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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
And, who would you be leaving your children with?
For us, we would leave Jack with my parents - but my mother told me that we should also have a secondary in case something happens to them. I have no clue who that secondary would be.
We are going to be meeting with a lawyer soon about this and I was wondering what everyone else has done.
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Posted 2/22/08 7:33 PM  |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14007 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
Yes, we do and we do have contingents.
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| Posted 2/22/08 7:35 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
Posted by shamrock124
Yes, we do and we do have contingents.
Oh really?! UGh - so that is pretty common then. Well, I have no clue who we would pick.
My inlaws are older and have too much going on to take care of him.
Dh's siblings all have children of their own. I am an only child but REALLY close with all of my cousins (who all already have their own families)
There is one cousin I would maybe leave him with - or maybe one of my aunts. This is so hard - and do you tell these people if you do choose them??
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| Posted 2/22/08 7:36 PM |
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TiggerBounce
The Prince & Princess
Member since 7/05 4939 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
I want to get one. DH doesnt think we need one. I feel we should have one just in case
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| Posted 2/22/08 7:37 PM |
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Moehick
Ready for the sun!
Member since 5/05 30339 total posts
Name:
Properly perfect™
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
Can you set up a will online?
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| Posted 2/22/08 7:38 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
Posted by MsKitty1274
I want to get one. DH doesnt think we need one. I feel we should have one just in case
I know - it's such a hard thing to even say you want to get - but god forbid something does happen - I don't want it to be a mess - I want everyone to know what WE want for our child.
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| Posted 2/22/08 7:38 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
Posted by Moehick
Can you set up a will online?
I have no clue. My dad's friend will be doing ours - I can give you his name and number if you want once I meet with him.
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| Posted 2/22/08 7:39 PM |
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TiggerBounce
The Prince & Princess
Member since 7/05 4939 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
Posted by Diana1215
Posted by MsKitty1274
I want to get one. DH doesnt think we need one. I feel we should have one just in case
I know - it's such a hard thing to even say you want to get - but god forbid something does happen - I don't want it to be a mess - I want everyone to know what WE want for our child.
EXACTLY! Also, both of our parents are divorced, both mine are remarried (to other people) and my parents (both) live outside of NY. I can only IMAGINE the horror that would ensue!
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| Posted 2/22/08 7:40 PM |
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EmmaNick
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Member since 12/06 16001 total posts
Name:
*
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
I have a Will. It's assumed (by law) my kids each go to their fathers if I die. But, I've named my sister as guardian of DD in the Will since It makes me sick that DD would automatically go to her bio dad. I told her if something should happen to me, she is to fight tooth and nail for her and I even have a whole file on "stuff" against him. Sorry I'm rambling! you should get one and name an alternate in case your first choice predeceases you. Durrr..you know that (I can't read tonight). My other sister is the alternate in my Will.
Message edited 2/22/2008 7:46:34 PM.
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| Posted 2/22/08 7:45 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
Posted by Summerrluvv
I have a Will. It's assumed (by law) my kids each go to their fathers if I die. But, I've named my sister as guardian of DD in the Will since It makes me sick that DD would automatically go to her bio dad. I told her if something should happen to me, she is to fight tooth and nail for her and I even have a whole file on "stuff" against him. Sorry I'm rambling! you should get one and name an alternate in case your first choice predeceases you. Durrr..you know that (I can't read tonight). My other sister is the alternate in my Will.
Thanks! 
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| Posted 2/22/08 8:23 PM |
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karacg
Babygirl is 4!
Member since 5/05 17076 total posts
Name:
Kara®
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
My sister and her DH will be legal guardians, and my other sister as a back-up....
We haven't done it yet, but now that we have all our tax papers together we plan to.
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| Posted 2/22/08 8:26 PM |
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Laura-DDS
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/07 840 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
Yes we do and although my parents are the first option we have back ups. Who are the godparents or closest relatives-perhaps ask them?
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| Posted 2/22/08 8:28 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
Posted by Laura-DDS
Yes we do and although my parents are the first option we have back ups. Who are the godparents or closest relatives-perhaps ask them?
HIs godmother is my cousin - she has three boys of her own under the age of 4.
His brother is the godfather - they are having a baby in a month - and her family is originally from Texas - that if they ever decide to move there I would NEVER want Jack to go also. I couldn't risk that.
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| Posted 2/22/08 8:29 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
Posted by shamrock124
Yes, we do and we do have contingents.
Yes. Same here. I would also caution on naming parents as many face their own challenges in retirement and very few have the energy level to raise kids at that age.
My dad is disabled and DH's parents are 71 and 69... not possible here.
DH's sister and her DH are DC's guardians.
They are mid-40's... still not ideal as they will be 60 when DC's are teenagers... and they do have two children of their own but anyone we would have even remotely considered is older and has kids... at least I know they are excellent parents. Oh, and they live in Massachusetts but both DH's sisters live OOS.
Message edited 2/22/2008 8:30:51 PM.
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| Posted 2/22/08 8:29 PM |
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CathyB
Member since 5/05 19403 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
Yes, we named my brother for a variety of reasons such as his job requires him to live in the NYC metro area, I have a lot of family here to provide support, etc. We spoke to him about it first. Then when he was getting married we spoke to my SIL about it to make sure she was comfortable with it.
DH needs to talk to his brother about being the back up and why we picked my brother first. Then we need to get our will amended to include BIL.
Our lawyer advised that we only name my brother the guardian, not him and his wife since if they end up divorcing technically there could be a custody battle over the kids and whatever estate we leave behind. Unlikely, but stranger things have happened.
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| Posted 2/22/08 8:33 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
Posted by Tah-wee-ZAH
Posted by shamrock124
Yes, we do and we do have contingents.
Yes. Same here. I would also caution on naming parents as many face their own challenges in retirement and very few have the energy level to raise kids at that age.
My dad always says that he would be the SAHM (and bring Jack to the golfcourse with him everyday) and my mom will be the fulltime worker. 
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| Posted 2/22/08 8:33 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
Posted by CathyB
Our lawyer advised that we only name my brother the guardian, not him and his wife since if they end up divorcing technically there could be a custody battle over the kids and whatever estate we leave behind. Unlikely, but stranger things have happened.
This is a very good point.
It's unforunate that it has to be taken into consideration but with the divorce rate as high as it is there is always a possibility even though no one wants to think of it.
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| Posted 2/22/08 8:36 PM |
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CathyB
Member since 5/05 19403 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
Posted by Tah-wee-ZAH
Posted by CathyB
Our lawyer advised that we only name my brother the guardian, not him and his wife since if they end up divorcing technically there could be a custody battle over the kids and whatever estate we leave behind. Unlikely, but stranger things have happened.
This is a very good point.
It's unforunate that it has to be taken into consideration but with the divorce rate as high as it is there is always a possibility even though no one wants to think of it.
I know. I felt really creepy talking to my SIL about it before their wedding, but I wanted to be upfront about why she wouldn't be named so there weren't any surprises if anything happens. Luckily she was really cool about it and didn't get insulted.
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| Posted 2/22/08 8:39 PM |
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Charly
LOVE!
Member since 5/05 12578 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
Yes we have a will. We chose my brother and SIL. Our secondary is my DH's best friend and his wife (we are very close with them. We live in their neighborhood and have children the same ages.) Our parents wouldn't be able to handle it, and we have no other siblings.
We used Quicken Will Maker Plus. It was very easy to use, highly recommend it. We had DH's cousin, who is a lawyer, look at it and had someone witness it.
Message edited 2/22/2008 8:44:47 PM.
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| Posted 2/22/08 8:42 PM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14007 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
Posted by Tah-wee-ZAH
Posted by CathyB
Our lawyer advised that we only name my brother the guardian, not him and his wife since if they end up divorcing technically there could be a custody battle over the kids and whatever estate we leave behind. Unlikely, but stranger things have happened.
This is a very good point.
It's unforunate that it has to be taken into consideration but with the divorce rate as high as it is there is always a possibility even though no one wants to think of it.
The guardians don't have to be the ones in charge of your estate left to your children. Should something happen, our children go to the guardians but another is in charge of the trust that is created by our will for the benefit of the children.
I would seriously advise against doing a will online. You need to have someone professional help you navigate. Doing a "form" will online won't know your situation clearly. For example, young families should usually stay away from a Credit Shelter Trust which is very common in the creation of will. A young family wants to think about not including it because the money it's funded with can't be touched by spouse and the surviving spouse may need it. Another example, naming your estate as the secondary on qualified plans and IRAs. If you name your children outright, they inherit the money outright and it bypasses whatever trust may be created in the will. That may not be your intention at all. Naming the estate as secondary beneficiary would funnel that money into the right place.
Message edited 2/22/2008 8:47:12 PM.
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| Posted 2/22/08 8:44 PM |
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-Lisa-
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Member since 5/05 6530 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
its been on my "to do" list for too long - I just don't know how to go about finding a lawyer. I don't want to pick a name out of the yellow pages 
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| Posted 2/22/08 8:45 PM |
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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
Diana, you shouldn't really pick your parents. I worked for an estate lawyer and you should try to pick someone in your generation.
My sister is Christopher's guardian (we have a will), even though she is younger than me and not married, we know that really my parents would be there to help her, so it is like we are leaving him with my parents, but in reality, legally, it's my sister.
We don't have a secondary yet, it will be Chris' sister Kerry when she turns 18 (she is 17 now).
We are the guardians for Chris' sister's daughter and soon to be son. She does not want her in-laws to have them.
As my mom says, it is a REALLY big deal until you do it, then its over There was even an Everybody Loves Raymond about it.
FM me if you need help, my firm does them too
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| Posted 2/22/08 8:46 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
Posted by shamrock124
The guardians don't have to be the ones in charge of your estate. Should something happen, our children go to the guardians but another is in charge of the trust that is created by our will for the benefit of the children.
I would seriously advise against doing a will online. You need to have someone professional help you navigate. Doing a "form" will online won't know your situation clearly. For example, young families should usually stay away from a Credit Shelter Trust which is very common in the creation of will. A young family wants to think about not including it because the money it's funded with can't be touched by spouse and the surviving spouse may need it. Another example, naming your estate as the secondary on qualified plans and IRAs. If you name your children outright, they inherit the money outright and it bypasses whatever trust may be created in the will. That may not be your intention at all. Naming the estate as secondary beneficiary would funnel that money into the right place.
This is all very good advice.
My BIL is a partner in a Boston Law Firm and advised us of all of the above in light of our particular situation. Due to age and assets, our situation dictated something more elaborate than the common boilerplate will.
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| Posted 2/22/08 8:48 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
We are in the process of doing it. We have contacted the people we needed to ask how they felt about it.
Since my family is overseas, our situation is more difficult.
We have contingents.
For us (assuming we both die):
If DS is 3 years or under, he would go to France with my mom and step-dad. He would not know enough of his life here to be too affected by the change. My mom and step-dad agreed with their own condition (they won't give DS back to any of DH's family. Of course, he will be visitiing the US to see his ousins, etc...)
If DS is over 3 (when he will start pre-K, etc...), he will stay in the USA with DH's best friend. DS will be old enough to have friends, etc... As he gets older, so will my parents. That would not be fair to either my parents or DS to "dump" him on them. They would be about 70 by then if DS is 10 or older and what 13 year old kid wants to leave his country, friends, school to go to a different country in a totally unknown World.
We are not leaving DS with BIL because of SIL. We totally trust BIL (DH's brother) but his wife is so non maternal.
BIL will be the executor of the Estate (take care of the money). Who ever has the custody of DS will not be the executor.
Message edited 2/22/2008 8:53:57 PM.
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| Posted 2/22/08 8:51 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Do you have a will - god forbid anything happens....
Posted by KateDevine
Diana, you shouldn't really pick your parents. I worked for an estate lawyer and you should try to pick someone in your generation.
I get it - and I totally understand - but we can't even figure out a contingent - never mind ever having to replace my parents as primary guardians.
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| Posted 2/22/08 9:00 PM |
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