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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Flowers by accidents
I guess it is just me...then
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Posted 8/1/05 11:06 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: Flowers by accidents
Posted by Redhead
WHY do people memorialize the exact place where someone died?
You do not see someone bringing flowers to the home to place in a bed after someone dies there?
I think someone who died in his bed probably died in comfort, whereas someone who was KILLED in a car accident, or plane crash, were denied that luxury.
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| Posted 8/1/05 11:06 AM |
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nylisa
My Children
Member since 5/05 7905 total posts
Name:
MaMa
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Re: Flowers by accidents
Posted by Redhead
I guess it is just me...then
I used to be that way until DH's was killed. Seeing those memorials used to give me an errie feeling now I want to know why DH's uncle does not have one.
Message edited 8/1/2005 11:07:23 AM.
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| Posted 8/1/05 11:07 AM |
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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Flowers by accidents
Posted by Redhead
I have even seen people put
RIP _____ taped to the back of their car?
I know it is to make the grieving feel better....but does it really? IMO it would just make me relive what happened and feel sad everytime i see it?
But why does it matter, as long as it makes THEM feel better?
I wouldn't begrudge someone their memorial because it makes ME feel sad and creepy.
Everyone handles grief in different ways.
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| Posted 8/1/05 11:07 AM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Flowers by accidents
true...I guess it is more me...and my personal beliefs
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| Posted 8/1/05 11:07 AM |
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Sassyz75
Turning a new page
Member since 5/05 9731 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Flowers by accidents
Posted by Redhead
Posted by Sassyz75
What's the difference between these types of memorials and others?
I think the loss of a loved one is equal- whether in a horrible accident or something bigger...
Like when people put roses in the water for Flight 800 victims, or the memorials at Pearl Harbor or WTC... It doesn't memorialize the act- it memorializes the people that died...
I see these memorials as having the same theory behind them- whether on a small scale (flowers done by the family) or large scale (done by the government).
WHY do people memorialize the exact place where someone died?
You do not see someone bringing flowers to the home to place in a bed after someone dies there?
Maybe b/c if someone dies at home, then you sort of memorialize it by living there and remembering.
It's a cultural thing.
I know a lot of cultures in my neighborhood do this- different cultures grieve differently.
To me- i would feel closer to my loved one at the place they died instead of the place the body is... b/c the body doesn't have a soul anymore- but some believe that the soul lingers where the body was killed.
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| Posted 8/1/05 11:07 AM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Flowers by accidents
Posted by leighla
Posted by Redhead
I have even seen people put
RIP _____ taped to the back of their car?
I know it is to make the grieving feel better....but does it really? IMO it would just make me relive what happened and feel sad everytime i see it?
But why does it matter, as long as it makes THEM feel better?
I wouldn't begrudge someone their memorial because it makes ME feel sad and creepy.
Everyone handles grief in different ways.
It doesn't matter and i am not begrudging anyone anything...just brought up the topic and how I FELT , how i didn't understand
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| Posted 8/1/05 11:08 AM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: Flowers by accidents
Posted by Redhead
I guess it is just me...then
it's not just you, I agree that it is eerie, but the loss of a loved one in such a tragic sense leaves someone SO empty - If a few flowers will fill them a little bit, let them have their flowers.
While we're on the topic, the funeral for the 17yr old Smithtown HS soon-to-be-Senior is today. She was killed by a classmate in an accident on Wednesday in Hauppauge. I'm saying a  - what a horrible death.
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| Posted 8/1/05 11:09 AM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Flowers by accidents
Posted by Sassyz75
Maybe b/c if someone dies at home, then you sort of memorialize it by living there and remembering.
It's a cultural thing.
I know a lot of cultures in my neighborhood do this- different cultures grieve differently.
To me- i would feel closer to my loved one at the place they died instead of the place the body is... b/c the body doesn't have a soul anymore- but some believe that the soul lingers where the body was killed.
i guess to each their own...and what ever makes them feel better..
I personally would never do it. I also am glad that my parents will be cremated as opposed to being buried
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| Posted 8/1/05 11:10 AM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Flowers by accidents
Posted by Shorty
Posted by Redhead
I guess it is just me...then
it's not just you, I agree that it is eerie, but the loss of a loved one in such a tragic sense leaves someone SO empty - If a few flowers will fill them a little bit, let them have their flowers.
While we're on the topic, the funeral for the 17yr old Smithtown HS soon-to-be-Senior is today. She was killed by a classmate in an accident on Wednesday in Hauppauge. I'm saying a - what a horrible death.
YES i saw that...it happend around the block from my home!!!!!!!
I think tha tis what got me thinking about it
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| Posted 8/1/05 11:11 AM |
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ggt08
;)
Member since 5/05 5208 total posts
Name:
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Re: Flowers by accidents
Posted by leighla
Posted by Redhead
I have even seen people put
RIP _____ taped to the back of their car?
I know it is to make the grieving feel better....but does it really? IMO it would just make me relive what happened and feel sad everytime i see it?
But why does it matter, as long as it makes THEM feel better?
I wouldn't begrudge someone their memorial because it makes ME feel sad and creepy.
Everyone handles grief in different ways.
I dont think this thread was started to offend anyone that has lost someone and created a memorial...Like many people have said already, everyone handles their grief in different ways.. no one is saying they are begrudging anyone for doing it, it is just a preference on how one grieves.
Besides the fact you have to be careful because people slow down to look at these memorials on the side of the road and that can cause further accidents!!!!
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| Posted 8/1/05 11:12 AM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Flowers by accidents
Posted by kdelace
I dont think this thread was started to offend anyone that has lost someone and created a memorial...Like many people have said already, everyone handles their grief in different ways.. no one is saying they are begrudging anyone for doing it, it is just a preference on how one grieves.
Besides the fact you have to be careful because people slow down to look at these memorials on the side of the road and that can cause further accidents!!!!
yes...thanks...i wasn't trying to offend anyone for doing this..
AND I AGREE when that cop got killed on the NS everyone stopped to see the HUGE floral arraingements...
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| Posted 8/1/05 11:14 AM |
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nylisa
My Children
Member since 5/05 7905 total posts
Name:
MaMa
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Re: Flowers by accidents
Posted by kdelace
Besides the fact you have to be careful because people slow down to look at these memorials on the side of the road and that can cause further accidents!!!!
I agree with this. I think that is another reason why the people took down DH's uncle's memorial.
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| Posted 8/1/05 11:15 AM |
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Stefanie
♥
Member since 5/05 23599 total posts
Name:
Stefanie
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Re: Flowers by accidents
When I'm driving and I see these flowers, it draws my attention away from the road...which I think is kind of dangerous...
I think people can do what they like to help them get over a death..whatever makes them feel better.
After reading Silvia Browne, she said that putting flowers by accidents or graves are pointless. It makes us feel better...but she says that their spirits aren't there.
But that's a whole other topic....
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| Posted 8/1/05 11:17 AM |
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Mrs-Boop
My Babies
Member since 5/05 4956 total posts
Name:
Jaime
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Re: Flowers by accidents
I don't know everyone's situations, but its tough to understand unless you have been there. When someone so close to you dies tragically, you look to anything and everything for comfort. When my brother died, he was away in Maryland. The first thing a lot of family wanted to do and did was drive down there, to see where he died and to lay flowers in his memeory at the spot where he took his last breath. They didn't do it to drive anyone crazy, it was just something they felt they had to do, for closure.
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| Posted 8/1/05 11:24 AM |
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Re: Flowers by accidents
It makes me sad and it definitely makes me much more careful (if thats possible) when driving around that area.
I think that people should do whatever makes them feel better about losing someone.
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| Posted 8/1/05 11:29 AM |
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heidla
Me and the guys
Member since 5/05 4024 total posts
Name:
Heidi
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Re: Flowers by accidents
Posted by Mrs-Boop
I don't know everyone's situations, but its tough to understand unless you have been there. When someone so close to you dies tragically, you look to anything and everything for comfort. When my brother died, he was away in Maryland. The first thing a lot of family wanted to do and did was drive down there, to see where he died and to lay flowers in his memeory at the spot where he took his last breath. They didn't do it to drive anyone crazy, it was just something they felt they had to do, for closure.
Absolutely. When my brother's died it was almost like I couldn't help myself. I needed to see where they last were alive. I can't explain it, but there was a clousure seeing both the accident sites that the funeral just didn't provide.
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| Posted 8/1/05 12:15 PM |
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bellarina
She's my dancing queen!
Member since 5/05 1752 total posts
Name:
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Re: Flowers by accidents
Posted by nylisa
As most of you know, DH's uncle was murdered in Jan. There used to be a memorial for him on the tree where he was shot but the people in the neighborhood took it down because they did not want people from all over LI coming to see the spot where he was killed. I don't blame them for that but it upsets DH everytime we pass that spot and there is no sign of what took place there. It was a horrible thing but that memorial was some sort of "special space" for the whole family and we can't even have that.
I am so sorry to hear about your DH's uncle! 
Please don't take this the wrong way b/c I don't want to start anything- If the memorial was in my neighborhood and on my block- I'd want it down too. I would have to live the rest of my life here always being reminded of the horrible tragidy every time I went outside of my house. I wouldn't want my kids feeling upset that it was there also. I do understand that it helps people grieve and hopefully no one would ever have to go through something like that again ever. I wouldn't mind if they put the memorial there for a while but there comes a time to take it down and move the memorial to a more private place. The person's soul doesn't remain only in that spot.
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| Posted 8/1/05 12:17 PM |
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nylisa
My Children
Member since 5/05 7905 total posts
Name:
MaMa
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Re: Flowers by accidents
No hard feelings taken but his uncle was killed only 7 months ago. They took all the flowers down a week after he was killed. According to what I know, they wanted it down because since all their houses were on the news and in all the papers, they did not want people coming from all over to see where the Banker from LI was murdered.
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| Posted 8/1/05 12:26 PM |
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~Colleen~
my loves...
Member since 5/05 9129 total posts
Name:
guess
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Re: Flowers by accidents
Posted by kdelace
Besides the fact you have to be careful because people slow down to look at these memorials on the side of the road and that can cause further accidents!!!!
This is exactly why I don't think roadside memorials should be allowed.
I understand both sides of it...I just don't agree with it. I think roadside memorials have the potential to cause more damage than they do help ease people's pain or raise awareness.
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| Posted 8/1/05 12:29 PM |
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julz33
i run for bacon
Member since 5/05 20584 total posts
Name:
julz
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Re: Flowers by accidents
It is so weird that you posted this today. I was thinking about posting the same thing myself!
Coming from a different point of view: How would you feel if an accident and death occurred in front of your house.. and people create the big memorials right in front of your house?
There is this one spot in my old town where the tree (that was hit) is spray painted, and there is always stuff like balloons and stuffed animals tied to the tree and flowers at the base. And this is a few years after the accident! This tree is RIGHT IN FRONT of someones house. Ray said if it was his house he would cut that tree down.
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| Posted 8/1/05 12:47 PM |
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saraH
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Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
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I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: Flowers by accidents
i agree that its morbid....isn't that what a grave site is for? i see it all along the meadowbrook pkwy and it gives me chills
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| Posted 8/1/05 12:49 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Flowers by accidents
Posted by julz33
It is so weird that you posted this today. I was thinking about posting the same thing myself!
Coming from a different point of view: How would you feel if an accident and death occurred in front of your house.. and people create the big memorials right in front of your house?
There is this one spot in my old town where the tree (that was hit) is spray painted, and there is always stuff like balloons and stuffed animals tied to the tree and flowers at the base. And this is a few years after the accident! This tree is RIGHT IN FRONT of someones house. Ray said if it was his house he would cut that tree down.
I agree....i would allow it for a few weeks but that is it.
Putting flowers and balloons there many months or years for that matter is a little excessive imo
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| Posted 8/1/05 12:50 PM |
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ggt08
;)
Member since 5/05 5208 total posts
Name:
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Re: Flowers by accidents
Posted by BNL2005
i agree that its morbid....isn't that what a grave site is for? i see it all along the meadowbrook pkwy and it gives me chills
You cant even drive on the Meadowbrook anymore without seeing these memorials. It is so sad, and scary to see so many people have died on this stretch of road!!!
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| Posted 8/1/05 12:58 PM |
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Marcie
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Member since 5/05 27789 total posts
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Re: Flowers by accidents
After time, it should be taken away. I feel that some people might think when is a good time there is never a good time. All I know is that everytime I drive to the supermarket I see a big memorial and everyday when I drive down Nicholls I see that BIG stuffed animal. I get sad everytime. I don't want to be reminded day after day. I am sorry if this is offending anyone, but this is how I feel.
When my Grandmother was killed, I never thought of putting all of these things at the corner she was killed, I went to the cemetary and put a plant there. Or I go the her favorite park and sit on her favorite bench. There are different ways.
If the memorial was on a tree in front of my house, I would eventually have to cut the tree down, I could not be remind of the person that died in front of my house, everytime I walked out my front door (do you realize how many times a day that could be).
When friends of mine were killed in a crash after hitting a tree about a year and a half later the tree was taking down. The parents of the girls did not mind - they understood.
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| Posted 8/1/05 12:59 PM |
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