Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

Message edited 6/25/2012 1:40:46 PM.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

I'm not a from LI girl - I grew up in a queens rental and never had a ton but always had enough. We do well. We have a nice house (probably some people's dream house), a nice school district, and don't live paycheck to paycheck but the things we value most and our friends highlight to us are our great relationship, our 50-50 partnership, our ability to easily have children -- all things no money can buy.

And when I think of not having the life I want - it's more about not having the time with my children that I would like to. The rest is all gravy.

Message edited 6/25/2012 10:08:20 PM.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

All the time....Im grateful i have a great husband and 2 healthy kids but it makes me sad that we are kind of doomed to struggle for as long as i can see. The rent costs alone kill us so no hope of ever buyying a house especially in LI. Our dream is to move to rural PA but living paycheck to paycheck there's no room for saving for that and the times we tried, something always happens- funeral costs, car breaks down etc.. and it all gets wiped out. Honestly , i cant stand Long Island ( Im from Brooklyn but hubby is from here) and the amount of pretentious people here . I think most of the wealthy here are basicly old money and probably a good chunk of well off people are thanks to their parents who give them money for their 1st house. If you come from a ****** family who didnt invest into your future, no matter how educated or hard working you are , it puts you at a greater disadvantage so to me, the sadness is wanting to have something to pass down to my kids so they wont have to go through what we have gone through but not knowing if that is realistic. Plus i dont like telling them there's no way we could ever afford going to Disney World every time their commericals come on . Me & my husband are very smart, creative, kind, well educated people but we've just had shit for luck in our living circumstances. I dont wanna be rich- i just want our own home we could give to our kids if need be when they get older, maybe a couple of nice vacations for them in their childhood and never have to explain why the cable or electric got shut off. But more often then not those " well off" people end being selfish people and their kids end up paying the price, growing up to be self destructive where in the end, growing up with money did nothing to prevent that so if that's the price i gotta pay for that life then i dont want it.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

Most of the time I do.

I know DH and I will never have a house of our own and I want that so bad for ourselves and our 2 sons.

I make the best of what we have and enjoy every bit of it but there is always that nagging feeling.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

No- we all make choices in our lives. And, by choices I mean choosing a career path that won't make me rich. I always did well in school and could have went for a money career, but I didn't. That's why I never get "jealous" of others. Typically those people chose careers that are either higher paying or required more education. Even if they were born into the money, someone worked hard to put them in their place. As far as living on LI, again, if you choose to live here, you have to accept certain things. Then again, we can also start voting in politcians who promise to lower taxes. Also, the school taxes are so high because of a lot of waste. We could take action to fight the high cost of living. Whatever happened to those tea parties?

Message edited 6/25/2012 7:32:00 PM.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

We live a nice life. We have never had financial issues and for that I am grateful. However this past year has been eye opening for us. Our DS has been sick and tested for some of the scariest illnesses out there. All the cars, nice houses, etc could never make up for a healthy child. I wake up everyday feeling blessed. All the other stuff is just stuff It's all about perspective.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

I used to but not anymore. I am really grateful for what I have. We will never even own a home, but at least we are finally living comfortably. I have mourned the fact that we cannot have anymore kids, but get aa twinge when a friend of mine is onto baby #2 or 3. I am in the acceptance phase of my life. It could be worse. It could always be worse!

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

Sure. I think of how it would be nice to take vacations all the time & buy whatever we want & just not worry about money, but I know that's not realistic for us. So I try to be happy with what I have & thankful for my job, home, etc. I think we're doing ok!

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

I know exactly what you mean and I don't think you sound ungrateful at all. I grew up in Queens and our families always struggled, especially since they were newcomers. DH and I did everything oursleves. We are hard, hard workers and it sucks not to have all that you want. In essence I have all that I need. It's hard to hear colleagues talk about being on "the boat this weekend, " or having the pool guy stop by. I live in a not so great area on Long Island and many coworkers forget that and badmouth my neighborhood. For us, it is a starter home and I am proud of it. It's just hard to take in all the comments when our home is all that we work for. Sometimes I feel a bit juvenile being affected by other's comments but we're only human. As much as I appreciate my kids, our health, our home, and careers, I always want a bit more... only because I feel we work hard for it and deserve it.

Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

I did leave my family and move. I wanted to be a sahm, he wanted a short commute.
I am really bad at "wanting" something. I just do it. I cannot handle wondering or should haves or could haves. I love my life. Hard? Yes. I put my kids in a car and drive 12 hrs solo so I can sit in knuckle mothers house right now. I make it work.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

Sometimes I think about what could have been if I had taken a corporate law job. I had the grades for it but I had no interest in it. I wanted to help people. Now that I am older I wonder if that was too idealistic and if I would be happier with a higher paying corporate position. The first few years would have been tougher but by now the stress level would be similar to the stress level of my current job. However, I know that I have achieved my goal of helping people who really and truly needed me. I am comfortable but there are luxuries that I think about & feel that I work just as hard as anyone who does have them. I think that many of us feel that way. All in all I am happy with my choice because I stayed true to what I wanted for myself and I got to meet a lot of like minded friends along the way. I am very comfortable and sometimes what I need more of is time and not money.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

Yes I do. We are "stuck" in our house and can't afford to extend it so we are actually limiting our number of children. I don't know that we will have a second and that is so depressing to me.

Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

I think it's normal to feel this way from time to time. However, doing the work that I do, and meeting people each and every day----some who even live in mansions compared to my home, yet, are struggling in some other awful ways-----I am grateful for what we DO have.

I also know that although it's hard to consider, we DO have other options as well if we want to get out of the rat race that is Long Island.

I also recently saw on Pinterest a saying "Love Grows in Tiny Houses" and I so want this print for my living room wall!!

I have met so many people who didn't come from much who are so nice and happy with their situation vs. people who have had everything handed to them so to speak who are miserable.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

This question is quite a good one, and has made me take pause and think.

Growing up I lived with a single mother. We didn't "struggle", but we didn't go on vacation. I didn't have designer cloths. My cousins all did. Nice homes, video games. Parents bought them all their first cars. So I knew that if I wanted "better" I would have to earn it.

I always dreamed of a big beautiful wedding, but knew that unless I met someone who could afford it, well, I had no idea what kind of wedding I would have. I was in a place in my life that I did wish I had more and could have a "good life" with the big house, nice cars etc.

As I fast forward and contemplate this question, I think about one thing. Glasses and dishes. Growing up we didn't have matching forks, or a matching set of glasses, or matching dishes. We had what we had. When I got on my own, the first thing I did was go out and buy matching dishes, and a set of glasses, and a set of utensils.

To ME, having those very small things means a great deal to me. My husband and I do ok. We have a house and don't struggle. We cant go on fancy vacations or own fancy cars. We are careful and budget and try to spend the money we have wisely.

But as long as I have a set of matching dishes, forks, and glasses I will always be reminded that we are ok.

Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

I will never feel sad!! I grew up in the projects for 20years and never in a million years did I think I would end up on LI in a big asss house(i think its big.lol) with a wonderful husband and a baby on the way. Sure the mortgage payment hurts and we can't do all the things we want now but we did so much together before the house I wouldn't change it. My DH on the other hand is what I like to call "COMPARE AND COMPLAIN" the man just never seems to be happy with what we have. He always wants more. I get so mad because I'm so happy with our life. Every once and a while I blow up at him and remind him of how we grew up and to remember that someone else has it wayyyyyyyyyyyy worse than we do and someone will always have it better than us.

Message edited 6/26/2012 11:12:34 AM.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

I think most people look over at the people next to them and wish for some of what they have at one point or another.

there is always something....something just a little beyond our reach, or something that doesn't quite gel with the other wants/needs in life.

some days I would like to be able to stay home. I hate that I have to leave my son everyday. there are (or seem to be) lots of women who buy stuff for themselves and their kids and plan nice vacations on only one income. that is not in the cards for us. not for our life and what we want and how much we need.

the most important thing that I strive for is balance. yes, I work, but my job very rarely taxes me above a certain limit and I get great vacation and I almost never have to work past 5pm. my husband's job is more demanding and I lose him for 4 months out of the year, but he has a pretty good company and his salary provides for certain things that we wouldn't have, while still allowing him time to be home to enjoy that.

we bought a house in an area that we could afford (Orange County NY) but we struggle with it being to far away for communting purposes. sometimes I envy people who can actually sit in their back yard on a Wednesday night...right now we just dream about doing it on a Friday.

but on the whole, I am and feel immensely blessed. I can from nothing. I came from a home where *I* had to work 3 jobs in high school to support my parents and siblings. from a home where but for the grace of God and my grandparents, we would not have had a home to begin with.

so for me, financial security...having money left over, being able to do for my child...is worth every hour I put into this place and then some.

we may not be in the poshest area, I may not have designer bags and I may not be sitting home right now playing in the park with my son...but when I do go home, I go home to a happy and content one. that is all, at the end of the day, that matters to me.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

I'm with you. I feel it a bunch of the time, and it is depressing.

My problems are similar to other people here, the cost of living sucks, the rat race sucks and I don't have enough money or time.

we bought a house and renovated it with a dormer, spent too much $$. We have a great house in a great SD. Its not huge, although it looks it from the street. there are still some things i wish it had, a playroom, 2 car garage, some property. We live in the house I'm sure some people wish they had, want to pay the mortgage? it feels suffocating. We thought maybe we shoudl sell the house and buy something smaller, I'm not sure saving $500 a month or whatever would really make me feel that much better.

I only work 1 job, its all consuming, it is touted as a great place for working parents and very flexable. 2-4 months of the year it is. the rest is long hours on a daily basis, to crazy hours on a seasonal basis with out of town travel. For 4 months of the year I don't see my son during the week, I leave to early, get home too late. my wife stays at home, but watches another child to help. She doesn't gets some, but definately not all the benefits of a stay at home mom, she really is chained to the house.

We both drive cars that are 9-10 years old and don't have a real car that is large enough to take on vacation, which we just took 1 in the past 3 years.

And, although we don't have trouble paying for X, whether it be paying for groceries or a few extras, we do feel like we're living paycheck to paycheck.

I really feel like we should move, my main complaints are
the mentallity here in the business world that you live to work, on call all the time, and not being home for dinner
the cost of housing and whatever else is insane, I have a nice house, it would fall under the catagory of starter house in a lot of areas based upon size etc. has some nice features and nice finishes but still less than 2000 sqft. Larger would be nice, not huge, but a bit bigger, mostly would love to have room for a 3 car garage, a large backyard and not fel crammed.
nicer people - although there are definately some nice people on LI, there are a good amount of people who seem angry at the world, are mean and selfish. The people who cut you off and give you the finger, who walk through a door and won't hold it for the next person, who treat people in service roles like scum. I'm a professional, I have a high level education and I make good money, I treat every one I work with and interact with on a daily basis with respect and kindness whether you work at a carwash or are a doctor or lawyer.

I don't want a new BMW, but a new Honda, nice house around 3000 sqft and be home at 6PM, comfortably living each month with $$ in the bank and savings plus retirement, while my wife stays home is really what i'm after.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

I do feel sad, but probably for a different reason. I mourn for the loss of the family I never had and can't give to my DD. We don't have a lot of family. We do have parents but its very dysfunctional. dd will never be close to to an extended family. At this point we are not sure if we will be able to give her siblings. All we have to give her is a mother and father(I know this is still more than many have had.)

As for materialistic things, sure i wish I had a bigger house. We made the sacrifice of home size in order for me to work less and not worry about $ so I cant be sad about it. I would be happy if we can eventually afford a home 1600-2000 sq ft(Nassau County). In a few years we may. I don't care about fancy cars or things, we still will make vacations possible though not as glamorous.

I remember when I was little my father used to complain to me how he and his wife were living paycheck to paycheck in their huge home with their new cars as he drove me home to my cockaroach infested 1 bedroom apartment with my mom(divorced). What nerve. Anyways, outside appearance isn't always reality.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

I found I redefined what I want. I realized I don't care about money- luxury cars, big houses, etc, don't interest me. Turning 40 has altered my POV, as did my decision to leave my teaching career after 15 years. I am going to take a huge pay cut, but I will be pursuing something I have wanted to do for a long time. This change will improve my quality of life, so I feel really lucky.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

I don't feel this way as far as things, but about time. I wish I could be the stay at home mom I always imagined I'd be, but I have to work to support my family. Even if we moved, I doubt we could live on my DH's salary since I am the bread winner. I have a lot of guilt and get upset sometimes but there is no way about it. At least he is with my mom during the day. And the time I do have with my son, I try to make the most of it.I have to be grateful he is happy and healthy.

Re: Do you ever feel sad that you may never live the way you want to live?

I often get upset and depressed about what we do not have.

But I try to think of the good we do have.
We own a nice, fairly large home, I drive a new car and I have an education.

Two years ago I gave a up a pretty lucrative career to go back to school to follow my heart and pursue my dream. I am lucky I have a great husband who works hard and has supported me every step of the way. My new career is very hard to get a job in.

We do not have children which is something I am very sad about but hopefully things will change and we will soon.

There are a lot of things I wish we had but I am proud of my achievements and the support system I have.
Things will come in time.

Sometimes as hard as it is you have to take a deep breathe and count the good instead of the bad or the things on the wish list.