resource. Best of luck to you

Re: New here! My long intro...

Welcome. Sorry for all you have been through. Good luck!

Re: New here! My long intro...

Wow! I just want to say thank you all so much for welcoming me and for the support you are already giving me.

I feel better just being able to vent some of this stuff out to people who are so understanding and supportive.

Thank you!

Re: New here! My long intro...

Just wanted to wish you all the best. You are in my thoughts