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ssbride05
:-)
Member since 5/05 2654 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: how would you handle this?
I am so sorry you're going through this. I agree with what the other posters are saying,.... I think what she said is rude  and I also wouldn't be allowing BIL to sleep in my home either.
It's just too bad that you all can't sit down together, I know you said it's way past it now. I would say to just be polite and that's it!
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Posted 8/28/06 10:22 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: how would you handle this?
I wasn't suggested talking to SIL..I was suggesting putting her in her place in a very firm manner with your DH. Letting her know that you are "on" to her and you know that she is a kniving b!tch and will stop at nothing to have control. Sorry b!tch you have no control over me and the rest of the family is praying for a divorce.
I think that ought to do it. Do you think DH would go along with it? How much longer are you going to keep quiet for the sake of the family?
I think that's crap!
I'm sorry. 
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| Posted 8/28/06 10:23 AM |
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LaurenExp
Waiting patiently for baby sis
Member since 8/06 11613 total posts
Name:
L-Diddy EDD 11/11/11 :)
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Re: how would you handle this?
Posted by nferrandi
A sit down is not going to be effective at this point, it's way beyond that. BIL's wife has been filling his head with lies for a long time. DH definitley stood up for me and things wound up getting pretty ugly. He set a lot of the record straight and showed his brother how/where his wife was lying to him, but it didn't seem to make much of a difference to BIL. It was mostly his wife who was going on and on with the name calling, but BIL was backing up her feelings and certainly wasn't telling her to quiet down and not disrespect me.
I've just had enough at this point. This has been ongoing for years now and this b!atch needds to get over herself. They even had the nerve to say that they don't go to family functions because DH and I are there. They suggested that maybe DH and I shouldn't go sometimes so that they could.  Um grow up. My in-laws would have a heart attack if DH and I didn't go somewhere so that BIL and his wife could instead.
Holy crap! I had no idea it was that bad! I'm so sorry for this. You know what? They obviously don't give two sh!ts about their family if they don't go to family functions because you and your DH are there. That's ridiculous. I went to a wedding that my DH's ex-wife was at! I mean, come on! Be an adult!
Why would they even want to be in the same house with you in the first place if this is how they feel? Tell them to stay in a hotel 
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| Posted 8/28/06 10:28 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: how would you handle this?
Posted by Blu-ize
I wasn't suggested talking to SIL..I was suggesting putting her in her place in a very firm manner with your DH. Letting her know that you are "on" to her and you know that she is a kniving b!tch and will stop at nothing to have control. Sorry b!tch you have no control over me and the rest of the family is praying for a divorce.
I think that ought to do it. Do you think DH would go along with it? How much longer are you going to keep quiet for the sake of the family?
I think that's crap!
I'm sorry.
DH completely agrees with everything you're saying. He knows that she's evil, so I don't need to drive that point home with him.
It suxs because even though my in-laws know how conniving she is, they depend on me to keep the brother's together. They know that BIL's wife is trying to completely pull him away from the family, and they feel it's my responsibility to keep the peace with my BIL for my DH's sake.
It's a very unfair situation for me. I want my husband to have a close relationship with his brother, but at the same time, I don't know why I should have to be disprespected in the meantime.
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| Posted 8/28/06 10:31 AM |
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suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
Name:
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Re: how would you handle this?
I'd write your BIL a letter.
State how you feel and end it with "don't worry about being at family functions when we're there. You stay in your area and will stay in ours. There's no reason to make the rest of the family suffer"
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| Posted 8/28/06 10:33 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: how would you handle this?
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by jf1975
I would confront them. there is no way. I have a lot of problems with my husband's SIL...she has been a b!tfch to me for well over 10 years, but when she gets out of line, I defend myself to her.
not everyone is everyone elses cup of tea. but there is a way to be an adult...it's amazing how childish people can be. Nip it in the bud.
The bud should have been nipped years ago, when DH and his brother begged me to be quiet. Now things have escalated to the point of no return. Everyone keeps suggesting that I confront them, but that really will not improve things- it will probably make things a Hell of a lot worse.
This girl is a little fast with her hands when she's confronted and I will have no issue defending myself. Needless to say, I'm 8 montsh pregnant and an adult, I'm not really looking to fight this girl. And I kid you not, it's a high likliehood that that's how things would end.
Those of you wno know me. and know all of the horrible things she's done, know that "talking it out" isn't really an option.
my dh and his whole family are the exact same way. everyone knows she is a rolling horror show, but they all keep quiet. I am not like that and I can't be. I TRY to keep the peace b/c I know dh's mom wouldn't like it, but sometimes if you let the dog run wild enough, it forgets how to be domesticated. looks like they let her get rabid for too long.
you and your dh need to go and talk to them. just ask her what the hell her problem is and try to figure out a way you can all coexist. it's such a terrible way to live.
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| Posted 8/28/06 10:34 AM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: how would you handle this?
Posted by nferrandi
DH completely agrees with everything you're saying. He knows that she's evil, so I don't need to drive that point home with him.
It suxs because even though my in-laws know how conniving she is, they depend on me to keep the brother's together. They know that BIL's wife is trying to completely pull him away from the family, and they feel it's my responsibility to keep the peace with my BIL for my DH's sake.
It's a very unfair situation for me. I want my husband to have a close relationship with his brother, but at the same time, I don't know why I should have to be disprespected in the meantime.
as an expecting Mom, they should be more concerned with your wellbeing right now. this is not about them, time for the focus to shift over to you.
and you certainly do not need this stress right now!
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| Posted 8/28/06 10:35 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: how would you handle this?
Posted by SweetestOfPeas
as an expecting Mom, they should be more concerned with your wellbeing right now. this is not about them, time for the focus to shift over to you.
and you certainly do not need this stress right now!
Thanks for saying so. I sometimes feel very selfish for thinking the same way. My pregnancy often takes a back seat to this girl's drama and it's unfair and ridiculous. She hasn't even acknowledged the fact that I'm pregnant and didn't even have enough respect for the family to attend my baby shower.
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| Posted 8/28/06 10:45 AM |
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puppylove
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/05 561 total posts
Name:
Summer
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Re: how would you handle this?
Posted by LaurenExp
Well, here's the thing...
What were they saying to "bash" you? Was there some kind of miscommunication or issue that happened in the family that they're wrong about and that upset them? Maybe it's something you can approach them about, especially if you're going to be staying in a house with them. I'm sure you don't want to just not be in the way of your DH's relationship with his brother, but I'm sure you want to have a *good* relationship with him as well. And his wife. Maybe the air needs to be cleared. Maybe a bottle of wine and a sit-down would be in order. Good luck to you.
I agree.
Also, personally I wouldn't be surprised when things like this happen. You already know that she doesn't like you and you don't like her. Just be the more grown up one and don't say things back about her around other family members.
You can't force people to like you and you can't force yourself to like these people. I would venture to say that both of you (the wives) feel the exact same way about each other, granted you may have not been tacky enough to say it out loud in mixed company. A lot of time women just don't get a long, you both probably have very different personalities, and just don't mix. I know it is hard, because you are all part of the same family, but really try to put her out of your head. It is not worth it. It will probably only cause you and DH to fight, which is the opposite thing you want to happen.
And in this situation, I feel that it is mostly up to your Dh to try and settle things. He should have a long conversation with his brother, expressing how it was terribly of them to double team you.
Good luck, and I do hope that things work out between all of you.
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| Posted 8/28/06 12:14 PM |
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