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Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
I picked Cailen up from daycare today, and the evening teacher handed me an incident report (the teacher earlier in the day filled it out, and told her to give it to me)
Usually, I get these reports when Cailen hurts himself. I was NOT expecting to see what was written on there.
It said that Cailen was playing with a friend outside, and wanted a turn with the baseball bat when the kids were playing T ball, and hit the kid 2 times with a bat, and then put his hands on the kids' neck!!! Then they both fell to the ground wrestling!!!! 
Cai has been going to daycare for almost 4 years (he started at 8 wks old, and just turned 4 last month)
He NEVER laid a hand on any kid. In fact, they always go on at how good he is, even if a kid hits or pushes him.
The director was shocked, and said it was SO unlike Cailen. He really went ballistic!
When Cailen saw me read the note, he had such an "Oh sh it" look on his face.
He was holding a little toy that he got from the aquarium yesterday, and I was holding his little dinosaur backpack his grandma got him that he has not seperated from, and told him he is not getting either of them for the rest of the evening.
Cailen's biggest fear is when I tell DH that he's in trouble. It's so weird. Neither of us yell or hit him, but we are both stern when he's in trouble, but Cai shakes in his boots when I pretty much tell him "Wait until your father gets home".
DH does somethiing every Monday night, and usually gets home after Cai goes to bed. I called up DH in front of Cai, gave him a very watered down version on the phone of what Cai did (I wanted Cai to tell him himself), and explained we had to meet with Cai immediately so he can really grasp the impact of how bad this was.
So, we both talked with Cai. He was HYSTERICAL crying. His eyes were red. It was the most heartbreaking thing ever. This is when it hit me how hard it is to be a tough love kind of parent.
We spoke calmly to him about what he did, why it was wrong, what he should do next time, and what the consequence was for the night (no TV, no dessert - which is fruit, and no books at story time. That one made me sad. I love storytime  )
Cai sat there wiping his little nose and his eyes the whole time, doing that little kid gaspy breath after the hysterical crying.
I had to fight the urge to grab him and hold him and tell him that I still love him. He looked so alone while his big ugly parents stood there with disappointed stern faces.
And then of course my mind fast forwarded to a 16 year old Cailen getting lectured for coming home late, or wrecking the car.
And then I pictured Cai behind bars for assault and battery when he is in his 20's. My mind is a sucky place sometimes 
He was silent the whole ride home after we met spoke with him.
I had to stop at the drugstore on the way home. When I took Cai out of the car, I carried him across the parking lot. He put his arms around me and put his head on my shoulder
It was the first time he ever got in trouble like this. It was so hard for the both of us. And I felt at that moment that he just needed to know that I still loved him.
I kissed the top of his hairy little head, and told him I loved him. That it's my job as a mommy to make sure that he is a good boy and grows up to be a good person. That it's my job to teach him when he makes a mistake and forgets to use his words.
And he just looked at me and nodded. It's like he totally understood, and then all the sadness from his face went away.
I hope he is perfect for the rest of his life, because I don't think I can ever deal with this ever again 
On a side note, he has been kissing up all night.... He actually said "YAY peas!!!!" when I gave them to him with dinner, and ate everything up in 5 minutes. AND asked for more!
DH wants to talk to me later tonight about what else we should do regarding this incident today. I really think he got the message though!!!
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Posted 5/9/11 7:45 PM  |
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cheryl28
LIF Adult
Member since 2/10 4657 total posts
Name:
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
It sounds heartbreaking but it also sounds like good parenting. I was a daycare teacher and it always shocked us when the good kids misbehaved but sometimes they need to let off some steam. It does sound like he understands and I am sure he will be stronger person b/c of you !
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| Posted 5/9/11 8:02 PM |
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MommaBear
Very much in love!
Member since 6/10 2864 total posts
Name:
Angela
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
Oh my gosh, I wanted to cry for both of you just reading this!  You did the right thing!
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| Posted 5/9/11 8:05 PM |
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
Thanks. I was in SHOCK reading that report. I had to read it 2 times. It was like reading about someone else!!!
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| Posted 5/9/11 8:07 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
I think it's harder being the parent than the kid... but, of course, we don't know that until we become a parent  I went through the exact same thing when Alex started stealing - at first it totally blindsided me - I mean, really, MY Alex, stealing? And then, the hysterics, the sobbing, the "mommy, do you still love me?" God, it was heartbreaking. But, this is the tough part of being a parent - tough love - teaching our kids the rules, so that they will be better people as a result. It sucks royally. But it sounds to me like you're doing a fantastic job
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| Posted 5/9/11 8:28 PM |
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CaMacho
Sisters :)
Member since 7/06 15112 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
I'm tearing up for you both right now... I am not looking forward to that. 
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| Posted 5/9/11 8:34 PM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
You guys are great parents and that scene reminds me of something my parents would have done - minus the hitting part afterwards LOL
You are doing a great job!
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| Posted 5/9/11 8:35 PM |
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itkocak
Member since 7/07 7639 total posts
Name:
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
Message edited 11/25/2011 9:11:58 AM.
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| Posted 5/9/11 8:40 PM |
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shelby34
Love being a twin mommy!
Member since 5/07 2934 total posts
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Michele
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
Ugh, I am dreading days like this! You did the right thing for him. Being a good mommy is hard!
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| Posted 5/9/11 8:57 PM |
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Peainapod
Peanuts are here!
Member since 1/09 13591 total posts
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Diana
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
awww..it sounds like you handled it well.
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| Posted 5/9/11 9:01 PM |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
Name:
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
You are great parents and you handled it so well!
My heart was breaking reading this!
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| Posted 5/9/11 9:48 PM |
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin
you handled it great.
you should always tell him that even though you were disappointed in him and what he did was wrong that you love him...
I always make sure to tell him I was unhappy about his behavior - not unhappy with him 
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| Posted 5/9/11 9:51 PM |
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
My heart broke reading that story.
I think you did an awesome job handling it.
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| Posted 5/9/11 9:58 PM |
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steph4777
**************
Member since 5/05 11726 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
I can imagine how tough that was, but I think you handled it well.
Cai knows you and DH love him
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| Posted 5/9/11 10:31 PM |
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Tine73
Member since 3/06 22093 total posts
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*********
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
Wow!
I feel bad for the other little friend too. I hope he doesn't have nightmares. I know DD was pushed and broke her arm. She still talks about it.
I'm shocked they didn't call you to tell you something so vicious happened. I would be so mad if I just got a report when I got there. Something like that warrants a phone call.
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| Posted 5/9/11 10:42 PM |
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TwoGirls4Me
Treasure what you have
Member since 5/05 1839 total posts
Name:
Marie
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
Gosh im tearing up reading this!!!! You did a great job and im so happy you had that little moment where you got to reassure him as well. I think he definitely got the picture! Hugs to you tonight!!!
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| Posted 5/9/11 10:51 PM |
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cinnabon
Complete..
Member since 6/10 1592 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
You are such great parents. I teared up reading this. Good for you guys.
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| Posted 5/9/11 10:57 PM |
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
Posted by Tine73
Wow!
I feel bad for the other little friend too. I hope he doesn't have nightmares. I know DD was pushed and broke her arm. She still talks about it.
I'm shocked they didn't call you to tell you something so vicious happened. I would be so mad if I just got a report when I got there. Something like that warrants a phone call.
Breaking a limb is very traumatic!
Well, I didn't want to say this because I didn't want to sound like I was excusing cailens behavior in any way, but this kid is a troublemaker and gets into a lot of fights, and I have a feeling he wasn't completely innocent in this situation, so I have a feeling getting hit wasn't too traumatic, since he seems to get into scuffles quite a bit. I doubt a nerf bat would be causing him too many nightmares, but I still do not want Cailen to ever engage in any behavior like that no matter who it's with or what he is using to inflict harm.
Last year Cailen was punched square in the face by another child for not giving him a flower he picked for me, and he never talked about it. I think boys naturally play rough and act rough and tend to not get too emotional about it the way girls do in general. But. Broken limb would upset any child. Poor baby!!
As for not calling me, unless there was a serious injury involved, this is their protocol and I'm fine with it. This daycare has been nothing but fabulous since he started the over 2 years ago. They have a great discipline policy and the kids for the most part are well behaved and the trouble makers are dealt with in a great way.
I am just hoping that things will be monitored outside between the two boys, and this will not happen again! They play together a lot and usually they get a,ong well. Cailen tends to roll with the punches and rarely goes apeshitt like that. I am praying it is an isolated incident. But the fact that this is the first one he ever had gives me hope!
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| Posted 5/10/11 1:29 PM |
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
Did daycare have any kind of answers as to why it happened? What happened to the other kid?
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| Posted 5/10/11 1:32 PM |
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EricaAlt
LIF Adult
Member since 7/08 22665 total posts
Name:
Erica
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
Posted by scarletbegonia
My heart broke reading that story.
I think you did an awesome job handling it.
ITA
I dread having to do this one day. I know as parents we want our kids to be good kids.
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| Posted 5/10/11 1:37 PM |
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Reese1106
Family of 4! :o)
Member since 8/06 6655 total posts
Name:
Theresa
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
Oh my goodness. Knowing you and Cai, I can only imagine what that conversation was like for both of you. We never want to think our kid can be "that kid" but the reality is it has/will happen to all of us. I think you guys handled it perfectly. As heartbreaking as it was, the message was clear.
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| Posted 5/10/11 1:40 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
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<3 Mommy <3
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
Our kids DO understand and its amazing!
Sometimes its so hard to be a GOOD parent.... it takes a hell of a lot of work to discipline, explain, teach manners etc.... vs. reading the report and just sending him to his room for 15min...
 Good job Mommy!
You have shown your child that it is soooo important to be a "good" friend and not be aggresive!
IMO- its one of the MOST important lessons in life (being kind!)
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| Posted 5/10/11 1:56 PM |
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azoodie
Member since 8/05 8377 total posts
Name:
Team SEXY BACK
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
Oh no, that sounded rough.  You definitely did the right thing...I am dreading these kinds of conversations!
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| Posted 5/10/11 2:24 PM |
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itkocak
Member since 7/07 7639 total posts
Name:
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
Message edited 11/25/2011 9:12:24 AM.
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| Posted 5/10/11 2:29 PM |
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Pray4Baby2010
<3 Cutest Giants Fan
Member since 10/09 5796 total posts
Name:
MB
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Re: Cailen was THAT kid in daycare today. Most heartbreaking evening EVER!!!
Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin
if this other kid is a trouble maker he has probably been busting cailen's chops for some time and cailen finally had enough and retaliated.
yea that's what I'm thinking too! The whole time I was reading your story I was wondering what would provoke an obviously good child.
Lots of hugs to you- you handled the situation well- even though it was obviously hard
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| Posted 5/10/11 2:44 PM |
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