I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

My grandparents have always been extremely generous with all of the grandchilden.

My grandmother passed and my grandfather is still alive - but my father makes all of the decisions regarding their $$.

My grandfather constantly asks my father if any of the grandkids need $$ - and is always telling my dad to give us money throughout the year.

My dad has two other siblings. One has three kids. One has an only child - she is 18

We are all married except the 18 yr. old.

My grandparents ALWAYS gave money to not only the grandchildren - but our spouses also. Example: I get 500. DH gets 500. We just got some money not too long ago which sparked this fight.

My uncle is saying that his daughter is getting slighted in the deal. BUT - my father is just following my grandparents footsteps. We never got double the amount when we were single - we always got the amount per person. She is getting slighted bc she's not married - but there were plenty of years where I was single and my cousins were married - we never gave it a second thought. In my uncle's words "My cousin is in a $1000 deficit." - GIVE ME A BREAK.

My uncle who is complaining lives out of state - as does his daughter. We have some issues with her also. She never came to see my grandmother when she was dying (and when she died her wake and funeral was more bothersome to her then anything) She spent a week in the city a few months ago and didn't come to visit my grandfather. She has NEVER asked me how Jack was (from the day he was born) - She is really not a member of this family in our eyes.

I have a cousin here who lives close to my grandfather and is there all the time - picking him up when he falls - cleaning him if he soils himself - my father is going to ask my uncle today "How we can put a pricetag on what Chris does for this family"

Our spouses have done so much for our grandparents -- they are looked upon as grandchildren also - not just the people we married. Hell, my family likes my DH better than they like me! LOL!

If you are still reading this - thank you - and I'm curious as to what you think.

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

Sounds to me like your cousin and uncle are having "entitlement" issues.

They feel that "its not fair" because technically your family (you and DH) are getting $1000 total, while she gets $500.

My thoughts: Tough noogies! That's the breaks. Life is not "fair". When she gets married, then she and her DH will each get money.

What is NOT fair is that these 2 think that they have the "right" to say a WORD. This is money that is NOT theirs, but that is being gifted to them. You are not allowed to spend someone elses money!

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

IMO, I think they are being selfish and caddy about the whole thing. What your grandfather does with his money is his business and all should be thankful, appreciative and grateful that they at least get SOMETHING.

Does your cousin get money for any other things? (ie school, extracurricular activities, hobbies, etc.?)

I just don't see how what your grandfather gives the grandkids' spouses has anything to do with what she gets. If you weren't married, you'd be getting $500 too.

Money is a b!tch. We too have learned the hard way. I hope that they stop this foolishness and can appreciate that their father/grandfather is in a good situation where he can provide for his grandchildren and not bicker and cause turmoil over it.

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

I can see where you're coming from with this "uninvolved" cousin. I think it's ridiculous that her dad said anything, especially since is daughter doesn't seem to care. If I were him, I would have shut my mouth--she's lucky to get anything.

However...I do think it's odd (IMHO) that a married couple would receive twice the amount. After all, isn't your money your DH's and vice versa? What if one of the cousins never got married? Or what if they got divorced? Is it back down to the "single amount?" It just seems a bit unfair. I am thinking back to my single days when I was buying shower gifts, engagement gifts, wedding gifts and thinking..."Wow, single people really get the shaft!!!"

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

I also wanted to add, that if she is not satisfied with her $500, then I would be GLAD to take it off her hands I sure as heck could use it!

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

Your grandfather is giving a gift to those people he wants to give a gift to so your dh's gift is just that, a gift to him. I don't think she should get double because she doesn't have a spouse that also gets a gift. I think it's really greedy to see it that way and expect to get double the gift.

I know my mother gives my brother and one of my nieces money all the time and it isn't my place to demand that she give us money as well. It's hers to do with as she pleases.

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

I understand the theory of single people getting the shaft - lol - but - this is just how it's always been. My cousins have been married 10+ years - I've been married 3. I never once got mad that my cousins wife was getting money. She is considered another grandchild - and all of the grandchildren get their share.

My father said last night that he feels bad that he doesn't give money to the great grandchildren (where if my grandmother was alive she always would) - there are 7 great grandchildren - he would give them 250 each a few times a year - and obviously, my cousin doesn't have a child - so should she still get the 250?

My uncle is looking at it as - this is cutting into his inheritance money. My aunt is getting more for her family because she is getting money for six. My dad is getting more for his family bc he is getting money for two. My uncle is only getting money for one right now. It's not my aunt's fault she had three kids - lol!

OH - and to top it off - my cousin has NEVER called my grandfather to thank him for this money - not once!

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

"Cutting into his inheritance money"

IS HE FOR REAL??!!??!!

This chaps my hide!
Who says that he is "entitled" to an inheritance??????? Your grandfather has every right in the world to leave NOTHING to anyone! He is perfectly within his rights to give away every single penny that HE HAS EARNED during his lifetime and to leave ZERO!



Edited:

I apologize for my outburt.... I just never understood people who just ASSume that they are getting an inheritance. I have told my own mother to spend HER money as she wishes. I do not care if I never get an "inheritance" from her as long as she enjoys her life and does not stress out about "leaving us" anything.

Message edited 6/18/2008 9:53:19 AM.

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

If its such an issue, why not just tell Grandfather to stop the money now, keep it all as inheritence and have his will altered to have Spouses included in the amounts divided and let her go find a husband to collect more?

I mean Money is a sticky situation with family...been there and its awful.

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

Posted by MrsGmomof3

"Cutting into his inheritance money"

IS HE FOR REAL??!!??!!

This chaps my hide!
Who says that he is "entitled" to an inheritance??????? Your grandfather has every right in the world to leave NOTHING to anyone! He is perfectly within his rights to give away every single penny that HE HAS EARNED during his lifetime and to leave ZERO!



Edited:

I apologize for my outburt.... I just never understood people who just ASSume that they are getting an inheritance. I have told my own mother to spend HER money as she wishes. I do not care if I never get an "inheritance" from her as long as she enjoys her life and does not stress out about "leaving us" anything.

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

It sounds to me, there's no way to put this delicately, like your uncle suspects that your grandfather might not be around much longer and wants to get as much money out of him as he can. So he feels like by the time his daughter gets married and has a spouse that would also receive money your grandfather might not be around or might not be in a position to be as generous.

No matter how you look at it - it's sad and one of the the things I hate most about money.

Bottom line - it's your grandfther's money and he can do with it how he pleases. He doesn't want to pay for an imaginary what-if spouse so tough sh!t for her. And after reading that the granddaugther is not a willing participant in their lives...she's lucky she gets anything.




I remember when I was little my father gave my brother an exta gift or extra money for something and I had protested that it wasn't fair...he responded that I was older and therefore got more than my brother all along the way so it was actually fair. I was so hurt by that and questioned how he could come up with that when at the end of the day we would both have equal time with him...my time started early but my brother's time ended later...I asked him to either stop treating my bro better OR just flat out be truthful that he wanted to give him more. That stayed with him for years...because I was right.

So I think that your uncle's line about his daughter getting slighted in the deal is ridiculous.

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

Posted by Diana1215

My uncle is looking at it as - this is cutting into his inheritance money. My aunt is getting more for her family because she is getting money for six. My dad is getting more for his family bc he is getting money for two. My uncle is only getting money for one right now. It's not my aunt's fault she had three kids - lol!

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

I don't think of record of I did this, you didn't do that helps. So I wouldn't get into my DH vs. your DD stuff.

Basically I would just tell your uncle to back off because a gift should not be questioned. Wanting more money from inheritance when you already get a fair share is greedy.

Tell your cousin to count her blessings.

Message edited 6/18/2008 10:15:09 AM.

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

Posted by Ang-Rich

Posted by Diana1215

My uncle is looking at it as - this is cutting into his inheritance money. My aunt is getting more for her family because she is getting money for six. My dad is getting more for his family bc he is getting money for two. My uncle is only getting money for one right now. It's not my aunt's fault she had three kids - lol!

Your uncle should have produced more profits..I mean kids if that's how he feels. It's his own fault.

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

Your uncle & cousin sound like they are both very shallow and greedy. And ungrateful. Honestly, if I were your grandfather, I would stop giving her anything.

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

Posted by MrsGmomof3

"Cutting into his inheritance money"

IS HE FOR REAL??!!??!!

This chaps my hide!
Who says that he is "entitled" to an inheritance??????? Your grandfather has every right in the world to leave NOTHING to anyone! He is perfectly within his rights to give away every single penny that HE HAS EARNED during his lifetime and to leave ZERO!



Edited:

I apologize for my outburt.... I just never understood people who just ASSume that they are getting an inheritance. I have told my own mother to spend HER money as she wishes. I do not care if I never get an "inheritance" from her as long as she enjoys her life and does not stress out about "leaving us" anything.

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

Money makes family members to terrible things, I have seen it with my own eyes....

My advice?
Try to stay out of it......

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

Here's the problem with inheritances...poeple equate money with love or showing how much the deceased cared. Frankly I think it's less of a money issue than sibling rivilary for affection.

When my friend's grandfather died, he left half to each of his daughters. The aunt complained that she had 2 children therefore they were only getting 1/4 of the total estate, while my friend being an only child got 1/2. When it came down to it, it was about feeling like her father preferred one over the other.

I always thought the fairest way to do it is to split the money by the number of 1st generation children & let it trickle down from there. However, because one person has more children, grandpa shouldn't acknowledge their birthdays or weddings? He's still alive, for Pete's sake. The uncle is lucky that your grandpa doesn't decide to leave all of his money to a dog or shelter.

Does your dad have power of attorney? If not, while Grandpa still has his wits about him, you should solidify it. The last thing you're going to want is a fight if the uncle tries to get it or conservatorship.

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

Oh, and I never had real grandparents, thay all died before I was born or very young.....CAN YOUR GRANDPA ADOPT ME??????????
I won't make him give DH gifts, I promise!!!

For real though, it's a really sucky situation what money can do to families......my poor dad doesn't speak to his own family over it....

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

My family has been torn apart by a pathetically small amount of money.. because people are greedy, selfish and feel entitled to things that are not theirs.

Your uncle needs to go fly a kite. That money is not his. If your grandfather wanted to give all of it to you alone and leave out every other family member you have that is his RIGHT.

And aside from that, your uncle's argument is very weak. By the same token, you could take into account that you and the rest of your cousins are older and therefore have been in the family longer 'entitling' you each to a larger share than your cousin. Seniority, just like in the office.

Based on my own experiences and what you're saying here, your uncle is going to cause problems when your grandfather passes. I hope the rest of your family is prepared to handle that.

Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG

My DH grandmother does the same thing. Except it's 200 per person. This past year we had a baby so now we get 600 for the household. So the 200 pp just happens at Christmas, but for birthdays and anniversaries etc....the indivudual will get the 200. SO I think it's pretty similar to your family.

IMHO I think it's ridiculous that anyone would ever say anything or ever complain about a "GIFT". It's a Per person concept, so when the 18 year old gets married, she will get more, she is not getting gyped. How does the uncle NOT understand the per person concept???

PS. My brother married into a family where they each got 10k!!!!! for christmas...so if its you, the spouse and 1 kid, you got 30,000

I would like that! HA!

BUT again in that family, if it's just YOU and you are not married, you get 10,000 only.

Not a difficult concept.