I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

I seriously feel like I am at the end of my rope and am so very upset about it. This is very long, I'm sorry...I just know it will help me feel better to type it out too.

DD is 19 months. And a very stubborn child when it comes to food-- VERY. Always has been-- always. We started baby food on the later side, at 6 months. Well, for MONTHS it was a struggle, literally every single time it was time to eat food, she's cry, clamp her mouth shut, it was a horrible experience every single time for MONTHS straight-- it made us cry, it made my mom cry when she fed her, made my MIL upset when she fed it. It was a horrible experience for months.

Then, I don't remember when, but she finally started coming around to jarred food...maybe around 9 or 10 months. We even moved on to Stage 3 a bit, but then she got sick and her throat hurt, and she refused Stage 3 stuff because of the surprise-element of the thin consistency with chunks thrown in there, she'd gag.

All along, since whenever you can first start giving them Cheerios, she's loved Cheerios. Loves crackers, so it's not a textural thing b/c she knows how to break hard things with her teeth, to chew, to swallow crunchy things.

Table foods have been an absolute NIGHTMARE since Day 1 as well. We expected it-- it's par for the course with her, she's SO stubborn that she just literally does not WANT to eat anything. The girl would be happy just having milk and water all day, and jars of baby food. She does not enjoy eating at all, she doesn't look forward to it, she just does it to survive and that's it.

So, she's been WAY behind in the table-food department for a long time, even though we started trying early. She barely eats any table food, she's still on baby food at 19 months. I've discussed this issue with her pediatrician NUMEROUS times (and another ped in the practice), and they say it's a phase all kids go through, she'll outgrow it, etc. But it's not, and I reiterate that to them-- she just doesn't want to eat solid food, period. She just doesn't like to eat-- jar food she'll eat because it's super fast, it sustains her, and then she can be on her way. This child has NEVER, not even once, actually eaten a piece of fresh fruit OR fresh veggie. EVER-- oh, maybe a minuscule nibble of a shredded carrot last week, ONCE. And we offer-- I mean, we got a farm share all last summer with fresh fruits & veggies every week, such a variety, and she had NONE!

So, about 2 weeks ago, after another ped appointment where I was talking to him about her eating and just getting so upset, we became DETERMINED again that she was going to eat more table food. That night (I posted about it), she ate a BIG piece of turkey meatloaf. I was stunned-- I cried! We made a HUGE deal out of it, we were so proud of her, she's such a good girl, etc. Next night, more meat loaf. Then some meatballs the next night; spinach & cheese ravioli the next night; scrambled eggs with cheese; grilled cheese. She was doing so much better, although we still had to supplement with jarred fruits & veggies because we keep offering (in all shapes, tricks & varieties too) and she's refusing. So I thought "fine, at least she's on the path, I'll still give her jars of those until she works up to them". She was eating those things I mentioned, as well as mac & cheese, which she loves.

The problem??? Starting 3 nights ago, she now refuses all food again-- except mac & cheese and pancakes (her 2 big favorites) and Cheerios/crackers/bread. She had a scrambled egg with cheese this morning too. She feels fine, nothing has changed, there is NO reason why she suddenly switched.

I am near tears every time we try to feed this child. We offer her the first bite, and she says "NO", and blocks our hands with hers, and this would continue on for an hour if we let it. If we leave it on her tray, she throws it on the floor. Then, we try to cram it in her mouth, which she starts crying hysterically, and the battle goes on for like 5 minutes of crying And she doesn't eat even a morsel of it, even things she was eating a week ago. We are all so defeated from this We then have to give in and just give her the jars.

I really am at the end of my rope with this issue, I don't know what else to do. She just has NO interest in eating...if we're eating something, she'll walk up and look at it, and then walk away, NEVER wants some even when offered. She doesn't like any condiments, so that doesn't help sweeten the deal. I can't bribe her with sweets because she won't eat them.

I really wonder if she has a serious eating issue...what else could it be??? I mean, yes, she is playing us because she knows we'll give in and give her the jars, but it's truly beyond just that...she really will choose to NOT eat all day if she can't have jars, I know it. We cut down on her milk a few weeks ago, right around when she did start eating better, and we time it so that she should be really hungry when we try to feed her.

Is there someone (some professional person?) that would help with something like this? Her pediatrician (who's great, it's not that he's brushing it off or anything) truly doesn't think it's a problem...but it's not just about her being stubborn-- she just doesn't WANT to eat anything, and that she'll humor us with jars and that's it.

She talks up a storm, doesn't have any gagging issues, no other developmental delays-- what could it be????

THANK YOU if you got this far

Message edited 1/31/2009 6:29:35 PM.

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

I don't really have too much advice, my DS is only 4 months . HOw is her weight, is she on target or underweight? I think the jarred food is her "comfort zone" right now and she likes to keep going back to it. I know it must be so frustrating for you

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Posted by krissy888

I don't really have too much advice, my DS is only 4 months . HOw is her weight, is she on target or underweight? I think the jarred food is her "comfort zone" right now and she likes to keep going back to it. I know it must be so frustrating for you

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

First
Like your pediatrician said all kids go through stages liking certain food more than others. My son has always been a good eater but when he started learning to eat on his own, we noticed that if we put the food on his highchair tray and try to feed him, he'd push the plate away and not want it. So what we did, we put the plate on his high chair and not look at him or pay any attention to him and all of sudden, we were eating and so was he. I also try to give him a few choices to give him a sense of control, which is good for them but not too many. I always try to make meal times fun associating it with something he enjoys and now if I say it's dinner or breakfast time, he's the first one that runs and goes to get his highchair. Hang in there. Some children are more picky than others. Try to see if you don't give in with the jar food and you leave the other food a bit longer if she will try to eat it. Best of luck to you.

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Awwww,

Well, maybe this does fall under the EI "feeding" scope? Maybe she should be evaluated?

My only advice would be (and it probably isn't GOOD advice) is that I've always been told that they won't starve themselves and that she WILL eat eventually. But I don't know that I could take waiting itout either

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Posted by KateDevine

Awwww,

Well, maybe this does fall under the EI "feeding" scope? Maybe she should be evaluated?

My only advice would be (and it probably isn't GOOD advice) is that I've always been told that they won't starve themselves and that she WILL eat eventually. But I don't know that I could take waiting itout either

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Posted by nbc188

Posted by KateDevine

Awwww,

Well, maybe this does fall under the EI "feeding" scope? Maybe she should be evaluated?

My only advice would be (and it probably isn't GOOD advice) is that I've always been told that they won't starve themselves and that she WILL eat eventually. But I don't know that I could take waiting itout either

I didn't ask him specifically about EI, but he really was not concerned since she has no other issues, and it's not a textural/gagging thing...but I just don't know what to do.

And I truly believe she would starve herself (and NOT EVEN COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING HUNGRY ) if we just said no more jars. I 100% believe that

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Posted by MrsFresca

First
Like your pediatrician said all kids go through stages liking certain food more than others. My son has always been a good eater but when he started learning to eat on his own, we noticed that if we put the food on his highchair tray and try to feed him, he'd push the plate away and not want it. So what we did, we put the plate on his high chair and not look at him or pay any attention to him and all of sudden, we were eating and so was he. I also try to give him a few choices to give him a sense of control, which is good for them but not too many. I always try to make meal times fun associating it with something he enjoys and now if I say it's dinner or breakfast time, he's the first one that runs and goes to get his highchair. Hang in there. Some children are more picky than others. Try to see if you don't give in with the jar food and you leave the other food a bit longer if she will try to eat it. Best of luck to you.

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by nbc188

Posted by KateDevine

Awwww,

Well, maybe this does fall under the EI "feeding" scope? Maybe she should be evaluated?

My only advice would be (and it probably isn't GOOD advice) is that I've always been told that they won't starve themselves and that she WILL eat eventually. But I don't know that I could take waiting itout either

I didn't ask him specifically about EI, but he really was not concerned since she has no other issues, and it's not a textural/gagging thing...but I just don't know what to do.

And I truly believe she would starve herself (and NOT EVEN COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING HUNGRY ) if we just said no more jars. I 100% believe that

Call on your own C! You don't need a script! You can make the phone call and see what they say. Maybe they can help in other ways, you know?

Awwww

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

all I can say is I feel for you and to keep offering her what she eats (whether that is pancakes every day)

do NOT force her to eat, that will create bad eating habits, IMHO

I go through the same thing with Miki

if she does not want to eat, she doesn't eat but then no snacks either

eventually she will get hungry and eat what you offer

try not to stress out over it, they pick up on that

good luck, I truly feel your pain

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Im not a professional, but I have heard from a lot of people its a normal phase. DS is 17 months and a big eater but there are days when he wont eat much of anything. He will eat eggs two days in a row, then 2 days later spit them out. He loves pizza and sometimes will eat a whole slice. Then there are days when he throws everything on the floor. I printed out a milestone chart from babycenter and it does say gets finicky about food somewhere between 12 and 18 months.

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

It's hard, I've been through similar issues with my kids (and its now that they are older, so it makes it even more frustrating)... I know this sounds like it won't work, but if you really want to get her to eat table foods (which you know she can!), stop the jar food. Period. She will not starve, trust me. Keep offering her the table food, and have her eat when you guys eat. Eventually she'll get it. It will probably be tough, but that's really all I can offer

Message edited 1/31/2009 7:18:18 PM.

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

It really sounds like it has just become a power struggle. The more it is important to you, the less she is going to eat. Even when you are ignoring her, she knows you are watching with the eyes on the back of your head. My only suggestion is to offer her the food and if she won't eat, don't push it. How long has she gone without eating? She won't starve with a couple days of not eating especially when she is still drinking milk. I know it is so hard to allow your child to not eat, but it is making things so tense, which also isn't ideal. Good luck!! My DD is only 10.5 months but she gives me some problems with eating and it is soooo frustrating so I know how bad it must be for you!!

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

I have not yet had the opportunity to get into this boat, and I that Kristina will never see the light of this aspect of toddler hood.

I would honestly finish all the jars. When it's time to eat, and she thinks that she is going to get the jars, SHOW her the cabinet where you normally keep the jars of baby food, and tell her that there are NO MORE jars of food, and that she can either eat what is in front of her or she doesn't eat at all.

I know it seems silly speaking to our DC this way as they are so young, but I am convinced that the more that they are spoken to as people instead of with babble (like my mother INSISTS on doing )the faster they will comprehend the meaning behind the words.

With that having been said.... She will start to realize that there are no more little meals in jars, and she WILL be hungry. She just knows how to get to you right now, and that's the big problem.

Also, how much water and milk is she drinking throughout the day? I know that one of my BFF's ped's just cut her DD down on milk and juice b/c she was having the same issues.... She was so FULL from the milk and juice that she wasn't eating her meals.... She cut her back, and now her DD eats more!

I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this honey!

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

I know how awful the feeling is when your child refuses to eat.

Give her whatever she'll eat. There are days when all Mads will eat is chicken nuggets.

I'm thinking that this has become a true power struggle and she has realized that. You *think* she'll starve herself- I promise you, she won't. BUT it'll likely be a difficult time for you until she does finally "break".

I think that at this point, by making a big deal when she eats, then making a big deal when she doesn't eat has created a situation where she's constantly getting reinforcement for the behavior (whether negative or positive- its all the same to a toddler). You might not realize it, but after a few days of her eating, you were likely lessening the amount of attention- so she "steps it up" and stops eating. This causes you to pay attention again.

It sounds like you might benefit from some outside help. If not for a diagnosis of an issue with textures, just for some advice and support. I can't imagine the stress you've been through with this.

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

C, I know this has been a loooong battle for you and how hard it has been on you.

Like others have said, I think it's time to STOP the jarred foods. Just throw them all out (or donate them, whatever it takes to get them out of the house) and say GOOD BYE to jarred foods.

Offer her table foods, maybe 2-3 options at each meal, and if she doesn't eat, she doesn't eat. She will NOT starve herself. Seriously.

I don't think this is a feeding issue at all. She has successfully eaten all kinds of foods. As you said, she's just being stubborn - till she gets what she wants (jarred foods). It's time you stop enabling her.

Just like those who use CIO to "unteach" their child bad sleeping habits, you need to "unteach" C's bad eating habits. Maybe choose next weekend for "food bootcamp" (Fri-Sun, when I know you're with her), and throw on your toughest skin and no more giving in or attempting to force her to eat.

YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. Trust me, none of my kindergarteners come to school with jars of baby food.

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Posted by nbc188

Posted by KateDevine

Awwww,

Well, maybe this does fall under the EI "feeding" scope? Maybe she should be evaluated?

My only advice would be (and it probably isn't GOOD advice) is that I've always been told that they won't starve themselves and that she WILL eat eventually. But I don't know that I could take waiting itout either

I didn't ask him specifically about EI, but he really was not concerned since she has no other issues, and it's not a textural/gagging thing...but I just don't know what to do.

And I truly believe she would starve herself (and NOT EVEN COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING HUNGRY ) if we just said no more jars. I 100% believe that

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Posted by KateDevine

Awwww,

Well, maybe this does fall under the EI "feeding" scope? Maybe she should be evaluated?

My only advice would be (and it probably isn't GOOD advice) is that I've always been told that they won't starve themselves and that she WILL eat eventually. But I don't know that I could take waiting itout either

Message edited 1/31/2009 8:20:08 PM.

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

so sorry this is such a struggle and i can relate to a point. DD who is the same age eats table food and all but not a whole lot of it. she likes what she likes and thats pretty much it. i HATE mealtimes. i dread them. i HATe when i put something in front of her and she says "no" and proceeds to feed it to our dog. she hates anything new. only really likes dry or breaded foods. anyway, i used to (and sometimes still do, but rarely) get so angry during a meal. i get frustrated and she totally knows it. it is in my body language, tone of voice and actions. i have to take a breath and count to 10 sometimes when i see a meal is going to not go well. one of the things my sister (has 5 kids) told me is that if they know that you are making an issue of food then it WILL become an issue. she warned me not to get emotional, frustrated-or let it be visible to DD b/c it will just become a power struggle and get worse as she ages. i believe that. i now offer her dinner if she says no (i curse in my head ) say ok and calmly take her down from the seat. i find that she eventually comes back after being hungry and realizing that i don't "care" (even though i do!)
and sometimes her dinner consists of blueberries and dry cheerios-but i have learned to let go. she will not starve. i think that for your situation that it is time to let the jars go. you are holding on to them and thus so is she. once she realizes they are truly gone she will most likely forget them. just keep offering things-don't force anything on her it will make it so much worse. it could take a little while but will ultimately be worth it.
good luck! and i am sorry i wrote so much!!

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

No advice, I think you already got some great tips on here.

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Lily is a terrible eater as well. We don't give her jarred food anymore, but there are nights when her dinner is yogurt and nothing more. She hates all meats and things she'll love one night, she'll loathe the next night.
What I've found helps her to eat is offering her utensils to eat with...and once she can feed herself, she usually will. I think it may be an independence thing.
Good luck!!

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

I just posted about this yesterday. Rylan is younger...10 months...but he refuses to eat. It's probably not as severe as your DD though. He won't eat his cereal or veggie/fruit purees anymore and will hardly eat table food either.

I can sometimes get him to 1/4 of a waffle for breakfast and that's usually it. Every once in a while he'll eat a YoBaby. Anything else is just a bite every once in a blue moon.

His ped doesn't see a problem because he's gaining but i'm worried about it. I don't know how long to let it go on for before it starts to affect his health...especially with going off formula in 2 months.

I agree with everyone else...I would try to stop the jars and see what happens. When Rylan refuses to eat he has to wait for the next bottle. I know he won't starve in between. I think eventually she will come around when there are no other options(no jars)

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Posted by Mikismom

Posted by chmlengr
but if you really want to get her to eat table foods (which you know she can!), stop the jar food. Period. She will not starve, trust me.

I agree completely, she WILL NOT starve

also, I was thinking this over - is she maybe constipated? When miki would not eat at all I took her to the doctor and she was backup up which made it painful to eat cause her belly hurt