Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

or do you think its just how we judge others situations. Do you think a mother has a specific intent to do harm to their child? I mean yes, we can say if a mother sends her child out in 50 degree weather it is too cold but who is to say that she thinks its too cold. I am a SW and have a client whose mother thinks its okay to be out in shorts in 50 degree weather and fights it to the end. Do ya think she wakes up and says "lets see how I can get my son sick". Any thoughts?

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

I see kids at the middle school and elementary all the time in shorts. The schools are hot as heck and I guess they figure its the same as a girl in a skirt with socks and no tights.
I do not do it but it my son wanted to and he had a jacket I dk if I would fight it at 13.
I also do not think shorts make a kid sick.
If your immune system is down then maybe.
Are there bad mommies? imho...yes..
crack addicts who have their kids rob--pimp them out etc..without a doubt.
Child molesters..the list is endless. I don't care if they didn't wake up with the intent to hurt them--bottom line is they still did and some of them..its not accident.

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

My example is just one example...thanks for adding yours. In regard to crack addicts and child molesters, one can also defend that a mental illness exists and that they arent a bad mother and that they have an illness...KWIM. I guess what I am really wondering is...do you think that a mom ever wants to hurt their child WITH intent.

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

I think depending on the situation..if its bad post partum like ANdrea Yates--I do not think she ever intended on hurting them--I think she was very sick. I know some molesters and addicts can argue they are sick and then maybe to them they didn't intend to hurt them, but I sometimes think thats a copeout.
I mean look at that guy from the book 'A child called it?" he had horrific things done to him and he stopped the cycle and he is a wonderful dad and probably helped alot of people in his lifetime.
I dk..I guess its how someone sees the situation.
I guess..like after 8 years of infertility after my first two and being blessed with the twins finally==I know how hard is is for alot of people to get pregnant and its a blessing.
What about all the women that are prego and do drugs and do not care?
All of them are not mentally ill-I think people are also born without the ability to care.
I hate to think people are like this but Ii do think there are.

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

As our children get older you learn to pick and choose your battles....

Example: That child in shorts could have had an argument with her mom that morning regarding her attire..BUT..Mom thought this. "

She did her HW. She ate her breakfast. She is ready on time for the bus. She never gets sick. She has a sweatshirt on so the top wont be cold. She isnt wearing too much makeup and her A$$ is covered....Although Mom is a tad concerned what other people think she let's her daughter go out that way. She knows that other moms with daughters that age will understand what she went through that morning...

I have a similar issue with my daughter wearing a proper coat to school. She hates to wear a bulky jacket and prefers to just wear a hoody or something similar. I try and get her to wear a warmer jacket but she is steadfast in her desire to not wear one. She says it's tough to get it to fit in her locker and she cant get anything out b/c of that darn coat...I look at it this way she goes from the garage to the bus (20 feet)..then from the bus to the school (50 feet)..and then the reverse on the way home...Not such a big deal..although I think every morning.."People must think Im a horrible mother for sending her out without a coat"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

I have the same fight about the hoodie, ha.
Of course the never want to wear the jacket they had*** to have after you spent money on it.

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

I think I misunderstood the post..
I dk if you just meant bad mommies regarding jackets or at all in general regarding intent to harm and my extreme examples..if not sorry!
its Monday!
I hate to think people would..but I guess there is always someone..

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

YES!!!! i do think there are bad moms out there. Without going into full detail i can 100% say that my mom was a bad mom. The only thing she did good for me was to have me adopted at the good age of 13!!!! I hate the woman for everything she has done in the past and love her for the one thing she had done. when i look at her thats when i think you should have a license in order to have kids.. you should have to go through a whole exam to make sure your a "FIT" parent.


ok now i know im gonna be flamed for that but thats MY OPINION! and i stand by that one 100% till the day i die.

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

Yes, I think there ARE bad moms out there. Not every woman has that "motherly instinct."

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

Yes, there are plenty of bad mothers out there. Some, just don't have that mothering instinct. They do everything they "should" in terms of taking care of their children - clothing, feeding, making sure they do their homework, even lots of extracurricular activities. But, deep inside, they simply do not have the capability of offering the love, support and nurturing environment that all children need and yearn for. Some are just born that way, and some are just so damaged from their own childhood that they aren't capable of expressing those nurturing instincts. They aren't evil, so to speak, just incapable of providing that extra step that makes a mother a truly good mother.

Then, there are those who, for whatever reasons, are just bad, or just so selfish that their priorities come first. These are the kind of mothers who take malicious actions against their children. Something I just could never comprehend...

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

Do you think THEY know they are bad mothers or do you think people just think they are doing wrong.

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

in my situatiuon.. yes she knows shes a BAD mother she has 6 kids (im the oldest) and not one speaks to her!!

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

Yes, I think there are some. Many I think should not have had children, but chose to do so anyway, or just didn't think about it. I'm not referring to people with mental illnesses, I think that's a whole other issue.

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

Yes, I think that there are some without mental illness that are bad mothers. I agree that they lack motherly instinct and are overabundant in selfishness. I've seen it, my grandmother was one.

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

my mother in law is such a bad mother

she's actually a waste of humanbeing

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

No I think there are bad mommies. In my opinion, a mother who cusses at her young children and pulls their hair in a grocery store in front of other people, is a bad mommy, and I saw that this weekend

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

Posted by Karebaby

No I think there are bad mommies. In my opinion, a mother who cusses at her young children and pulls their hair in a grocery store in front of other people, is a bad mommy, and I saw that this weekend

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

Unfortunately there are bad moms out there - like the ones that are verbally abusive and obviously physically abusive - and the ones that neglect their children's needs....

ETA - I have been open about how my mom raised me. She has done horrible things to me, and then at the end of the day, with hugs and kisses, tell me she loves me and she wouldn't have done these things to me if I didn't do ____. Sort of like the abused wife that asked for it or if she would only do ___ then the husband wouldn't have gotten so mad.

My mom made me kiss the bruises on her hands because I hurt her. By her pounding my face.

That is a bad mom no matter which angle you look at it.... Yes, she was mentally ill, but still - she was a bad mom...

Message edited 3/17/2008 11:33:34 AM.

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

Posted by Bxgell2

Posted by PrincessP

Do you think THEY know they are bad mothers or do you think people just think they are doing wrong.

If it's mental illness, perhaps they have no idea, but otherwise, I have to believe that somewhere, deep inside, they know.

My mother was the first type I described - she wasn't a bad person, she just never had those mothering instincts, at least not with me. I know a lot of that is because she experienced a really traumatic upbringing herself.

She knows. She's been in therapy for years, and in my College years, she tried to talk to me several times about my perspective on my own childhood and how she was as a mother to me.

Akward conversations, to say the least

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

To this day, my mom thinks that I was unappreciative for everthing she has done, and that she was the perfect mom... she claims she remembers nothing, and that I'm the crazy one.... So yes, if you ask her, she has a very different opinion regarding what type of mom she was....

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

Posted by PrincessP

Posted by Bxgell2

Posted by PrincessP

Do you think THEY know they are bad mothers or do you think people just think they are doing wrong.

If it's mental illness, perhaps they have no idea, but otherwise, I have to believe that somewhere, deep inside, they know.

My mother was the first type I described - she wasn't a bad person, she just never had those mothering instincts, at least not with me. I know a lot of that is because she experienced a really traumatic upbringing herself.

She knows. She's been in therapy for years, and in my College years, she tried to talk to me several times about my perspective on my own childhood and how she was as a mother to me.

Akward conversations, to say the least

Just curious...did she think she was right? or did she know she was wrong? or did a therapist help her to realize she made poor choices?

Re: Do you think there REALLY are Bad mommies?

Yes there are bad mothers, and the one's that I know think they should be winning mother of the year awards.