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Family Vacation...and friends
I will first explain the scenario and then ask the question.
You are going on a cruise with family (a mother, her 2 daughters, 2 son in laws and 4 kids). Not their first cruise but still one to be spending family time and celebrating different things for some of the people.
One couple has told all their friends that they are going on a cruise and would love for them to come along if they can. All their friends know that it won't be a "attached to the hip" kind of vacation. Many of the friends have kids the same age as the 4 kids going though so they would all be able to do things together. Dinners wouldn't be together as the family would be doing that on their own every night. It would just be a hang out by the pool, go to shows, etc. kind of thing with the friends.
Question: Is it wrong to ask friends to go on a cruise with your family members? One part of the family insists it is wrong to asks friends as it is a family vacation. Not sure how others can not go as a cruise is open to anyone.
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Posted 5/1/15 9:22 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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MrsM84
LIF Adult
Member since 2/13 2352 total posts
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Family Vacation...and friends
Ehhhh, I can see it both ways, but I'm more inclined to say that I wouldn't invite friends on what was clearly intended to be a family vacation. With our extremely busy schedules and various commitments, both during the week and on the weekends, my family doesn't really see each other as much as we'd all like. When we are fortunate enough to get the immediate family together for dinner, it is something that is typically "booked" well in advance so that everyone can clear their schedules. I would absolutely LOVE to do a family only vacation just for the uninterrupted amount of time I'd get to spend with everyone. I could do everything you said you'd do with friends right here at home without asking them to go on vacation with my family -- lay by the pool, go see a show, have the kids play together, etc. It is for that reason that I would personally not invite friends on this kind of a vacation.
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| Posted 5/1/15 9:31 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19454 total posts
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L
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Re: Family Vacation...and friends
Posted by MrsM84
Ehhhh, I can see it both ways, but I'm more inclined to say that I wouldn't invite friends on what was clearly intended to be a family vacation. With our extremely busy schedules and various commitments, both during the week and on the weekends, my family doesn't really see each other as much as we'd all like. When we are fortunate enough to get the immediate family together for dinner, it is something that is typically "booked" well in advance so that everyone can clear their schedules. I would absolutely LOVE to do a family only vacation just for the uninterrupted amount of time I'd get to spend with everyone. I could do everything you said you'd do with friends right here at home without asking them to go on vacation with my family -- lay by the pool, go see a show, have the kids play together, etc. It is for that reason that I would personally not invite friends on this kind of a vacation.
same here. If you want a friends trip do that another time.
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| Posted 5/1/15 9:37 PM |
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KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination
Member since 5/05 4431 total posts
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Karen
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Family Vacation...and friends
If it was originally intended to be a family vacation, friends should not have been asked to go. Even though you said they won't be eating dinner together or things like that, I find that hard to believe because it would actually be pretty rude to the friends. Sorry we are going to dinner, you're on your own. I could never do that. Adding friends into the mix will change the dynamic of the trip totally.
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| Posted 5/1/15 9:42 PM |
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InShock
life is good
Member since 10/06 9258 total posts
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Re: Family Vacation...and friends
I don't think it's appropriate to invite friends along unless it's more of a "come one, come all" kinda vacation. But that's not the impression I'm getting. This was a planned family event and should remain that way.
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| Posted 5/1/15 9:47 PM |
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Re: Family Vacation...and friends
This would not be a one time family vacation as it has been done before.
Dinner would be understood as we went with another couple years ago and we split for that to do our own thing. I dont even think they woukd have a table that large.
I have a problem with the "family" time too as the last time some of the family ended the night early because one child couldnt stay awake, which I get but the parent insisted they stay with the child every night and not go out with everyone else when the other parent could have stayed in or the grandparent who offered. This is the same person who has a problem with asking friends. What would be the difference if they stayed in after the time they considered family time and the rest go out with their friends?
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| Posted 5/1/15 10:09 PM |
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Re: Family Vacation...and friends
I also cant tell other people they cant go to a public plce if they are friends or not.
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| Posted 5/1/15 10:10 PM |
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InShock
life is good
Member since 10/06 9258 total posts
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Re: Family Vacation...and friends
Posted by afternoondelight828
I also cant tell other people they cant go to a public plce if they are friends or not.
This is honestly a silly thing to say. The friends didn't HAPPEN upon the same cruise. They were invited and hence that's why they'd be there.
All I can say from my perspective is that when I go on vacation with my family, we are going away to spend time together as a family. Cousins with cousins, brothers/sisters/inlaws, etc.
It's not the end of the world if friends are included as well, but it just turns into something other than originally planned.
Message edited 5/1/2015 10:18:45 PM.
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| Posted 5/1/15 10:17 PM |
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Re: Family Vacation...and friends
Posted by InShock
Posted by afternoondelight828
I also cant tell other people they cant go to a public plce if they are friends or not.
This is honestly a silly thing to say. The friends didn't HAPPEN upon the same cruise. They were invited and hence that's why they'd be there.
All I can say from my perspective is that when I go on vacation with my family, we are going away to spend time together as a family. Cousins with cousins, brothers/sisters/inlaws, etc.
It's not the end of the world if friends are included as well, but it just turns into something other than originally planned.
No they didnt just happen upon it but when we talk about vacations we have always talked about going together and when mentioned we are going on a cruise, many have said they want to go and that time would work for them.
I never thought it would be a problem as this is not the first family vacation and we would have a ton of family time and all the kids would have a ball as they are all the same ages.
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| Posted 5/1/15 10:22 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19454 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Family Vacation...and friends
Posted by afternoondelight828
I also cant tell other people they cant go to a public plce if they are friends or not.
if the friends just happen to have booked the same cruise coincidentally, then I would meet them for one day, but I would not go about inviting friends for a family cruise. Could friends decide that it is a good trip idea, sure, but it would not invite them. As for when kids go to sleep, ehhh, I would focus on having a good time with whomever wants to join you that evening. I would not be angry or upset that one parent is staying in with the kids. I would focus on enjoying the family time that you can.
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| Posted 5/1/15 10:23 PM |
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Re: Family Vacation...and friends
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by afternoondelight828
I also cant tell other people they cant go to a public plce if they are friends or not.
if the friends just happen to have booked the same cruise coincidentally, then I would meet them for one day, but I would not go about inviting friends for a family cruise. Could friends decide that it is a good trip idea, sure, but it would not invite them. As for when kids go to sleep, ehhh, I would focus on having a good time with whomever wants to join you that evening. I would not be angry or upset that one parent is staying in with the kids. I would focus on enjoying the family time that you can.
Yes, I agree to focus on family :)
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| Posted 5/1/15 10:32 PM |
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pumpkinmom
LIF Adult
Member since 5/12 2911 total posts
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Family Vacation...and friends
If it's supposed to be a family bonding trip, I think it's wrong to invite friends. What I'm thinking is the family has compromised on a vacation that probably wasn't their first choice in either destination or timing in order to spend time together. Now one family will be splitting their time between family and friends (if not spending time with friends, why would they have invited them?). If the kids are playing with their friends, they won't be playing with cousins. I don't know the specific dynamics, but I can imagine many ways it might be annoying to have another group in the mix.
Imagine if each family invited their friends along. It would not be the same kind of trip at all.
Yes, it would be fun to know a lot of people on the cruise, but it's less like a family vacation then. And it probably upsets the other family because it's not what they expected.
Message edited 5/1/2015 11:39:42 PM.
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| Posted 5/1/15 11:38 PM |
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sunnygirl
loving life
Member since 1/07 5413 total posts
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D
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Re: Family Vacation...and friends
Honestly I would be pissed like we weren't enough for the family to spend time with and or they didn't really want to spend alone time with us, they need their friends there too
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| Posted 5/2/15 12:13 AM |
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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
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Re: Family Vacation...and friends
I could be wrong but it sounds like from your comments that you might be the one inviting friends and wanting them?
Imo, a family vacation is a family vacation. Even if it is an annual event. I think it is strange to invite friends on a family trip. Regardless of whether the family is joined at the hip or not, I would expect even on family trips people do separate some of the time.
I think it is a big difference if you said "oh yes we are going on x cruise" and a friend said "how funny we are already booked on that same cruise." Versus- "hey we are going sure come and we can meet up on and off."
In every family you will have difference likes and preferences. The fact that one family goes to bed early does not mean that you need join them; however, I think it is strange to invite friends because of this. Also, if the friends have kids the same age, that may very well detract from the kids family time, as the kids might want to disappear from the children in their family in favor of their friends. That leaves those who did not bring friends along at a disadvantage.
I guess I see it as it is a family trip. Spend time with family if one wants friends plan that trip separately or do it instead of the family trip.
I don't get the public space comment. It sounds like an excuse to justify bringing friends. But I could be wrong the comments sound like you have your mind made up.
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| Posted 5/2/15 7:08 AM |
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jgl
Love my little boys!!!
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g
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Re: Family Vacation...and friends
If we planned a family trip I never would have even thought to invite friends.
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| Posted 5/2/15 7:43 AM |
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Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7179 total posts
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Katherine
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Family Vacation...and friends
You were wrong to invite friends on a vacation specifically planned to spend time with family.
Yes, a cruise is open to anyone, but so was the resort you stayed at for your honeymoon I'm sure. Would you be happy if your DH invited his buddies along??
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| Posted 5/2/15 7:46 AM |
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Family Vacation...and friends
Inviting friends changes the dynamic of the trip. i would be angry.
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| Posted 5/2/15 8:06 AM |
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Lara&Aidansmommy
For mom i miss u ETC ILOVEU
Member since 3/07 13921 total posts
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Re: Family Vacation...and friends
Posted by jgl
If we planned a family trip I never would have even thought to invite friends.
Ita
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| Posted 5/2/15 8:23 AM |
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Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
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Re: Family Vacation...and friends
I would be pretty annoyed if I were another family member on this trip. Inviting friends totally changes things, it's no longer about spending time with family and basically defeats the purpose.
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| Posted 5/2/15 8:24 AM |
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Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy
Member since 3/08 10420 total posts
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Momx100
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Re: Family Vacation...and friends
Absolutely inappropriate to invite friends on a family vacation unless you checked with all the family members first. Family has a right to be upset.
One of our friends recently went on a Disney cruise and invited us. It was a big family cruise that her sister was treating her to. We did not go.
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| Posted 5/2/15 8:24 AM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
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Re: Family Vacation...and friends
Posted by Bridex100
Absolutely inappropriate to invite friends on a family vacation unless you checked with all the family members first. Family has a right to be upset.
One of our friends recently went on a Disney cruise and invited us. It was a big family cruise that her sister was treating her to. We did not go.
I agree
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| Posted 5/2/15 10:45 AM |
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Sweetlax22
LIF Adult
Member since 5/10 1904 total posts
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Re: Family Vacation...and friends
I guess I am the minority , but the more the merrier. I am also coming from a place where I see my family often so "bonding"time isn't necessarily an issue. I also happen to enjoy my family memeber's friends as I am pretty sure they do mine so that helps a bunch too.
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| Posted 5/2/15 10:51 AM |
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Re: Family Vacation...and friends
I don't know...I think it depends on your family and the dynamics.
My immediate family is rather small. So when we have a "family party" or a "family holiday" or a "family gathering," we actually mean family and family friends.
On the other hand, I know people who do some things that are strictly family and friends are not considered at all, no matter the equation.
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| Posted 5/2/15 11:08 AM |
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Re: Family Vacation...and friends
Posted by pumpkinmom
If it's supposed to be a family bonding trip, I think it's wrong to invite friends. What I'm thinking is the family has compromised on a vacation that probably wasn't their first choice in either destination or timing in order to spend time together. Now one family will be splitting their time between family and friends (if not spending time with friends, why would they have invited them?). If the kids are playing with their friends, they won't be playing with cousins. I don't know the specific dynamics, but I can imagine many ways it might be annoying to have another group in the mix.
Imagine if each family invited their friends along. It would not be the same kind of trip at all.
Yes, it would be fun to know a lot of people on the cruise, but it's less like a family vacation then. And it probably upsets the other family because it's not what they expected.
Actually no, that is not true. The family went on a cruise already last year together and decided they wanted to go on another one. Everyone decided where to go and was happy about it. The only thing that was really established last time is that everyone has dinner together. It didn't have to be a stuck to the hip kind of trip as not everyone wants to do the same things all the time.
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| Posted 5/2/15 12:07 PM |
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Re: Family Vacation...and friends
Posted by sunnygirl
Honestly I would be pissed like we weren't enough for the family to spend time with and or they didn't really want to spend alone time with us, they need their friends there too
I could see that too if that was true. Part of the family lives 5 minutes away and barely get the cousins together, mostly because of the person complaining about the friends coming. If they were so concerned about family time, they could easily make it on an ongoing basis and not have to do it once every few years.
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| Posted 5/2/15 12:08 PM |
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