At a loss for words..input appreciated

Message edited 8/17/2008 6:34:29 PM.

Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated

I wouldn't tell him is a shameful place. That's teaches him that the pleasure he feels and sex is a bad shameful embarrassing thing down the line when he gets older. Then he'll hide it.
I feel sorry for your nephew.

I would let him do it, but just remind him there's a time and place.

I let my girls touch there, i don't want them to be ashamed of their bodies and their sensitive areas.
It teaches self awareness.

Message edited 8/15/2008 10:12:12 AM.

Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated

Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated

DS touches himself now all the time when i change his diaper. I dont say anything to him. We have a name for his thing thing that I say to him when he does touch it. Its all apart of their exploration.

Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated

DD is only 6 1/2 months so we don't have to worry about it yet...but one of the girls I work with told me what she did and I think it sounds like a good idea.

When her son would touch himself (and she said he occasionally still does at 9 years old) she would tell him that was something that was done in the privacy of the bedroom or the bathroom. She told him it wasn't something to be done in public, that it is a private place and should be done in private.

I wouldn't want to shame my DC but I also want to let them know it's not appropriate to touch yourself in public.

Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated

Wow, they would be horrified at my DS who will sit and play with his penis with an erection When he is a little older to understand that he does that in private it's one thing but he is 3. I would never tell a baby that doing that is shamefull. Yikes.

Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated

i totally agree, if he was 10 it would be a whole diff topic, but hes 2....is there a way to talk to them a bout this they are def. going to create a situation for this kid...

I would also allow it up to a certain age...when they start you can explain that its a private thing etc...after a certain age

Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated

I personally think that's harmful what they are telling him. I understand you want him to know it's not appropriate to touch yourself in certain places at certain times. But to go to that extreme is not helpful either. My instinct tells me he may grow up with more issues by them doing this, than if they just let him do what kids normall do and explore their own bodies.

I wish there was a way you could gently suggest to them what they are doing can be very harmful.

Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated

hrm..

MY opinion - is that teaching a child to be ashamed of their natural inclination to explore will not STOP it. But it may lead to them feeling guilt and self loathing for any and all sexual feelings. They may repress their feelings later on and ultimately decide to either say 'F it' to all morals and right/wrong ideology taught to them - which isn't a great thing.. OR they may just be really effed up and self loathing because they feel that sex and natural impulses are shameful. But that's my opinion.

When my kids were younger, I didn't say anything about them touching themselves. As they got older - if I noticed it I would let it go... UNLESS they actually had their peep hnging out or they were obviously rubbing, etc.. in public. In that case - I would let them know that it was perfectly okay to touch their own bodies - but that their bodies were private and they should try to keep them private.

Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated

I will never make DD feel ashamed. i want her to be comfortable with her body and know it's ok to touch herself.

When she reaches an age where she understands I will explain that if she wants to touch certain parts it's ok but it should be privately in her room.

Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated

Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated

I think it's normal for a child to do this. The only way I would tell my DC to stop if it was in public or in front of people. If it's home who cares. They'll eventually know when it's ok and when it's not.

Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated

Oh my, how sad that they are teaching him that I agree with whomever said it will lead to a sense of guilt and self-loathing. That's very upsetting to hear. I do, however, tell Ava that she is allowed to touch down there, however, she needs to do it in private. She doesn't get it yet, but I figure it's not too early to start telling her.

Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated

Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated

I apologize for being so judgemental but for this conversation I have to say...I think they way she is handling it is wrong. Now she's the parent and I respect that her parenting trumps my opinion but again...between us for this conversation...I think it's wrong. I feel like the attention they are call to him touching himself and the use of the word shame is going to create problems.

At 14 months DS touches his "pee-pee" when he's in the bath. We never say a word although if he looks at us while doing it we explain that it's his "pee-pee" we will even ask "is that your pee-pee"? Never would we yell at him. It's almost like when he used to put his finger up his nose...I never laughed (to his face) or yelled at him or told him to stop. If anything I would very casually move his hand while I distracted him.

Children are learning about their bodies and to touch is very normal. But the fact that he would slide his hand down his pants in public makes me wonder if the shame his parents place on the act makes him even more curious about it.

Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated

When my son touches himself in the bathtub, I tell him that its okay to touch yourself and sometimes it feels nice, but make sure that you touch yourself in private, not in front of other people. And if you do want to touch yourself in front of other people, make sure its someone that you trust and you have nice feelings for.

He is only two and a half, but that is the school of thought that I would like for him to grow up with. That’s how I feel anyway.

Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated

Oy. I think they are setting this little boy up for having serious issues with his own sexuality when he's older.

When Alex touches herself, I don't say a word. Sometimes it makes DH uncomfortable and he walks out of the room, but I continue doing what I'm doing, and I explain to her the name of the body part.

I haven't had an issue yet with her doing it in public, but once that starts happening, and she's a little older, I will explain it to her exactly the way Racheee does.

Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated

Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated

Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated

I agree with you completely......why is that shameful???

I think when they get older, you can tell them that is a private place and they should only do that in private

Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated

I think them calling it his "shame shame" is actually worse. When dc was younger I used to ignore her and she would stop on her own. I think the way they are handling it will make him only want to explore it more b/c its forbidden if you will. I dont think thats the right way to handle it. Now that dc is older I explain that is her private and actually use that as an opportunity to explain when to touch (clean, wipe, bath) and who. I use the curiosity as a talking point but dont tell your kid its shameful that makes it worse jmo.

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Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated

Message edited 8/17/2008 6:34:11 PM.

Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated

I mean, his parents must have touched themselves, if not each other to have made this baby!!! So how shameful could it be if they do it!

Re: At a loss for words..input appreciated