Engagement Party Etiquette?

There was an engagement party for a cousin but only close friends and very close family were invited (we just found out through the grape vine!)..so we were left out. What is the proper etiquette for this? Should we mail a gift or money? I heard a few cousins who were not invited either mailed a check..

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

It depends. If you're close to them and would like to send them a gift, I definitely would. If you'd prefer not to, I don't think it's inconsiderate since you were not invited.

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I wouldn't mail them a check.

The most I would do is a card congratulating them (maybe) and a picture frame or something small.

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They invited us to the rehearsal dinner and wedding/reception and he is fairly close to my DH (which surprised us).. I guess we will mail something moderate.. not too small or big.

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If you want to send something that would be a nice gesture.

some e parties are small because they have to be.

Honestly... my e party was small. it was 50 people.. which sounds like a lot... BUT DH's IMMEDIATE family is about 20 people, my bridal party was another 20 people and then my immediate family. NO cousins or other close friends could have been invited at all. Someone was throwing us the eparty and we had to oblige by what they said. That person also believed the purpose of the eparty to be for the families to meet and the bridal party to get acquainted with everyone.

Anyway... if you want to send a gift, i would mail a check. It seems like you want to give them cash.... so just mail them a check in a card. If you want to send a present type of gift then that could also be sent to them.

Again, I think it's a really nice gesture to send them a gift. I know all the $ we received from the engagement went towards our wedding fund and really helped us out a lot!!!!

ETA: I wouldn't take not being invited personally. If people weren't invited there's usually a reason and I don't think it has anything to do with you personally.... but more of a behind the scenes thing.

Message edited 3/1/2011 8:37:47 PM.

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

I think I would be more offended if the other cousins were invited and not us. We are related to the groom and I think the bride just took charge of all the inviting, ect. They are beyond rich so I know had little to do with it..i just think she wanted it very intimate. We are sending a check tomorrow, thanks everyone

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nothing

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If a close friend or family member gets engaged I always send a card and a gift regardless of whether they are having a party.. so yes I would send something.

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

Posted by Lina027

I think I would be more offended if the other cousins were invited and not us. We are related to the groom and I think the bride just took charge of all the inviting, ect. They are beyond rich so I know had little to do with it..i just think she wanted it very intimate. We are sending a check tomorrow, thanks everyone

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Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

Posted by MrsKS

Posted by Lina027

I think I would be more offended if the other cousins were invited and not us. We are related to the groom and I think the bride just took charge of all the inviting, ect. They are beyond rich so I know had little to do with it..i just think she wanted it very intimate. We are sending a check tomorrow, thanks everyone

DH and I both had cousins that weren't invited to our e party. (NO cousins were invited actually.)
My cousins didn't care. BUT DH's cousins were all ticked off about it. They blamed me for it.
It really had nothing at all to do with me... my grandmother threw it for us and she was VERY strict and demanding about things. It was such a stressful time having to deal with her that it literally drove me to drink so much at the eparty that I got loaded.
I even had to cut out very close friends that weren't in the BP just because of the strict 50 person limitations.

I could see her wanting it to be intimate too. That makes sense.
And you are right... if let's say ALL the cousins were invited EXCEPT you guys that would be wrong.

Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

Whenever any of my friends or family members get engaged I always send a congratulations card, its just my thing. I personally do not like engagement parties. I do not see a need for them so if I was not invited I wouldn't care.

In your case I think you should send a congratulations cards but you should not send a gift, there is no need to.

What confuses me is, why you are invited to the rehearsal dinner. Only those participating in the wedding ceremony (bridal party, readers, etc.) should be at the rehearsal. That seems a little odd to me.

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nada

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I would absolutely not mail a gift, maybe a card or phone call saying congrats but no gift from me.

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nope u werent invited then u dont need to send a gift. IMO

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Re: Engagement Party Etiquette?

i wouldn't send them a check. Honestly, I only give engagement gifts if I am invited to a party or if someone does not have a party and we are very close with them.

We had a small backyard party with immediate family and bridal party (we invited them to ask them that day) and some other close friends whose parties we had just been invited to. We just wanted to celebrate, it was not to get gifts and we told people that (of course no one listened). I think all the parties surrounding weddings can become a bit much so we really didn't want to put people in the position to have to give us more gifts.

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if you weren't invited i wouldn't mail a check. Maybe a card saying congrats!

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Would you have sent a gift or check for their engagement if there was no party, just based on your relationship with them? I'd go by that.

Nobody in my family has engagement parties, so we just give gifts based on our relationship (and whether we like them or not )

Message edited 3/2/2011 9:47:17 AM.

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