May I vent for a minute...

Probably belongs on NFR, but it is related to our TTC and Infertility. Plus I've talked to you ladies about this before.


So DH went for that laser treatment to help him stop smoking. Paid $300. You can get an unlimited amount of "refresher" treatments for the first 6 months UNLESS you introduce nicotine into your system again.

That was 9 days ago. He said he's been doing "fine". I've been trying to be supportive without being overbearing about it.

Well, today I was walking into work and I saw him coming in from the smoking area. I know he saw me and tried to duck in before I could see him, but I still did.

I'm sure this isn't the first one he's had. So he's been lying to me on top of smoking again. And our next insemination cycle starts tomorrow.

I'm just so mad and hurt and I don't know what to do. If this were an alcohol or drug addiction he could go into a program. But there's nothing for smokers.

He's killing himself and it makes me feel like we shouldn't even try for kids.

Re: May I vent for a minute...

I'm sorry Lauren. I know how frustrated you must be.

Coming from an ex smoker, I can't begin to tell you how hard it is to stop. I know you know that already but until I was ready, nothing helped. I tried lots of things. When I was ready, it turned out to be a lot easier then I ever thought. Keep telling how much it means to you that he stop and support him in every way. I would also make it clear that you won't tolerate his sneaking around your back though. If he honestly keeps trying, you'll help but not if he's going to be dishonest.

Hopefully, when you get your BFP that will be the encouragement he needs.

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I'm so sorry that he's still being dishonest with you, Lauren.

I've never been a smoker, so I don't understand what the big draw is. With all the info out there saying how bad it is for you (and how bad second-hand smoke is for others), I'd think DH would want to stop for his own health and yours, as well as the TTC factor.

I hope these help.....

(maybe there's a program at your local hospital on how to stop smoking?)

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Sorry about what you have been going through!

I hope you can find a smokers anonymous. It doesn't help to say that there are groups in TX (i live in tx) But, maybe they have one there in NY! Feel better!

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Oh Lauren- I'm so sorry.

It's an addiction- that's the summary of it. It is SO hard for him to stop. I know you must be furious because he is risking his health and jeopardizing your BFP chances. He wants to stop it is just very very hard- and then he ends up lying- which puts a strain on your relationship. He doesn't want to hurt you- it's an addiction.

Does he have to quit cold turkey? Is that the only way to do it?

He still can help you get a BFP even if he smokes- it still is possible.....he will still be a good dad- he WILL quit one day, I'm sure he will, it's just going to take him some more time- its so very hard to do.....

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I am so sorry for you. I would be furious.

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you may vent for as many minutes as you need. I would be upset that he is being dishonest with you, but I honestly dont believe that this means he will be a bad dad.

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Lauren I was thinking of you the other day - I saw something about a stop smoking clinic. Anyway I have no answers....it is normal for you to be angry and hurt and mad and sad and everything you are probably feeling right now.

I am sorry DH is putting you through all of this -- you don't need it.

I hope that somehow he can get over his smoking and you can both move on to a better place.....

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I am so sorry. He must really be addicted. Has he expressed that he wants to quit but it's the addiction?
This must be very frustrating for you.

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Oh man, Im so sorry this is still going on. I wonder why he cant just be upfront with you and tell you? If I were you I would do everything I can to convince him your there to support him, he must be feeling a tremendous amount of guilt knowing its affecting the TTC....explain to him you would rather he be honest so you can SUPPORT him then lie. If you explain you udnerstand it wont be easy , but you can help him when he is having a craving, maybe he will try to turn to you first.

I wish I had the magic answer...sorry you are so down and I will say a prayer he can find the strength and SOON to finally be able to quit

Re: May I vent for a minute...

Sorry to hear how frustrated and hurt you are. My DH quit smoking when we first met (about 7 years ago), but started up again about 9 months ago. He was sneaking it and out right denying it. He finally came clean, and has wanted to stop, but just hasn't. According to the RE, his smoking directly affects the health of his sperm--more so than his other health problems (diabetes, thyroid condition). It is so frustrating and hurtful. It also affects us BD'ing. His breath, his clothes--everything smells of nasty smoke. I don't want to even kiss him.
I wish you luck on your journey. If you find any magic pills, please pass on the info!!

Re: May I vent for a minute...

Thanks everyone.

We had a heart to heart on Friday night. He said he doesn't want to smoke, but sees it as the only outlet to all the stress going on in his life. Not only the TTC, but he just got promoted to Director of HRIS and we're rolling out a new system, so he's pulling 12 hour days and 7 day weeks.

He says he's trying and he swears that was the first one he had since the lasers. I don't completely believe him, but I had to at least show I did.

I think when he heard how bad the count was on Saturday that was another little wake up call. So we hope for the best this cycle!!

Re: May I vent for a minute...

I'm glad the 2 of you had a long talk.

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Lauren - I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't know how well it works but I always hear this ad on the radio for NJ Quits

http://nj.quitnet.com/p/phone/8/

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I am so sorry..they should have smoker clinics just like rehab centers.

what is laser treatment for smoking? where do they laser?

Re: May I vent for a minute...

Posted by michele31

I am so sorry..they should have smoker clinics just like rehab centers.

what is laser treatment for smoking? where do they laser?

Re: May I vent for a minute...

This helped me to quit really easily

The Easy Way to Quit Smoking By Alan Carr

It really worked! Smoke free since January!

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