LIFamilies.com - Long Island, NY


RSS
Articles Business Directory Blog Real Estate Community Forum Shop My Family Contests

Log In Chat Index Search Rules Lingo Create Account

Quick navigation:   

how would you handle this ? UPDATE

Posted By Message
Pages: [1] 2

MrsA1012
love my little girl !

Member since 9/10

5768 total posts

Name:
Me

how would you handle this ? UPDATE

We had a friend, her husband and children over for dinner. One of their kids is best friend's with my kid. That child has a food allergy. Its's not severe, worst case she would possibly vomit up the food if she somehow ate it. To be inclusive, i went to the store and got her a dessert free from the allergen. However, I made a mistake and accidentally bought another box that contained the allergen. Both boxes were the same brand, looked almost identical and were right next to each other. So one contained the allergen and one didn't. At the the party, the child ate the allergen containing cupcake. In the chaos of wild kids and all the action, i accidentally took from the allergen containing box. A screw up, 100 percent my fault. When the mom realized she said she was going to leave and take her child home in case she vomited. She seemed stressed but not angry at me. Kept saying it was okay. I was extremely apologetic and totally mortified. They leave. A short time later I text another apology. No reply. I order a toy and an apology note for the little girl. It arrived two days ago. No acknowledgement at all. We have many mutual friends and we are scheduled to attend two birthday parties and a group trip together next week. As i said, our kids are best friends and prior to this we were good friends as well. Would you reach out again in some way? Apologize again or ask if the child liked the set? If there is no communication would you still attend the parties? Thanks ! So I saw her yesterday. At the birthday party, we said hi then avoided each other. Afterwards, we went to a playground in a smaller group and she was totally normal. She didn’t mention anything about the gift or what happened.

Message edited 6/24/2022 11:20:20 AM.

Posted 6/15/22 6:10 PM
 
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource

RomeyT
LIF Infant

Member since 1/21

323 total posts

Name:

Re: how would you handle this ?

Posted by MrsA1012

We had a friend, her husband and children over for dinner. One of their kids is best friend's with my kid. That child has a food allergy. Its's not severe, worst case she would possibly vomit up the food if she somehow ate it. To be inclusive, i went to the store and got her a dessert free from the allergen. However, I made a mistake and accidentally bought another box that contained the allergen. Both boxes were the same brand, looked almost identical and were right next to each other. So one contained the allergen and one didn't. At the the party, the child ate the allergen containing cupcake. In the chaos of wild kids and all the action, i accidentally took from the allergen containing box. A screw up, 100 percent my fault. When the mom realized she said she was going to leave and take her child home in case she vomited. She seemed stressed but not angry at me. Kept saying it was okay. I was extremely apologetic and totally mortified. They leave. A short time later I text another apology. No reply. I order a toy and an apology note for the little girl. It arrived two days ago. No acknowledgement at all. We have many mutual friends and we are scheduled to attend two birthday parties and a group trip together next week. As i said, our kids are best friends and prior to this we were good friends as well. Would you reach out again in some way? Apologize again or ask if the child liked the set? If there is no communication would you still attend the parties? Thanks !



You made a small mistake. You apologized. You apologized again. At this point it’s up to the other parent to move on. I couldn’t imagine ending a friendship over something like this but people can be funny. I would definitely still attend parties where both kids and parents might be present. Are you supposed to go into hiding? If they don’t want to associate with you any longer over the incident consider it a bullet dodged.

Message edited 6/15/2022 6:20:42 PM.

Posted 6/15/22 6:20 PM
 

lululu
LIF Adult

Member since 7/05

9163 total posts

Name:

Re: how would you handle this ?

It was an honest mistake and frankly if it were me, I would accept the apology and move on. I would not contact her again though, I would wait until you see her in person and feel the situation out.

However, I am just wondering why you didn't just serve the allergen free item to everyone? I feel like if it was the same exact thing except one with something and one without, in the future I would just get the one without.

Posted 6/15/22 6:26 PM
 

Adri
Joy!

Member since 5/05

3084 total posts

Name:
A

Re: how would you handle this ?

Posted by RomeyT

Posted by MrsA1012

We had a friend, her husband and children over for dinner. One of their kids is best friend's with my kid. That child has a food allergy. Its's not severe, worst case she would possibly vomit up the food if she somehow ate it. To be inclusive, i went to the store and got her a dessert free from the allergen. However, I made a mistake and accidentally bought another box that contained the allergen. Both boxes were the same brand, looked almost identical and were right next to each other. So one contained the allergen and one didn't. At the the party, the child ate the allergen containing cupcake. In the chaos of wild kids and all the action, i accidentally took from the allergen containing box. A screw up, 100 percent my fault. When the mom realized she said she was going to leave and take her child home in case she vomited. She seemed stressed but not angry at me. Kept saying it was okay. I was extremely apologetic and totally mortified. They leave. A short time later I text another apology. No reply. I order a toy and an apology note for the little girl. It arrived two days ago. No acknowledgement at all. We have many mutual friends and we are scheduled to attend two birthday parties and a group trip together next week. As i said, our kids are best friends and prior to this we were good friends as well. Would you reach out again in some way? Apologize again or ask if the child liked the set? If there is no communication would you still attend the parties? Thanks !



You made a small mistake. You apologized. You apologized again. At this point it’s up to the other parent to move on. I couldn’t imagine ending a friendship over something like this but people can be funny. I would definitely still attend parties where both kids and parents might be present. Are you supposed to go into hiding? If they don’t want to associate with you any longer over the incident consider it a bullet dodged.



I agree! Also, if my kid has an allergy, as a parent I'm responsible for what he is eating.

Posted 6/15/22 6:27 PM
 

MrsA1012
love my little girl !

Member since 9/10

5768 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: how would you handle this ?

Posted by RomeyT

Posted by MrsA1012

We had a friend, her husband and children over for dinner. One of their kids is best friend's with my kid. That child has a food allergy. Its's not severe, worst case she would possibly vomit up the food if she somehow ate it. To be inclusive, i went to the store and got her a dessert free from the allergen. However, I made a mistake and accidentally bought another box that contained the allergen. Both boxes were the same brand, looked almost identical and were right next to each other. So one contained the allergen and one didn't. At the the party, the child ate the allergen containing cupcake. In the chaos of wild kids and all the action, i accidentally took from the allergen containing box. A screw up, 100 percent my fault. When the mom realized she said she was going to leave and take her child home in case she vomited. She seemed stressed but not angry at me. Kept saying it was okay. I was extremely apologetic and totally mortified. They leave. A short time later I text another apology. No reply. I order a toy and an apology note for the little girl. It arrived two days ago. No acknowledgement at all. We have many mutual friends and we are scheduled to attend two birthday parties and a group trip together next week. As i said, our kids are best friends and prior to this we were good friends as well. Would you reach out again in some way? Apologize again or ask if the child liked the set? If there is no communication would you still attend the parties? Thanks !



You made a small mistake. You apologized. You apologized again. At this point it’s up to the other parent to move on. I couldn’t imagine ending a friendship over something like this but people can be funny. I would definitely still attend parties where both kids and parents might be present. Are you supposed to go into hiding? If they don’t want to associate with you any longer over the incident consider it a bullet dodged.



So would you just act like nothing happened ? totally normal towards her?

Posted 6/15/22 6:40 PM
 

RomeyT
LIF Infant

Member since 1/21

323 total posts

Name:

Re: how would you handle this ?

Posted by MrsA1012

Posted by RomeyT

Posted by MrsA1012

We had a friend, her husband and children over for dinner. One of their kids is best friend's with my kid. That child has a food allergy. Its's not severe, worst case she would possibly vomit up the food if she somehow ate it. To be inclusive, i went to the store and got her a dessert free from the allergen. However, I made a mistake and accidentally bought another box that contained the allergen. Both boxes were the same brand, looked almost identical and were right next to each other. So one contained the allergen and one didn't. At the the party, the child ate the allergen containing cupcake. In the chaos of wild kids and all the action, i accidentally took from the allergen containing box. A screw up, 100 percent my fault. When the mom realized she said she was going to leave and take her child home in case she vomited. She seemed stressed but not angry at me. Kept saying it was okay. I was extremely apologetic and totally mortified. They leave. A short time later I text another apology. No reply. I order a toy and an apology note for the little girl. It arrived two days ago. No acknowledgement at all. We have many mutual friends and we are scheduled to attend two birthday parties and a group trip together next week. As i said, our kids are best friends and prior to this we were good friends as well. Would you reach out again in some way? Apologize again or ask if the child liked the set? If there is no communication would you still attend the parties? Thanks !



You made a small mistake. You apologized. You apologized again. At this point it’s up to the other parent to move on. I couldn’t imagine ending a friendship over something like this but people can be funny. I would definitely still attend parties where both kids and parents might be present. Are you supposed to go into hiding? If they don’t want to associate with you any longer over the incident consider it a bullet dodged.



So would you just act like nothing happened ? totally normal towards her?



I would personally act like nothing happened.’if anything their behavior leaves a bad taste in my mouth so I would keep any interaction polite and short.

Message edited 6/15/2022 6:44:12 PM.

Posted 6/15/22 6:43 PM
 

MrsA1012
love my little girl !

Member since 9/10

5768 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: how would you handle this ?

Posted by lululu

It was an honest mistake and frankly if it were me, I would accept the apology and move on. I would not contact her again though, I would wait until you see her in person and feel the situation out.

However, I am just wondering why you didn't just serve the allergen free item to everyone? I feel like if it was the same exact thing except one with something and one without, in the future I would just get the one without.



I thought I did. I picked up the no allergy one , even re read the ingredients, then saw another box that was the same brand and looked virtually identical and didn't rescreen because i thought it was the same. In hindsight, i obviously should have rescreened, but the visual similarities just messed with me.

Posted 6/15/22 6:45 PM
 

MrsA1012
love my little girl !

Member since 9/10

5768 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: how would you handle this ?

Posted by RomeyT

Posted by MrsA1012

Posted by RomeyT

Posted by MrsA1012

We had a friend, her husband and children over for dinner. One of their kids is best friend's with my kid. That child has a food allergy. Its's not severe, worst case she would possibly vomit up the food if she somehow ate it. To be inclusive, i went to the store and got her a dessert free from the allergen. However, I made a mistake and accidentally bought another box that contained the allergen. Both boxes were the same brand, looked almost identical and were right next to each other. So one contained the allergen and one didn't. At the the party, the child ate the allergen containing cupcake. In the chaos of wild kids and all the action, i accidentally took from the allergen containing box. A screw up, 100 percent my fault. When the mom realized she said she was going to leave and take her child home in case she vomited. She seemed stressed but not angry at me. Kept saying it was okay. I was extremely apologetic and totally mortified. They leave. A short time later I text another apology. No reply. I order a toy and an apology note for the little girl. It arrived two days ago. No acknowledgement at all. We have many mutual friends and we are scheduled to attend two birthday parties and a group trip together next week. As i said, our kids are best friends and prior to this we were good friends as well. Would you reach out again in some way? Apologize again or ask if the child liked the set? If there is no communication would you still attend the parties? Thanks !



You made a small mistake. You apologized. You apologized again. At this point it’s up to the other parent to move on. I couldn’t imagine ending a friendship over something like this but people can be funny. I would definitely still attend parties where both kids and parents might be present. Are you supposed to go into hiding? If they don’t want to associate with you any longer over the incident consider it a bullet dodged.



So would you just act like nothing happened ? totally normal towards her?



I would personally act like nothing happened.’if anything their behavior leaves a bad taste in my mouth so I would keep any interaction polite and short.



Yeah, I am honestly stunned she didn't acknowledge the gift. It was a really nice present with a kind note.

Posted 6/15/22 6:46 PM
 

KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination

Member since 5/05

4354 total posts

Name:
Karen

how would you handle this ?

It was a mistake. An honest mistake but still one that could have had significant consequences. You apologized and sent a gift, that is enough. Just give the mom time as she might still be processing the incident and blaming herself as well. Next time you see her just act normal. You apologized enough.

Posted 6/15/22 7:00 PM
 

nycbuslady
LIF Adult

Member since 9/15

957 total posts

Name:

how would you handle this ?

I think you did enough. Just act normal the next time you see her. Don't mention the gift.

Actually, with everything being so busy with end-of-school-year activities, she may not have even opened the package. Or, the kid opened it and didn't even tell the mom. She may end up contacting you about it in a few days. But even if she doesn't say anything, I would just pretend nothing happened.

Posted 6/15/22 7:18 PM
 

lululu
LIF Adult

Member since 7/05

9163 total posts

Name:

Re: how would you handle this ?

Posted by MrsA1012

Posted by lululu

It was an honest mistake and frankly if it were me, I would accept the apology and move on. I would not contact her again though, I would wait until you see her in person and feel the situation out.

However, I am just wondering why you didn't just serve the allergen free item to everyone? I feel like if it was the same exact thing except one with something and one without, in the future I would just get the one without.



I thought I did. I picked up the no allergy one , even re read the ingredients, then saw another box that was the same brand and looked virtually identical and didn't rescreen because i thought it was the same. In hindsight, i obviously should have rescreened, but the visual similarities just messed with me.



Oh jeez I misunderstood. Someone should tell the manufacturer they should make the packaging ClEARLY different. I am sure a lot of people make that same mistake. This friend should get over it!

Posted 6/15/22 7:24 PM
 

MrsA1012
love my little girl !

Member since 9/10

5768 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: how would you handle this ?

Posted by lululu

Posted by MrsA1012

Posted by lululu

It was an honest mistake and frankly if it were me, I would accept the apology and move on. I would not contact her again though, I would wait until you see her in person and feel the situation out.

However, I am just wondering why you didn't just serve the allergen free item to everyone? I feel like if it was the same exact thing except one with something and one without, in the future I would just get the one without.



I thought I did. I picked up the no allergy one , even re read the ingredients, then saw another box that was the same brand and looked virtually identical and didn't rescreen because i thought it was the same. In hindsight, i obviously should have rescreened, but the visual similarities just messed with me.



Oh jeez I misunderstood. Someone should tell the manufacturer they should make the packaging ClEARLY different. I am sure a lot of people make that same mistake. This friend should get over it!



Ironically, the friend told me she made the same mistake when I told her the brand I bought and she realized her daughter ate the wrong one. She didn't seem mad which makes the whole ignoring the text and not acknowledging my gift even weirder !

Posted 6/15/22 7:56 PM
 

TTCwithHope
LIF Infant

Member since 4/10

283 total posts

Name:
M

Re: how would you handle this ?

She probably feels angry at herself for trusting the cupcakes and not checking the box herself and guilty that her daughter had to leave the fun early. It’s exhausting to have to worry about this all the time and damage control to make sure your kid is ok while at the same time making sure other people don’t have hurt feelings. Just be polite and attend events and continue cordial as usual. Getting the toy was well intentioned but awkward and unnecessary(at least it would be for me). Don’t expect any more acknowledgement to mend your conscience, move on.

Posted 6/16/22 7:00 AM
 

windyweather21
LIF Adult

Member since 3/21

6204 total posts

Name:

Re: how would you handle this ?

Did anything else happen that day that maybe that could be the reason for her ignoring you?

I would just go to the parties and act like normal. SHE is the one who is in the wrong it seems and there is NO excuse for ignoring a gift from someone unless she never got it. NO ONE is THAT busy in life, no matter what is going on.

Posted 6/16/22 7:53 AM
 

Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it

Member since 5/05

30564 total posts

Name:
D

Re: how would you handle this ?

You made an honest mistake, and you apologized, and even went above and beyond to make things better. I would continue to go to these parties, and see how she acts towards you.
There is really nothing more you can do. I wouldnt contact her again regarding what happened.

To be honest with you, she knows her child has a severe allergy, she could have easily brought a dessert that suits her child. I have seen many people bring their own desserts for kids with peanut allergies to parties. Unless you told her you were picking it up.

Chat Icon Chat Icon

Message edited 6/16/2022 8:01:18 AM.

Posted 6/16/22 7:59 AM
 

Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed

Member since 4/09

6571 total posts

Name:

Re: how would you handle this ?

It was an honest mistake. That manufacturer suks balz to make two items looking so similar!!!Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon considering how careful folks have to be nowadays COME ON.

Anyway, you did all you could. You are friends. She must realize you feel awful! Your kids are friends!

Go to the parties and act normally. This too shall pass

Chat Icon

Posted 6/16/22 8:02 AM
 

StaceyWill
It's a girl!!!

Member since 6/10

21487 total posts

Name:
Stacey

Re: how would you handle this ?

You've done more than enough - I wouldn't reach out again. And I would definitely go to the events and act regular with her.
Is it her personality to get mad (and stay mad) at something like this?

Posted 6/16/22 9:16 AM
 

Pomegranate5
LIF Adult

Member since 2/11

4769 total posts

Name:
Pomegranate5

Re: how would you handle this ?

It was a completely honest mistake and she has even made it herself.

Move on, act normal. You've gone above and beyond to apologize. Her lack of communication most likely has nothing to do with you. I'm sure when you see her next it will be totally normal.Chat Icon

Posted 6/16/22 9:17 AM
 

MrsA1012
love my little girl !

Member since 9/10

5768 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: how would you handle this ?

Posted by StaceyWill

You've done more than enough - I wouldn't reach out again. And I would definitely go to the events and act regular with her.
Is it her personality to get mad (and stay mad) at something like this?

. I’m not sure. I know she’s had some friendships where they had a disagreement over something but she remained friends with them. She didn’t even seem mad when she found out at the party.

Posted 6/16/22 9:54 AM
 

MrsA1012
love my little girl !

Member since 9/10

5768 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: how would you handle this ?

Posted by windyweather21

Did anything else happen that day that maybe that could be the reason for her ignoring you?

I would just go to the parties and act like normal. SHE is the one who is in the wrong it seems and there is NO excuse for ignoring a gift from someone unless she never got it. NO ONE is THAT busy in life, no matter what is going on.

. A mutual friend was with me and we talked about this and we couldn’t think of anything.

Posted 6/16/22 9:55 AM
 

mrsrainbow
LIF Adult

Member since 1/17

1457 total posts

Name:

how would you handle this ?

People are weird. And they get weirder when stuff happens to their kid. Give it some room and wait and see.

Posted 6/16/22 10:38 AM
 

MrsWoods
LIF Adult

Member since 4/12

1359 total posts

Name:

how would you handle this ?

You've done more than enough. Go to the parties, see how she is with you there. If she is cold with you then its her problem.

Posted 6/16/22 5:00 PM
 

Bellaocchi
Hope Faith Love

Member since 2/07

5689 total posts

Name:

Re: how would you handle this ?

Reach out and call the Mom and talk to her. Clear the air prior to the events. I would do this sooner rather than later. You apologized, maybe something else is going on. Life is so busy for all, but a personal touch is to call her. Good luck.Chat Icon

Posted 6/17/22 5:42 PM
 

itsbabytime
LIF Adult

Member since 11/05

9619 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: how would you handle this ?

Food allergies are a serious issue. My kids don’t have them thank god but I have friends whose kids do. To you it might just be oh, she might vomit, and it’s no big deal but my guess is it is likely a lot more than that for her. I have a friend who has a child with celiac. It’s not life threatening but when he has any gluten at all it’s a HUGE issue for many reasons. To us we may just think - oh, a stomachache , but it’s way more.

Anyway, my point is, it was a mistake, of course, but it was still a big deal in my opinion, I would reach out again and try to talk to her. It was careless with a child’s health and if it were your own child i doubt you would be so flippant. Maybe it wasn’t this but something else or maybe it wasn’t in the moment but the reaction since that bothered her. Maybe something you said to someone else that got back to her. Who knows what it could be, you won’t know until you ask her.

Message edited 6/18/2022 12:57:54 PM.

Posted 6/18/22 12:55 PM
 

MrsA1012
love my little girl !

Member since 9/10

5768 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: how would you handle this ?

Posted by itsbabytime

Food allergies are a serious issue. My kids don’t have them thank god but I have friends whose kids do. To you it might just be oh, she might vomit, and it’s no big deal but my guess is it is likely a lot more than that for her. I have a friend who has a child with celiac. It’s not life threatening but when he has any gluten at all it’s a HUGE issue for many reasons. To us we may just think - oh, a stomachache , but it’s way more.

Anyway, my point is, it was a mistake, of course, but it was still a big deal in my opinion, I would reach out again and try to talk to her. It was careless with a child’s health and if it were your own child i doubt you would be so flippant. Maybe it wasn’t this but something else or maybe it wasn’t in the moment but the reaction since that bothered her. Maybe something you said to someone else that got back to her. Who knows what it could be, you won’t know until you ask her.

. I totally understand it’s upsetting, im not being flippant. I’m really familiar with her allergy though and it’s no where akin to celiacs. Her mom is guessing that she’d just vomit it up, but she hasn’t had a reaction since she was a baby, so she isn’t even sure. In any case , I found out from a mutual friend that she went to school the next day so I know she was not seriously ill. I’d be upset if it were my kid but I would still acknowledge a gift and multiple apology texts.

Posted 6/18/22 4:27 PM
 
Pages: [1] 2
 

Potentially Related Topics:

Topic Posted By Started Replies Forum
How do you and DH handle this kind of thing? mikeswife06 11/18/06 8 Relationship Board
"Road Rage" type situations - how do you handle them? greenfreak 11/3/06 42 Families Helping Families ™
We are trying to find a specific kind of door "handle" for a sliding bathroom door...(PIC) AndreaLMT 8/18/06 4 Home
Can anyone offer advice on how to handle MIL smoking in her house? btrflygrl 7/6/06 16 Parenting
For moms that dont have family by them, how did you handle it when your baby was born JerseyMamaOf3 3/7/06 1 Parenting
How do you handle it when your friends disagree? baghag 3/1/06 5 Families Helping Families ™
 
Quick navigation:   
Currently 203048 users on the LIFamilies.com Chat
New Businesses
1 More Rep
Carleton Hall of East Islip
J&A Building Services
LaraMae Health Coaching
Sonic Wellness
Julbaby Photography LLC
Ideal Uniforms
Teresa Geraghty Photography
Camelot Dream Homes
Long Island Wedding Boutique
MB Febus- Rodan & Fields
Camp Harbor
Market America-Shop.com
ACM Basement Waterproofing
Travel Tom

      Follow LIWeddings on Facebook

      Follow LIFamilies on Twitter
Long Island Bridal Shows