Child molestors - What to learn about the Penn State scandal.

I am not looking to debate what should & shouldn't have been done on this one. I know reading the grand jury & news reports turns all of our stomachs.

What we need to look at is how it was done. How the majority of child molestors don't just grab your children in a park. Most groom the child over the course of years.

Reading this makes me sick too but I do think it's important for parents to read.

This was taken from Oprah's website.

Grooming
By Dr. Michael Welner
The Oprah Winfrey Show | October 18, 2010

Grooming is the process by which an offender draws a victim into a sexual relationship and maintains that relationship in secrecy. The shrouding of the relationship is an essential feature of grooming. Forensic psychiatrist Dr. Michael Welner explains the six stages that can lead up to sexual molestation.


The grooming sex offender works to separate the victim from peers, typically by engendering in the child a sense that they are special to the child and giving a kind of love to the child that the child needs.

Different law enforcement officers and academics have proposed models of the "stages" of grooming. Since there are a variety of these models, it's best to think of the grooming by sex offenders as a gradual, calculated process that ensnares children into a world in which they are ultimately a willing part of the sex abuse.

Stage 1: Targeting the victim

The offender targets a victim by sizing up the child's vulnerability—emotional neediness, isolation and lower self-confidence. Children with less parental oversight are more desirable prey.


Stage 2: Gaining the victim's trust

The sex offender gains trust by watching and gathering information about the child, getting to know his needs and how to fill them. In this regard, sex offenders mix effortlessly with responsible caretakers because they generate warm and calibrated attention. Only more awkward and overly personal attention, or a gooey intrusiveness, provokes the suspicion of parents. Otherwise, a more suave sex offender is better disciplined for how to push and poke, without revealing themselves. Think of the grooming sex offender on the prowl as akin to a spy—and just as stealth.


Stage 3: Filling a need

Once the sex offender begins to fill the child's needs, that adult may assume noticeably more importance in the child's life and may become idealized. Gifts, extra attention, affection may distinguish one adult in particular and should raise concern and greater vigilance to be accountable for that adult

Stage 4: Isolating the child

The grooming sex offender uses the developing special relationship with the child to create situations in which they are alone together. This isolation further reinforces a special connection. Babysitting, tutoring, coaching and special trips all enable this isolation.

A special relationship can be even more reinforced when an offender cultivates a sense in the child that he is loved or appreciated in a way that others, not even parents, provide. Parents may unwittingly feed into this through their own appreciation for the unique relationship.


Stage 5: Sexualizing the relationship

At a stage of sufficient emotional dependence and trust, the offender progressively sexualizes the relationship. Desensitization occurs through talking, pictures, even creating situations (like going swimming) in which both offender and victim are naked. At that point, the adult exploits a child's natural curiosity, using feelings of stimulation to advance the sexuality of the relationship.

When teaching a child, the grooming sex offender has the opportunity to shape the child's sexual preferences and can manipulate what a child finds exciting and extend the relationship in this way. The child comes to see himself as a more sexual being and to define the relationship with the offender in more sexual and special terms.


Stage 6: Maintaining control

Once the sex abuse is occurring, offenders commonly use secrecy and blame to maintain the child's continued participation and silence—particularly because the sexual activity may cause the child to withdraw from the relationship.

Children in these entangled relationships—and at this point they are entangled—confront threats to blame them, to end the relationship and to end the emotional and material needs they associate with the relationship, whether it be the dirt bikes the child gets to ride, the coaching one receives, special outings or other gifts. The child may feel that the loss of the relationship and the consequences of exposing it will humiliate and render them even more unwanted.


Forensic psychiatrist Dr. Michael Welner has worked on some of the most sensitive cases in America in recent years, from Andrea Yates to the kidnapping of Elizabeth Smart. He is the lead researcher of an evidence-based measure to standardize the worst of crimes at DepravityScale.org. Dr. Welner is an associate professor of psychiatry at NYU School of Medicine and is chairman of The Forensic Panel.

Read more/Source:
http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Child-Sexual-Abuse-6-Stages-of-Grooming

Message edited 11/10/2011 1:42:39 PM.

Re: Child molestors - What to learn about the Penn State scandal.

Thanks for posting this. This entire story makes me sick

Re: Child molestors - What to learn about the Penn State scandal.

What I have learned is that I will not be sending them to camp, DH has to be their coach for every sport and I will probably be attending college with them.

DH told me I was being a bit psychotic.

All kidding aside, It boggles my mind how people can do this to innocent children and then more so how others just turn a blind eye.

Thanks for posting that article.

Re: Child molestors - What to learn about the Penn State scandal.

It just makes me even more scared to let my child out the door. I can't even begin to describe the sickness I feel over this. How can you honestly trust anyone these days....it's so disturbing.

Re: Child molestors - What to learn about the Penn State scandal.

nauseating

a well known (and liked) coach was sexually assaulting boys at the community hockey rink when DH was growing up. He never told his parents at the time. This "man" still lives in the area and whenever DH sees him he gives him a piece of his mind. I don't think any charges were ever brought up. Dispicable.

Re: Child molestors - What to learn about the Penn State scandal.

Parenting Safe Children by Feather Berkower. Best class I ever took as a parent. She travels if LIF wanted to get a group together. She's amazing!!

Parenting Safe Children

Re: Child molestors - What to learn about the Penn State scandal.

I heard a statistic quoted on one of the news channels, I cannot vouch for it's accuracy but they said 1 in 6 boys are molested. Can this be true? I am freaking out at the idea of letting my kids anywhere. Since this scandal I'm especially fearful with my boys. I don't trust my older son's band teacher who says he's the "best bassoon player he's had in 16 years", what is that in-school lesson about? How many other adults are around? How many kids? How isolated is the music room at that time of day? My older son's friend's father said to leave my younger son to play too when his older brother was at a playdate...is he going to molest my son? He has apraxia of speech so I worry he'd be a target bc he is more vulnerable due to his speech issues.

I don't have anything else to say at the moment except I feel like I don't trust any males older than 10.