Leaving DD for a weekend - WWYD?

DH recently earned a free vacation through his job for the two of us. He worked really hard to earn this trip and is very excited about it. we will be traveling with other people from his job and have to travel on the dates booked by the company or else we don't go on the trip. No kids are allowed - no exceptions.

We will be going away for 3 nights but will need someone to watch DD for 4 nights due to a 6am departure flight.

When DH first qualified for this trip two months ago, my mom immediately offered to watch DD and she seemed happy about it. a few weeks ago, my mom ales if there was any way we could take DD with us and I said no. she them said, "ok, don't worry about it. We wil work it out"

my mom is having second thoughts about my leaving DD with her for the weekend, however she hasn't expressed these concerns to me, but rather she tells my dad and brother.

There is some background info that you need to know to understand this situation:
My parents watch DD Monday through Friday from 730 till 430 while I am at work. my mom and dad take turns watching DD at their house because my mom also takes care of my grandma who has alzheimers for a few hours during the day as well. My mom also has cancer and is going through chemo right now, tomorrow is her last treatment. we do not know what treatment, if any wil be needed around the time I am away on this trip. in the next week or 2, my grandmother will have 24 hour care and my mom won't need to be there as often. My mom also has a lot of back pain as a result of her cancer.

My mom in insisting that she will be able to care for DD. (by the way, DD will be 17 months old during this trip). My dad will be home that entire weekend and my 2 brothers have agreed to help out. DD, will be sleeping at my parents house, she trends to wake up 1 or 2 times evey night but does occasionally STTN.

I do not have anyone I can leave DD with. I have 2 best friends who I would trust with DD and feel comfortable asking, but both are unavailable the weekend of the trip.

I really want to back out of the trip..... DH is really looking forward to it and he worked so hard to earn it. We used to travel a lot before DD but haven't been anywhere since I got pregnant. I think or relationship needs this trip - we have been fighting nonstop lately and need the time alone. Also, if I were to mention this to him, he would insist ob leaving DD with a certain person who I really do not feel comfortable leaving her with (long story that I won't get into)

What would you do? My mom insists thst I go... My dad and brother tell me that she is worried about having DD for the weekend in spite of my father and brothers help. They are asking me not to go.

I feel so torn..... I don't want to stress my momor have her do something she physically/mentally can't handle but I also feel that my marriage needs this trip.

Thanks for reading this.... Sorry its so long. Please do not quote anything I wrote, thanks.

Message edited 12/29/2011 2:25:47 AM.

Re: Leaving DD for a weekend - WWYD?

I think you should talk to your brothers and dad and explain that you really feel like this trip is VERY important to your DH and your relationship. Ask them to step it up and help out for this one time as a favor for you, in helping your mom with DD. Be honest with them and tell them that by not going, you feel that this will negatively affect your DH a lot more than they realize.

It seems they are being "men" and worried they might have to help out some more than they want to and are taking the easy way out and saying "just don't go". That is unfair to you because they are perfectly capable of helping out a little bit more to help both you and your mom. If you don't go, both your DH and your mom will likely be upset about it.

Have the conversation with them and I would try and go!

Re: Leaving DD for a weekend - WWYD?

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Message edited 1/14/2012 7:57:41 AM.

Re: Leaving DD for a weekend - WWYD?

I know exactly how important these trips are bc dhs company does them too & honestly this is a reward for all your Dh work. You cant miss it. Speak to your dad & brothers & explain how important this is for your Dh & how bad it will look if you do not attend. They can pitch in for 4 days to help out. Plus this is important for you & Dh to get some alone time to spark the marriage again. We all need that after kids enter the equation.

Re: Leaving DD for a weekend - WWYD?

I WILL WATCH HER!!!!! DS needs a lil gf to play with !!!

Re: Leaving DD for a weekend - WWYD?

Honestly, I probably wouldn't go. I understand that you and DH really need this getaway, but it sounds like the timing is all wrong. Your Mom seems to be going through a lot and she is pretty much telling you that it is too much for her, so I would respect that. Could the trip be rescheduled for when things die down a bit? Sorry you have to make this hard decision!

Re: Leaving DD for a weekend - WWYD?

Re: Leaving DD for a weekend - WWYD?

I guess I'm in the minority and wouldn't go. Is there any way your DH could go by himself? I know you want to go with him and you think the trip would be good for the both of you, but your mom has A LOT on her plate, regardless of how much help she has. If it's that important to go, I would leave DD with someone else. IMO it's not fair to put that stress on your mom.

Re: Leaving DD for a weekend - WWYD?

I think I would go.

Maybe you could plan some stuff for DD to do while you are gone - library groups or find some other stuff online (FM me if you want a list of websites).

If you plan things out, it should go a lot smoother then everyone looking at DD like, now what.

Buy(and prepare) her favorite foods, make sure she has all her fav toys and movies.

If possible, sleep at your mom's house the night you leave so she doens't have to "work" that extra night.

Re: Leaving DD for a weekend - WWYD?

Is there anyone who can help out during the day (but still have DD sleep at your parents)? Like a babysitter or a friend? So that your parents don't have her for 4 days straight. That definitely IS a lot of work - for anyone, nonetheless someone like your mom who is going through so much right now.

If you can get someone to help during the daytime, I think that would provide a lot of relief for your parents/brothers.

Re: Leaving DD for a weekend - WWYD?

Thanks everyone for your input. A part of me is very relieved to see how many of you feel I should go. I have been feeling very guilty about even the thought of going on this trip.....

I like the idea of coming up with a schedule for my dad and brothers. I think this will definitely make my mom and me feel more comfortable.

On a side note, today is my mom's last chemo session.... Please say a prayer for her. I worry so much for her every day.

Thanks again everyone for your input!

Re: Leaving DD for a weekend - WWYD?

Re: Leaving DD for a weekend - WWYD?

Why don't you go but hire a babysitter to help during the weekend at your mother's house.

Re: Leaving DD for a weekend - WWYD?

Since they are used to watching her during the week, I would think a mother's helper might be enough to ease their minds. Is there a teenager in their neighborhood that you trust?

Also - despite the 6am flight, I still think I would have DD sleep at home that night. Maybe one less night of having her sleep over is a good compromise to start with!

I would also leave $$ so they could order in some food, and have that be one less thing your mom has to deal with.

Message edited 12/30/2011 7:22:22 AM.

Re: Leaving DD for a weekend - WWYD?

I think a lot of the pp's have good ideas that should help ease their load (such as staying there the night that you leave, scheduling lots of activities & getting a helper for them during the days). I just wanted to let you know that I'm for your mom's full recovery

Re: Leaving DD for a weekend - WWYD?

First off, many to your mom.

Secondly, I'd go on the trip, only if I hired a mother's helper to help out your mom during the weekend. Only if it's a few hours a day.

I"d also talk to your dad and brothers and ask them to step up and help out when the helper/sitter is not there.

Re: Leaving DD for a weekend - WWYD?

Thank you so much for your prayers and suggestions!!! i really appreciate it!